for the married peeps...

vox23

How has losing weight, especially if you had a substantial amount of weight to lose, affected your marriage?

I ask because, as a woman who has been married for nearly 12 years, I often find that my husband brings things into the house that he knows I should not be eating (ie a whole black forest cake). Now he does this on the pretense of wanting to make me happy by giving me a treat, but I look at it as sabotage. Some days, I feel like he doesn't want me to lose to weight because he's afraid that once I do, I will think I'm too good for him and leave.

I'm just wondering if there's any other ladies out there that have had to deal with this and maybe how they handled it.

kmm7309

I haven't had this experience, but that sounds pretty toxic. Maybe he has some esteem issues to work through? You need to talk to him. My husband mostly grumbles about healthy dinners- that's all!

Panda86

You have to remember that men don't generally think the way we think. My husband does the same thing. I am sure he is not trying to sabotage you. I bet he sees all the hard work you are putting in, and probably honestly thinks that you deserve a treat. And they aren't mind readers. He may not know how you feel about it, or how big of a temptation it is. You need to tell him NICELY, in a straight-forward way, so he gets it. And then give him suggestions on more diet-friendly ways to show his love... flowers, a SMALL treat, etc. Also, ask him about it. Ask him if he feels you will become too good for him and leave. A husband shouldn't feel that way, ever, so if he does, there may be something there that needs to be dealt with immediately. Hope that helps

Leannek74

Yep!!!! I started feeling better about myself and now I flirt with him more and that seems to make him happy! He still brings home junk however!

LorinaLynn

I have the opposite "problem." I bring junk food into the house for me, and my husband eats it before I get a chance!

teri_cmc

During previous attempts to loose weight, I had a hard time because my husband would want to split a meal at a restaurant or go eat fast food or something like that. This time around, however, we are going to a gym that is owned by a couple who are very similar to us - the husband wants to maintain or gain weight while loosing fat, the wife wants to loose weight and gain muscle. These two goals require different diet plans! Our trainer, the wife of the pair, has made it very clear that we need to eat differently and my hubby no longer pressures me to split meals with him. He asks where we can go eat that I can get something "healthy" and/or we eat at home. It has made all the difference in the world....

Denziee

I think your hubby is literally just treating you. Men are simple beings and I wonder if he is thinking this through in a simple manner! If this was my man, i know he'd be thinking she's doing really well, I think she's hot anyway, I'll treat her to some cake.

Maybe explain that you do appreciate it and you love that he wants to treat you but you find it really hard when he treats you with things that really tempt you and have the opposite effect of what you are trying to achieve. What would be a better reward is ... him running you a bath, him making you a really tasty dinner that you can eat, or even just some fruit salad!

Also, maybe he does genuinely believe you will be too good for him and will leave him. If this isn't the case, reassure him?

and finally, you have chosen this healthy lifestyle and this diet.... your husband hasn't. If he wants to eat cake.... let him eat cake!

WildcatMom82

My husband says he wants to lose weight, but hasn't made much of an effort to work the gym into his new schedule (we have a 9 month old and everything changed!) I got him on here and tried to make him see in the meantime he could lose through calorie counting, but he gave it up after 2-3 days and said the only thing that will work is the gym :P He often buys sweets and offers them to me, but I don't believe it's sabotage, he knows I enjoy such things and is being polite. I just say no and do my own thing.

amehrkens

I have been married for 10 1/2 years and I have lost 114lbs over the last 3 1/2 years. My husband is extremely supportive of me. He doesn't not try to sabbotage me at all. The other night he wanted some ice cream and he asked me if I could have some (wondering if I still had calories left) I thought that was very sweet of him to aks if I wanted some and to be consious of what I am doing. My husbadn tells me he loves me no matter what size I am but he does say he doesn't want me to go back to where I was. He knows how hard I have had to work to get the weight off so I am sure that is why he is so supportive! He has never indicated that he thinks I would leave him for someone else....

Sherbog

It is sabotage. Be strong and call him on it. Better to go to waste than your waist. Your husband isNOT trying to treat you. A treat would be a gym membership, movie tickets or walk in the park.

scagneti

My husband is doing this with me so we do whatever we can to support and not sabotage each other. I've been losing it a little faster than my husband (which is weird because men typically lose faster and he had more to lose than I did) so I'm sure he's a little frustrated but if he is, he keeps it to himself. I didn't force him into this but I explained that I wasn't happy with my weight and that I had 35 years of eating whatever I wanted and not exercising and I needed to spend the next 35 taking care of my health and that he was welcome to do this with me but if he didn't want to, I hoped that I could count on his support (which doesn't include eating tempting foods in front of me).

Men don't think like women. They need things spelled out for them!

teri_cmc

Totally agree with this too - they definitely don't think like we do...

ajbeans

My husband used to do that too. It's what he's always done to make me feel better after a hard day. But I had a talk with him and I told him that I needed him to stop doing that, that I appreciated the effort but it was making it harder for me to reach my goals. He understood, apologized, and he hasn't brought home junk for me since, at least not without asking me if it's ok first. Sometimes it's ok because I can make room in my calorie budget for the day, and I'll say yes, and sometimes it's not ok, and so he doesn't bring it home. So now instead of bringing home donuts to help me de-stress, he takes the kids in another room for a few minutes so I can have a short break, and then we watch a movie or something after they go to bed.

