Cheat Days (Long...but hopefully worth it)
ladyhawk00
Posts: 2,457 Member
First, let me start out by saying I am in no way opposed to relaxing and eating something you enjoy. I’m a firm believer in Everything in Moderation. But there have been quite a few posts regarding Cheat Meals or Days and I think this idea is damaging and counterproductive, when referred to in these terms.
I’m finding that I’m getting more and more disturbed, and annoyed, by the phrase “Cheat Day.” There is one main reason for this: Inner Dialogue.
Being a writer, I’m a big fan of words and the power they convey. The use of a specific word, the slightest variation of a word, or the tone of a word, can change meaning entirely. So I think it’s important what words we use, and how we use them.
Our inner dialogue is how we talk to ourselves: a large part of how we process the world around us and react to it. Think of it as the depictions of an angel and devil sitting on someone’s shoulders in cartoons. We all have the little voices (some of us more than others) in our heads, babbling constantly throughout the day. They keep a running dialogue, assessing what’s going on and what we think about it.
The words and tone these voices use have a great impact on how we perceive things (and vice versa.) There are positive and negative connotations attached to this dialogue. When you’re feeling down, it might be really negative. When you’re up, it’s much more positive.
So let’s tackle “Cheat Day” and what it does to our inner dialogue. Now first, I must say that I’m a HUGE opponent of the idea of Diets (insert the Jaws theme here.) Diets don’t work. Long ago, diet simply meant what you eat on a regular basis. But it has morphed into a word full of negative connotations. It is now mainly used to describe a temporary state of being: “I’m on a diet.” It has a deeply embedded sense of deprivation and failure. So why would we want to use this word when attempting to make changes in our lives that we intend to be healthy, long-term and successful? Now, in my view, you can’t have a Cheat Day unless you’re on a Diet.
A much better way of thinking is “lifestyle change”; although this has become a catch-phrase and is getting on my nerves due to over-use, as well. But it will work for my purposes here. We (hopefully) don’t see the phrase “lifestyle change” as something we “cheat” on. We see it as a dynamic, positive way of living that will improve our lives – and why on earth would we want to cheat on that?
Cheat means: “to practice fraud or trickery” or “to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud” or, worse, “to violate rules dishonestly.”
Now really, is a Cheat (meal, day, week…) going to actually trick you? Probably not. Will it accomplish the other two meanings? Most certainly.
It will deprive you of something valuable: the positive view of the changes you’re making. These changes should be viewed in an entirely positive sense and your inner dialogue should reflect that. You’re striving to reach a fabulous goal that includes becoming healthier, creating a more confident person and taking control of your choices. You are not aiming to deprive yourself; you are aiming to better yourself.
It will also make you dishonest. Telling yourself through your inner dialogue that it is okay to cheat is giving yourself license to put the lifestyle changes on hold and revert to your former habits. Is this a positive step? No. Is it being honest with yourself about your choices and motivations? No. It is trying to deceive yourself into thinking that the changes, and the allowance for enjoying something, are both temporary and negative.
If you intend this to be a successful, and lifelong, process of improving your body, your mind and your overall health, you cannot deceive yourself. Nor can you deprive yourself. You will most certainly make sacrifices. You will choose one thing over another. But that is not deprivation – it is recognizing that the benefits of one outweigh the other.
You should not, in my opinion, intend to never enjoy a good meal, or never have or do something that brings you pleasure (as long as it's not illegal or unsafe.) You should, however, view those things as a smaller part of your life, which you have chosen to minimize in order to reach your goal of being the happiest and healthiest person you can be.
Don’t cheat yourself of that.
(Edited for typos. Damn you, fingers.)
I’m finding that I’m getting more and more disturbed, and annoyed, by the phrase “Cheat Day.” There is one main reason for this: Inner Dialogue.
Being a writer, I’m a big fan of words and the power they convey. The use of a specific word, the slightest variation of a word, or the tone of a word, can change meaning entirely. So I think it’s important what words we use, and how we use them.
