boyfriend troubles....

Sonofabiscuit2

Enough with the excuses, my exwife is pulling this same stunt with her current bf. "But he isn't a jerk all the time" but when he is, he is dangerous. "I can't support myself" that is what a women's shelter is for. "I have nobody to turn to" if your family and friends can't or won't help there are plenty of community organizations willing to help. I don't mean this to be a criticism of you, but of the behavior that is repeated by the victims of abuse. Please, please get away from this guy now, my exwife won't listen because she thinks I'm just jealous, or that I just hate her bf, I don't have a similar connection to you, so don't make the same mistake.

hroush

He is fine when he is sober, kind, caring, supportive, attentive, lets me buy things i need/want, he wants me to go to uni, he gives me massages, cooks dinners, helps clean, does odd jobs around the house. He is perfect when he is sober(hence why ive stayed with him for so long) I get worried if he goes out drinking and i stay in the flat, i was sure he was guna kick me on friday(i pretended to be asleep so he wouldn't shout abuse at me) and then he leaves the place in such a mess, chairs thrown all over the place, pissed himself, puked up, etc, and then doesnt get up the next day to clean it up. like on friday he stole £340.00 from my account and he wouldnt even get up to go put the £300.00 that i managed to rescue back in the bank to pay the bills. He probably drinks 2/3 times a month at the moment, because he knows i don't like it, but i know if we broke up he wud be out every nyt.
Xx

Whether he knows it or not, it is psychological abuse, which can be the worst kind. I think you need to have one more talk with him when he is sober and simply say, "Choose me or the alcohol, because you can't have both any more." And don't stay with him for his sake, that is the worst thing you can do. You need to put yourself first as he really could hurt you.

backinthenines

he turns into a horrible monster when he drinks, stealling, lieing(possibly cheating) shouting abuse and being violent(not towards me, but damaging walls and doors with his fists).

That sounds horrible. How does it make you feel when he's like this? Pretty bad, I would guess. Sounds abusive to me.

Take care of yourself x

+1

backinthenines

"i was sure he was guna kick me on friday(i pretended to be asleep so he wouldn't shout abuse at me)"

Hunni, listen to yourself, there is your answer.

emsibun

Wow that sounds even worse than I thought it might be :frown:

He took money from your account - money you had there to pay bills? Sounds like once you are on your feet you won't need him financially at all.

He was sick everywhere and pee'd himself? Christ on a bike wtf? Even my four year old son can be sick in the toilet bowl when he's ill. Gross. You must be worth a hundred of this loser!

He'd be like this every night if you left? That's his problem. You've stuck it out three years.

Finally - and worst of all - you thought he was going to kick you on Friday night so you stayed asleep. How frightening for you! There's help out there to leave him - go get it. If you want to stay with him, you could tell him you'll consider coming back IF he gets sober and NEVER EVER behaves like this again. But do leave him it sounds like you aren't safe.

curvygirl512

You found the courage to make your life better by promising yourself better eating habits. I strongly urge you to find the strength to help yourself out of your toxic relationship. Your BFs habits aren't going to change. If this is still going on after 3 yrs, what is going to change that will keep you happy and healthy?

Are there any local women's shelters where you live? Any abuse hotlines to call? Perhaps they can hook you up with local resources to assist you.

Good luck, and stay strong.

msarro

First, congratulations on losing your first few pounds. That's a pretty awesome accomplishment, and you should be proud of yourself. I don't really want to parrot what everyone else has said already, you already know that there is a problem. For now he hasn't touched you, but you have a right not to live scared that "tonight might be the night when..." See if there is a local chapter of Turning Point in your area; they're a charity that works to help women get out of abusive or high risk relationships. I used to work for them, they do amazing work. They basically have unlisted, secure safe houses where you can stay until you get on your feet. They also can provide some additional social services if necessary. There are other charities that provide similar help.

If you don't see this as changing, please help yourself. We can only point you in the right direction, and the ball is entirely in your court. Given the situation, most women can't. Show us you're better than that.

kevanos

you sem to be making money.

What is stopping you from frinding a roommate and sharing rent in an appartment near the school?

tinareet

Wow that sounds even worse than I thought it might be :frown:

He took money from your account - money you had there to pay bills? Sounds like once you are on your feet you won't need him financially at all.

He was sick everywhere and pee'd himself? Christ on a bike wtf? Even my four year old son can be sick in the toilet bowl when he's ill. Gross. You must be worth a hundred of this loser!

He'd be like this every night if you left? That's his problem. You've stuck it out three years.

Finally - and worst of all - you thought he was going to kick you on Friday night so you stayed asleep. How frightening for you! There's help out there to leave him - go get it. If you want to stay with him, you could tell him you'll consider coming back IF he gets sober and NEVER EVER behaves like this again. But do leave him it sounds like you aren't safe.

thank you, you had me in tears

koosdel

I'm sorry you have been put in this situation. I think I understand how you feel.

Long story short, due to some of my volunteer work I am exposed to broken families. One common theme is "When times are good, its great." I have to think that good times are perceived as being better than they really are because of the relief of not hearing shouting, fighting, etc.

Another is "I can't make it by myself." Well, maybe not at first. Freedom can be very expensive.

Yet another "But I love him/her." Is it really love? Or is it lust for the good times? Or maybe pity?

He could straighten up, do you have the energy to be part of that? Recovery could take years, and relapses can happen. Your young, I don't think you owe anything to him.

backinthenines

I know he hasn't hit you yet... but it's easy to be in the wrong place at the wrong time when he lashes out. A dear friend of mine was with someone. He had never hit her directly but thrown bottles of beer in her general direction, punched holes into doors, smashes stuff up.

One night he was drunk and threw something in her general direction, she ducked and took a step backwards...
She was on the top of a flight of stairs she fell downwards backwards!! He never touched her (technically) but she still ended up with a broken arm and a fractured pelvis.

I had been pleading with her for months before and she kept making excuses about him.

Please leave.

emsibun

I didn't mean to make you cry! So, so sorry.

**hugs**

(But seriously go get some well-deserved help).

x

tinareet

it wasn't a sad cry, it was a realisation cry LOL.

OMG backinthenines, thats terrible, i hope she left after that, and i really dont want something like that to happen to me, and i bet he was so drunk he didnt even give a s*** about her and maybe even laughed, I can imagine it happening. things just get so out of hand so quickly. I will leave him, I'm just still trying to figure it out in my head as to when, how and what I'm going to say.

xx

backinthenines

My friend was a successful endurance runner until that happened. She ran a sub-3 hour marathon. She can't ever run again due to the permanent hip problems she was left with. Please don't let anyone do that to you. xxx