Paying attention vs. paying compliments
runningneo122
Posts: 6,962 Member
I'm a little upset about the recent hubbub regarding the "tough love" postings. Inasmuch as they were perceived to be rude, misguided or whatever, the intention was to open people's eyes to what is going on right under their noses. I had a person on my News Feed that had actually closed the log for the day at a negative on calorie intake and this person had 7 people say things like, "Good job" or "You're an inspiration" when they obviously had NOT looked at the person's Diary which was Public.
I informed this person that eating the exercise cals, although tough at times, is essential especially when you burn 2300 cals in exercise and only eat 1400 TOTAL for the day. That's a 900 calorie defecit and not healthy. I make my diary public for that reason exactly. I want people to point out things that they see that I might not think are a bad thing.
"Supporting" each other is what this is all about. Telling someone, "good job" when they are doing something that on the surface looks good but actually is really bad when you look closer is a HUGE mistake. Healthy habits take time to develop. By "co-signing" bad behavior we enable the offender to continue on an unhealthy path.
Let's HELP each other and stop "co-signing" poor choices.
Edited a typo.:grumble:
I informed this person that eating the exercise cals, although tough at times, is essential especially when you burn 2300 cals in exercise and only eat 1400 TOTAL for the day. That's a 900 calorie defecit and not healthy. I make my diary public for that reason exactly. I want people to point out things that they see that I might not think are a bad thing.
"Supporting" each other is what this is all about. Telling someone, "good job" when they are doing something that on the surface looks good but actually is really bad when you look closer is a HUGE mistake. Healthy habits take time to develop. By "co-signing" bad behavior we enable the offender to continue on an unhealthy path.
Let's HELP each other and stop "co-signing" poor choices.
Edited a typo.:grumble:
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Replies
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Great post!0
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I make my diary public for that reason exactly. I want people to point out things that they see that I might not think are a bad thing.
I totally, totally agree with that. It seems like the community can do a lot of good in guiding you on how to eat better, and that is the strong point of having a public diary. If I didn't want people to read / make suggestions (even if they aren't praise), then I wouldn't have made it public.0 -
Great post! My diary is now public :happy:0
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-And, I learned something....didn't realize that the exercise calories are supposed to be eaten!! Thank you for this. I have only been dieting for a few days...and working with a nutritionist. However, I missed this altogether. Never had to diet before. Thanks for the help
) 0 -
i agree!!0
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Oh God not another debate on eating back your exercise calories please. There must have been at least 10 threads on that last week.
It's a very individual choice. I'm very active and have been for years. I have never been obese, have no emotional issues with food and merely need to lose a few pounds after an injury. In general I know what I'm doing.
The last thing I would need is some complete stranger with no expertise in nutrition nor sports telling me what I need to do. Anyone making smart remarks when I haven't eaten back every single exercise calorie (a hugely debated issue anyway), when this isn't how I work, would be instantly de-friended.0 -
I couldn't agree more. Support doesn't mean to be a lemming and join in with the crowd. If something isn't right then it must be brought to ones attention so it can be corrected or at lease the seed of knowledge planted.0
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Even taking eating back exercise calories out of the equation, I've seen people be praised for eating way too little, and I hope it was because the complimenters just saw "____ was under their calorie goal!" and not that they looked, saw how little the person had eaten, and decided to praise them for it...0
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:bigsmile:0
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good post 0
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Agreed. I try to be helpful but also like to point out that there might be an issue to look into. If I don't have the time to look at someones diary, then I just don't comment. Blindly commenting "good job" without looking is irresponsible and not helpful. Can I be your friend?:)0
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Oh God not another debate on eating back your exercise calories please. There must have been at least 10 threads on that last week.
It's a very individual choice. I'm very active and have been for years. I have never been obese, have no emotional issues with food and merely need to lose a few pounds after an injury. In general I know what I'm doing.
