I am seriously starting to hate my husband, help!

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laurenk182004
laurenk182004 Posts: 1,882 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
on second thought..forget it..wouldn't want to offend anyone
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  • laurenk182004
    laurenk182004 Posts: 1,882 Member
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    on second thought..forget it..wouldn't want to offend anyone
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
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    I don't have any advice. I've hit the same slump. I'm taking solace I'm not the only one. :brokenheart:
  • lotusfromthemud
    lotusfromthemud Posts: 5,335 Member
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    Whoa.

    If the drinking is a major issue in this, perhaps you should look for an Al-Anon support group? (for friends and families of alcoholics)

    Otherwise, sometime when we start to make positive choices in our lives, and somebody close to us continues to make bad ones. . .it can be very polarizing.

    Prayers in your direction.:flowerforyou:
  • xmimikinsx
    xmimikinsx Posts: 191
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    Perhaps your first problem is that you'd rather confide in 1000's on strangers than him - - - ??? Communication meltdown. I suggest the best thing you do is talk how you're feeling through with him.
  • laurenk182004
    laurenk182004 Posts: 1,882 Member
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    thanks..and sorry again for coming out with something that is so personal, but I need help with this :(
  • TNTPete
    TNTPete Posts: 701 Member
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    This happened with my ex...
    TMI I know
    But, same stuff... he was drinking and the alcohol bit just become too much and it turned our relationship completely...

    I don't have any pearls of wisdom but maybe AlAnon is where you should start...
  • mlillie
    mlillie Posts: 302
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    I also suggest a really good counselor for yourself. Someone to help guide you through what seem to be some tough times indeed. When my marriage was going through a difficult time- we went to counseling as a couple but I had my own as well and I found it to be such a good experience for me on a personal level which only made me a stronger person for my relationship. I cannot recommend it enough!
  • Skittles6617
    Skittles6617 Posts: 247 Member
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    I have never had to worry about my husband drinking, thank goodness. But when my first child was born we went through a VERY rough time for about ayear and it was mainly because he was no help to me, it seemed like he didn't care about us, he was so mean all the time and just was very angry and wanted to be with his friends all the time. I did reach a point where I knew I didn't love him anymore and it was very hard to just walk by hiim in a room. We were room mates basically and all I needed from him was his paycheck. I finally sat him down one day and told him exactly how I felt and what needed to change. I did however have to show him how serious I was and I left one night. I had to pray desperately everyday to GOD to give me that love back that I once had for my husband and it was a process. It did not happen over night. But looking back, it has now been 10 years, there were alot of circumstances that was causing our stress and we didn't realize it. New baby in the family, he was at a new job on night shift, we were young, etc etc etc. We had to learn how to deal to each other's strengths and weaknessess and do it with respect. It can be done. You have to remember what made you fall in love in the first place with him. And he needs to do the same. Everyone changes and you have to learn to adapt but marriage is give and take on both sides, or it doesn't work. Looking back, I would do it again, to have what I have now. Hang in there, you have to date nights, you have to leave love notes, you have to KEEP doing little things just like when you were dating. You will be in my prayers. :flowerforyou:
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
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    Hey hun! I am sorry you are going through such a hard time.

    I do think that you are coming to a point in your life where you have had enough. You are making changes for the better for YOUR life and your husband continues to make bad decisions and that behavior can definitely push you away.

    I guess you just need to figure out what is going on in your head. If you think there is a chance to feel close to him again (based on changes made BY him), then there is a chance and you can see if he will be willing to make those changes. If you think it's too late to feel close to him again, then you need to go from there.

    You are too young to live your life with someone you are disgusted to even touch. However, with concern for your daughter and family, if there is even the tiniest chance that you can feel close to him again, then it is worth a shot. Only you can decide that for sure!

    Take care!!!!!! I am here for you whenever you need me.

    HUGS!!:flowerforyou:
    -Tam
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
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    AL-ANON!!!! Please. It is so simple.. so hard...It works.

    It saved my life. Literally. I had 3 small children, my mom had just died, my brothers best friend died (DUI), and my hubby was insane.

    Well turned out so was I.

    It is not a bunch of woman sitting around complaining, I swear. And if for some reason the group you sit in on is like this-run! Go to another meeting. I did-the 2nd group was supportive and the info is so simple, yet life altering.

