Family & Friends can be cruel

Arketha

I have gained about 40 pounds over the last 5 years and my family and friends are very hard on me when I go home. I have stopped going home as much and when I do I mainly just sitting at the house with my parents because I get so tied of hearing, you use to be slim now you are fat.......

sandram82

Family can def be cruel.. but your in the right place to get fit and have a healthy lifestyle!! You will find alot of great support and motivation here!

deema79

Youve taken the first step to a healthier you! Good Luck

chelsey728

Have you ever told them it really hurts your feelings? Maybe they think they're motivating. Family is so important, I'm sure if you explained that it really hurts and that you have distanced yourself because of that they'll make an effort to stop. Best of luck!

carinalewis

i have the same, my family constantly make digs about my weight. used to weigh 8 stone went up to 13st 5. am now back down to 11st 8 but still have a weigh to go. the way they go on makes me feel awful and really gets me down i feel like screaming at them some times. i am trying to lose weight but its not as easy as they think with 4 kids a husband and a normal life to lead

sarahazelnut99

omg dont i know it, its the main reason why im losing weight...
i dont want a compliment i just want to be left alone :-(

vwfrog

Aww, Arketha! Don't let comments like that get you down. Sometimes families know just the right AND just the WRONG things to say. Hopefully what they really meant was something like 'we are concerned about your weight gain and you seemed much happier at a healthier weight', but, again, families have a way of making things come out all wrong!

You're a MyfitnessPal'er now, so pretty soon you'll be hearing, 'wow, looking good' and 'are you losing weight?', 'are those your skinny jeans?' from the fam!


~valerie

bethany7687

Hi, you've taken the first step, you've joined myfitnesspal. Congratulations. Remember a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Hurtful comments are difficult to deal with. You don't control those people. You do control you and you can change you and become the women you want to be. Get started and keep us posted on your progress. You'll do great.
Bethany

amberlineilene

my mother in law always says 'you were so slim before you had the baby' ugh..that pisses me off

kikibruce

I would let them know that its not very motivational hearing "your fat". Theres a way to go about things and insults arent how you do it. Good luck in your journey.

arwamya

That's mean ... and they can be so cruel, but once you lose weight these people would shut up..don't listen to them..there must be positive people around..stay with them. you've already taken the first step towards being healthy. screw what anyone else says

docturtle

Since I've shaved off 25 pounds on MFP, my family and friends tell me I am too skinny. Maybe you will experience that end, once you've met your goal. Hang in and show 'em!

dakoerber

I am so sorry to hear that! What is most important however, is how you feel about you! I know it can be hard to hear such negative comments but you live with you so make sure that you are not saying those things to yourself! Not sure if you have ever said anything to them but maybe you need to tell them that their comments are hurtful! Maybe they don't even realize it.

Keep focus on yourself being happy and healthy!! You can't worry about what others think - even if they are your family

MotivationAtItsBest

Family/Friends need 2 b there 2 support u during this time, so I really think u need 2 sit down wit them n explain all da goals ur tryin 2 reach, n tell them how frustrating it can wen u are constantly put down. Explain 2 them, u already kno ur lifestyle needs 2 improve 4 da better, n u need as much love n support u can get. Sumtimes, ppl just dont understand wut ur goin thru, or how serious things r 2 u. If they r ur real friends, n family dat love u, all of da negative putdowns shuld stop after this. Best of luck!

themommie

yes family can be cruel at times. You are at the right place for motivation and encouragement. Just think about the next time you see them hopefully you will be thinner and hopefully will hear compliments instead of the usual hurtful comments. Good luck on your weight loss journey. You can do it....

Becky1971

my mother in law always says 'you were so slim before you had the baby' ugh..that pisses me off

Why do people say things like that, I mean weren't we all? it's pretty much a given. sheesh!

cast59

Sometimes family and friends can be mean. A lot of times they are just trying to help and just want you to be more healthy.
At christmas this year one of my aunts when she first seen me immeadiatly said " wow are you fat". It threw me for a loop and i was a bit depressed. As the day went on we talked a bit more and she said that she wanted the best for me and told her that she crushed me with that satement and she apologized. She was right by the way i was fat. Since then i went back on MFP started watching what i ate and started excercizing. So family and friends can be cruel but if it for the right reason a nd if it is because they truly care about you, it can help motivate you. It sure did for me. As for those taht are just being mean and want to use you for a joke then lose them as they arent really your friends. Good luck on your journey.

Becky1971

Welcome!
I'm sorry your family has to be mean about it, I don't understand that. I want to encourage and support those in my family who are much heavier than I. I often worry about saying the wrong, I just can't imagine not being sensitive about it.

I'm glad you are here though, this has been a fantastic place for me.

audjrey

Call me crazy - but that's fuel for motivation!!!!

If you ever wanted to get even with anyone (in a good way of course) then losing the excess fat, inches and weight, looking great, feeling great and living healthy is the best revenge!!!!

