? Friend going to far to lose weight...

LYNNPETTY93

:flowerforyou:
Hi!
How far are you willing to go to lose weight?
Men and Women are welcome to answer this one..
How far would you go to lose weight, or let's just say.. 10 freaking pounds.
I have a friend who has more than 10 pounds to lose.. But she has came up with this crazy A_s plan to lose 30 by 60 days.
She did a lot of research and gave me a list of all her options, and wanted me to help her weigh the good and the bad.
And if you ask me.. I think its all ugly...

1. is a heavy load in protein and veggies only. I can deal with the right balance of protein and veggies only. But why eat over 100grams of protein per day when her body "weight" needs 60 or maybe even less.
2. Some 3 day diet to lose a quick 10 pounds.
3. 30 day lemon-aid diet. Beyonce did it for the dream girls role..
4. What 50cents did for a movie role. Yes, she saw that too...
5. Apple cider diet.. with 1200 calorie allowance.
6. Buring 1000 calories per day and eating 800.. What is the point in that? She came up with that crap on her own. I'm sure of it.

I mean really. What is the point? She has a body that is able and willing to give her the weight loss she seeks the right way, but she wants the quick fix.. I mean really! When will the "DIET" quick weight loss crap stop????

What happen to????? Sweating, eating right, and putting in the work.

Her answer back was this.. I don't have time to watch the scale yo yo me around. I need this weight to happen and fast.
HELP ME!
How can I help her? I can't support the fad diet. If I do... Then that means- I'm going against everything I preach and teach.

What are you willing to do, would you go this far? I won't judge you at all... I just need to know and understand why my answer to her hurt her feelings.

I've struggled with weight loss for 17 years, and I explained my reasons to her, and she said. I was just non supportive and don't won't to share any of that weight loss success spot-light.. BS if you ask me.. But then again. I'm not feeling her feelings or standing in her shoes..

lacroyx

with my weight loss people ask me what I do and when I tell them watch my calories, hard work , sweat, tears, they get discouraged. people want a easy out. I think you done all you can. you gave your advice, point of views if your friend does not want to listen and do it her own way, then there's not much you can do. you can disagree with her choices but support her in other ways. like going to the gym or walking, riding bikes together.

McKayMachina

You can't help her. Chances are she'll get sick of it, or just plain sick, a couple weeks in and revert to her old habits. All you can do is tell her you don't agree with her choices and let her know you're there for her if she changes her mind and wants to do it right.

Keep in mind, Beyonce and 50Cent are millionaires whose every move is monitored by a team of Dr.s, nurses, nutritionists and personal trainers. Your friend sounds fanatical.

ramseyrose

I agree with McKay, tell you dont agree with any of them but you are there for her if she is interested in doing it right. Most of those options will make her ill, the last one seriously ill !

fteale

I don't understand the quick fix mentality. Being healthy is about having a healthy lifestyle. Yo yo dieting doesn't help anyone.

SueGeer

A quick-fix may seem OK but is usually only a temporary measure. Has she thought what will happen one she starts eating 'normally' again? That weight will all go back on again......with added interest! She could also be jeopardising her overall health. A reasonable weight loss goal is 1-2lb a week - she should be able to achieve this by sensible eating, and the weight may well come off quicker than she thinks. It's not a diet.....just a new, healthy way of life.

You've told her your views.....if she doesn't want to take them on board, that's her loss. Try not to beat yourself up about it.

FYI - my allowance is 1200 a day.....I eat at least that if I can & I burn off 2-300. I've lost 14.8 since midlle of January & have 2.4 to go.........slow but steady makes the goal. Your friend needs to understand that this can work for her too - she needs to put in the effort & have patience.....

Good luck!

Sue x

emmascott

How good a friend is she?

She should know you and know that your reasons are not for you, but for her. Personally, I'd be really offended if a friend thought I was stopping them from doing something stupid for my own benefit.

Does she not realise she will be back to square one even if she achieves this ridiculous goal?

I say, give it one more go to see if you can talk her round, perhaps print some stuff off internet about how weight comes off and then if she still wants to go ahead, say you don't want to discuss it any more xxx

Take care Hun xxx

cgan

Have you asked her how she plans on maintaining her weight once the 60 days is up? Not doing anything and returning to her previous lifestyle will just cause the weight to creep back up and she'll be at risk of becoming a yo-yo dieter (which is more dangerous than obesity in some cases due to the extra stress it puts your body through), yet continuing with her deprivation plan will lead to malnutrition or bingeing.