    Please. It is free. Just try it.
  • laurenk182004
    laurenk182004 Posts: 1,882 Member
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    thanks again everyone...I am embaressed that I posted that. I shouldn't have posted it in a public way, but thanks for you guys' input, I appreciate it
  • mlillie
    mlillie Posts: 302
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    No need to be embarrassed- seriously. It is so helpful sometimes to get feedback from people who dont know you and you wont run in to on the street. I really miss having a good group of girlfriends that I trust with stuff like this. I dont have any right now and it is missed.

    Hang in there and take good care of yourself. Looks like you have a pretty little girl who is gonna look up to you and I bet she would want her mama happy and healthy- inside and out!
  • tashjs21
    tashjs21 Posts: 4,584 Member
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    I did not see what you had posted before, but please never apologize for reaching out for help. We need help with certain things and should not feel weak for asking for it.
    As for confiding in "strangers"...we are a family here and sometimes the person that you need to talk to, is the one person you can't until you build up that strength and get support to do so. So please please please do not feel bad or down on yourself for asking for help. Everyone needs it at some point.
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
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    Perhaps your first problem is that you'd rather confide in 1000's on strangers than him - - - ??? Communication meltdown. I suggest the best thing you do is talk how you're feeling through with him.

    I think since this is a place for support, that it is okay. There have been many times that I have had to get advice from others concerning my husband before I actually sat down and talked to him so that I didn't totally overreact.

    Lauren, we are here to support you. Please don't feel bad about posting here. I didn't get a chance to read your thread, but I hope you can find some happiness.
  • gabi_ele
    gabi_ele Posts: 460 Member
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    on second thought..forget it..wouldn't want to offend anyone
    I am not easily offendet, most of the stuff is been there done that:happy: I have been married for 28 years and if someone asked me what I would do different I would say put my foot down a lot earlier. It seems to me that most of the husbands have no clue that their marridge is in trouble untill they get the divorce papers handet to them, and I'm speaking from experience , I expected him to read my thoughts or understand my feelings without explaining. Men are not wired like women, they think different and feel things differently. Wait till he is in a good mood, start out with some praise or a comliment, and make it all about the way you feel , don't blame him or he will shut down quicker then you can say clam.
    Since you didn't elaborate there is not much better advice I can give you but feel free to email me....
  • Skittles6617
    Skittles6617 Posts: 247 Member
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    I totally agree with gabi_ele. And don't ever feel bad or embarrassed for needing help. I am sure everyone here would agree with me when I say....I would rather you express yourself and ask for help than keep it in and do something drastic later.
  • laurenk182004
    laurenk182004 Posts: 1,882 Member
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    Thanks again..I erased my original post because of a comment that made me feel it was silly of me to post in the first place.
    Basically it said that I am feeling unhappy with my marriage, and that my husband drinks too much and I don't want him to touch me...lol I toned it down just a hair.
    You guys have made me feel better, not about my marriage, but about myself. It feels good to have so many people, all be it "strangers" who care enough to take the time to write and give me advice. It also makes me feel better to know that people have gone through what I am going through and still managed to stay married! I'm glad there is hope. I guess I will need to talk to Bob AGAIN...maybe I can get through to him if I am a little more "To the point" about things, instead of worrying about hurting his feelings or making him mad.
    I'll keep you guys posted...I have a feeling I'll need to vent after our little chat.
    :heart: Lauren (really wanting a smoke)
  • laurenk182004
    laurenk182004 Posts: 1,882 Member
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    woopsie, double posted :heart:
  • sculley
    sculley Posts: 2,012 Member
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    Don't be sorry hunny, if you can't confide in friends who can you confide in. I know you and I know you probably have already tried to talk to him.

    I unfortunately can't help you my darling, I go to my final divorce hearing tomorrow. I love you though and am thinking of you. Your a beautiful person
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
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    A few months after I had Lilliana, my husband kind of went through a weird stage. He would go out and hang out with his friends until all hours of the night. He doesn't drink, so I didn't worry about that, but I did worry about other things. I never thought he cheated or anything because if I called his friend's cell, he would always be there with him.

    I tried to talk to him. I tried to get him to understand. This lasted for a month by the way, and after that month I sent him a text message that said something like "I'm tired of this *kitten*. i want my flucking husband back."

    He came home and hasn't done that since. I don't know what it was, but I guess it was a wake-up call for him.

    I really hope you can get through to your husband ((hugs))

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