I am seriously starting to hate my husband, help!

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2

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  • laurenk182004
    laurenk182004 Posts: 1,882 Member
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    Don't be sorry hunny, if you can't confide in friends who can you confide in. I know you and I know you probably have already tried to talk to him.

    I unfortunately can't help you my darling, I go to my final divorce hearing tomorrow. I love you though and am thinking of you. Your a beautiful person

    Thanks hun, love you too. You are such a good friend :)
  • ali106
    ali106 Posts: 3,754 Member
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    okay first....when a person is in a marriage in theory you should be able to talk w/ your spouse and communicate well, but when drugs and or alcohol are involved all bets off...its not always the easiest thing to do especially when you have a young child and feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders....so Lauren my sweet I'd have done the same thing...come to my friends here for help...we are your friends too btw...family actually like others have said....at least I feel that way!

    I think only you will know how you'll feel about your hub after you see him make changes for the better, it may not be too late...but I know from experience resentment leads to disgust and that's not good...BUT it can be rectified in some cases...especially when you see the man you married return to the man you married.....there is always hope....don't totally give up yet...but realize that your feelings are valid...so don't feel bad about it....think of if it were you and not him doing this...how would he feel say if you were a mom who didn't care for his child, prefered to drink all the time, not clean or care for her family...he'd be livid...so you have every right to feel like that honey....and also every right to tell him....as I suggested before to you..maybe a letter...I know I do my best talking in print LOL...sigh...

    Al anon or therapy would be a really good idea for you too honey....I hate to think of you feeling alone like that....if you ever need me I messaged you my number....call me anytime honey...well...I'm thinking of ya, rooting for ya and praying for ya...all while I am lovin' ya kiddo!

    big hugs!
    Ali :flowerforyou:
  • Healthier_Me
    Healthier_Me Posts: 5,600 Member
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    THE BIGGEST HUG LA-LA!

    Honey... you always have to be straight to the point with me.. they just don't get sometimes!
    I think you should have someone watch Taylor one night, you and hubbz go out somewhere quiet and have a talk. Make rules... when one is talking, the other stays shut.. no if ands or buts, noone can walk away, no yelling...... And after all is said and done, give eachother a hug no matter what (even if you're pissed off). You guys will see why you're married.

    I love you sweets.
    Keep your head up!

    ~Jo Jo:flowerforyou:
  • greysweatshirt
    greysweatshirt Posts: 411
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    Don't feel bad about posting your feelings on here. I find that it helps me to get the emotions off my chest before I try to bring it up because I won't be such a "hot head" about it. It gives you a chance to vent some of that off and you can have a much better conversation with the one actually involved. I hope that you are able to talk to him and that you can work things out together. I've been through a few ups and downs in my relationship in the last few months and a real, honest conversation is the best way to go. Best of luck!
  • laurenk182004
    laurenk182004 Posts: 1,882 Member
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    Well again, thankyou! I have taken your advice jojo and I asked Bob if he wants to go out to dinner tonight or something, I told him that I'm unhappy with the way things are. He didn't really seem tot know what to say. I figure maybe if we are out somewhere I'll be able to control my emotions and not blubber like I have been all morning. So, now I have a headache. I've gotta stop reading u guys' replies, (especially you ALI!) because everytime I sit back down to the computer I start bawling again!
    I love you guys! Wish me luck on not humiliating myself in public tonight
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
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    Well again, thankyou! I have taken your advice jojo and I asked Bob if he wants to go out to dinner tonight or something, I told him that I'm unhappy with the way things are. He didn't really seem tot know what to say. I figure maybe if we are out somewhere I'll be able to control my emotions and not blubber like I have been all morning. So, now I have a headache. I've gotta stop reading u guys' replies, (especially you ALI!) because everytime I sit back down to the computer I start bawling again!
    I love you guys! Wish me luck on not humiliating myself in public tonight

    Good luck and you will do just fine. ((hugs))
  • gabi_ele
    gabi_ele Posts: 460 Member
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    I was just thinking about you over lunch and since I have a little more information let me PLAY psycholigist(sp?:grumble: )
    I might be way off but let's just see: from your profile it looks your husband is older then you, he is proud to have a pretty young wife and he is happy and loves her. Along comes a new baby and it is making his life perfect... now the changes start to happen, for one you are busy with the baby and you are starting to loose weight, other people are giving you compliments and your self esteem is getting to a healthier level. Maybe he is feeling a little anxiety, you don't have as much time anymore for him and he is starting to worry, so he grabs a beer or two or three. Now you are getting upset because he is drinking too much and he feels like you don't care anymore, so he drinks more and youre getting more upset and start to withdraw.....there is a visious cycle forming and if you keep going this way , soon there will be nothing to repair.
    Something I have learned is that love is an action word, not a feeling. I don't know enough to tell you what to do, I can tell you what I would do and you just take it from there. First I would find things you like about him, what attracted you to him, why did you marry him? is he good to you and your child?Start telling him that you still love him, find something to make him feel good about. Then get a babysitter and take your husband out for dinner, a romantic weekend or just a nice walk. Tell him all the things you love him for and finish with I am really concerned about your drinking, I would like to help you if I can.... or whatever you think you could get across why you want him to change. That way the ball is in his corner and he has a choice... I wish you all the blessings and hope this helps.
    Disclaimer: this is my personal oppinion it is like belly bottons we all have them , no animals were harmed during this analysis and if you don't take my advise I will still like you:smooched:
  • peej76
    peej76 Posts: 1,250 Member
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    I know how you feel, I've posted some personal stuff before, and felt kinda wierd about it, until I read everyone's supportive replies, things'll work out, they always do! Thoughts and prayers:flowerforyou:
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
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    ((HUGS))
    Don't feel bad/silly
    This is a great group of people...

