So my wife texted me...

AlbertSchwartz

Hi guys,

I need some advice, some of you may know some of you may not.

The reason for my new life style is my wife left me for someone else the 29 Feb 2008. I was pretty shocked and cutup distraut, a mess basically.

I'm getting over all that now.

Well she hasn't contacted me in a couple of months and today out of the bloue i get a text from her saying that she has spoken to our old landlord and he told her that I, (me) have had the bond money back. (this is true). She says she has had a summons for the out standing coucil tax money, that she asked me to pay, (i was going to pay it but i turned a bit bitter as a result of what happened and when i contacted the council tax people they told me it was all in her name and i'm not liable).

I don't want to be 'the bad guy' I treated her so well... its true that nice guys finish last!

Anyway, what do i do? I'm going to speak to a solicitor ASAP but that will probably be next week.

A side note, she owes my oarents £3000 + and sent them a letter a couple of months ago saying shes not going to pay them because I (me) have left her with £2000 worth of debt and kept all the stuff.

What do i do?

I was feeling ok about things and then a text out of the blue and hurt starts to creep back in to my stomach.

Thanks

Al :frown:

AlbertSchwartz

Hi guys,

I need some advice, some of you may know some of you may not.

The reason for my new life style is my wife left me for someone else the 29 Feb 2008. I was pretty shocked and cutup distraut, a mess basically.

I'm getting over all that now.

Well she hasn't contacted me in a couple of months and today out of the bloue i get a text from her saying that she has spoken to our old landlord and he told her that I, (me) have had the bond money back. (this is true). She says she has had a summons for the out standing coucil tax money, that she asked me to pay, (i was going to pay it but i turned a bit bitter as a result of what happened and when i contacted the council tax people they told me it was all in her name and i'm not liable).

I don't want to be 'the bad guy' I treated her so well... its true that nice guys finish last!

Anyway, what do i do? I'm going to speak to a solicitor ASAP but that will probably be next week.

A side note, she owes my oarents £3000 + and sent them a letter a couple of months ago saying shes not going to pay them because I (me) have left her with £2000 worth of debt and kept all the stuff.

What do i do?

I was feeling ok about things and then a text out of the blue and hurt starts to creep back in to my stomach.

Thanks

Al :frown:

iluvsparkles

well. Here is my opinion..

i would leave her with the problem.

Remember, she is the one who left YOU.

The fact that she owes your parents is a BIG deal (especially now that she has left you) and if I were you, I would leave the debt with her. Obviously she is not going to pay her debt to your family, so i see no reason for you to put yourself out for someone who has turned your life upside down!

Just my opinion..but she does not deserve your niceness!

LokiFae

First of all, I am so sorry that she's acting that way. Some people just don't know when they have it good. (I understand that's worded strange, but it's meant to be a dig on her and a compliment on you.)

As for what to do, I, personally (big grudge-holder here) would leave her to be in debt. It's not your responsibility. Why doesn't she get the new guy to pay her bills for her? Arrrgh! It makes me so angry when people do these kinds of things. Also, if she owes your parents a big sum of money, and doesn't intend to pay, tell her that you're going to leave the council tax money up to her.

But that's just me. I hold grudges. Big ones.

Best of luck whatever you end up doing. I really hope she will leave you alone to find someone who deserves you. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

kerrilucko

I'm sorry, I don't really understand what the money is owed for. BUT even though she sounds like a total witch, if you were involved in the money thing, you should pay half. it's probably the right thing to do. DOn't pay the whole thing though and don'tt alk to her again, she doesn't get to weasel back in like that. pay half, or none, and move on. her mess, her problem. good luck! :flowerforyou:

and about the money she owes your parents, thats a lawsuit waiting to happen. don't worry, your parents can get that money from her if they choose to persue it, it has NOTHING to do with you or your money/belongings.

bluepinkheaven

I can sympathise with you! I went through a messy divorce a couple of years ago so can advice you well.

DO NOT enter into any financial discussions with your ex. DO NOT make promises to pay her anything and don't take any money from her.

Please, please leave it to the professionals. Go to the solicitor and let them sort it out and communicate with her on your behalf.


I know its really hard, especially as its only been a few months but if you get bogged down arguing about money it will seriously get you down. I would probably advise your parents to get legal advice also and claim the money back from her separately.

Hope I haven't depressed you too much.

Take care

Debs x

ty_bradley01

know how you feel bro. :ohwell:

I dont know if this is good advice or not, but, in my opinion, if you feel as if you should pay for something, maybe you can take the money that you would have paid half for her stuff, and give it to your parents. (since you seem to be sure she will not be paying them back) Then, you can technically still say that you helped her out with some of her debt, and she can't hold it against you.

