Are Men Sensitive?

DowntimeDesigns

I'll agree with everyone else and say he's sick of it AND the fact that he has TRIED to gain weight, and been unsuccessful. You are reminding him of a failure.

To me, thats the same as someone reminding me everyday that I'm not at my goal yet. He had a goal, and for whatever reason, it wasn't attained, no one likes to fail at what we try to do!

RoadDog

Don't know about others, but I can say that I am hyper-aware of my shortcomings. While I appreciate a compliment, negative comments only make me defensive or worse, non-responsive.

I think it's all in how you deliver a comment.

Telling me I'm fat is not neccessary; I already know it. Offering me a low cal- recipe or mentioning a new diet or exercise you just heard about might be more helpful and well received.

Plus, if your husband is at 130 naturally and isn't exhibiting any unhealthy traits, there is nothing wrong with it.

Mrs_McFadden

I'm not a man but when I was my slender self in my early 20's I was *regularly* harangued and accosted by strangers who felt the need to ask me directly to my FACE if I was anorexic, bulemic, etc. I have never had an ED and lived like a normal person, well, actually I ate exactly like your fiance. I ate whatever I wanted and I had a nuclear plant metabolism. I would lift things up and people would dash toward me because they thought I was going to break in half or something- I was NORMAL for myself but people would go on and on about how I should eat more. It does get annoying at the very least. I can only imagine what it feels like for a man. A man who probably on some level feels that his body should be a solid and test the world around him vs the other way around.
I would STFU about his weight!!!! I don't know- basically- in my marriage, I prefer to give my guy COMPLIMENTS.

Goal_Seeker_1988

He probably feels weak when he is called skinny.

backinthenines

Why does he get angry?

Maybe he's bored of being the butt of family jokes all the time and maybe as his fiancee you should know better??

My man is 6'2" and only weighs around 160. He's a long-distance runner and Ironman and very fit and not short of normal confidence, but he still has stuff he is paranoid and touchy about. Don't we all?

My other half is just a typical ectomorph body shape and even when he weight trains he just doesn't build up. "Skinny" in the world of man is not a selling point and I know he's sensitive about it so I won't rub it in...

RoadDog

However, when we (meaning his family, friends, and I) joke about how skinny he is, he takes it in stride and then gets angry and defensive. Why is this? He's perfectly healthy, and it's just genetics that make him as naturally thin as he is. He even retorted, "Well how would you feel if I told you that you were too fat all the time, and that you should lose weight?"

Why does he get angry?

By the way, nobody likes to be the butt of someone else's jokes. It sounds to me like it is not an isolated incident either.

I think that "Well how would you feel if I told you that you were too fat all the time, and that you should lose weight?" is a lot nicer than I would respond, if this happened more than once.

ZebraHead

I'm all sad just thinking about his pain... :sad: Group hug anyone? *humming kumbaya

jdrop

You said he was seeing a nutritionist to gain muscle but gave up when that didn't work, you don't see that this is something that bothers him?

Lay off the guy, my boyfriend is only 128 lbs and I joke about him being skinny. He doesn't care, but I assure you if he got upset with me for pointing it out I'd never bring it up again. I have enough respect for him to not want to upset him.

No no no, he was seeint a nutritionist in COLLEGE, which was years ago. He tried drinking some Ensure, but that lasted for about 10 days, and he quit because they are quite nasty.

I'm of the mindset that if you can dish it out, you might as well take it. He is perfectly healthy, and his parents are naturally quite thin (Asian), and he pinches my rolls/jiggles all the time, but I suppose if I really am going to marry the guy I should probably pick and choose my battles.

PJilly

Let me start by saying I have the most wonderful fiancee ever. He's smart, funny, talented, and just a good man. That being said, he is 5'11" and 130 lbs.

He was at 155 in college, playing hockey/working out/seeing a nutritionist 4-6 days per week. He was trying to gain weight for a while, but has since given up.

