Giving up?

Laceylala

I certainly can understand giving up. People set expectations too high or don't find realistic goals for themselves; people burn out after a lot of hard work for what they perceive as little payoff; other parts of life get bad, and taking care of oneself gets put on the back burner.

No one is perfect and it's hard to make permanent changes. It's worth it, but it's damn hard. If it was easy to live a healthy lifestyle, none of us would need to be here in the first place.

The best we can do is offer support, and hope people are just frustrated and don't really mean that they want to give up.

Agreed. While I too find it frustrating, what I see when people say that is just a simple lack of education on how dieting, lifestyle change, whatever you want to call it really needs to work. They have had a few hard weeks because they are still using their old habits to lose weight when thats what got us there in the first place.
I've been on this site for a year and the past four weeks is really the first time i've put my money where my mouth is and bucked up to get it done.
Sometimes it just takes some people that long to get it in the right head space to do it. The more they are here, read positive posts about successes, failures, and education the better shot they will have.

keepitoff99

I thought the whole point of this site was to be in a group of SUPPORTERS. If we can't support each other, then what are we doing here? Everybody struggles from time to time

Yes, everyone struggles. That was the point of my post. People need to not give up and make more of an effort to educate themselves. I don't want people to give up. I want them to fight through it. But I'm more of a tough love type of person when it comes to fitness. I coddled myself for too many years and look where it got me. If you want it badly enough, you'll do it. It might take a while, and what works for others might not work for you. Or it might work for you later on down the road. I think if *I* can do it, anyone can. I went from 249 lbs, binge eating in secret, to losing 77 lbs (65 of them here at MFP), and continuing to lose more. You've gotta change your mindset. Learn to deal with life's ups and downs. You'll be SO much happier in the end than if you had given up.

This particular message board is for motivation and support - let's use it for that.
We need to be uplifting and supporting each other, especially those who feel like giving up :flowerforyou:

megteg

I just get frustrated when people are here for two weeks and say "I give up, it's too hard" blah blah blah. Suck it up.

This is the part that gets me frustrated when I see those posts. Especially the ones that say "I've been doing this for a week and have only lost one pound!" Um...I wish I had seen results like that!! Why are they complaining?

It's taken me a long time to see my work paying off, and that's frustrating, but I've learned you gotta give it time and that success can be measured in other ways, like measurements and even energy level throughout the day. I think mostly people who post they are giving up don't know how to see those other accomplishments and just need someone to tell them "DON'T"

tmaksparkie

I don't really get it when people post that they're giving up. To a point, I do. It's hard. You get tired. Potato chips taste better than broccoli.

But when you say you're giving up, you're really saying that being fat and unhealthy is what you want. "I give up. I'm going to gain back all that weight that I lost and give up all that hard work and yeah, I'll feel really great then! That's what I want! To be fat, unhealthy, sick, powerless, depressed, unsuccessful, out of breath, in pain, made fun of, embarrassed, dreadful of bathing suit season. THAT'S my dream. Sounds great doesn't it?"

I just get frustrated when people are here for two weeks and say "I give up, it's too hard" blah blah blah. Suck it up.

Yes, it is hard. But being fat is much harder.


I agree 100%, it is hard but we all have bad days and then we pick ourselves back up and keep moving. We are only human.

wonderish

I posted here a week or so ago saying i am losing my motivation, I got a view replies encouraging me and what not, then i got one saying like I can only do it myself..

So yeah, THANKS!

I know its up to me, but it IS complete lifestyle change and its HARD. I'm trying. I really really am.

I was/am just looking for someone to tell me to keep going. I can only tell it to myself so much :-p

kettlewitch

I've given up a lot of times. My immediate want for that bottle of wine or that takeaway always beat the long term want and anyway, I had years before it was likely to affect my health. And then the years ran out and I am so annoyed with myself for allowing the inevitable diabetes to happen but now the time is right for me to do this. It's all the times that I've given up in the past that are helping me now. I know when it will be tough (Friday nights!) so I go to the gym and work extra hard to distract myself. I know what I can't let myself do - kid myself that one glass of wine won't hurt when I know I can't stop at that.

