Hurt feelings

forthefab5

I wouldn't include someone in a family photo either if i hadn't actually met them. Sorry to say it, but if it was serious, i would presume i would have been introduced to them. If you haven't been involved in the family's life to date, why would you expect that they put you in a family photo?

Well because we live in Arizona and they live across the United States in Delaware.... but thanks for the rude comment!

I'll have you know I'm quite involved... I take care of his two children and have to deal with his ex wife on an almost daily basis.

Just putting my 2 cents in... I'd be hurt as well but what can you do? Like you said, they live across the country so it's not like you would be dealing with them on a day to day basis anyway... Just ask them on the day to take one of just you and your boyfriend and get them to send it to you.

In relation to your post here though, it seems like you jump on the defensive far too quickly... you asked for opinions and once someone posted something that you didn't agree with, you took offense. Same goes for your reply to Road Dog...anyway, good luck and hope it goes well in any event!

kittyinaz

Just putting my 2 cents in... I'd be hurt as well but what can you do? Like you said, they live across the country so it's not like you would be dealing with them on a day to day basis anyway... Just ask them on the day to take one of just you and your boyfriend and get them to send it to you.

In relation to your post here though, it seems like you jump on the defensive far too quickly... you asked for opinions and once someone posted something that you didn't agree with, you took offense. Same goes for your reply to Road Dog...anyway, good luck and hope it goes well in any event!

Yes I am going to get defensive if you question whether my relationship is serious. And yes I'm going to get defensive if someone tries to push their values on me. I did not post a question asking to evaluate my relationship.

My boyfriend has voiced our opinion on the photos. I dont/wouldn't expect to be in ALL of them, that would be ridiculous. But when a few months ago I was carrying their grandchild I guess it just bugs me. Theh say I'm part of the family and I talk to them all very frequently. I guess I'm just being sensitive.

Mindful_Trent

You have a right to your feelings, but you did mention that you are meeting this extended family for the first time. That makes you a stranger to them with an ambiguous connection to their family. I can see why it wouldn’t occur to them to include you in a family portrait, which many see as an heirloom for their family. While you understand your deep connection to your partner, and view it as a lifelong commitment, many relationships break up after two years (or even longer). Your partner’s family are viewing this from the outside, since they do not have an established relationship with you...yet.

Their feelings may change when they meet you in person and see the deep connection you have with their loved one. Or, it may not. But, when you have not taken a traditional route to establishing that this is truly a life-long commitment, you cannot blame your partner’s family for not “getting” that you are in fact a permanent part of their loved one’s life. In truth, the fact that they don;t get it may be a sign for you that your partner hasn’t made it clear to them that you are his partner for life. And if that is the case, then there’s not better time than this trip for him to make that perfectly clear.

^^ This.

sonjavon

I guess I'm just being sensitive.

Sweetie, you lost a child - you have a right to be sensitive. And I'm sure that in the back of your mind you're wondering whether or not they would have fully accepted you if you had carried the baby to term. Those are natural thoughts, given the circumstances.

I didn't see where anyone was pushing their values on you or questioning the seriousness of your relationship. You said "We are planning on trying for another child next year and plan on being in a relationship for as long as the relationship stays good." That pretty much defines how "serious" your relationship is. There are plenty of marriages that happen under those same assumptions, unfortunately.

At 2 years together, you are a girlfriend - not yet "family". How long does it take to become "family"? I don't know.

Do you have the right to have your feeling hurt? You sure do! Do they have the right to not be as certain about the seriousness of your relationship as you are? They sure do. Let them know how much you WANT to be a part of their family and how much you love their son and grandkids. They'll come around.

kittyinaz

I didn't see where anyone was pushing their values on you or questioning the seriousness of your relationship. You said "We are planning on trying for another child next year and plan on being in a relationship for as long as the relationship stays good." That pretty much defines how "serious" your relationship is. There are plenty of marriages that happen under those same assumptions, unfortunately.

One person said that he must not be serious about ne if I haven't been introduced yet and Road Dog was trying to say the relationship isn't valid if there's no marriage.

Well, I say as long as it stays good because if we get married and one day (whether that be a month or 10 year from now) we can't stand each other then what was the point in getting married only to get divorced? I don't believe in trying to stay together just for children or to "prove" something if your heart isn't in it anymore.

But anyway, thank you for your words.

morningmom

....oops! I typed this on the wrong question....sorry! I guess I can't delete this, it is telling me I "can't have an empty post".