Does anyone else get scared thinking of the final goal?

LovelySnugs

i've been doing this thing for about a week and a half now, and today i hopped on the scale - nearly 4.5 lbs lost. go me! and then i read a forum thread about how people are/will be rewarding themselves as they reach "mini-goals" or "sub-goals". which is all well and good. but i was thinking about what i want for my final goal, and how awesome it's gonna be to look good in that dress. so i started looking for a picture of that dress to motivate me. . .and i realized that by the time i get to my 5 year wedding anniversary, i want to weigh about half what i currently weigh. 115 lbs. that's a WHOLE PERSON. a healthy one. gone. and what will remain will be a woman who, at 135lbs, will be lighter than she's been since junior high. i literally do not know how to handle this thought. and i keep circling around it. i loved my body best when i was right around 185. how will i feel when i'm 50 lbs less than that? what will it be like to have to dress down again? to tell men off when they approach me at parties? to walk into a store and have little or no trouble finding clothes that fit me? so much of who i am and how i live is and has been based on and dictated by my ever-increasing size. so what happens when all that goes?

i might be the only person who feels this way - but will i still be myself when there's only half of me left?

btw, i could really use some friends here. i'm not an instinctively social person, but it should be pretty obvious by now that i won't be able to go this alone.

theidarisafa

I was 285 back in august.

Now 228.

I feel just like I did when I was fatter.

In fact, I don't see myself as any different.

I will tell you that it's much easier to move and get up in the morning. To be more active and yes, I do get more attention than I did when I was bigger.

My buddy the other day told me that I was working out too hard and my butt was disappearing in my pants. The same pants that a couple of months ago were nice and snug on my butt.

So what I'll tell you is that it takes a LONG time to get used to your new body. Your self image will probably be of your larger self for a while. It takes that "ah-ha" moment when you look in the mirror and realize how much you've lost and that you're NOT that fat person that you used to be.

It's tough to get used to a new type of normal. But I'm working on it. And I gotta buy some new jeans. I'm swimming in my old ones.

laughingdani

I am very close to my final goal and I know what you mean about the what if's.
My personality has changed but I feel like it has been for the better.
I felt like I was locked in a cage and someone handed me the key.

It happens so gradually that you won't notice all the changes at once. It just becomes part of who you are.
The confidence is always a plus. As for myself ( and I know many others on here ) friends and family have commented that I am happier now. Just take it one day at a time. If you get to where you feel like you are losing too much weight then you can always put a stop to it. You are the only one that has control over you.
Good Luck. It's not so bad. This past year has been one of the best for me. :flowerforyou:

anubis609

Hell, I've lost a healthy teenage female, or young male, and I don't feel any worse, I'll tell you that much. This is the least I've weighed in adulthood and I was the weight I am now back in 6th grade. I thought I was comfortable at around 180, then I decided to see if I could just keep going to 165, almost there at 171.4, I realized I needed to start bulking up, since I also had lost a lot of muscle mass and started doing strength training way too late before all the fat in my upper body went away. So, as an experimentalist, I purposely gained 7 pounds just for a little more mass to add for muscle gain. As of this morning, I was 177, and I'm still sure I want to hit my goal weight, just with a little more muscle.

As laughindani said, it's so gradual, it's hardly a concern as it happens with time. I think it actually becomes more intuitive to keep going just to get over the next hurdle. Give it time and you should be able to adjust well.

lesley1981

In comparison to an awful lot of people on here, who have lost weights equivelant to another person, I didn't have much to lose. I'm 45lbs now! I started off as a UK size 18, and I'm now down to a UK 10-12!

As my body has become smaller, my confidence has grown! While I look like a completely different person, I'm still the same person, but I'm happier in myself My determination has also grown stronger, and I'm in a place now that I never thought I'd get to.... I have made a life change!

It does take a while to come to terms with your new body, confidence and outlook! But when you see yourself in that dress, that's when the realisation will hit that you've done it :happy:

stephaniezoundi

I get it! I have lost 73lbs so far (prior to joining this site). And its scary sometimes. I have a hard time looking in the mirror because I still see that person who is 73lbs heavier. But I tell you what, I feel better!! I'm happier, I feel better, shopping is already easier (and I still have 100lbs to go!), my relationships are better and its nice to be hit on.
I had a major mental block about falling under the 300lb mark for the first time in my adult life...and it took me almost a month to lose 2lbs. Its unknown territory, but I wouldn't go back to who I was before if my life depended on it.