I think we have to learn how to fail and why so that we can succeed

toots99

I thought the whole point of this site was to be in a group of SUPPORTERS. If we can't support each other, then what are we doing here? Everybody struggles from time to time

Yes, everyone struggles. That was the point of my post. People need to not give up and make more of an effort to educate themselves. I don't want people to give up. I want them to fight through it. But I'm more of a tough love type of person when it comes to fitness. I coddled myself for too many years and look where it got me. If you want it badly enough, you'll do it. It might take a while, and what works for others might not work for you. Or it might work for you later on down the road. I think if *I* can do it, anyone can. I went from 249 lbs, binge eating in secret, to losing 77 lbs (65 of them here at MFP), and continuing to lose more. You've gotta change your mindset. Learn to deal with life's ups and downs. You'll be SO much happier in the end than if you had given up.

This particular message board is for motivation and support - let's use it for that.
We need to be uplifting and supporting each other, especially those who feel like giving up :flowerforyou:

I don't see how I'm npot being supportive. I'm certainly not trying to beat anyone down. I'm telling them they can do it.

maeflower1234

I think you are being supportive toots. We have it inside us. The strength, the will, the motivation. I don't know what clicked inside me but something did. Maybe some of these posts are just people who do really want it but it hasn't clicked in yet. I actually am trying to not get to obsessed about it! I hope for everyone that it will get easier because, like you, I feel so much better and am proud of myself.

sdwelk11

I totally agree! I have lost and gained but I won't ever give up! We are all human and make mistakes. The strong ones get back up, dust themselves and get back on the wagon! The weak ones give up and say being FAT IS FINE WITH THEM! They don't care that they may have irreversable health problems, die of a heart attack, etc..... i feel sorry for the weak ones and wonder why if they weren't going to stick with it then why did they even start? I wonder what made them think that losing weight was going to be easy? I wonder what made them think that this is a diet and not a life changing event! They need to take a step back rethink what they want in life and try again! Nobody should be a quiter!

elid

If people fail, it does *not* mean they are weak. Again, people are hardwired to gain (and keep) weight on their bodies. They are doing what nature is telling them to do.

Yes, it is possible (and necessary) to overcome these natural urges to eat so much food that is bad for us. But calling people weak for not doing it is like calling them weak for wanting sex or social support. These are things all humans want, it is NATURAL! Humans are built to survive some very difficult conditions, including famine. The humans who put on weight and keep it on are the same ones who 300 years ago would have survived the best.

We are now in a time where food is *too* abundant. It's very, very, VERY difficult for many people to change their lifestyles and ignore everything their bodies are telling them.

Yes! They *can* change! But calling them weak for finding it difficult is definitely not helping.

If anyone has time for a documentary, I highly recommend "Why Are Thin People Not Fat". It deals with this subject very well, I think. You can watch it on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6-A0iHSdcA

Pinoy_Pal

Unfortunately we now live in an "on demand" world. All these corporations have spent their billions well, providing us for almost generations now, instant gratification. From the inception of t.v. dinners to Netflix, from drive-throughs to on-line {fill in the blank}. All these forms of "wanting something NOW," have practically killed off valuable intangible tools such as patience. There will always be in life, situations where your PATIENCE can be your greatest tool.

So if you expect to look like you belong on the cover of Vogue after dedicating only a week or two in the gym or on MFP, then maybe you should give up and re-evaluate whether or not you have the right tools.

My $0.02

LG61820

I think sometimes we fail to realize that we'll likely never be cured of this problem we have dealing with food & fighting lethargy. I hope that now after battling weight my whole life I can "get it" that I will always, always, always need to be on guard. I can't have my trigger foods in the house because of what happens when I do. I must be active every day because of what happens when I'm not.

Another fact that's hard to deal with is that I didn't gain the weight in 6 weeks, I'm not gonna take it all off in 6 weeks. I hope and pray I can take it off a little faster than I gained it, but I have to quit looking for miraculous weight-loss numbers.

As far as folks wanting to give up and quit MFP, that may be a call for someone to encourage them. Perhaps they get no encouragement at home and may even have their efforts sabotaged by friends & family. I think it's less than helpful to call them "weak" or other such names.

BigBoneSista

I posted here a week or so ago saying i am losing my motivation, I got a view replies encouraging me and what not, then i got one saying like I can only do it myself..

So yeah, THANKS!

I know its up to me, but it IS complete lifestyle change and its HARD. I'm trying. I really really am.