When I read between the lines of this and similar remarks, what I hear is, "We are concerned about you. You used to care about your health, body image and size. What happened? Are you okay? Are you depressed? Did something in life cause you to give up? Don't you care about yourself anymore? Don't you want to feel good about yourself? Don't you want to like what you see in the mirror every morning? We feel afraid because we want to help you but don't know how."

Unfortunately, most people are too afraid to say what they really feel and so use sarcasm as a way to keep their feelings safe while getting the message across. What they don't realize, unfortunately, is that you are already feeling quite vulnerable and sarcasm isn't funny - it's just cruel.

Here's a fun exercise if you're willing to try it:

Think about all the 'little' things that caused you to gain weight.
Now write them down.
Write down one emotion that describes each little thing.
Now write down the power that emotion has had and still has over you.
Now try to answer the following question: "What would it take for you to regain power over this emotion so that you are empowered instead of feeling dis-empowered by it?"

elmct57

You have a group here who has been there and understands. Do this for you because you ARE worth it. Focus on the positive things in life and if it means avoiding home for a while and making new friends who are there for you--do what you need to do. Set your goals and go for them. we'll be rooting for you!

naesue

I know exactly how you feel. It wasn't until recently when my sisters started gaining weight and getting chunky that they finally realized that the things they said hurt. Now we are a united front against my mother who will rub it in all the time that we need to lose weight. She has been that way to me my entired life even when I was in Jr High and High school and at 150 lbs she thought I was fat cause I wasn't a stick like she was at that age. It hurts I know. But just remember that losing weight is for yourself not for anyone else. If you are doing it for the wrong reasons it won't work. That is why at 31 I am finally serious about it cause this time it is because I really want it not because everyone else is telling me i need it. Good luck to you. Don't forget you can always turn to MFP for guidence support and love.

Renee

tam120

Many times ignorant well-meaning people think if they tell us we're fat it will motivate us to lose weight or they think we don't realize it (that one really makes me go hmm.... you really think I need someone to tell me that, you ignorant fool). Obviously these are folks who've never had a problem with weight or they would realize that what they're doing is just the opposite. I say you tell them why you're not coming around as much anymore and if they continue with their hurtful behavior you won't come around at all. Life's too short to spend a lot of time dealing with negative people.

daphne_gets_fit

I understand exactly how you feel, the running joke in my family is if there's a new restaurant or a new item at a fast food restaurant "ask Daphne she's probably already tried it" and then my dad's the worst, he's overweight himself but wants to constantly give me weight loss tips, I'm just like really? My mom, actually said to me that I would never be able to reach my goal (size 6, currently size 10), because I'm getting too old (I'm only 27), WTF!! And when I decide that I want to try to change my lifestyle that's also a joke, so I really don't have much support from my family, a little from my younger sister but that's about it, so I know where you are coming from and I know it will get better, for both of us. :flowerforyou:

susiewusie

Think about all the 'little' things that caused you to gain weight.
Now write them down.
Write down one emotion that describes each little thing.
Now write down the power that emotion has had and still has over you.
Now try to answer the following question: "What would it take for you to regain power over this emotion so that you are empowered instead of feeling dis-empowered by it?"

This is so good I am going to try it .

I am so sorry your having to deal with these comments its so cruel and unfair sometimes people say things then later realise what they have said ,you will get lots of encouragment on here

debcarv

Family can be very judgmental and not think of your feelings when they voice thier opinions. You hang in there and stay
focused on you, they're only words so shake 'em off. You can do this, especially on MFP with alot of support from youir new friends and new ( sorta) family encouraging you.:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

janemartin02

HI!How cruel!families should be there for support.You have family here on MFP.We are here to love and support you!!
Good luck!!
You can do it!!!
jane:flowerforyou:

hroderick

Save the hurt for motivation when you need it

ravenclawseekergirl

Family can be horrible. When i told my mum that i wanted to lose two maybe three dress sizes she turned round and said 'That's a bit ambitious isnt it?' Not nice to hear! Its not as if i'm underweight or that i dot realise that this isnt going to take serious work... basically she said that she doesnt think that i can do it.

I've been here at MFP for a litle over three days and i have to say that you'll find all the support that you need here. Pople here really are great. I know it's hard, (i was bullied about my weight for five years, causing it to balloon) but ignore what other people say about you. In the end you can only be who you are. If people arent going to supprt you to do something that will change your life, you dont need them.

Good luck :flowerforyou:

butterflysoul2

So sorry that you have to go through that. No one should be put down by anyone but no matter what they say or do, all that matters is what you think about yourself.

emma6978

My family can be very cruel and the funny thing is that both sides EVERYONE is overweight. I just happen to be the heaviest, so don't worry this site is a great thing to use and the support system is absolutely wonderful. Good luck in your journey

crystal45044

I know how you feel. I seen my cousins for the first time in 3 years last week and as I was walking out of the house I heard my cousin say to the rest of the family "Boy she got fat!" I just wanted to run and crawl under a rock. It made me feel like crap. I don't understand how people can be so mean especially family. But it did give me extra motivation to get in shape. But just remember do it for you, no one else!