Just my opinion.

Ty

lotusfromthemud

DO NOT enter into any financial discussions with your ex. DO NOT make promises to pay her anything and don't take any money from her.

Please, please leave it to the professionals. Go to the solicitor and let them sort it out and communicate with her on your behalf.

Totally second this. Seek legal advice and just keep saying "I can't talk to you about that, but I can have my lawyer talk to your lawyer."

A divorce is the most difficult thing someone can go through (or at least one of the most). It's your job to deal with the emotional stuff, and the lawyers' job to deal with the rest. Keep reminding yourself that the two are not connected. I had several things with my ex that I felt I "wasn't responsible" for, especially due to the way he behaved (irresponsibly). But, legally, I was. Best to just find out what you're legally responsible for, and take care of it. The temptation will be to draw on an "emotional bank account" for all the legal stuff, but you really need to cover your *kitten* in that department. Just my two cents.

AlbertSchwartz

My parents have written the money off, they will seek legel advice but don't expect to get it back, lucky they have money init lol

The debt is benifit money that she claimed and recieved in error, amounting to £1600, and the coucil tax had about 300 quid left to pay. She said when she left that she would sort out the 1600 debt as it was her claim...

peej76

Well, I would say since your not liable, let her deal with it! Just make sure it can't come back on you in any way! Yeah, she's a big girl, she can pay it, especially if she owes your parents money!

AlbertSchwartz

I plan on getting legel advice, but it'll be next week at the earliest i get an appointment.

My parents and i are a completely seperate legal body, she has no right to refuse to pay them lol, its like not paying your electric bill cos your phone company owes you money lol

I haven't replied to her text, but don't want a week to go by with my replying...

AlbertSchwartz

ohh, shall i text back something like, my solicitor will contact you shortly? lol, put the sh*ts up her lol

mjfer123

Bring it to Judge Judy! or your version of her

kerrilucko

I plan on getting legel advice, but it'll be next week at the earliest i get an appointment.

My parents and i are a completely seperate legal body, she has no right to refuse to pay them lol, its like not paying your electric bill cos your phone company owes you money lol

I haven't replied to her text, but don't want a week to go by with my replying...

ok, after how she treated you, she can wait the week for a reply! or, like others said, just text her back "I can't discuss this with you but my lawyer will be contacting yours." easy breezy. then block her number. good luck :flowerforyou:

lisabeavers

do NOT reply. Let any and all responses come from your lawyer. You have changed your life, and she is no longer a part of it. She has absolutely no right to ask you for anything. If the roles were reversed, and you had left her for someone else, she'd have had everything you owned from a lawyer so fast your head would spin. Let the lawyers sort it out.

LokiFae

ohh, shall i text back something like, my solicitor will contact you shortly? lol, put the sh*ts up her lol

That's what I would do!!!

Edit: But also, make sure that you don't get into any kind of sparring match, because you never know a) if she'll be taping or saving it, or b) if you might say something you don't mean that might hold up in court. I know that when I've been in fights with my husband, I've said things I don't mean but that come back to haunt me.

fynendandi1

I am so sorry to hear anyone going through a separation, I too am going through one right now and it is very emotional times. My suggestion to you is to do what you feel is right in your heart, I know that sounds wishy washy but my mother always lived her life with the motto "as long as I am living as a decent human being I can live with myself" and I try to do the same. I am a little more emotional than she is but if I do the right thing, even if i feel like I am justified not to, when everything is finally over I can look back and be proud of how I acted in one of lifes challenges.

Good luck....... and your best revenge is going to be when she sees you after loosing all your weight and being the sexy b*#@! you have become, and she can't hvae you:laugh:

auntkaren

Only my opinion here, Don't give her a thing! Not even your time of day. When ever a spouse leaves for someone else , they are scum. As for your parents, they need to take her to small claims court. If you did not have any part in borrowing the money , then it's not your debt. Definitely get legal advice on this. You were nice to her and she blew it, her new thing should be supporting her now or she needs to get a job. My ex cheated on me so many times it make your head spin, believe it or not I keep getting e mails that someone is looking for me. I checked it out and it was him. He took everything plus 78,000 dollars he got on stocks. I had to start from scratch , the thing is I support him and his children. I know what bitter is and there is a point where you have to say NO MORE!!! I think I would block her from my phone and if you can't do that then change numbers. Get her out of your life so you can go on with yours. I know it's hard but it can be done. Stay strong Albert

Shannon023

My .02 ~ you help her out now then that beyotch is gonna keep coming at you with her hand out forever. If she's liable then it's her problem. :bigsmile:

Don't let her spoil your weekend either! :flowerforyou:

AlbertSchwartz

I think my weekend is already spiled :frown:

Shannon023

I think my weekend is already spiled :frown:

Don't give her that power. Make some plans..do something new...