Levedi

Hi - I hear what you're saying. I'm telling you from experience that you have to change your self image as you lose weight and cope with whatever led you to over eat/ not exercise in the first place. When I did Weight Watchers I didn't do any of that. I lost 60 lbs, and everyone said they were so proud of me, but inside I felt like a fat girl hiding in a skinny body. I saw myself as a fat person, as if that were my real self. And I put all the weight back on. If I had believed I could stay at a healthy weight, I would have acted like a healthy person. Instead I ate like crazy, got more depressed and then when I gained weight took that as confirmation that I was "meant" to be fat. It was really miserable and self destructive.

The emotional and spiritual side of weight gain and loss is just as important as the calories. I got help from Overeaters Anonymous and it's made all the difference because I got at the roots of why I was treating my body so badly. Maybe you don't have reasons like that. Some people gain weight just because of life circumstances. But if there're emotional need components to your weight gain and eating habits, you've got to deal with them too.

ybent

I don't know how I am going to feel but I know how I am going to look and I anticipate it. Recently my husband and I watched some videos of when I was pregnant, like the day before I was going to be induced. I was smaller then. I can't wait to get back to my pre-baby weight from NINE FRICKING YEARS AGO!

LovelySnugs

curiosity bump

v1k1n95

I joined this site in compliance with my New Years goal ("Get in shape you lazy SOB") and I've lost 28 pounds already. I can tell you this much, the fact that the shirts and pants I bought at the begining of the school year are not "shrinking" this year, and in fact are at least a whole size big on me, is the greatest accomplishment of my life. Period. I have noticed some other things as well, like: waking up in the morning is no longer a chore, I feel generally happy about life, and people are starting to come TO ME and start conversations. Its good stuff.

Sara1978

I didn't lose nearly that much, but I'll tell you that even at the relatively small amount I did lose, everything changed. If someone had told me a year ago that I'd be standing here, down more than 40lbs from my highest weight, I wouldn't have believed them. I wouldn't have believed them if they had told me that I would be a runner, and that I wouldn't need my asthma medication. I wouldn't have believed them if they had told me that I would find the happiness and confidence to face the world without meds for social anxiety disorder. I wouldn't have believed them if they'd have told me that I would quit my secure old job in favor of starting a business of my own. Strangely, this energetic little person who emerged from the heavier me managed to shed many of her anxieties, depression, and insecurities along with the weight, somehow or other.

It's a great thing, but I won't lie and say there aren't any problems that accompany it. There has been a lot of new stress added to the relationship between myself and my husband. We used to be virtually identical in terms of activity level. We used to both eat junk food. We used to think a fun weekend revolved around the Xbox. Now, I find myself out-lasting him whenever we do any sports, hiking, swimming or the like-- he is exhausted, and I still have hours of energy left. I don't like to go to the same restaurants that we used to frequent, and since I do all the cooking, the food that we eat at home has completely changed-- often in ways that he doesn't like. While I'll still play around on the Xbox sometimes, it's about two hours of my afternoon instead of an eight hour marathon session. I keep trying to convince my husband to do something about his health-- it's hard not to say something when you see somebody you love treating their body badly-- and I am sure he finds me downright annoying at times. On top of that, his much more athletic best friend and his friend's wife have started inviting me to participate in strenuous hikes and runs, and we all attend yoga class together several times a week-- without my husband. He hasn't said anything about it, but I know that if I were him, I would be upset by being left out so often. I have a feeling that if someone asked him, he would probably say that he misses the "old" me-- the me that was more like him. I still don't really know how all of this is going to resolve, and some of the possibilities are scary-- but *I* like the new version of me a lot better, which is giving me more strength to work through the rough spots than I think I would have had before.

callipygianchronicle

Thanks for bumping this. I missed it the first time around.

And I gotta say, I love where you are going with this post. Not a lot of people are introspective enough to go there. It’s not until the weight is gone--or until they find themselves self-sabotaging at the midpoint—that they realize that part of their identity was invested in being overweight.

I definitely think about this. About how my self image might change when I look like all of the people whom I spent have spent decades thinking looked better than me. If I can wear regular clothes and shop in regular stores, will I have an excuse for not being trendy or in style? Will I feel any more confident at the beach? And if so, why? Does being thin mean I can no longer sit and observe like introvert I am, but now have to thrust myself into the center of attention?

