*Help* I could use a woman's perspective

tauruseth

Good morning, all.

My girlfriend and I decided to go on a diet about 2 weeks ago. We started using MFP, bought Polar FT4 HRMs, and bought a couple of workout videos. We cut out all the junk/crap food that we used to eat. We started eating whole foods/grains, fruits and veggies, lean meats, etc. We weigh every single ingredient in our meals, we don't go out to eat and we exercise twice daily (1 cardio and 1 strength - both are pretty intense) for a little over 1 1/2 hours a day.

Today is actually day 14 of our new lifestyle. It started as a diet and has shifted to healthy living. That being said, we still want to lose weight.

Today, we got on the scale and I have lost 20 lbs in 2 weeks. She has gained 2. She was in tears this morning and is so very disheartened. I feel awful and I don't know what to say to her. I told her that she looks so much slimmer and I can see a lot of muscle tone (which is true).

To all the women reading this: What can I say or do to help her get through such frustrating times like this? I feel like I say all the wrong things. Any advice would be so very much appreciated.

We almost eat the same exact foods (all of our meals are prepared at home and measured out).

Here are our stats:

She - 5'10", 181 lbs (SW 179 - GW 160) - She eats about 1900 total cals a day and burns 800-900 cals working out.
Me - 5'10", 210 lbs (SW 230 - GW 170) - I eat about 2100 cals a day and burn 900-1200 cals a day.

Here is the only real difference. I usually have anywhere from 700-1200 cals left at the end of the day while she has about 200-300. Technically, I should be in "starvation mode" and she is doing it right. But I am the one dropping the weight.

Thank in advance for any help/ideas.

neelia

A similar thing happened to me when my husband and I started MFP. After 2 months, he had lost 30 lbs. Me? Barely 8.

There was really nothing he could say to make me feel better. I would just advise her to take photos. Compare the photos from start to today and SEE the difference.

erickirb

I am not a woman, but she could be retaining water due to the introduction of exercise. When starting a new program (mostly with strength training) muscles get micro tears and will retain water to protect them and aid in recovery. After she gets use to working out the muscles should shed this excess water and she should see a weight loss.

eillamarie

She's gaining muscle tone & burning fat! That's why she looks smaller but weighs more. Muscle is denser than fat-so 2lbs of muscle takes up less space than 2lbs of fat.

You on the other hand, have probably lost a tone of water weight-it's your body's way of flushing out the toxins that have been building up!

hmschultz

I hear this A LOT!! Guys just seem to lose it faster than us girls, and it really sucks!! Be super encouraging and remind her that she is building MAJOR muscle and that weighs more than fat. Here is an idea... Put the scale away and pull out the measuring tape. I have found with myself that when the scale isn't moving the inches are falling off like crazy! Good Luck to both of you

GoldenGirl1979

my husband & i have been doing JM ripped in 30 for the past 2-3 weeks... I have been super careful about my calorie consumption... he eats whatever he wants... I am trying to lose weight... he doesn't want/or need to lose weight... i've lost 2 lbs... he's lost 6!!!

i don't really have any advice for you... just wanted 2 let u know i feel ur gf's pain :-)

chris1132

I wish I could help! My boyfriend and I have been doing the same thing for about two months now. He's lost 20 pounds and I've lost four. Sigh. I think it's just the difference between a man's and a woman's body. It also depends on how much you have to lose - he had a bit more weight than I did to begin with.

That being said, all you can really do is be there for her and let her rant. Don't try to reason with her because it will probably just make her angry (I know I get angry when my boyfriend does that to me haha). Also, just be supportive of her choices! If she decides that your new lifestyle isn't what she wants right now, try not to make her feel guilty about it...somehow

We women are mysterious creatures.

MissSjolin

For myself I do weigh in and measurements that way if the pounds seem like they are lacking then I can check my measurements and see that there is still progress.

Tiana405

Is her body changing? Dropping inches and not weight? If so, this is just we do! Most women go through this phase in the begining of a new routine or working out and dieting. Men and women's bodies are just so different. We were made with different intentions, so losing weight will be very different between the two. Also, if she's losing inches, it means that she's building muscel, which is much more dense than fat. If she were losing weight, but not inches, she'd be losing muscle... NO BUENO. If her pants are feeling loser, but the scale isn't moving, that's very normal. The weight will catch up in time. I'd rather have smaller pants and the same number on the scale rather than a smaller number on the scale and same size pants! : ) Hope some of this helped....

quara

Agh, that's tough! I don't really know what you could say to make her feel better - if I were in her shoes, I don't think anything anyone could say would cheer me up immediately. But you may have lost more weight because you had more to lose... but I think the main difference is just the different physiology between men and women's bodies. I don't know how or why, but I do believe they can gain/lose weight differently. Are her clothes fitting better, has she lost inches? Maybe she can decrease her calories down to 1600-1700? It's so hard to know.