The last thing I would need is some complete stranger with no expertise in nutrition nor sports telling me what I need to do. Anyone making smart remarks when I haven't eaten back every single exercise calorie (a hugely debated issue anyway), when this isn't how I work, would be instantly de-friended.
I have to agree. Everyone does it differently. To me I'd prefer not to eat them back, and will not. Then again, that's why mine is private. Myfitnesspal is for support and uplifiting to keep everyone motivated..If you wanna be nit picky about people trying to help them stay motivated, not eating back calories or not, go ahead. But, I just can't see anyone being so frustrated that there is a big post about it.0 -
But I rarely comment on anyones diary, so I guess to me it is just no big deal.0
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My opinon. If you join a website that is based on eating back calories then expect for that to be one of the major topics. If your diary is made public expect to get some comments if your deficit is in the negative.
If eating back calories is not your thing. Make your diary private to avoid any added drama in your life and don't read these threads pertaining to it. Its as simple as that.
You can go a step further and perhaps find a website that caters to the way you lose weight as a foundation.
I'm just saying. Its funny to see people get all worked up over something they volunteering became apart of.0 -
Oh God not another debate on eating back your exercise calories please. There must have been at least 10 threads on that last week.
It's a very individual choice. I'm very active and have been for years. I have never been obese, have no emotional issues with food and merely need to lose a few pounds after an injury. In general I know what I'm doing.
The last thing I would need is some complete stranger with no expertise in nutrition nor sports telling me what I need to do. Anyone making smart remarks when I haven't eaten back every single exercise calorie (a hugely debated issue anyway), when this isn't how I work, would be instantly de-friended.
What I got from the OP was that some people are making choices that might be detrimental and their friends are not paying enough attention to what is going on but giving blind support. If you were to read that I was suffering terrible shin splints and plantar fascitis but was running 10 miles daily and making my injury worse you might remind that resting is the only cure for those injuries...you might mention the frustration related to resting etc and suggest alternative workouts etc...but it would seem silly to blindly tell me how much I rock when I am clearly hurting myself...I think this was just a call to really pay attention to one another before we share comments....not to be critical all the time but also not to blindly give praise0 -
If you were to read that I was suffering terrible shin splints and plantar fascitis but was running 10 miles daily and making my injury worse you might remind that resting is the only cure for those injuries...you might mention the frustration related to resting etc and suggest alternative workouts etc...
I appreciate the analogy and think it's a very good one. However, I think for me the big difference is did that person ask for advice or not.
If someone starts a thread and says "my diary is public have a look at my exercise calories and critique" then people are invited to contribute their opinions. Just like when people post injury threads and say "it hurts, should I train regardless".
But personally I don't see one's diary as a free invitation to comment even when it is set to public. If someone has true concerns and wishes to make them known in a sensitive manner, then surely a personal message would be much more appropriate.
Imagine every time you see bad form or awful technique in the gym you'd go up to people and tell them they're doing it all wrong. I doubt people would thank you for it.
But I absolutely take your point that blindly complementing is probably not at all helpful either.
I guess if I saw a friend's diary and saw something that really concerned me, I would PM that person, rather than publicly critique them via their status update.0 -
Oh God not another debate on eating back your exercise calories please. There must have been at least 10 threads on that last week.
It's a very individual choice. I'm very active and have been for years. I have never been obese, have no emotional issues with food and merely need to lose a few pounds after an injury. In general I know what I'm doing.
The last thing I would need is some complete stranger with no expertise in nutrition nor sports telling me what I need to do. Anyone making smart remarks when I haven't eaten back every single exercise calorie (a hugely debated issue anyway), when this isn't how I work, would be instantly de-friended.
What I got from the OP was that some people are making choices that might be detrimental and their friends are not paying enough attention to what is going on but giving blind support. If you were to read that I was suffering terrible shin splints and plantar fascitis but was running 10 miles daily and making my injury worse you might remind that resting is the only cure for those injuries...you might mention the frustration related to resting etc and suggest alternative workouts etc...but it would seem silly to blindly tell me how much I rock when I am clearly hurting myself...I think this was just a call to really pay attention to one another before we share comments....not to be critical all the time but also not to blindly give praise
Thanks kelsully. That's EXACTLY what I mean. You will get a friend request from this fellow runner.