    For me anything labeled OT goes in this forum
    If you're insulted/bothered...don't read it or respond

    I can certainly understand how sometimes it is easier to post on a board like this, then to talk to close family/friends about such a sensitive/personal issue

    Good luck to you..be strong for you and your family and I hope it all works out
    Kim
  • crazybigchick
    crazybigchick Posts: 245
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    Sometimes a place like this is the best place to discuss relationship problems. Friends can hold grudges against our signifigant others or be judgemental. (Well at least mine do) They only want what is best for us but life is easier if everyone you hang out with doesn't know all your problems. This is a great place to get support.

    Good luck tonight! I am sure you will do just fine. Sometimes more alone time as a couple can really help remind you of who you fell in love with and why.
  • laurenk182004
    laurenk182004 Posts: 1,882 Member
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    Well, dinner is off :( We got into a huge fight and now we're not doing much talking at all, let alone conversing over a romantic dinner. We're both just pretending nothing happened, but avoiding eachother as well. This is how it always happend, and I just wind up letting it go until the next time, and then it happens all over again. I am so tired of it! I still have no idea what to do. He is so hard to talk to, he just gets angry and leaves for a couple hours, and then gets mad if I bring it up again...grrr, not fun
  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
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    I missed the original post Lauren, and it seemed like you didn't want anyone else to know, so I haven't read the responses to find out.

    I just want you to know that I love you like a little sister, and that I'm here to talk if you ever need it.

    Hugs.jpg
  • natalie424
    natalie424 Posts: 320
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    Lauren, I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time. I am keeping you in my thoughts. :flowerforyou:
  • littlebird
    littlebird Posts: 14
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    You will be ok. Really. I haven't been on here long, but from your post you sound like a very strong, capable person. You will be ok. That's important to remember.

    I watched my MIL go through a LOT in the years that I knew her. I did not understand it at the time, but I saw her care for my FIL lovingly, daily. As if he were a child, but with the utmost respect. I was incredulous. I had never seen or heard of anyone honor their husband in such a way.

    Read Ephesians 5:22 and 23 in the New Testament. Pray! Do your part, but do not worry about him fulfilling his part. He won't right away. The LORD will restore what the locust has eaten.

    Bless you in your time of troubles.
  • Healthier_Me
    Healthier_Me Posts: 5,600 Member
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    Well, dinner is off :( We got into a huge fight and now we're not doing much talking at all, let alone conversing over a romantic dinner. We're both just pretending nothing happened, but avoiding eachother as well. This is how it always happend, and I just wind up letting it go until the next time, and then it happens all over again. I am so tired of it! I still have no idea what to do. He is so hard to talk to, he just gets angry and leaves for a couple hours, and then gets mad if I bring it up again...grrr, not fun
    I'm sorry it didn't work out honey:cry: You've done all you can so now it's time for him to do his part.... just my 2 cents *shrugs*

    I'm always logged on to my myspace IM (hidden) so if you wanna talk or just went, type away sweets.

    Love you to pieces.
    Just take care of yourself and Taylor.
    HUGGERZ

    ~Jo Jo:flowerforyou:
  • Healthier_Me
    Healthier_Me Posts: 5,600 Member
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    Read Ephesians 5:22 and 23 in the New Testament. Pray! Do your part, but do not worry about him fulfilling his part. He won't right away. The LORD will restore what the locust has eaten.

    Bless you in your time of troubles.

    I love this and I thank you.


    ~Joanna:flowerforyou:
  • laurenk182004
    laurenk182004 Posts: 1,882 Member
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    Well...we did wind up going to dinner afterall...late, but we went. We were having a nice time and pleasant conversation, so I didn't bring anything up. It sucks because it doesn't seem like there is EVER a good time to talk about the drinking thing. If I bring it up he gets aggravated...so I never bring it up until; all of a sudden something ignorant flies out of my mouth and we fight and yada yada yada. So, I don't know. I mean...sometimes I feel like we are just living seperate lives and I'm a lonely single mom, which is ridiculous I know. Maybe things will get better again when he is home full time in the fall. It's weird though, alot of the time even while he is home I feel like we're roomates, or I'm his freakin nanny or something. Anyways...I guess what I'm saying is things will either get worse or get better, I really feel like I am trying as hard as I possibly can, and I'm doing my part to keep our marriage intact. I have no intention of leaving him at this point, but he needs to start doing his part too and trying a little harder to be a good husband and friend. I'm sorry I erupted this all over everyone today, I was just a wreck this morning and feeling depressed and a little irrational, and I needed my MFP buddies to make me feel better. You guys helped me so much today. Thankyou again everyone from the bottom of my heart :heart: Love you guys!
  • rosabella
    rosabella Posts: 194 Member
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    In my prayers. :heart:
  • jlwhelan1
    jlwhelan1 Posts: 664
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    After having just (barely) come through a bunch of stuff with my DH of a dozen years I feel for you.
    I don't know that I have any advice other than to listen to your heart. Figure out clearly in your mind what you want. Communicate clearly and (if at all possible) calmly what you want, need, and expect from a spouse. We are still hashing through things after six months, but its much much much better.

    Going to talk to someone or joining a group will help you with all that you have to sort through.

    I don't know ya but I'm sending you a big ol hug and hoping your journey to healing the marriage is brief and smooth.
  • age1389
    age1389 Posts: 1,160 Member
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    I really hope things work out for the best:flowerforyou:


    -Adrienne:heart:

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