In the past, I know these thoughts were mostly subconscious, not something I could have ever articulated. But I have entered a new relationship with my body after three years straight of hating it for all the ways it had failed me. I have done a lot of internal work to get there (some with help, and much on my own). I am no longer my body. I am not a bad person because my body is overweight. I will not be a good person when the weight is gone. I am. And I have learned to be grateful for being. And I actively work to not want anything more than what I am today.

I know that sounds like new-agey-therapy-speak. But, for me, eating right and exercising isn’t that tough. What’s tough is believing that I am worth the effort. But because I am in a place where I absolutely believe I am worthy of good, I think when I reach my goal weight I will be smaller, but at peace. Some of the experience will definitely be new territory. But as long as I can continue to see my Self and my Body as two different entities, I think I’ll adjust.

MeliciousMelis

Thanks for bumping this. I missed it the first time around.

And I gotta say, I love where you are going with this post. Not a lot of people are introspective enough to go there. It’s not until the weight is gone--or until they find themselves self-sabotaging at the midpoint—that they realize that part of their identity was invested in being overweight.

I definitely think about this. About how my self image might change when I look like all of the people whom I spent have spent decades thinking looked better than me. If I can wear regular clothes and shop in regular stores, will I have an excuse for not being trendy or in style? Will I feel any more confident at the beach? And if so, why? Does being thin mean I can no longer sit and observe like introvert I am, but now have to thrust myself into the center of attention?

In the past, I know these thoughts were mostly subconscious, not something I could have ever articulated. But I have entered a new relationship with my body after three years straight of hating it for all the ways it had failed me. I have done a lot of internal work to get there (some with help, and much on my own). I am no longer my body. I am not a bad person because my body is overweight. I will not be a good person when the weight is gone. I am. And I have learned to be grateful for being. And I actively work to not want anything more than what I am today.

I know that sounds like new-agey-therapy-speak. But, for me, eating right and exercising isn’t that tough. What’s tough is believing that I am worth the effort. But because I am in a place where I absolutely believe I am worthy of good, I think when I reach my goal weight I will be smaller, but at peace. Some of the experience will definitely be new territory. But as long as I can continue to see my Self and my Body as two different entities, I think I’ll adjust.

THIS. Everything she said. All of it.

MeliciousMelis

This is a wonderful, thought provoking post.

I read an article, not too long ago, about weight loss, and one of the viewpoints was that being thin doesn't solve your problems. Its no guarantee to happiness, its not like your fairy godmother will show up and poof all your problems would disappear....I think about that a lot, and am trying to make this evolution an all encompassing one- not just body- but soul, and heart and mind. I want to be stronger in resolve, not just muscle. Smart in my thinking, not just my metabolism. I want to be beautiful in the words I speak and the support I give.....

Me, evolved.

toots99

I was thinking along these lines just the other day when I realized that I'm about 25, 30 lbs away from my goal after having lost almost 90 lbs! All of my life, everything I thought revolved around my weight, usually negatively. And it's always been such a struggle through my whole adult life. And I thought to myself, "I'll be at my goal in 25 lbs...then what?" What do I do? I know it'll still be with me to be conscious of my body for the rest of my life, that's just the way it is, but it's easier now when there's a point to focus on, an end. But what happens when you get to that end?

toots99

This is a wonderful, thought provoking post.

I read an article, not too long ago, about weight loss, and one of the viewpoints was that being thin doesn't solve your problems. Its no guarantee to happiness, its not like your fairy godmother will show up and poof all your problems would disappear....I think about that a lot, and am trying to make this evolution an all encompassing one- not just body- but soul, and heart and mind. I want to be stronger in resolve, not just muscle. Smart in my thinking, not just my metabolism. I want to be beautiful in the words I speak and the support I give.....

Me, evolved.

*like!*

One of my petitie friends said something like that to me. She said "I may be thin and small, but I still have problems too. I still have insecurities and bills and relationship problems. Being thin doesn't solve everything."