I take golf lessons and bowling lessons from people who are better at it than I am. They have more experience and training and even if it is self-taught, their success is what draws the moth to the flame.
Had to edit to get my text out of the quote. :grumble:0 -
The last couple of post sum this up well...
Pay attention
Use the appropriate means of communication
If you don't have something 'good' to say perhaps a pm is the way to go!
Interesting thread..0 -
The mere fact that we have a 'comments' section under our diary log would indicate that we are inviting people to 'comment'.
If you dont want comments, dont have a friendsonly/public diary!! It's a simple matter of choice!
Don't invite comments and then get the hump cos someone isn't an expert!! That's not the point of this site. Your friends are NOT experts, they are just 'friends' trying to support and help you! And perhaps share their successes with you?? The site is called My Fitness PALS, not my fitness EXPERTS!! You'd pay a lot of money for that kind of expert advice! :bigsmile:
And I agree with the OP if you ARE going to comment then LOOK at the diary first!! :laugh:0 -
backinthenines, it's great that you know what you're doing and know what works for you, but a lot of people don't, and those people try and try and don't see progress and become frustrated. Defriending someone because they offered a suggestion on your open diary is silly and just means you aren't interested in having friends that get results with another method and are willing to share.
It's a pretty poor method of supporting each other to just defriend someone rather than respond in a way to attempt to educate them on why your goal and plan is a particular way and how it's producing results for you.0 -
I want to come back to this. So just marking it to check later.
(Sorry, have to leave for work now!!)0 -
The mere fact that we have a 'comments' section under our diary log would indicate that we are inviting people to 'comment'.
If you dont want comments, dont have a friendsonly/public diary!! It's a simple matter of choice!
Don't invite comments and then get the hump cos someone isn't an expert!! That's not the point of this site. Your friends are NOT experts, they are just 'friends' trying to support and help you! And perhaps share their successes with you?? The site is called My Fitness PALS, not my fitness EXPERTS!! You'd pay a lot of money for that kind of expert advice! :bigsmile:
And I agree with the OP if you ARE going to comment then LOOK at the diary first!! :laugh:
I totally agree. You've saved me from having to type it all out again! :bigsmile:0 -
I think there's probably an appropriate time and place for all comments. The problem is, on here it's hard to tell which is which. If I was doing something wrong that I thought was fundamentally good, and had it pointed out to me with info that I didn't already know, I'd be very grateful. However, I normally log all things, good, bad, or ugly. I had a rough week last week, and made some really bad choices that I felt really crappy about, but chose to log them anyway to keep myself accountable. If someone had come along, looked at my diary, and in an attempt to be helpful commented about how crappy it was, I'd have felt even worse. Unless you've got a close relationship with a friend on here, and know their eating habits and patterns, it's hard to judge when it's appropriate to comment on something they are doing wrong.0
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I think there's probably an appropriate time and place for all comments. The problem is, on here it's hard to tell which is which. If I was doing something wrong that I thought was fundamentally good, and had it pointed out to me with info that I didn't already know, I'd be very grateful. However, I normally log all things, good, bad, or ugly. I had a rough week last week, and made some really bad choices that I felt really crappy about, but chose to log them anyway to keep myself accountable. If someone had come along, looked at my diary, and in an attempt to be helpful commented about how crappy it was, I'd have felt even worse. Unless you've got a close relationship with a friend on here, and know their eating habits and patterns, it's hard to judge when it's appropriate to comment on something they are doing wrong.
In your example I would ask you, "What's up?" and not bash you. When you make a series of good choices and suddenly change up, something's going on. Changing habits takes time and effort. Support requires interaction to know what is going on. Thanks for mentioning this.0 -
I am kind of sat on the fence with this one.