Our inner dialogue is how we talk to ourselves: a large part of how we process the world around us and react to it. Think of it as the depictions of an angel and devil sitting on someone’s shoulders in cartoons. We all have the little voices (some of us more than others) in our heads, babbling constantly throughout the day. They keep a running dialogue, assessing what’s going on and what we think about it.
The words and tone these voices use have a great impact on how we perceive things (and vice versa.) There are positive and negative connotations attached to this dialogue. When you’re feeling down, it might be really negative. When you’re up, it’s much more positive.
So let’s tackle “Cheat Day” and what it does to our inner dialogue. Now first, I must say that I’m a HUGE opponent of the idea of Diets (insert the Jaws theme here.) Diets don’t work. Long ago, diet simply meant what you eat on a regular basis. But it has morphed into a word full of negative connotations. It is now mainly used to describe a temporary state of being: “I’m on a diet.” It has a deeply embedded sense of deprivation and failure. So why would we want to use this word when attempting to make changes in our lives that we intend to be healthy, long-term and successful? Now, in my view, you can’t have a Cheat Day unless you’re on a Diet.
A much better way of thinking is “lifestyle change”; although this has become a catch-phrase and is getting on my nerves due to over-use, as well. But it will work for my purposes here. We (hopefully) don’t see the phrase “lifestyle change” as something we “cheat” on. We see it as a dynamic, positive way of living that will improve our lives – and why on earth would we want to cheat on that?
Cheat means: “to practice fraud or trickery” or “to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud” or, worse, “to violate rules dishonestly.”
Now really, is a Cheat (meal, day, week…) going to actually trick you? Probably not. Will it accomplish the other two meanings? Most certainly.
It will deprive you of something valuable: the positive view of the changes you’re making. These changes should be viewed in an entirely positive sense and your inner dialogue should reflect that. You’re striving to reach a fabulous goal that includes becoming healthier, creating a more confident person and taking control of your choices. You are not aiming to deprive yourself; you are aiming to better yourself.
It will also make you dishonest. Telling yourself through your inner dialogue that it is okay to cheat is giving yourself license to put the lifestyle changes on hold and revert to your former habits. Is this a positive step? No. Is it being honest with yourself about your choices and motivations? No. It is trying to deceive yourself into thinking that the changes, and the allowance for enjoying something, are both temporary and negative.
If you intend this to be a successful, and lifelong, process of improving your body, your mind and your overall health, you cannot deceive yourself. Nor can you deprive yourself. You will most certainly make sacrifices. You will choose one thing over another. But that is not deprivation – it is recognizing that the benefits of one outweigh the other.
You should not, in my opinion, intend to never enjoy a good meal, or never have or do something that brings you pleasure (as long as it's not illegal or unsafe.) You should, however, view those things as a smaller part of your life, which you have chosen to minimize in order to reach your goal of being the happiest and healthiest person you can be.
Don’t cheat yourself of that.
(Edited for typos. Damn you, fingers.)
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Replies
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awesome post!0
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EXCELLENT post! I couldn't agree more.
Thanks for this- lots of traffic today on this subject, and so far your post is one I resonate with most. Good on ya! :happy:0 -
kudos0
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AMEN! I couldn't agree more that the terminology contributes to a negative connotation. The concept is meant to assist a person to transition from making bad food choices to healthier ones as well as a sound weight loss strategy. I've read abt it in books and understand it quite clearly, but the way it is bandied about on here and not clarified is one of the mitigating factors of the dust-up.
To clear it up for yourself read the book by Tom Venuto and here is a review:
http://www.fitnesstipsforlife.com/burn-the-fat-feed-the-muscle-complete-review.html0 -
Love this post!0
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can't we just call it free day instead of cheat day?0
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Really lovely post. I read it on your blog, then again here (because it was worth reading twice). As an English teacher and writer, I especially love your thoughts on words.
I can't help but apply this to myself; hope you don't mind a little ruminating on my part.
