My weight is destroying my marriage.

sandyw127

girlfriend ur not destroying anything. i was married once to a *kitten* like that.. screw that u do it for you..

degaprincess

I'm so sorry he's being such a jerk. I hope you find the strength to do what is best for yourself. *hugs*

Amy62575

I'm sorry you are going through this. I say you have to do what YOU want to do. If you want to lose weight, then you lose the weight, get your confidence back, work on finding a job so you can be self-sufficient and THEN LEAVE THAT *kitten*. Let him see that you did it and he (financially) supported you through it and by that time, you will not want him anyway. Honey, if he doesn't love you for you, he isn't worth it. And if you are really serious about divorce or leaving before all that, there are plenty of attorneys that do free or cheap consults so you can be informed of what you are entitled to as well as your rights BEFORE you make a decision.

Amy62575

And another thing - ask yourself this -

"Would I rather be financially or emotionally bankrupt?" Because right now it sounds like he has beaten up your self-esteem to the point where it feels like you'll never do better. That's crap. He is an emotional abuser and that is how they keep you down. Put you down until you believe you can't do or be better.

You ARE BETTER!!!! Believe it.

(All said in love and best intentions)

lcastaneda

My beautiful amiga, thank you for sharing your heartache with us so we can support and encourage you.
I will echo my friend Live2Smyle's advice about seeking a reputable counselor both legally (in relation to separation and/or divorce) and personally (in relation to a safe place to let out all the pent up hurts & in the process rediscover the value of you). If you need another friend here on MFP to encourage & support you along the way, please add me. I will keep you close at heart and in my prayers. You deserve the best for you. Surround yourself with friends & loved ones who will build you up, not tear you down. No journey is easy, but you can do it. You are worth it. You are way too valuable to let anyone belittle or use you.

Hugs,
Lisa :flowerforyou:

fraser9700

A mans perspective.....
First I am sorry a real man treats there wife with more respect than that. Even if the relationship is ending. Do you have a brother. If you were my sister I would enlighten him on how to treat those we are supposed to care about. As an retired S.F. soldier I assure you that would be a one sided conversation with some immediate change. This is not perhaps the answer to a situation like this but it would make the anti bully in me feel better. Again on behalf of the men in the world that actually have some respect and some balls. I am sorry. i wonder what came first, the weight or the misery. It occurs to me that you may have put the weighton as a means to fight back as he has already told you he would leave. My wife has put on close to seventy lbs since we married largely due to medical conditions and I am her to tell you I still am extremely hot for he form even if the form is different than when we married. If she lost 70 I could live with that if she put on 70 more I would still chase her around the bedroom. That is because I love her. Do what's right because you love you.
Signed. Just one of a million men that would love their wife any way.


M.

funkyspunky871

Only read the first few sentences and here's what I've already have to say: Your husband's an a-hole. Leave him.

And now that I've read the rest: Yikes. I hope you get this figured out. I know nothing about divorce laws, so I can't be much of a help.

We're all here for you though. You come and talk to us MFP peeps ANYTIME!

barbmpac

Erin-Run, baby run. He is killing you. I agree with most everything that was said. You are the woman he married. The marriage was NEVER the perfect thing you thought you had. You have accomplished a lot in your life and even IF it were true that he got everything and left you with nothing, you would get YOU back. And that's worth everything.

I recently went through the ending of my marriage and thought I would die. And though I still very much love my ex, with some distance and a lot of introspection, I realize that it was a very unhealthy relationship. I thought it was perfect, until... And there was no verbal or emotional abuse, at least not overt, but there was a lot of manipulation and control.

Your reclaiming your life has nothing to do with him and everything to do with you. You have to put on your own oxygen mask first.

Keep talking about it.

Barb

LauraLLee

I agree with everything that has been said, the one thing I want to add about leaving him, If you have children He pays child support, and in many state because you are the stay at home wife or a domestic engineer He has to pay you spousal support.
Dont let him get away with tearing you down further. The abuse has to stop, and He is a coward. Makes me so mad that Men think they can get away with s...t like this! He probibly knows he would have to pay you that is why he has not left.
Take care of yourself, love yourself, you deserve better than this.

willimh

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. There is nothing wrong with you, there is something wrong with him. Do what you have to do for you. Care and respect yourself enough to do something about this issue. I will not tell you what to do but, I will say, make sure you are ready for whatever happens. You don't want anyone who does not want you. It will only cause more problems. Right know he feels he can control you because he's the one that has to pay for your lifestyle. Be prayful, watch look and listen and you will know which way to go.

mommy0304

Leave your husband! It's VERY hard to lose weight and when your having to deal with that,it makes it harder for you.. You can do it! Don't stay with someone like that,it's not fair to you...

I"m overweight and I'm trying VERY VERY hard to lose it,it's HARD WORK!! My husband has been behind me 100% AND HAS NEVER told me he didn't love me,or he didn't like the way I looked. Even when I don't like the way I look,he just tells me I'm beautiful to him,even though I don't see the beauty in myself.. I will lose this weight to make myself look better,to be happier and healthier,and I know he'll stand behind me the whole way.. If he turned on me and was being abusive about my weight I wouldn't even think about leaving,I'd DO IT!! No one deserves to be treated like that!!

Good Luck!

braydray

My husband loved me when I ballooned to 245 as much as he loves me now at 178 or when I was down to 150. So, honey you aren't the problem...Seek counsel and I will keep you in my prayers.

LG61820

I lived with my husband for >30 years and learned one thing: You can't get a dog and then be mad cause you have a dog! Surely you had clues that your husband was this superficial. You have tested him and he failed. You know in your heart what you need to do-either lose the weight, get fit, be the body he married or stay the same shape for more of the same treatment. How he's treating you satisfies something in you. Yes, he's a superficial a**, but he's the superficial a** that you chose to spend your life with. Recognize your part in this dynamic and then take the actions you need to take.

Wishing you the best!

cstark54

I'm so sorry to hear that ur having to go through this. I can tell u that u don't deserve this. If ur husband doesn't realize its not what's on the outside it wuts on the inside then u don't need him. Having my parents go through a very bitter divorce I can tell u that u hav to be very strong but u can do wutever u put u mind to. Being happily married I wish every woman to have a wonderful husband that excepts them the way they are and to love and support them no matter wut!!! Best wishes !