I am a fan of high protein with tons of vegetables as a healthy way to lose weight. The high protein keeps you full and the tons of vegetables ensures you get an adequate amount of carbs (without turning to breads & sweets which wreak havoc with blood sugar) and all of the nutrients you need. With this type of diet there's not as much need for calorie control because the large volumes of vegetables make it difficult to overeat.

If she took to the high protein diet in a sensible manner it would become a lifestyle that she would keep up after her '60 day plan,' and she would continue to see results on the scale, tape measure and in her attitude/health.

Thoughts?

Painten

A few years ago i shared a desk with 3 relatively slim people. One was a recovering anorexic. They were always talking about losing weight and the various methods they were thinking of trying. I was overweight then as i am now and i didn't really say alot untill one day.

That day one of them started talkinbg about how if you eat raw pork you can get a worm and you'll get skinny that way as it eats everything. I was so shocked i said that was the stupidiest thing i'd ever heard i i couldn't believe they were talking like that. How they always talking about food and dieting all the time and yet none of them would even walk up the street if they could take drive and that exercise would be far better. I am totally serious they were talking about how they would go about it, how much raw pork they'd have to eat and how they could put something with it to make it tasts better. After my outburst they shut up and we worked the rest of the morning. Later at lunchtime i went out after them for a cig and overheard them sitting they slating me about how i was fat and was only being "a *****" to them as i was jealous.

I Ignore it all now. People really will do what they want and if you try and say somethign it'll only been taken wrong. Peolpe don't see that your concerned. I see it on here all the time, people saying how a friend must be jealous if they ever say anything about a person's weight loss that isn't "oh that's brilliant".

c4t2001

Tell her to stick to 1400 cals and run for 60 mins every day for 2 weeks. She'll lose loads and get her fix but start on the road to better health. x

Levedi

The most loving thing you can do for her is stick to you principles and don't let her manipulate you into choosing something you know you can't agree with. Think of it this way. If she came to you and said "Do you want me to do heroin or meth? Pick one or you're not supportive!" you wouldn't give in would you? Of course not, because they're both bad choices. But that's basically what she's doing now.

If she was my friend I'd say something like this. "Honey, you know I'll always love you no matter what. I will help and support you in any good thing. And because I love you, I cannot help you hurt yourself. So if you go starving yourself on a fad diet, don't expect me to help. I will love you. I will help you lose weight the right way. I will cheer you on. I will pick up the pieces if you fall apart on this diet. But I will not help you hurt yourself."

Then let her scream and flail all she wants. She'll eventually realize that you're a truer friend than the people who tell her to eat lemonade and vinegar for 60 days, but aren't wiling to sweat their butts off in the gym with her. My best friend and I've had some hellish fights, but we've lasted because we've always stuck to the "I love you no matter what, but you can't manipulate me and I can't manipulate you" approach to being friends.

janesmith1

Keep it zipped, just smile and say "uh uh" & "okayy" & "uh huh, sure". Meanwhile you do it the RIGHT WAY, and just keep smiling. I find that modeling good behaviour speaks louder than words, the quick fix people want it to be easy. They want the pill, the supplement, the diet, but we all know at mfp (well most of us anyway) that it does not work like that.

What works is blood, sweat, and tears. And finding out what works for our particular likes and dislikes. I have found low cal snacks that I like that are healthy (pretty much it's pickles, popcorn and fresh express salads), I am cooking Low Fat foods that taste delicious and are low in cals - I'm using cookbooks for that. But as for your friend, just smile, nod, say nothng, it might be hard to do...

Fattack

I agree with McKay - you can't help her.

You can explain the healthy way of weight loss to her, sure, but she probably won't listen. You seem like a good friend, just let her know you disagree with her method of doing it, but the decision is down to her ultimately, you can just be there when she "gets back" from the crazy place

As an aside, I myself lost about 50lbs doing what many people would deem a "fad" diet - the Cambridge Diet (which is medically approved, and I was severely obese). Did I gain all of it back? No, but I did gain some back (about 15lbs, however, I did make extremely unhealthy choices when I stopped doing it). Not all people who lose weight fast gain it all back, to clear a common misconception. Regardless, I'm much happier losing weight this way than I was on Cambridge (although it's much harder work planning my food and dragging my *kitten* to exercise 5-6 times a week than drinking 3 shakes a day!).

raven1114

be honest with her and tell her you can't support something you don't agree with. tell her you'd love to help her lose weight but you will only do it the healthy way.