Though I do call every Friday my "free" day, or "I don't diet today" day, a weekly reprieve from working to stay under a certain calorie count is only something I do when I'm actively trying to get my weight down. My efforts to lose weight have been a lifestyle change from the start: when Lent of 2009 rolled around, I decided I was going to give up "everything I know is bad for me". I never planned for that to be 40-day thing; Lent was just the best time to begin.
Since then, I have gone through spells of counting calories and spells of maintaining. When I *am* counting calories, Fridays are necessary for my sanity, but I never, ever take a day off in the sense that I forget all that I have learned and eat whatever I want. That would be massively counterproductive and self-destructive. I strive to continue to cultivate self-discipline, awareness, and a balance between health and enjoyment.
That's it from me! I hope all the MFP members who see your post take the time to read it and really contemplate what it could mean for them and their relationship to food. Diet is not a temporary fix; is a way of life.
(edit: typo)0 -
can't we just call it free day instead of cheat day?
Excellent!!0 -
Great post! Thank you for taking the time to write it!0
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Great post0
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Bravo!! I get the concept and that it works for people but hate the word "cheat". If you're going to do this than do it... Don't give yourself an exuse to half-*kitten* it one day/meal out of the week.0
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OMG! Some people read *way* too deep into things.
I'm going to continue having my occasional cheat days. And I'm going to continue seeing progress on my goals.
Yes, you can have both.0 -
can't we just call it free day instead of cheat day?
Honestly, for me, I don't count one day of the week or whatever as any more or less important than another. If I want a certain high cal food, I try to think of something healthy that will be comparable and satisfy the desire. If nothing else will do, I have what it is I want. But I have much LESS of it than I did before. But I know that being able to look forward to a certain food you plan on having helps a lot of people.
Free day might be a little tooooo open to interpretation/abuse.
I could be really cheesy and say "Celebration Day". Not sure I could stomach that.
Relaxed Day? Too long, maybe.
Easy Day?
Hmm....0 -
Free day might be a little tooooo open to interpretation/abuse.
I could be really cheesy and say "Celebration Day". Not sure I could stomach that.
Relaxed Day? Too long, maybe.
Easy Day?
Hmm....
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Honestly, for me, I don't count one day of the week or whatever as any more or less important than another.
I guess that's key right there. We're all different and there are many valid strategies for success. The system I follow incorporates the free day. It's integral to the system. It has worked and continues to work, so I continue to follow it (why change something that works). In fact it's gotten to the point now that I feel like I'm cheating when I DON'T splurge on food every now and then.0 -
Honestly, for me, I don't count one day of the week or whatever as any more or less important than another.
I guess that's key right there. We're all different and there are many valid strategies for success. The system I follow incorporates the free day. It's integral to the system. It has worked and continues to work, so I continue to follow it (why change something that works). In fact it's gotten to the point now that I feel like I'm cheating when I DON'T splurge on food every now and then.
I don't oppose the idea of having a specific day to relax the standards a bit. I know it's very helpful to a lot of people, especially people who do really well with structure. It's more about how the terminology we use has a big impact on and reflects our attitude and perceptions - and therefore our success and sustainability. I think you've got a good bead on it - your attitude is in the right place. :flowerforyou:0 -
I'm on a DIET and I have CHEAT days. And neither of those 2 words bother me. :laugh:
They are only words. In fact I have no idea how restricting your calories to lose weight can be termed as a 'lifestyle change'. You're on a calorie restricted DIET! Changing your lifestyle might happen later when you reach your ideal weight. And only then, so you dont put the weight back on again. But lets face it, most of us do put some back on again and end up on another diet! :noway:
Each to their own I suppose. If its negative to you then dont use it, but to me, it's just a realistic account of what I'm doing. There's nothing wrong with my lifestyle, I'm just trying to lose some weight :bigsmile:0 -
I'm on a DIET and I have CHEAT days. And neither of those 2 words bother me. :laugh:
They are only words. In fact I have no idea how restricting your calories to lose weight can be termed as a 'lifestyle change'. You're on a calorie restricted DIET! Changing your lifestyle might happen later when you reach your ideal weight. And only then, so you dont put the weight back on again. But lets face it, most of us do put some back on again and end up on another diet! :noway:
Each to their own I suppose. If its negative to you then dont use it, but to me, it's just a realistic account of what I'm doing. There's nothing wrong with my lifestyle, I'm just trying to lose some weight :bigsmile:
I'm glad you feel it works for you. I have no illusions that everyone feels the same way I do.
