I am seriously starting to hate my husband, help!

laurenk182004

on second thought..forget it..wouldn't want to offend anyone

laurenk182004

on second thought..forget it..wouldn't want to offend anyone

Phoenix_Rising

I don't have any advice. I've hit the same slump. I'm taking solace I'm not the only one. :brokenheart:

lotusfromthemud

Whoa.

If the drinking is a major issue in this, perhaps you should look for an Al-Anon support group? (for friends and families of alcoholics)

Otherwise, sometime when we start to make positive choices in our lives, and somebody close to us continues to make bad ones. . .it can be very polarizing.

Prayers in your direction.:flowerforyou:

xmimikinsx

Perhaps your first problem is that you'd rather confide in 1000's on strangers than him - - - ??? Communication meltdown. I suggest the best thing you do is talk how you're feeling through with him.

laurenk182004

thanks..and sorry again for coming out with something that is so personal, but I need help with this

TNTPete

This happened with my ex...
TMI I know
But, same stuff... he was drinking and the alcohol bit just become too much and it turned our relationship completely...

I don't have any pearls of wisdom but maybe AlAnon is where you should start...

mlillie

I also suggest a really good counselor for yourself. Someone to help guide you through what seem to be some tough times indeed. When my marriage was going through a difficult time- we went to counseling as a couple but I had my own as well and I found it to be such a good experience for me on a personal level which only made me a stronger person for my relationship. I cannot recommend it enough!

Skittles6617

I have never had to worry about my husband drinking, thank goodness. But when my first child was born we went through a VERY rough time for about ayear and it was mainly because he was no help to me, it seemed like he didn't care about us, he was so mean all the time and just was very angry and wanted to be with his friends all the time. I did reach a point where I knew I didn't love him anymore and it was very hard to just walk by hiim in a room. We were room mates basically and all I needed from him was his paycheck. I finally sat him down one day and told him exactly how I felt and what needed to change. I did however have to show him how serious I was and I left one night. I had to pray desperately everyday to GOD to give me that love back that I once had for my husband and it was a process. It did not happen over night. But looking back, it has now been 10 years, there were alot of circumstances that was causing our stress and we didn't realize it. New baby in the family, he was at a new job on night shift, we were young, etc etc etc. We had to learn how to deal to each other's strengths and weaknessess and do it with respect. It can be done. You have to remember what made you fall in love in the first place with him. And he needs to do the same. Everyone changes and you have to learn to adapt but marriage is give and take on both sides, or it doesn't work. Looking back, I would do it again, to have what I have now. Hang in there, you have to date nights, you have to leave love notes, you have to KEEP doing little things just like when you were dating. You will be in my prayers. :flowerforyou:

TamTastic

Hey hun! I am sorry you are going through such a hard time.

I do think that you are coming to a point in your life where you have had enough. You are making changes for the better for YOUR life and your husband continues to make bad decisions and that behavior can definitely push you away.

I guess you just need to figure out what is going on in your head. If you think there is a chance to feel close to him again (based on changes made BY him), then there is a chance and you can see if he will be willing to make those changes. If you think it's too late to feel close to him again, then you need to go from there.

You are too young to live your life with someone you are disgusted to even touch. However, with concern for your daughter and family, if there is even the tiniest chance that you can feel close to him again, then it is worth a shot. Only you can decide that for sure!

Take care!!!!!! I am here for you whenever you need me.

HUGS!!:flowerforyou:
-Tam

arewethereyet

AL-ANON!!!! Please. It is so simple.. so hard...It works.

It saved my life. Literally. I had 3 small children, my mom had just died, my brothers best friend died (DUI), and my hubby was insane.

Well turned out so was I.

It is not a bunch of woman sitting around complaining, I swear. And if for some reason the group you sit in on is like this-run! Go to another meeting. I did-the 2nd group was supportive and the info is so simple, yet life altering.

Please. It is free. Just try it.

laurenk182004

thanks again everyone...I am embaressed that I posted that. I shouldn't have posted it in a public way, but thanks for you guys' input, I appreciate it

mlillie

No need to be embarrassed- seriously. It is so helpful sometimes to get feedback from people who dont know you and you wont run in to on the street. I really miss having a good group of girlfriends that I trust with stuff like this. I dont have any right now and it is missed.