Levedi

I am a fan of high protein with tons of vegetables as a healthy way to lose weight. The high protein keeps you full and the tons of vegetables ensures you get an adequate amount of carbs (without turning to breads & sweets which wreak havoc with blood sugar) and all of the nutrients you need. With this type of diet there's not as much need for calorie control because the large volumes of vegetables make it difficult to overeat.

Thoughts?

@cgan - I do love bread and brown rice, but basically I think you're right. As my eating habits have changed I find that I need more protein to maintain my work outs and the veggies are the perfect way to get nutrients without bloodsugar spikes and crashes. Plus I just feel fuller so I'm less likely to binge. I'm not on Atkins (tried it twice - terrible migraines both times) but the balance of my meals is definitely moving toward vegetables and proteins while reducing the grains. I eat a lot more dairy now too - Greek yogurt is my favorite breakfast these days and a chicken quesadilla with mango salsa is a great dinner. (Weirdly enough the quesadillas I make at home have virtually no calories compared to what you get at a place like Chiles. I don't know what crap they put in their food, but clearly it's mostly fat.)

fteale

I agree with whoever said if she runs an hour a day for 2 months she will notice huge changes.

jennsie

In my experience, weight loss is down to what you eat and how much you eat. (Don't starve; that isn't healthy).

I've lost 2 stone in a couple months by eating healthy, eating less, drinking more water. (I occassionally have a treat.)
I also go to the gym about 6 times a week and I spend probably around 1-1.5hrs there. I do a mix of cardio interval training (work up heart rate) and strength/toning training. I change my program every 5 weeks, though to be honest I should be changing it after maybe 4 weeks because I feel my body getting adjusted to it. You ahve to change the fitness you do as your body gets used to it quickly.

It hasn't really been difficult either.

Don't do it unhealthily (starving, putting off more than a recommended amount of weight per week) because
1) You'll be easier to put it back on
2) saggy skin
3) it's just unhealthy

Sabochan

My first time posting but I had to respond ^^

I do understand where your friend is coming from. A lot of people have that 'quick fix' mentality but don't seem to understand that it can be so detrimental to your mental and physical faculties. I used to want a quick fix when I was younger, but deep down I knew it would never work! We all know that weight lost slowly is harder to gain back in the long term, but desperation makes us do crazy things. I remember when I was 18, I survived for a week on 400 calories a day, which looking back, I shudder at. Obviously it didn't take me long to figure out that I couldn't keep it up in the long term.

I think there must be a reason why your friend is desperate for such fast weight loss, just ask her why she wants to lose it so fast. Once she responds, reason with her that the weight she might lose will only pile back on (double the amount) once she starts eating properly again. Tell her that you are being supportive by stopping her from doing something damaging to her health and that you are offering to help her so you can lose weight together e.g. exercise together, make healthy meals and calorie control together. I might make her realise that you are helping her, not deterring her from losing weight.

Right now, she's probably feeling desperate! Have you introduced her to this site? It might make a difference is she looks at the success stories; I know it did for me!

Also, scales are the devil. Measurements are the way to go.

I hope this helps :-)

BigBoneSista

Like others have said she has to want to do it the right way.

I think all of us a one time in our lives were looking for a quick fix or something that could assist us with a faster weight loss. Whether it was a pill, a piece of equipment or a fad diet....we all gave it a look or even bought in to it. She has to learn as we all did that those things aren't going to work the way we want them to. They aren't going to have long term lasting results or they might not even work at all.

You just be there to be supportive in her efforts to lose weight. I wouldn't even make suggestions unless she ask. Work out together and lead by the example you set. Let your results from doing it the correct way speak for you.

christina0089

2 phrases, Crash diet and Lifestyle change...

Your friend is looking for a quick fix and because of that she is willing to crash diet and in the long run is most likely just setting herself up for a series of yo-yo dieting and dissapointment.

unfortunatley not everyone can love themselves enough to commit to themselves and make that long term change.
instead they love the look good fast, do it at any cost -moment which is what it is.. a moment.. and will most likely come and go just as the weight will..