For me, it's a lifestyle change because I've begun exercising, and eating healthier and doing these things to BE healthier - and to stay that way. That's why this isn't temporary for me.
As you said, to each his own. I hope you're successful. :flowerforyou:0 -
Thanks for this wonderful post. I LOVED it! I know that to succeed in my quest for a healthy mind, body and soul that I should look at this not as a "diet" and that eating something that is less than healthy every once in a while is not "bad". However, I have sometimes played with the thought of having a "cheat" meal once a week. I will no longer think of it this way thanks to your insight.
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Thanks!!! you rock!0
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I am loving this post! I have a feeling that those who enjoy the idea of a "cheat day" are not in it for the long haul like somebody like me. Perhaps an individual who only needs to lose 20 or less pounds and has not been overweight their entire life cannot appreciate the idea that a lifestyle change is necessary and it is NOT a DIET.
I am NOT on a diet - and a diet would never work for me because I have been overweight my entire life. Learning portions, healthy choices, how to exercise sounds more like a 'lifestyle change' and not a diet to me.
Others may say that the author of this blog is reading too much into words but I completely agree that our self talk is SO important and telling oursevles that we are cheating is not entirely healthy. I have been dieting for 7 months and have never had a cheat day. Have I had days where I don't count my calories? Yes. Have I had meals that I knew were unhealthy? Yes. BUT I never lost site of my goal or considered it cheating. I was making conscious decisions to go outside of my normal diet (not 'diet') and by not thinking of it as cheating - there was no guilt associated.
As for the idea that restricting calories must be a diet - that's simply silly. And perhaps if people that partake in this idea of DIET and CHEATING admit that they and most others are on a rollercoaster of dieting/gaining back - maybe they should rethink their self talk.0 -
I am loving this post! I have a feeling that those who enjoy the idea of a "cheat day" are not in it for the long haul like somebody like me. Perhaps an individual who only needs to lose 20 or less pounds and has not been overweight their entire life cannot appreciate the idea that a lifestyle change is necessary and it is NOT a DIET.
I am NOT on a diet - and a diet would never work for me because I have been overweight my entire life. Learning portions, healthy choices, how to exercise sounds more like a 'lifestyle change' and not a diet to me.
Others may say that the author of this blog is reading too much into words but I completely agree that our self talk is SO important and telling oursevles that we are cheating is not entirely healthy. I have been dieting for 7 months and have never had a cheat day. Have I had days where I don't count my calories? Yes. Have I had meals that I knew were unhealthy? Yes. BUT I never lost site of my goal or considered it cheating. I was making conscious decisions to go outside of my normal diet (not 'diet') and by not thinking of it as cheating - there was no guilt associated.
As for the idea that restricting calories must be a diet - that's simply silly. And perhaps if people that partake in this idea of DIET and CHEATING admit that they and most others are on a rollercoaster of dieting/gaining back - maybe they should rethink their self talk.
HEAR HERE!!0 -
I agree... this is the rest of your life, and mine. If I eat more than I intended to on one day, I can make it up the next day or within the week, by less food or more exercise. It's my option and my responsibility, for the rest of my life, no complaints. That's perfectly fine.
There are two things that vaguely annoy me about "dieting" language in general. The first is the whole "lifestyle choice" phrase. How condescending can you get, when you get people who never worked as hard as you thinking they're superior because they were taught early how to eat right and exercise and didn't actually have to learn it the hard way. That's the external one. They can bite my cholesterol-laden rosy pink behind.