Congratulations on your weight loss and I hope you are both able to stick with it... I'm sure the results will come once she finds what works best for her!!

barefootbeauty

Same thing happened when my ex-boyfriend and I started a healthy living lifestyle together. Our trainer said that men are more muscular and burn more then women. Her recommendations were to make sure the girl is eating less carbs then the guy and to focus less on pounds lost and more on measurements and visual success.

Its tough and I feel her pain! I lifted weights and ran for 3 months straight on a strict diet and didn't lose a single pound....but I lost 3 jean sizes. Numbers aren't everything.

katapple

Men have an easier time losing weight, sad but true.

Tell her to start taking measurements, that way even when she doesn't see a loss on the scale, she can see what she IS doing IS working. I have only lost 5 pounds in the past year, but I have dropped TWO sizes. Good luck to you both!!

JennS19

My husband and I were the exact same way....He would drop crazy amount of weight right off the bat and I would lose 2 lbs. It was so disheartening so I can totally relate.

There is really nothing you can say to help her feel better, just remind her that there are woman on here who understand how she is feeling. Maybe suggest changing up her workout schedule a little bit, make sure she is drinking enough water, check the sodium levels of what she is consuming as well. If he sodium is high, that definitely isn't helping matters.

The weight will come off eventually, and she can't compare her weight loss to you (which by the way congrats on your awesome loss). This is a long journey and just be there for support, but don't let her give up.

RoniDoll

It seem's that she is eating to many calories. If she is wanting to weigh 160 lbs. then she needs to eat only 1600 calories a day. My goal weight is 140 so I eat 1400 a day. it just sounds like she may be eating to many calories, and HRM arnt acurate alot of the time.

jewelzz

I think she needs to lower her calorie intake just alittle.She may be losing fat but as far as muscle gain probably not yet.it takes awhile to gain muscle and while loosing you lose muscle.

Dancinhiphop4life

thats heartbreaking to hear cause i was in her shoes when my ex and i were dieting together a couple of years ago. is she drinking enough water and keeping her sodium low? she might wanna focus on more cardio than weights....cause as you know us women, we like to see the scale go down. like me she probably wants to see numbers go down first then work on toning and building muscle. my number stayed the same for a week so i made a challenge this week for myself which was cardio cardio, cardio, at least 10 glasses of water a day and to try to stay under my sodium. ive already dropped almost another lb since monday. for women its going to take longer. men can lose 3-5-10 lbs a week but women will usually only lose 1-2 lbs. tell her to keep goin. its going to be harder for than you but the end result will be extremely rewarding.

jreese5226

My husband and I are going through that right now. He lost like 3 pounds last week and I lost half a pound after first gaining 2. And I agree, there really isn't anything you can say or do. Her weight will start to drop once her body gets used to the increased activity. Just praise her efforts during your workouts together and continue to be there for support. If she hasn't gotten a support group on MFP together, other than yourself, encourage her to get one. I find myself motivated by the successes of women with the same goals as me, and the same struggles that we women seem to have. Best of luck to both of you.

polar5554

I don't have any advice...other than what other's have said, but just wanted to say how sweet it is of you to post on behalf of your wife. Very thoughtful of you!! Way to go awesome husband!!! :flowerforyou:

rockieschick

Take pictures of her. She will see a difference on those. It happened to me while I was doing P90X and without pictures i think i would have been pretty depressed! Goodjob on the lifestyle change!

erickirb

Agh, that's tough! I don't really know what you could say to make her feel better - if I were in her shoes, I don't think anything anyone could say would cheer me up immediately. But you may have lost more weight because you had more to lose... but I think the main difference is just the different physiology between men and women's bodies. I don't know how or why, but I do believe they can gain/lose weight differently. Are her clothes fitting better, has she lost inches? Maybe she can decrease her calories down to 1600-1700? It's so hard to know.

Congratulations on your weight loss and I hope you are both able to stick with it... I'm sure the results will come once she finds what works best for her!!

I would advise against dropping her cals anymore as she is already below 1200 NET (consumption - exercise), but I would suggest you eat a little more or you will risk burning muscle along with the fat.

ohlener

One think to keep in mind is that muscle weighs more than fat. So if she is working out more than she did before and turning that fat into muscle, it could seem that she is putting on weight. My advice would be to measure herself instead of weighing, measure the tummy, hips, bust and arms, as these will slim and tone as the fat turns to muscle.

Most importantly tell her to not give up as she will start to see changes and lose weight!