Shake the dust off your sandals & walk on!

jsmalla

Albert,
I'm so sorry for the pain & garbage. I like what you wrote about moving past the hurt & bitterness. That is a great direction. Bitterness puts YOU in bondage while she moves on. This new junk threatens to bring all of the anger, etc., back like a huge wave. Resist it. Don't play the game at her level. I would encourage you to do all that you can to avoid the bondage of bitterness. I like Ty's input here & also Shannon's. I hate that you are having to deal with any of this! You are in my prayers, friend.

kimber607

Hi

Sorry for all that you are going through (and have been through)
I'm still a little confused about all the $ stuff....but bottom line, I think what comes around goes around....good karma
IF you are partially responsible for something...pay up...(even if she didn't do the same)
I think as far as the other stuff (furniture etc etc, other loans)...I think it would be worth the headache to just cut losses and have everyone move on....

BUT, just my .02
Kim

AlbertSchwartz

Well with regards to the stuff, the last that was said, via email i might add, was that we would each make a list and then compare and then try and agree on stuff we both wanted, I have had no further contact from her until now.

The debt is all in her name and she said she would pay the monies she recieved in error £1600 and i was going to pay the 300 odd quid council tax, but tried and found out it was all in her name so couldn't do much. If its her debt i'll happily leave her have it.

Also there is a bond that a recieved from the flat (appartment) we rented, now she recons half of that is hers, does it mean anything that while we were together i paid all the bills the rent and everything?

shorerider

Hey Albert--
Was thinking of you yesterday--we were watching "Bargain Hunt" on BBCAmerica ("Cheap as chips!") and they were in Carmavern or something like that in Wales. David said it was close to Swansea. Anyway, put me in mind of you waaaaayyyy across the ocean.

Hope all goes well with you in your situation--I'm sorry you're going through all this. Hang in there!

Shannon023

Do you have a lawyer yet, Albert?

ali106

:frown: our poor Al!!!!!:brokenheart:

Dude...i will come to Wales just to kick her butt and leave....all ninja like...just say the word my sweet!

okay I'm probably the last person to give advice but since you're such a dear and I hate to see you deal w/ all this I'd recommend you have your lawyer answer her....just pretend she is a nobody...which she now is...and if she keeps texting...and gets nasty...save them...its called "harassment"....I know you have the urge to fight back...I think we all would like too w/ something as harsh as this....but I think its in YOUR best interest that you refrain and contact your legal council.....

until then...I know its next week, you need to try to push her out of your mind....like think of her as a pesky person who's calls you avoid...she is afterall....I'm so so so very sorry my sweet friend!!!...again the offer to kick her *kitten* still stand!!!:flowerforyou:

hugs and
ali

Shannon023

:frown: our poor Al!!!!!:brokenheart:

Dude...i will come to Wales just to kick her butt and leave....all ninja like...just say the word my sweet!



hugs and
ali

Al's gonna use that money to buy you a (one way) ticket to Wales now. :laugh:

AlbertSchwartz

cheap as chips lol

Carmathen is not far, it bit futher west and a bit rural compared to swansea


I don't have a solicitor yet no, i did want to try and avoid one, but i'll get an appointment asap and see where i stand

AlbertSchwartz

:frown: our poor Al!!!!!:brokenheart:

Dude...i will come to Wales just to kick her butt and leave....all ninja like...just say the word my sweet!



hugs and
ali

Al's gonna use that money to buy you a (one way) ticket to Wales now. :laugh:

YEAH!, did i mension i'm minted? lol

AlbertSchwartz

:frown: our poor Al!!!!!:brokenheart:

Dude...i will come to Wales just to kick her butt and leave....all ninja like...just say the word my sweet!

okay I'm probably the last person to give advice but since you're such a dear and I hate to see you deal w/ all this I'd recommend you have your lawyer answer her....just pretend she is a nobody...which she now is...and if she keeps texting...and gets nasty...save them...its called "harassment"....I know you have the urge to fight back...I think we all would like too w/ something as harsh as this....but I think its in YOUR best interest that you refrain and contact your legal council.....

until then...I know its next week, you need to try to push her out of your mind....like think of her as a pesky person who's calls you avoid...she is afterall....I'm so so so very sorry my sweet friend!!!...again the offer to kick her *kitten* still stand!!!:flowerforyou:

hugs and
ali

would you visit me before leaving ninja style?

If yes then i'll shout the word

lol