This can be attributed to two things one she just plain doesn't know any better or two she don't care one way or the other..
if it's the first option then you can probably help her, with your education and expierence she will benefit greatly.
but if its option two you probably are going to have to let her learn for herself..

Being star struck doesn't help... I would mention to her that the celebrity diets go deeper than drinking lemonade for a month or eating protein like its going out of style.. its also combined with intense work outs with pro trainers and alot of photo shopping and film editing.. and you can't edit life! So good luck to your friend,sounds like shes going to need it!

Sadly we can't always help the ones we care about no matter how much we want to..

ChristineM1953

I am 57 and have tried them all. It doesn't work. She will lose the weight and then after she starts to eat again, she will gain it back. I am sure you can't tell her otherwise, but from experience I know that "Nothing Fast Will Ever Last".

donicagalek

Atkins, but I stayed at under 20g of carbs a day for two months. Lost about 50-60 pounds AND went crazy. I was literally crying because I wanted a bagel.

Once I went on an expired dairy product binge for a week in hopes that I would get food poisoning to drop some pounds. :blushing:

Sometimes you just need a quick fix to show yourself that weight loss is possible. When your friend's plans fail and she gains it back tell her something like, "I'm glad you got to experience you at X pounds. Want to go back permanently?"

sarahliftsUP

I don't have time to watch the scale yo yo me around. I need this weight to happen and fast.

Does she know that all of these diets are only going to add to that yo-yoing? Does she expect to eat like this for the rest of her life? Because once she stops, whatever option she choses to do, the weight she lost will only come back on.

Yes, it's hard work to lose weight but if you do it the right way and the hard way, it stays off for good! You need to change your habits to what is comfortable in your lifestyle so you can continue to follow through with them for the rest of your life. Otherwise, you will be constantly losing weight but only temporarily.

KelliH729

with my weight loss people ask me what I do and when I tell them watch my calories, hard work , sweat, tears, they get discouraged. people want a easy out. I think you done all you can. you gave your advice, point of views if your friend does not want to listen and do it her own way, then there's not much you can do. you can disagree with her choices but support her in other ways. like going to the gym or walking, riding bikes together.

Same here!!! At the middle of January I weighed 160, right now, I weigh 147. When people ask me how I am losing it I tell them I attribute it to 2 major things, "Zumba and cutting out soda". I am now expanding on my cardio and including the elliptical and running.

I was the same way...I wanted the quick fix and when I would have people tell me they lost weight by hard work and eating right I just did not want to hear that. I wanted to hear that they did it with that magic pill...lol. I finally realized though earlier this year that you have to REALLY want it in order to change. You have to want to change everything in order to get in shape and get healthy. I just finally decided I was ready to take that step.

LYNNPETTY93

Thank You all. My friend has been on a host of diets, and has taken a load of pills to lose weight in the past.
She's 5'7 and does not really need to lose 60 pounds, but she won't to lose 60 because of her 180 pound status.
I think she looks good, and is in great shape. Just got a few pounds to lose, but 60 is too many pound to lose.

Anyway, I called her this morning and told her. I'll help her in the right way like I help everyone else, but I can't support the fad diet. I've done a few myself "years" ago and I can't step in the path of this... I try to stay far away from it. I don't even like those quick weight loss post that are on these weight loss sites, but that's them. Not me! So I told her.. Do it her way, but don't look for my support in the poor diets scams..

I even used a few of your words to her.. Asked her some questions, and she was like. Dont you won't me to look good for the summer. HELL! Don't you want to live to see the summer.

Lisa my friend said.. It won't last. Let her do it her way, and then we will listen to her B and cry when it all comes back double time. But I don't won't that for my friend. I won't her to beat this the healthy way. Not the fad way, but she's grown and has her on way of thinking... I have to let it be .. It is what it is..

LYNNPETTY93

Atkins, but I stayed at under 20g of carbs a day for two months. Lost about 50-60 pounds AND went crazy. I was literally crying because I wanted a bagel.

Once I went on an expired dairy product binge for a week in hopes that I would get food poisoning to drop some pounds. :blushing:

Sometimes you just need a quick fix to show yourself that weight loss is possible. When your friend's plans fail and she gains it back tell her something like, "I'm glad you got to experience you at X pounds. Want to go back permanently?"