I understand that in theory you should have a look at the diary, and then compliment - and of course potentially give constructive criticism.
The fact that the person is here on this site trying to lose /gain weight - and showing the world how they are trying does NOT deserve a public grilling if they have not done it quite by the book.
A nudge yes. Not everyone is perfect in anyway shape or form. I suspect amongst other things (Myself included) that many are estimating the Calorie portion v an Average Calorie Burn. ( I estimate the intake high and the exercise low) Instead of an HRM and Scales.
We are all trying our best, and sometimes all that is needed is a little support, a pat on the back. Regardless of a loss or a gain.
GO TEAM SOUTH / UK
Mike0 -
I think there's probably an appropriate time and place for all comments. The problem is, on here it's hard to tell which is which. If I was doing something wrong that I thought was fundamentally good, and had it pointed out to me with info that I didn't already know, I'd be very grateful. However, I normally log all things, good, bad, or ugly. I had a rough week last week, and made some really bad choices that I felt really crappy about, but chose to log them anyway to keep myself accountable. If someone had come along, looked at my diary, and in an attempt to be helpful commented about how crappy it was, I'd have felt even worse. Unless you've got a close relationship with a friend on here, and know their eating habits and patterns, it's hard to judge when it's appropriate to comment on something they are doing wrong.
In your example I would ask you, "What's up?" and not bash you. When you make a series of good choices and suddenly change up, something's going on. Changing habits takes time and effort. Support requires interaction to know what is going on. Thanks for mentioning this.
That is the other thing. I friend people...thus am willing to hear their input. However I am the type that puts in my News Feed that I am having an emotional time, or that I am kicking butt at the gym etc. Since I am sharing those parts in my life with my "friends" I would hope that would help them make appropriate comments about what is going on. I would not keep a "friend" if they were constantly nit picking my choices etc but if I were frustrated for a period of time and they were noticing a trend in my diary and thought they could help that is so appreciated. No one wants every choice landblasted but by paying attention before commenting...as the OP suggested we would be better prepared to give encouragement, support, advice and maybe even the ugly truth at times.0 -
Thanks binsylad and kelsully. Much appreciated.0
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Oh God not another debate on eating back your exercise calories please. There must have been at least 10 threads on that last week.
It's a very individual choice. I'm very active and have been for years. I have never been obese, have no emotional issues with food and merely need to lose a few pounds after an injury. In general I know what I'm doing.
The last thing I would need is some complete stranger with no expertise in nutrition nor sports telling me what I need to do. Anyone making smart remarks when I haven't eaten back every single exercise calorie (a hugely debated issue anyway), when this isn't how I work, would be instantly de-friended.
Totally agree, I don't eat all my exercise calories and for me it works, I'm not obese either, for a complete stranger to tell me I have to that is not an expert in this field is kinda strange if you ask me!!!0 -
great post man0
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backinthenines, it's great that you know what you're doing and know what works for you, but a lot of people don't, and those people try and try and don't see progress and become frustrated. Defriending someone because they offered a suggestion on your open diary is silly and just means you aren't interested in having friends that get results with another method and are willing to share.
It's a pretty poor method of supporting each other to just defriend someone rather than respond in a way to attempt to educate them on why your goal and plan is a particular way and how it's producing results for you.
God help me....
I think if someone was constantly nitpicking in an uninformed way I would have every right to defriend them. It has nothing to do with not being able to take the truth or anything, I just couldn't be bothered.
I'm all for attempting to educate people and that's what the forum is there for not my diary.
There is also little point in attempting to educate people about my training methods etc unless they're also training for long distance triathlons.
The point is we all have differet goals. The "friends" on my list who do what I do understand the tarining and comment appropriately. But if there was someone who would carry on telling me all the old wives tales that float around this forum such as "more than 30 mins of cardio is dangerous" and "training your obliques will make you look fat" and other such nonsense.... then I'm afraid I would give up on them eventually.0
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