200 pounds to lose, but a smile on my face

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macnatty24
macnatty24 Posts: 8
in Introduce Yourself
Hello,

I am an almost 35-year-old (my birthday is Tuesday), divorced librarian. I have been overweight my entire life, starting when I was just a little kid. I have lost major pounds (95 once, and 48 another time) twice in my life, and this time I have to do it for good. I have a lot to lose....

* I have cardiomyopathy, which is a heart condition that causes heart failure, and have for 7 years now. I know I"m killing myself much more quickly by being so overweight, even though the cause of the condition is unknown.
* I want a baby more than anything in the world. My heart doctor told me I could have a baby if my cardiomyopathy is still doing as well as it is currently IF I get down to 180. That's a HUGE loss for me, and I'm scared to death, but I want a baby even more. I just know that if I get to be 90 years old and I've never had a baby I'll never forgive myself for letting this fat body stand in my way of meeting my life's ambition.
* I have to beat this before it beats me. I get out of breath just slowly walking. Going up two steps is hard on me. It's hard for me to keep myself clean.
* I live in fear of being found out. Which is stupid because anyone that can see me knows I have to have some problems. But somehow I think I can hide how much I hate myself from the world. Hence the smile. I feel like if I smile people won't know that I know that I'm killing myself. But deep down I do. I know I've contributed to the loss of my marriage by being this fat. I know that I've contributed to untimely death of porch swings and office chairs. I just know that I can't go on at this size. I just CAN'T.
And I'm not going to.

SW: 401.6
CW: 394.4
GW: 175
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Replies

  • sarahazelnut99
    sarahazelnut99 Posts: 307 Member
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    Im here for support!
  • LaDiablesse
    LaDiablesse Posts: 862 Member
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    Welcome to the site. You'll find a lot of useful information around on the boards. Keep that great attitude & best of luck to you!
  • Kirstie_C26
    Kirstie_C26 Posts: 490 Member
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    u can do it hon xxx
  • _Amy_Budd
    _Amy_Budd Posts: 378 Member
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    I'm with you, sister. We can do this. :)

    I'll send you a friend request, we'll support each other along the way.
  • Meganne1982
    Meganne1982 Posts: 451
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    It can be done! Good for you for starting the journey!
  • jessapoe
    jessapoe Posts: 13 Member
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    Fantastic attitude. With this much positivity, you are bound to succeed. I am here for support if you need it, YOU GO GIRL!
  • LizzieBee17
    LizzieBee17 Posts: 123 Member
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    I'm with you, sister. We can do this. :)

    I'll send you a friend request, we'll support each other along the way.

    Me TOO! :flowerforyou:
  • emilylaura7
    emilylaura7 Posts: 51
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    200 pounds may be alot to lose, but that's why we're here! to help keep you motivated every day! Just keep your focus on what you want...a baby...dont lose that focus and you will reach that day in due time! I have faith in you! Take things in stride, one day at a time...if you mess up, dont beat yourself up. Just jump right back on that wagon. Be true to yourself in everything that you do and you will succeed! :)
  • SueSee
    SueSee Posts: 65
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    You have two great reasons to stick with this. You also will have all the support you need. Good luck and God bless.
  • josephjbarrett3
    josephjbarrett3 Posts: 5
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    Good for you...you have a goal and determination to reach it. I weighed 398 at my highest (that was in 2004). I now weigh 239 and am still falling. I didn't have the will or determination to lose the weight with diet and exercise alone so I went the surgical route. I had Gastric Bypass surgery in Sept of 2004 and quickly dropped to 280. There have been setbacks and rollercoasters since then, but all in all it was the best decision I could have made for my health and my family. God bless you on your journey to healthy living and I pray that you will one day have achieve your dream of motherhood.
  • Nikki1609
    Nikki1609 Posts: 15 Member
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    i really admire you spirit and determination, i have always been fat and i am going to do it this time, i am married now and feel that i am causing him embarrisment.
    I would like to add you as a friend and maybe we could work together and fight it out between us. There is alot of very nice people on here and i no that if you all work together we can all beat this proplem,

    Hope that you would like to be friends

    Nikki
  • andiimarie
    andiimarie Posts: 114 Member
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    You can do this! You have spelled out some great motivating factors that you can continuously refer to in your journey. I have quite a bit to lose also and would love to offer any support that I can.

    Feel free to add me as a friend!

    Best wishes!
  • BetterJenny
    BetterJenny Posts: 50
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    Welcome aboard!! I'm also new to this site (1 day) and I LOVE it! You're going to find SO much support here! I also want to have a baby, and my weight is preventing that from happening. So I'm taking control, and making myself better so I CAN have my babies!! You will too, and I'll be here to support you!
  • Newmammaluv
    Newmammaluv Posts: 379 Member
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    Welcome! You will love this site. It is super suportive and full of people who will cheer you when you're up and pick you up when you're down.
  • Shannon023
    Shannon023 Posts: 14,529 Member
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    You have a great attitude! I predict success for you! :smile: :flowerforyou:
  • Klburck
    Klburck Posts: 1 Member
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    Lizzie, I love your "Being fat is hard, losing weight is hard' quote. What a wonderful way to look at it!
  • Jayni40
    Jayni40 Posts: 123 Member
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    Hi
    I also have a lot of weight to loose I hope by joining this site it will give me the extra motivation I need to keeps going. I'm sorry to hear about your heart problems. I am borderline diabetic i need to lose this weight so I don't become diabetic. I want to lose 150lbs total. So i set my goals at 50lb increments so I'm not overwhelmed. Maybe we can motivate each other to help meet our weight goals. add me cartina21
  • DeenaSteelerGirl
    DeenaSteelerGirl Posts: 449
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    Hey there. Welcome. This site is a great site for support. I admire your want to. And with that attitude I believe you can achieve your goals. Add me as a friend we can support each other. Good luck !
  • LadyoftheDisc
    LadyoftheDisc Posts: 136 Member
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    Welcome to MFP! I've always been an overweight gal as well, but we can change this!! The first step is getting help and this place has helped me personally soo incredibly much (and I've only been here for 2.5 months). There are loads of great ppl here that keep you on track and give you support even when you're having a rough day/week. You're never alone in this journey, just remember that! Good luck :)
  • TK266
    TK266 Posts: 3,689 Member
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    with a great smile and hard work you can do anything. (except try to get through revolving doors carrying skis on your shoulder, but that is a story for another day) I wish you the best of luck and hope we can help you along this journey.

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