I'm far from "fat" but I'm soft around the edges and a full foot shorter than he is. However, when we (meaning his family, friends, and I) joke about how skinny he is, he takes it in stride and then gets angry and defensive. Why is this? He's perfectly healthy, and it's just genetics that make him as naturally thin as he is. He even retorted, "Well how would you feel if I told you that you were too fat all the time, and that you should lose weight?"

Why does he get angry?

I don't know why he gets angry, but what does it matter? If you know if bothers him when you joke about it, whether you understand why or not, why would you continue to do it?

ZebraHead

^Because with other humans (especially family/friends) we can't help but continue to push their buttons (even better when we know what button to push). We think we are just kidding or showing that we like them but that only goes so far before the pain sets in.

missjay001

You said he was seeing a nutritionist to gain muscle but gave up when that didn't work, you don't see that this is something that bothers him?

Lay off the guy, my boyfriend is only 128 lbs and I joke about him being skinny. He doesn't care, but I assure you if he got upset with me for pointing it out I'd never bring it up again. I have enough respect for him to not want to upset him.

No no no, he was seeint a nutritionist in COLLEGE, which was years ago. He tried drinking some Ensure, but that lasted for about 10 days, and he quit because they are quite nasty.

I'm of the mindset that if you can dish it out, you might as well take it. He is perfectly healthy, and his parents are naturally quite thin (Asian), and he pinches my rolls/jiggles all the time, but I suppose if I really am going to marry the guy I should probably pick and choose my battles.

Agree. I personnally cant stand people who dish it out, but cant take it. If it was me, i would only stop if he stops.

JustAnotherBob

Changed my mind ... not getting involved in this one.

fitnesspirateninja

Here's a crazy idea: why don't you ask HIM why he gets angry? You asked us and were given several reasonable answers that you dismissed. We don't know you or your finance. How can we possibly guess what's going on in his brain - you're marrying him and you don't even know.

This is my suggestion - talk to him about it when he's not upset. Don't wait until he's mad because you guys were teasing him and crossed a line. Listen to what he says. If he says he's insecure about his weight and doesn't like being teased about it, then leave him alone.

Frankly, I think the "he dishes it out, so he should be able to take it" excuse is pretty lame. I come from a family that jokes and teases everyone all the time - but no one in my family has ever teased me about my weight, my brother about losing his hair, or my sister about her diabetes. All three of us can handle being teased about anything EXCEPT for those particular issues.

Your finance has a right to feel angry about being teased. You should back off and leave him alone about it. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life feeling frustrated because you're not allowed to make fun of his weight?

strandedeyes

You said he was seeing a nutritionist to gain muscle but gave up when that didn't work, you don't see that this is something that bothers him?

Lay off the guy, my boyfriend is only 128 lbs and I joke about him being skinny. He doesn't care, but I assure you if he got upset with me for pointing it out I'd never bring it up again. I have enough respect for him to not want to upset him.

No no no, he was seeint a nutritionist in COLLEGE, which was years ago. He tried drinking some Ensure, but that lasted for about 10 days, and he quit because they are quite nasty.

I'm of the mindset that if you can dish it out, you might as well take it. He is perfectly healthy, and his parents are naturally quite thin (Asian), and he pinches my rolls/jiggles all the time, but I suppose if I really am going to marry the guy I should probably pick and choose my battles.

Obviously he can handle it but I think after a million times of handling these jokes, he finally breaks. People have their breaking points. This is an obvious trigger for him and as someone who loves him, learning these triggers would be wise. I have triggers that my family sets off and my friends don't. I can handle as many jokes as my friends dish out, but you hit a trigger, I shut down. It happens....

rosiesparkle100

Jeez. Did it ever occur to you that all men are different? Are you engaged to marry your fiancee because, you know, he has his own personality and character, or just because he is 'a man'?? Really, why don't you just ask him? And then maybe stop doing it?!

zave

Men and women are soooo different.

What she says to me: What I hear:

Are you really wearing that tonight? "Go change your entire outfit!"