She did the atkins too.. And gain back her weight and then an extra 10 pounds. This is funny, because she would not be in this boat if she would have listen to me the first time around. We were at the gym 3 days a week together and meeting up with my friend Lisa at the track, and she is a track coach and she was running us with the boys and girls.. Pushing us to move the weight and running us through the drills of cardio fitness last year.. And I lost 20 pounds in 40 days. Training hard with her group of high school track stars and doing everything, and what kept me going was the girls and the boys asking. Ms Lynn, how much did you weigh this week. They thought I was an inspiration, but she didn't feel like one. My quick weight loss "friend".
She just wants that quick fix, and a super models waist line.. AH! It will happen, when she start doing the work. Until then.. She's going to crash and burn and be happy with the weight loss, but upset with the crash.. It's been going on for years.. But to ask me to support her in it.. Fix it so it's doable for her.. AH! I think not.. I can't help with that right there.. Just can't do it.
She'll learn..

LYNNPETTY93

with my weight loss people ask me what I do and when I tell them watch my calories, hard work , sweat, tears, they get discouraged. people want a easy out. I think you done all you can. you gave your advice, point of views if your friend does not want to listen and do it her own way, then there's not much you can do. you can disagree with her choices but support her in other ways. like going to the gym or walking, riding bikes together.

They don't want to do the work. They are all for the quick fixes..
You see.. It's easy to sit around and gain the weight, no exercise in gaining it.. and they also think they can lose it the same way they gain it.. Sitting on A** doing nothing, and eating this x amount of calories and doing nothings is going to make it happen.
I had one friend who said. If I eat 10 grams of fat fat per day.. I'm thinking I can lose 2 pounds per week. I said. What are you going to eat, because ranch has 7 grams of fat. And that's a far cry for weight loss.. She goes. OH it just has a few bugs in it. I'll work it out.. Crashed and burned on day 2... So many people look for that quick fix, and I was one 17 years ago, and after 10 years of mistakes and failures.. I went on a 7 year journey of dusting off and getting back on the horse until it stuck...

pyro13g

Number 1 is the only healthy move in her plan. nothing wrong that protein level. She can buffer it with fat too. She is obviously try to enter ketosis which is actually a good strategy to try and dump that much weight.

The rest will just make her malnourished. We all already know how this ends. In failure measured in many ways.

mkcalvert

I don't understand the quick fix mentality. Being healthy is about having a healthy lifestyle. Yo yo dieting doesn't help anyone.

I will be honest and say...I WANT a quick fix...My body is fine except for I have stupid belly fat that I wish would just disappear!! I'm on MFP bc I finally understand after years of being fat/thin off and on that I just want to be healthy too...BUT I WOULD BE NICE TO NOT HAVE THIS BELLY IMMEDIATELY

LYNNPETTY93

Pyro13g, I do understand the pros and cons on entering into a ketosis state, and it has some side effects.. "some" and she has picked her diet with the help of a friend. I just didn't want to be the one she blames when everything pans out. Now that she is all happy about the choice.. And that is "1"... I'm sure she will see some weight loss, but I pray its not a heavy drop of weight loss, and the advice from the "trainer" who is a track coach our friend will take her all the way to her weight loss goal of 60 pounds in 180 days. Some people can talk people into another direction.. I just don't know how when it comes to my friends.. But we are okay.

Mkcalvert, Yeah! I had the quick fix blues and ups and downs from quick fix diets.. Also I had sparked a thyroid issue from doing them over the years. Making my thyroid slugglish, and I was trying to explain those things to my friend..Only to be called an hater. But I'm sure we will be okay. I just wish her the best of luck, and she bet me dollar for dollar for pound. Asking me to shake on it..
I don't think so, because I don't want this to become more personal than it already is.. It's personal with me to lose weight. I don't want it to become personal with a "friend"...

eeeekie

Response to her...

I cannot support your decision and I would just like to tell you that after you lose it (if your crazy unhealthy plan works) you WILL gain it back. It's not a forever change and you will gain it back and more. It's better to lose it slowly and healthily and create forever change than to do these unhealthy quick fixes because that's all they really are...quick fixes. Good luck.