Hang in there and take good care of yourself. Looks like you have a pretty little girl who is gonna look up to you and I bet she would want her mama happy and healthy- inside and out!

tashjs21

I did not see what you had posted before, but please never apologize for reaching out for help. We need help with certain things and should not feel weak for asking for it.
As for confiding in "strangers"...we are a family here and sometimes the person that you need to talk to, is the one person you can't until you build up that strength and get support to do so. So please please please do not feel bad or down on yourself for asking for help. Everyone needs it at some point.

lina1131

Perhaps your first problem is that you'd rather confide in 1000's on strangers than him - - - ??? Communication meltdown. I suggest the best thing you do is talk how you're feeling through with him.

I think since this is a place for support, that it is okay. There have been many times that I have had to get advice from others concerning my husband before I actually sat down and talked to him so that I didn't totally overreact.

Lauren, we are here to support you. Please don't feel bad about posting here. I didn't get a chance to read your thread, but I hope you can find some happiness.

gabi_ele

on second thought..forget it..wouldn't want to offend anyone

I am not easily offendet, most of the stuff is been there done that:happy: I have been married for 28 years and if someone asked me what I would do different I would say put my foot down a lot earlier. It seems to me that most of the husbands have no clue that their marridge is in trouble untill they get the divorce papers handet to them, and I'm speaking from experience , I expected him to read my thoughts or understand my feelings without explaining. Men are not wired like women, they think different and feel things differently. Wait till he is in a good mood, start out with some praise or a comliment, and make it all about the way you feel , don't blame him or he will shut down quicker then you can say clam.
Since you didn't elaborate there is not much better advice I can give you but feel free to email me....

Skittles6617

I totally agree with gabi_ele. And don't ever feel bad or embarrassed for needing help. I am sure everyone here would agree with me when I say....I would rather you express yourself and ask for help than keep it in and do something drastic later.

laurenk182004

Thanks again..I erased my original post because of a comment that made me feel it was silly of me to post in the first place.
Basically it said that I am feeling unhappy with my marriage, and that my husband drinks too much and I don't want him to touch me...lol I toned it down just a hair.
You guys have made me feel better, not about my marriage, but about myself. It feels good to have so many people, all be it "strangers" who care enough to take the time to write and give me advice. It also makes me feel better to know that people have gone through what I am going through and still managed to stay married! I'm glad there is hope. I guess I will need to talk to Bob AGAIN...maybe I can get through to him if I am a little more "To the point" about things, instead of worrying about hurting his feelings or making him mad.
I'll keep you guys posted...I have a feeling I'll need to vent after our little chat.
Lauren (really wanting a smoke)

laurenk182004

woopsie, double posted

sculley

Don't be sorry hunny, if you can't confide in friends who can you confide in. I know you and I know you probably have already tried to talk to him.

I unfortunately can't help you my darling, I go to my final divorce hearing tomorrow. I love you though and am thinking of you. Your a beautiful person

lina1131

A few months after I had Lilliana, my husband kind of went through a weird stage. He would go out and hang out with his friends until all hours of the night. He doesn't drink, so I didn't worry about that, but I did worry about other things. I never thought he cheated or anything because if I called his friend's cell, he would always be there with him.

I tried to talk to him. I tried to get him to understand. This lasted for a month by the way, and after that month I sent him a text message that said something like "I'm tired of this *kitten*. i want my flucking husband back."

He came home and hasn't done that since. I don't know what it was, but I guess it was a wake-up call for him.

I really hope you can get through to your husband ((hugs))

laurenk182004

Don't be sorry hunny, if you can't confide in friends who can you confide in. I know you and I know you probably have already tried to talk to him.

I unfortunately can't help you my darling, I go to my final divorce hearing tomorrow. I love you though and am thinking of you. Your a beautiful person

Thanks hun, love you too. You are such a good friend

ali106

okay first....when a person is in a marriage in theory you should be able to talk w/ your spouse and communicate well, but when drugs and or alcohol are involved all bets off...its not always the easiest thing to do especially when you have a young child and feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders....so Lauren my sweet I'd have done the same thing...come to my friends here for help...we are your friends too btw...family actually like others have said....at least I feel that way!

I think only you will know how you'll feel about your hub after you see him make changes for the better, it may not be too late...but I know from experience resentment leads to disgust and that's not good...BUT it can be rectified in some cases...especially when you see the man you married return to the man you married.....there is always hope....don't totally give up yet...but realize that your feelings are valid...so don't feel bad about it....think of if it were you and not him doing this...how would he feel say if you were a mom who didn't care for his child, prefered to drink all the time, not clean or care for her family...he'd be livid...so you have every right to feel like that honey....and also every right to tell him....as I suggested before to you..maybe a letter...I know I do my best talking in print LOL...sigh...

