Are Men Sensitive?

jdrop

Let me start by saying I have the most wonderful fiancee ever. He's smart, funny, talented, and just a good man. That being said, he is 5'11" and 130 lbs.

He was at 155 in college, playing hockey/working out/seeing a nutritionist 4-6 days per week. He was trying to gain weight for a while, but has since given up.

I'm far from "fat" but I'm soft around the edges and a full foot shorter than he is. However, when we (meaning his family, friends, and I) joke about how skinny he is, he takes it in stride and then gets angry and defensive. Why is this? He's perfectly healthy, and it's just genetics that make him as naturally thin as he is. He even retorted, "Well how would you feel if I told you that you were too fat all the time, and that you should lose weight?"

Why does he get angry?

Celo24

He even retorted, "Well how would you feel if I told you that you were too fat all the time, and that you should lose weight?"

He's tired of y'all making fun of him for being skinny.

Newfiedan

For the most part men come in 2 types for the emotional stuff, the overly sensitive type and the overly hard type. They can switch between them at any given time, as almost all men are taught from birth to not be sensitive. Its kind of a catch 22, there are topics that all men are sensitive about your fiancee sounds like he is sensitive about his size and when he hears that stuff he may feel belittled about it to which 99% of men will get angry about. I am willing to be that when you guys joke about his being skinny he equates that with being made fun of just like people teasing a woman about being overweight. So ease up on it and if he gets sensitive just chime in and say that he is more than adequate in the areas that count. This will boost his ego and improve the relationship.

ajbeans

He gets angry because it's not nice to make fun of someone for their weight, even if they're thin. There's still a hint of criticism in the comments, and he knows it. He's right -- how would you feel if he teased you about your weight? You'd feel like crap.

Thin people don't automatically have tons of self-confidence, and there's not some invisible barrier around them that makes them immune to teasing. It's not because he's "sensitive." It's because he's being teased, and that's not a good feeling.

ezreka

Yes men are sensitive about being to skinny. Men feel they have to be big and strong to protect the little woman When you are telling him he is to skinny he is hearing you say he is to small.

jdrop

I don't know if he's tired of being made fun of, because he does nothing but make fun of people all day. We all have very thick skin, because we do a lot of poking at each other...friends and family included.

Is it looked upon as weak or something? He's very very strong (can lift a whole transmission by himself, and nearly a whole engine).

MistyMtnMan

He even retorted, "Well how would you feel if I told you that you were too fat all the time, and that you should lose weight?"

He's tired of y'all making fun of him for being skinny.

Exactly it's pretty simple. If I pointed out a flaw someone had and joked about it, anyone would get mad. Especially for a guy, being small it's a touchy subject. All guys want to be muscular, it's "manly". If he gets upset about it, don't talk about it.

Mrs_McFadden

Huh? Just the overly sensitive and the overly hard? I have to say that is damned sexist! That would be like saying "you know women are either frigid or crying wimps". What the hell?

ZebraHead

You (all) are touching a raw nerve in him. Tread lightly. :flowerforyou:

BTW Yes. Men are sensitive. We can hide it behind our bullsh!t but we are all sensitive and we have our own buttons. So be careful which ones you push. You may not like the reaction you get.

daniface

no

CarterGrt

I am a bit hurt that you would even ask.

I don't think either gender has a corner on sensitivity. I do think that for men, sometimes there is an insecurity around being thin and/or small as it might be perceived as somehow less "manly." I think equating this to other body image concerns is quite valid.

My wife was always very skinny growing up. To this day, I can joke with her that her butt looks big in a pair of jeans, but I can't joke with her and say her arms look skinny in a sleeveless shirt. I just know that this would NOT be funny to her at all regardless of how I intended it. So, you do have to be sensitive to the people you love and their vulnerabilities. I would lay off the jokes about his weight and encourage your friends to do the same.

--Carter

SarahR1984

Maybe he got teased as a child and is self conscience about his weight. Or maybe he's just uncomfortable about his appearance. The gold standard for men isn't really tiny skinny. It's something that bothers him and I feel teasing him about it (esp in front of people) when you know it bugs him is pretty insensitive. If he joked that you were fat or it's your genetics all the time you probably wouldn't like it. I wouldn't write it off that he's just too sensitive. It bothers him and your his wife so you shouldn't do it. Think if the roles were reversed.

Newfiedan

Sexist, kinda but for men it does apply, its not intended that way but men are taught to be "manly" which means not being sensitive. Sexism has little to do with it really its just the nature of the beast for men.

erickirb

Being skinny for a man can be just as bad as fat. I don't know one guy that wants to be skinny. Fit yes, skinny no. Think about being overweight, then being made fun of for being overweight. He may feel the same when being made fun of for being skinny.