Mrs_McFadden

I've always felt that being the 'ideal' size is never never even remotely the panacea that a lot of overweight people think it is. This is because I used to be 'ideally' sized for many years and I can be honest with myself- even then (uh my 120 lbs self is in my profile pics, I'm 5' 8") I had chronic depression- anxiety through the roof, I was neurotic as hell and still am and I have ADHD..so yeah, losing weight isn't going to magically make all of that disappear. No, in fact, it might make some things a HELL of a lot worse for me socially.
For certain people, this can be very deeply complicated. Being the ideal size and being much more attractive can be actually, a horrible thing. Especially if you're a survivor of any kind of brutal sexual violence.
So yes- I am scared. I am hopeful on this journey, I am focused about it, I feel energetic as ever etc..but I always worry. For me being at GW isn't something I see like a shining shafts of sunlight glaring down from the heavens upon me but more like protection being peeled back and leaving me far more exposed than I want to be. I will have to cope with that and make myself stronger for it.

jeremymaritz

I was actually thinking about this the other day, but from a different angle; that of being an (dare I say) alcoholic. Yep, up until not too long ago, there was an entire DECADE where I was drunk every day (I partly blame 16 long years living in Austin for that horrible number, btw).

So that said, I was thinking to myself "when is this going to be done? how do I know when I've succeeded? Does this end?" And the harrowing yet obvious answer hit me up side the head...you aren't done. You haven't succeeded. And it doesn't end.

Sure, you will succeed and you will continue to succeed, but the final goal should be to never stop succeeding. Always maintain. Always take care of yourself. Never think for one second that letting yourself go, even for a little while, is in some way a 'reward'. What we're doing now *is* the reward...the result of our having enough love for ourselves that we chose to take a better path.

So I wouldn't say I get 'scared' of the final goal, but I do try to take a bit of time every day to realize what that final goal means. To me it doesn't mean 'You did it, now stop'. It means "you did it, good job...now keep going!"

toots99

I was actually thinking about this the other day, but from a different angle; that of being an (dare I say) alcoholic. Yep, up until not too long ago, there was an entire DECADE where I was drunk every day (I partly blame 16 long years living in Austin for that horrible number, btw).

So that said, I was thinking to myself "when is this going to be done? how do I know when I've succeeded? Does this end?" And the harrowing yet obvious answer hit me up side the head...you aren't done. You haven't succeeded. And it doesn't end.

Sure, you will succeed and you will continue to succeed, but the final goal should be to never stop succeeding. Always maintain. Always take care of yourself. Never think for one second that letting yourself go, even for a little while, is in some way a 'reward'. What we're doing now *is* the reward...the result of our having enough love for ourselves that we chose to take a better path.

So I wouldn't say I get 'scared' of the final goal, but I do try to take a bit of time every day to realize what that final goal means. To me it doesn't mean 'You did it, now stop'. It means "you did it, good job...now keep going!"

Great post...that's sort of what I was thinking. It's not like when I finally get to my goal weight, do I get to throw out everything I learned and party and celebrate and undo all the hard work.

newdaydawning79

I'm right with you on this. As the weight comes off (almost 30 lbs from my heaviest weight), I start to wonder how I'm going to feel about myself when it's all gone. It's something I've never been able to accomplish before and I've always felt like a bit of a failure for that. Yesterday I was talking to one of my friends about the fact that I don't really have any 'before' pics because I hate cameras (although my fiancee's mom is a camera-taking freak so I'm sure I can find one somewhere) and she said something that has stuck with me ever since:

"I can't wait til you're feeling like the foxy mama that you are."

She then said that she thinks I'm beautiful because of how lovely I am on the inside. Now from most people, the 'it's what's on the inside that counts' thing I've always passed off as someone trying to make me feel better. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm a good person, but in this world...sometimes it seems like it doesn't get you anywhere unless you have the 'looks' to go with it. But it made me realize that I AM worth more than this and I WILL get to my goal this time around.

pinkgigi

The insights in this thread are absolutely awesome.

I got within a whisker of my weight loss goal last year, and after having a year-from-hell, woke up to find I put on 1/2 the weight that I had lost. I've forgiven myself but wondering why, when I lost all that weight in a really healthy patient way, I let myself get so derailed?

Because - while my son was sick, I put my children first. I need to take myself aside and remind myself again and again that I have to be first, if I can't look after my emotional and physical needs, there is not going back and picking it up and getting it done later, you can't run on empty for long.

There are conflicting messages here (as you would expect), 1. everything changes and 2. nothing changes. Both can be scary and we have to come to terms with how the dream and reality are different or the same.

Love and hugs to everyone who is struggling.

GG