The second is the internal one, from the perspective of the dieting community, such as it is. And the offending term is.... "Starvation Mode". Your body isn't starving, but it sure as hell is reluctant to let that scale go down. I much prefer "Conservation Mode", which I think is closer to the reality, without all the silly drama. Let's leave that to the television divas.
ps. Who is John Galt? He's the guy who wants to lead us into a brave new world at the front of the parade without taking into consideration that he's doing so on the backs of people who never get recognition, like plumbers and garbagemen. I'd love to see him in an entry level job!0 -
Great post and I agree completely............When people ask me how I'm losing weight, I always tell them that I've just changed my eating habits and it's all about moderation. I do truly believe it IS a lifestyle change and I think by believing that, I will not only reach my goals but I will maintain when I get there. 0
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You know I enjoy reading your post. Everything you just typed I was thinking earlier, but I just didn't feel like taking the time to type it up. I would've said it as beautiful as your either. I'm a little more blunt lol
Cheat days got me to 324 lbs. Cheat days had me yo-yoing. Like I said in another thread I'm truthful with myself now. The blinders have been removed and I have made life changes in order to be healthy. I'm not on a calorie restricted diet. I'm on a weight loss journey to impeccable health. Cheat days aren't included in that change. I make better choices now. Anyways my kids said my momma burgers taste way better than Micky's D's & Ruby Tuesdays :bigsmile:0 -
I am loving this post! I have a feeling that those who enjoy the idea of a "cheat day" are not in it for the long haul like somebody like me. Perhaps an individual who only needs to lose 20 or less pounds and has not been overweight their entire life cannot appreciate the idea that a lifestyle change is necessary and it is NOT a DIET.
I am NOT on a diet - and a diet would never work for me because I have been overweight my entire life. Learning portions, healthy choices, how to exercise sounds more like a 'lifestyle change' and not a diet to me.
Others may say that the author of this blog is reading too much into words but I completely agree that our self talk is SO important and telling oursevles that we are cheating is not entirely healthy. I have been dieting for 7 months and have never had a cheat day. Have I had days where I don't count my calories? Yes. Have I had meals that I knew were unhealthy? Yes. BUT I never lost site of my goal or considered it cheating. I was making conscious decisions to go outside of my normal diet (not 'diet') and by not thinking of it as cheating - there was no guilt associated.
As for the idea that restricting calories must be a diet - that's simply silly. And perhaps if people that partake in this idea of DIET and CHEATING admit that they and most others are on a rollercoaster of dieting/gaining back - maybe they should rethink their self talk.
Thank you, and well said!
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Anyways my kids said my momma burgers taste way better than Micky's D's & Ruby Tuesdays :bigsmile:
LOL That's awesome. I love when my son chooses my cookin (or anything healthy) over the perceived "excitement" of junkfood and eating out.0 -
That's it from me! I hope all the MFP members who see your post take the time to read it and really contemplate what it could mean for them and their relationship to food. Diet is not a temporary fix; is a way of life.
Thanks Jessie! And yes, to me it's totally about changing how we think about and relate to food (and exercise). So much of this is a mental game. When you actually work on changing the habits, your whole mindset changes. And that's the most important part of all of this, if it's to be lifelong.0 -
This is a truly wonderful post. You're absolutely right that language creates our reality, and what we choose to call something very much affects what it means to us. No more Cheat Days!0
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Bravo!
I agree, writing was my hobby for a long time (hope to get back to it) and I do put meaning ito words as well. I knew something about the cheat day/meal was bothering me. I am NOT a cheater in anything I do. Even free day has bad connotations. Truth is, there is nothing wrong with how I eat, I don't need a vacation from it, I'm not on punishment. And there are certain types of foods I just don't want in my life anymore.
I just call it what it is,, my carb-up or calorie-up day that helps keep my metabolism guessing. :flowerforyou:0
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