SpartanHard

He has a body image issue just like us overweight people. Its no different really. If you would call someoone fat then dont call him skinny and make sure oyu tell the rest of his family to back off. In private of course you doont want him thinking your "fighting" his battles.

ChristineMiller2

I don't think what you are describing is about "men being sensitive" I think anyone would get tired of being picked on for their weight (or lack thereof). I don't have this problem anymore but I use to be rail thin and I got tired of people always commenting on it, it gets old. FAST. Now that you know it bothers him, stop doing it.

Thomasm198

He even retorted, "Well how would you feel if I told you that you were too fat all the time, and that you should lose weight?"

He's tired of y'all making fun of him for being skinny.

^^^^^What he said.

Why do people assume that us guys are thick-skinned and don't mind people making fun of us?

Just because at times act like it but we're not actually emotionless robots

rosebarnalice

Are men sensitive? Of course they are. They're human!

Many have been socialized to play the tough guy, but it doesn't mean they aren't self-conscious, worried about how others see them, and sensitive about their own flaws--real or perceived.

kidtechnical

Why? Because you are being mean and persist to tease him about something you KNOW he is unhappy about. Is it a control thing?

strandedeyes

to some people.... skinny means non muscular and just sticks and bones. Its not the same as calling a woman skinny...

Valtishia

I don't think be is being over sensitive. I think just like those of us that are overweight and working on it, he is not happy with his body image. It doesn't seem like he is content with his body and doesn't want to be reminded of it, simliar to the rest of us, just in a different way.

SarahR1984

I don't know if he's tired of being made fun of, because he does nothing but make fun of people all day. We all have very thick skin, because we do a lot of poking at each other...friends and family included.

Is it looked upon as weak or something? He's very very strong (can lift a whole transmission by himself, and nearly a whole engine).

#1 yes skinny guys are sterotyped as weak whether it's true or not
#2 maybe he makes fun of people out of his own insecurity

toddgaines

Even the most hardened guy still wants to be seen as "a man". Despite changing societal gender roles we still have part of us that wants to be the provider, the protector, and the athlete because that is what society has always told us a man should be. Making fun of a man's lack of height, lack of weight, or lack of athletic ability is like making fun of his manhood, his ability to be what society tells them they should be. So it can hurt. Especially when it is a physical attribute they have little or no control over. Obviously if he has tried to change it he views it as something he is not happy with, and the fact that he was unsuccessful at changing it makes it that much more of a sensitive subject. So yeah, I can see why he might be a little frustrated with people making fun of it. Anyway, that's my 2 cents.

Mrs_McFadden

Here's a thought- perhaps he's just sick of his body being the topic of conversation? Regularly?

Wileyjoe

Saying a guy is skinny can be taken as a shot at his manliness - by society standards the ideal standard is tall, dark and handsome - just look at some of the threads that ask what women like about a man. I could see how being reminded of how one doesn't fit into the mold could make you a bit defensive. Has nothing to do with how great of a guy he may be.

jdrop

Here's a thought- perhaps he's just sick of his body being the topic of conversation? Regularly?

It's not. It comes up, usually around meal time, because he eats like a fiend.

Mrs_McFadden

Here's a thought- perhaps he's just sick of his body being the topic of conversation? Regularly?

It's not. It comes up, usually around meal time, because he eats like a fiend.

And how often is mealtime perchance? lol

jackpotclown

Huh? Just the overly sensitive and the overly hard? I have to say that is damned sexist! That would be like saying "you know women are either frigid or crying wimps". What the hell?

About time someone said it

Yeah I'd be irritated after a while if people kept taking shots at my weight, but then again, if you can dish it, you should be able to take it as well

OGFleabag

My hubs is super insecure about his skinniness too, he has tried to bulk up as well and has great difficulty. He can eat enough food for 6 people in one sitting and not gain one oz. I agree with everyone...its no different than someone making cracks about an overweight person.

ajbeans

Here's a thought- perhaps he's just sick of his body being the topic of conversation? Regularly?

It's not. It comes up, usually around meal time, because he eats like a fiend.

Would you make fun of a fat person while they ate? Probably not. Use the same discretion when talking with a thin person. Or just don't make fun of people, period, especially if they've shown that it's a topic they don't like to discuss.

ksimms

You said he was seeing a nutritionist to gain muscle but gave up when that didn't work, you don't see that this is something that bothers him?

Lay off the guy, my boyfriend is only 128 lbs and I joke about him being skinny. He doesn't care, but I assure you if he got upset with me for pointing it out I'd never bring it up again. I have enough respect for him to not want to upset him.