Al anon or therapy would be a really good idea for you too honey....I hate to think of you feeling alone like that....if you ever need me I messaged you my number....call me anytime honey...well...I'm thinking of ya, rooting for ya and praying for ya...all while I am lovin' ya kiddo!

big hugs!
Ali :flowerforyou:

Healthier_Me

THE BIGGEST HUG LA-LA!

Honey... you always have to be straight to the point with me.. they just don't get sometimes!
I think you should have someone watch Taylor one night, you and hubbz go out somewhere quiet and have a talk. Make rules... when one is talking, the other stays shut.. no if ands or buts, noone can walk away, no yelling...... And after all is said and done, give eachother a hug no matter what (even if you're pissed off). You guys will see why you're married.

I love you sweets.
Keep your head up!

~Jo Jo:flowerforyou:

greysweatshirt

Don't feel bad about posting your feelings on here. I find that it helps me to get the emotions off my chest before I try to bring it up because I won't be such a "hot head" about it. It gives you a chance to vent some of that off and you can have a much better conversation with the one actually involved. I hope that you are able to talk to him and that you can work things out together. I've been through a few ups and downs in my relationship in the last few months and a real, honest conversation is the best way to go. Best of luck!

laurenk182004

Well again, thankyou! I have taken your advice jojo and I asked Bob if he wants to go out to dinner tonight or something, I told him that I'm unhappy with the way things are. He didn't really seem tot know what to say. I figure maybe if we are out somewhere I'll be able to control my emotions and not blubber like I have been all morning. So, now I have a headache. I've gotta stop reading u guys' replies, (especially you ALI!) because everytime I sit back down to the computer I start bawling again!
I love you guys! Wish me luck on not humiliating myself in public tonight

lina1131

Well again, thankyou! I have taken your advice jojo and I asked Bob if he wants to go out to dinner tonight or something, I told him that I'm unhappy with the way things are. He didn't really seem tot know what to say. I figure maybe if we are out somewhere I'll be able to control my emotions and not blubber like I have been all morning. So, now I have a headache. I've gotta stop reading u guys' replies, (especially you ALI!) because everytime I sit back down to the computer I start bawling again!
I love you guys! Wish me luck on not humiliating myself in public tonight

Good luck and you will do just fine. ((hugs))

gabi_ele

I was just thinking about you over lunch and since I have a little more information let me PLAY psycholigist(sp?:grumble: )
I might be way off but let's just see: from your profile it looks your husband is older then you, he is proud to have a pretty young wife and he is happy and loves her. Along comes a new baby and it is making his life perfect... now the changes start to happen, for one you are busy with the baby and you are starting to loose weight, other people are giving you compliments and your self esteem is getting to a healthier level. Maybe he is feeling a little anxiety, you don't have as much time anymore for him and he is starting to worry, so he grabs a beer or two or three. Now you are getting upset because he is drinking too much and he feels like you don't care anymore, so he drinks more and youre getting more upset and start to withdraw.....there is a visious cycle forming and if you keep going this way , soon there will be nothing to repair.
Something I have learned is that love is an action word, not a feeling. I don't know enough to tell you what to do, I can tell you what I would do and you just take it from there. First I would find things you like about him, what attracted you to him, why did you marry him? is he good to you and your child?Start telling him that you still love him, find something to make him feel good about. Then get a babysitter and take your husband out for dinner, a romantic weekend or just a nice walk. Tell him all the things you love him for and finish with I am really concerned about your drinking, I would like to help you if I can.... or whatever you think you could get across why you want him to change. That way the ball is in his corner and he has a choice... I wish you all the blessings and hope this helps.
Disclaimer: this is my personal oppinion it is like belly bottons we all have them , no animals were harmed during this analysis and if you don't take my advise I will still like you:smooched:

peej76

I know how you feel, I've posted some personal stuff before, and felt kinda wierd about it, until I read everyone's supportive replies, things'll work out, they always do! Thoughts and prayers:flowerforyou:

kimber607

((HUGS))
Don't feel bad/silly
This is a great group of people...

For me anything labeled OT goes in this forum
If you're insulted/bothered...don't read it or respond

I can certainly understand how sometimes it is easier to post on a board like this, then to talk to close family/friends about such a sensitive/personal issue

Good luck to you..be strong for you and your family and I hope it all works out
Kim

crazybigchick

Sometimes a place like this is the best place to discuss relationship problems. Friends can hold grudges against our signifigant others or be judgemental. (Well at least mine do) They only want what is best for us but life is easier if everyone you hang out with doesn't know all your problems. This is a great place to get support.

Good luck tonight! I am sure you will do just fine. Sometimes more alone time as a couple can really help remind you of who you fell in love with and why.