I was/am just looking for someone to tell me to keep going. I can only tell it to myself so much :-p

I tell people to learn how to support themselves all the time. The reason why? Because we are only words of support. In the end you will be battling yourself. You have to find that inner strength to get through those days. Its just like relying on a buddy to go with you to the gym. One day that buddy is going to back out...then they will back out another day. Are you going to be able to motivate yourself to keep going to the gym alone without them? Or are you going to fail because your support isn't there? Support from others is good but while you are being supported you have to gain some inner strength. Some people tend to use support as a crutch and they never learn to walk on their own.

FearAnLoathing

Well said!couldnt agree more!

sdwelk11

If people fail, it does *not* mean they are weak. Again, people are hardwired to gain (and keep) weight on their bodies. They are doing what nature is telling them to do.

Yes, it is possible (and necessary) to overcome these natural urges to eat so much food that is bad for us. But calling people weak for not doing it is like calling them weak for wanting sex or social support. These are things all humans want, it is NATURAL! Humans are built to survive some very difficult conditions, including famine. The humans who put on weight and keep it on are the same ones who 300 years ago would have survived the best.

We are now in a time where food is *too* abundant. It's very, very, VERY difficult for many people to change their lifestyles and ignore everything their bodies are telling them.

Yes! They *can* change! But calling them weak for finding it difficult is definitely not helping.

If anyone has time for a documentary, I highly recommend "Why Are Thin People Not Fat". It deals with this subject very well, I think. You can watch it on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6-A0iHSdcA

If you are speaking in regards to me using the word *weak* i just want to clarify that it was simply a metaphor to distinguish between those that are strongwilled and can do this without thinking they cannot and those that arent as strongwilled. Don't overthink it! or take it personally.

tgburkert

I agree that it's frustrating and we all want everyone to be the best they can be, but my bet is that it took a few attempts at weight loss before most of us really became willing to do all that's required. I think it just takes what it takes, and oftentimes that means a lot of false starts.

wpij25

I posted here a week or so ago saying i am losing my motivation, I got a view replies encouraging me and what not, then i got one saying like I can only do it myself..

So yeah, THANKS!

I know its up to me, but it IS complete lifestyle change and its HARD. I'm trying. I really really am.

I was/am just looking for someone to tell me to keep going. I can only tell it to myself so much :-p

EXACTLY WHY I OFFER SUPPORT WHEN I READ/REPLY TO THESE TYPES OF POSTS!!!
It IS HARD!
WE NEED to be understanding!!

305muscle

its like saying they gonna jump off a building over and over again cops get there and talks them out of jumping I say if you really were gonna jump you just DO it same thing with giving up on the fitness lifestyle after a week or 2 after they kinda started doing some improvement and every few days they post"im giving up"im quiting" "i suck" listen jump off already stop looking for people to talk you out of it ...EITHER YOU FIX YOUR BODY OR YOU LEAVE IT TO ROT IN LARD

Spitfirex007

I kinda agree with you. I admit I got lazy and let my weight get out of control. And now I gotta bust my *kitten* in the gym and be a little more strict on what I eat. But I don't see what is so hard about it really. Eat right and take 5-6 hours out of your week to do a little exercise. If you seriously are ready to quit after 2 weeks, you clearly aren't that serious to begin with. So why waste people's time *****ing about it? I'd rather see useful post and information.

robin52077

I agree on all these points:

They are just secretly crying out for help if they post about quitting, if they were serious, they wouldn't have posted, they would have just not logged on.

It is not ok to just tell people "it's ok to cheat, just do better tomorrow" if they do it over and over and eat junk every day. But if it is a one time thing it IS ok, and they will do better tomorrow. It's a lifestyle change not a diet. And special occasions, holidays, and pizza nights will be in my life till I die, but ONCE in a while, not daily. Those times are ok.

And my biggest point:

If you go "red" on your calories you did NOT FAIL! Especially if you are set for 2 lbs a week! At 2 lbs a week loss you are in a 1000 calorie deficit. If you go 500 in the red that day, YOU STILL ARE IN A DEFICIT, just at the 1 lb mark instead of 2.
People think they will GAIN weight if they go over their calories, but they will still LOSE unless they go so far over that they eat their whole deficit.
If you have trouble staying green, change it to 1 lb or even half a lb. THEN try to stay green. Perhaps you binged because your body was STARVING! ("you" is a generic term not aimed at anyone in this thread)