Don't look at it as sabotage unless you've actually talked to him about it. He can't read your mind. He thinks he's being nice. And if he's not used to counting calories and doesn't know what your calorie budget is, he probably doesn't realize how much damage it does. Like I told my husband that I was upset that something I ate was over 300 calories for just one serving, and he said, "Well, that's not very much." Not realizing that my budget is 1400, so 300 is actually quite a lot for me. Communication is key.

jude666

My only problem is my husband and I have total opposite metabolism rates! He needs tonnes of calories every day where as I need the bare minimum. He is naturally slim but also has a very active job (he is a full time gardener on a country estate so, always on the go). We calculated that he needs approximately 5000 calories to maintain his weight.

It is for this reason alone that I rarely have exactly the same dinner as he does. I may do the same dinner for us but add things to his to bulk it up or replace healthier options with the not so healthy options, just so he's consumint enough calories.

It could be that your husband just wants to ensure that you are happy and he may think that bringing you a treat is something you will appreciate. I suggest you explain to him that if you are to succeed in your life style change then he has to change his habits to. He must realise that you can't be tempted, even if he thinks you need cheering up!

You may well be right in thinking that he has self-esteem issues but he has to realise that it is your life. You were just a single person in charge of your own life once upon a time, before that ring was slipped onto your finger, and that you need to be in control of what you eat. I am sure, once you approach the subject with him, that he will take on board all that you say and that if he really loves you, he will stop buying you the tempting treats. It doesn't mean you don't love him or appreciate when he treats you, you just don't that temptation right now. Good luck xx

Jaynequ

My husband constantly suggests we eat out as a 'treat'. This makes me feel like a killjoy for always saying no. I do have one meal 'off' each week, but he still suggests more outings. Also we can't afford to eat out all the time, and I have usually cooked something helathy and nutritious.

He is not deliberatly sabotaging me, he just doesn't think. A complaint common to many men I think...

mamafoofer

My husband and I have very different eating habits- he lives on take out and fast food, and I'm a vegetarian who eats tons of whole, fresh foods. I love cookies and cakes, he could live without them. My husband is also in great shape, while I am always trying to lose those 10lbs. He knows that I love chocolate and ice cream, so if I'm feeling blue or having a bad day, or if he just wants to be nice he'll bring me ice cream or something. I don't think of it as sabotage, I just think he knows how much I enjoy it so he gets it for me-I do think it is a sincer gesture to make me happy without blowing our budget,lol. But, at the same time, he works out with me and encourages me to stay motivated with my exercise when I feel lazy, and he always tells me I look good, even when I was 50lbs heavier! I definitely think you should talk to your husband, I don't know your marriage situation, but you both could be looking at this in totally different ways. good luck to you!

terrijean04

My first question is .....is he overweight....or has he ever been over weight???? My highest weight was 295 mean while hubby was only 260......took a year and a half but I am now down to 165 and he is still 255.... He does the same thing with cookies and stuff trying to be sweet... just keep reminding him you love HIM and NOT the treats try giving him an alternitive to "treat" you.......manicure/pedicure/books whatever you enjoy... If he has never been over weight he hasn't a clue what your mind is doin... If he has been he is scared to death... Just love love love him... he will get it eventually mine did. GOOD LUCK..
( add me if you like)

Iris0022

My husband does the same thing to me. Last week he brought home 6 boxes of girl scout cookies that he bought from a coworker's daughter. Then I have to look like the bad guy when I ask him what he was thinking. Honestly, I know he wasn't trying to sabotage me. He just wanted to do something nice for the coworker. But at least a little moderation would be nice. Now I have to ration 6 boxes of cookies for who knows how long. Just hope the will power out lasts the cookies.

efalcon1

My husband has tried to sabotage me from day one. Now I've lost 3 stone our relationship is not great. He has been the opposite of supportive and he's so insecure about me finding someone better. Truth is, that's what he's pushing me into. Who wants a box of chocolates literally pushed in their face?! Not me.

My advice, address this behaviour straight away otherwise it builds a whole load of resentment and anger xx good luck x

sixtytwokg

I totally get you for it is boyfriend not husband
He doesnt understand that I cant seem to resist the yummy food. My boyfriend loves to see me eat. Despite the fact I have asked him to help me diet and sent him on copy of food plan and everything. I need to put my foot down though but I find it hard to resist when food is in front of me. I was looking at photos of me when we first met and my face and everything is much slimmer.

He knows how upset I get about clothes not fitting or being too tight....I tell him I am unhappy about my body and he says Baby it is ok it is nature taking its course you cant stay the same size as you were when 18/19 years old but I know I am the way I am because I binge eat

Anyway enough bull****...it is up to us to make the choice we cant blame anyone as we put it into our mouths

heathersmilez

I married a very healthy man who loves vegetables like me. Best of luck, I know it can be hard when you compare your success to that of a male metabolism.