You are getting pretty thin up there. "I don't like bald guys"

You worked all day in the backyard. "You never help me in the house"

Should I wear the red dress or the blue? "I already have one picked one, I'm being polite"

What do you feel like for dinner? "I don't feel like cooking anything, we are going out"

You can eat anything and not gain! "I hate you!"

See my point?

DISCLAIMER: I did exaggerate a little bit. Love you Honey!

myofibril

Why does he get angry?

Because it's emasculating. You might as well jut say he has a tiny ****.

Rightly or wrongly, size and muscularity for men are associated on some level with strength, power, success, drive, virility etc.

I couldn't imagine being 130. I have spent most of my adult life weighing somewhere between 180 - 200 lbs at a respectable bf% of between 12 - 15%. I am one of the least scale weight obssessed people you will come across but seriously if I dipped down below say 170 I think it would have an impact on my confidence no matter how hard I tried to resist it.

kevanos

it is impolite to call soemone fat or short, but there is a double standard for tall and skinny people.

I think its beacuse skinny and tall are considered good traits so people think its ok to point it out bluntly.

I`m not crazy tall, but 6 foot 3 is taller than aveage. I`m comfortable with my high, i can joke about it, call myself a giant or whatever, but every now and then some random person totally out of context will be like, "wow, you're really tall" and it can get under my skin.

Would you ever go up to a person and say "hey you don`t have a leg", "hey your eyes are really far apart" "hey you have more forehead than average". Its rude.




I don`t think your fiance has the sensitivity problem, its the people passing remarks at him that are insensitive.

jdrop

Because it's emasculating. You might as well jut say he has a tiny ****.

Rightly or wrongly, size and muscularity for men are associated on some level with strength, power, success, drive, virility etc.

...I am one of the least scale weight obssessed people you will come across but seriously if I dipped down below say 170 I think it would have an impact on my confidence no matter how hard I tried to resist it.

This is one of the more helpful responses. Thanks a lot. He knows I think the world of him, and always tell people how he does everything better than I do (because he does--except for cook).

TK266

He even retorted, "Well how would you feel if I told you that you were too fat all the time, and that you should lose weight?"

He's tired of y'all making fun of him for being skinny.

Yep!

As a person who was the tall kid, I always got the "how the weather up there", "Geoffry Giraffe" and "So when are you going to start playing basketball". While I was good natured about it most of the time, every once in a while I would get annoyed and snap at folks.

I don't know if his sensitivity over this issue make him (or men in general) sensitive, but no one like being teased over stuff the have little or no control over.

ps. and you ever notice people don't routinely ask short people if they want to be jockeys.

tgh1914

How insensitive it is to have to even ask if someone else is capable of being sensitive (essentially of being human)... anyone else see the irony here?

sheesh, lady

bmj1985

Someone posted about being told they are tall all the time, I get that too! I'm sure it's a comment most of the time but hearing the same comment over and over can really make you start to feel self-conscious. Especially when it's something you can't change. I'm sure he's just tired of hearing it constantly, it gets annoying.

sk4399

Has he been tested for Celiac Disease?

jewelzz

My my my I can't even believe you asked this question

Panda_Jack

My nipples get a little sensitive... :laugh:

Neliel

I doubt he's really got an issue with his body image. It's the simple fact that the more you pick on someone about a certain thing - the more it grates on them. It doesn't have to be something they're already sensitive about. The more you pick on someone about ANYTHING the more pissed off they get with it. Because it's like you're telling them they're not good enough because of it. You know it upsets him - don't do it.

ATT949

Why are you asking that question here, on a forum where no one has ever met him and actually knows absolutely nothing about him?

No one here can possibly answer that question, other than as an absolute guess, or with vague generalizations.

If you want to know why he feels that way, ask him.

If he can't or won't talk to you about it, that's a sign that he or possibly both of you should have a look at how well you communicate.

123456654321

I haven't read through all the replies yet, so I'm probably repeating what a few others have already said. But are you seriously asking us why he's getting upset when he clearly already told you? ""Well how would you feel if I told you that you were too fat all the time, and that you should lose weight?" ...I don't know how he could have been clearer.