My husband cheating

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Replies

  • pack533
    pack533 Posts: 224
    Your family has been under a great deal of stress it sounds like, not taking up for hubby AT ALL:noway: , but from a psychological standpoint it's common that he might try to reach out to someone outside of your family troubles.....but he needs to turn to you, not away from you right now. Don't boot him just yet, try to work it out.

    I was thinking the same thing, it may be his way to "escape" the pain of losing a child.
    I'm sure there is additional stress in your relationship now and maybe the communication and sex life is not what it once was but that is understandable after what you are going through.
    You definitely need to talk to him before it gets worse and find out what things you can work on together.
    I would advise counseling and I find that the best counseling comes from a pastor and the bible if you attend church.
    Good luck to you!! :flowerforyou:

    I have to agree. You both have suffered a great lose. Try to work through this for your other children. Try to find out what he is thinking. He needs to know that you are upset and feel this is wrong.

    My thoughts and prayers go out to you:flowerforyou:

    Take care of yourself.
  • MumOfADuo
    MumOfADuo Posts: 294 Member
    I know everyone has said it, but I, too, am SO very sorry for the loss of your son. I just found out yesterday that the son of a good friend of mine committed suicide on Saturday. I just can not imagine what you are going thru. Please know you are in my prayers. Also, I would not do anything with the hubby thing until (if and when) you have proof. Someone suggested showing him what you have, that is a good idea....but I would also wait until you have solid proof that something is going on. Stress can do strange things to people...they cope in different ways. I eat. But counseling is a wonderful suggestion...
    Blessings!
    Kathey
  • delpha2
    delpha2 Posts: 42
    I can imagine all the emotions you must be having...

    All I want to say is:
    PUT YOURSELF FIRST
    (They always say put your oxygen mask on first before helping others)

    Is there any way that you can take your emotions and use them as a force for powerful and lasting change in your life?

    There are lots of great resources online for infidelity (that's what this situation would be referred to if he "didn't do anything"). Google 'emotional infidelity' - that's what I did when I was having issues with this and I learned a lot. Actually, I was able to save my marriage and make it stronger after all was said and done.
  • sindyb9
    sindyb9 Posts: 1,248 Member
    I have delt with this but he actually did cheat. We were going through an really rough time and lost our communication and he cheated. We are still together. I will never forget but I did forgive, it depends on the situation. We are happier than we ever were and I know he will never do that again. We have been together 20 years and I feel it was worth working it out. I am soo sorry to hear about your son Hugs for you. I would find out for sure and go from there. :flowerforyou:
  • 2day4ever
    2day4ever Posts: 178
    Echoing the sentiments here. My heart breaks for you.:brokenheart: :cry:

    I agree with those who have said that people sometimes "act out" when racked with grief. That doesn't explain or excuse his behavior but it might be worth looking at with a counselor. You've already had a huge loss . . . go slow with making decisions right now.

    Meanwhile, hugs to you.
  • OomarianneoO
    OomarianneoO Posts: 689 Member
    Your family has been under a great deal of stress it sounds like, not taking up for hubby AT ALL:noway: , but from a psychological standpoint it's common that he might try to reach out to someone outside of your family troubles.....but he needs to turn to you, not away from you right now. Don't boot him just yet, try to work it out.

    I totally agree. The both of you are going through something no parent should have to go through, and sometimes, it's easier to turn to someone else who isn't involved at all because the issue is not so in-your-face. IMHO, the two of you need to find a way to turn to each other for healing and to move forward. I hope you can find a way back to each other. *bear hugs*
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
    Hi

    I'm SO sorry for the loss of your precious son....

    I think the question is...will DH go to counseling and talk about why he did what he did (he was looking, but he wasn't going to seal the deal?)
    There has to be a reason for his actions....maybe it is steaming from grief...
    I know you said your son and Dh didn't have a close relationship...but he still may be grieving....maybe he is reacting to your grief (not in any way shape or form excusing his behavior)

    Deep down...do you believe him?
    Do you think this has been going on longer...or could it be a response mechanism if it's been only the past 2 mnths?
    Do you have the energy right now to work on fixing your relationship?
    Is it worth fixing?
    Follow your heart and your gut....but please...I know you have been through something truely horrific....but don't settle for less....you deserve someone who loves you and will be faithful to you in every sense of the word

    ((HUGS))
    Kim
  • honeybunchthree
    honeybunchthree Posts: 76 Member
    Your family has been under a great deal of stress it sounds like, not taking up for hubby AT ALL:noway: , but from a psychological standpoint it's common that he might try to reach out to someone outside of your family troubles.....but he needs to turn to you, not away from you right now. Don't boot him just yet, try to work it out.
    What a tragic loss, I am so sorry about your son.:cry: I agree-maybe try some counseling. At least try. And I wll be praying for your family.
  • dothompson
    dothompson Posts: 1,184 Member
    Your family has been under a great deal of stress it sounds like, not taking up for hubby AT ALL:noway: , but from a psychological standpoint it's common that he might try to reach out to someone outside of your family troubles.....but he needs to turn to you, not away from you right now. Don't boot him just yet, try to work it out.

    I think this is very sound advice. I would get into some couseling, going together would be the best, but if he's unwilling, go alone. There is no excuse for what he's doing, but there may be some reasons which have nothing to do with you or his devotion to you. Men often have difficulty dealing with emotions and look for some kind of escape. The fact that he was online and hadn't actually done anything is significant. I hope that you can get through this horrible time together.
  • beep
    beep Posts: 1,242 Member
    :brokenheart:

    Losing your son was hard enough....

    If you need help, this website is wonderful: http://www.troubledwith.com/

    I use it when I have trouble with my teens and have gotten valuable insight into how to talk to them.
  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
    As someone who's marriage was broken up due to an unfaithful spouse, my heart goes out to you.

    you're in my prayers. :cry:
  • shellkas
    shellkas Posts: 45
    :brokenheart: :brokenheart: :brokenheart:

    I'm sorry to hear of your loss. That is a horrible thing for any parent to go through. My prayers are definately with you!!!!

    For the husband part....follow your gut.
    He is a grown man and should know better whether physical or mental. Infidelity is infidelity! :mad:


    I will pray for you. :flowerforyou:

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  • jojo52610
    jojo52610 Posts: 692 Member
    I am so sorry about your son - I can't even imagine

    I too am unfortunetly part of the the club no one wants to join - (infidelity)
    I stayed as well you need counseling first off - and really need to decide if your marriage is something you want try to salvage I'm almost 4 years out and it had to be one of the hardest things I had to deal with.

    I'm not sure it if it's allowed but I belong to another message board as well

    www.survivinginfidelity.com

    it really helped when I had no one that could relate (((hugs))))
  • obliged
    obliged Posts: 465
    i am so sorry about everything,
    i know what its like to deal with someone committing suicide and its not easy,
    if youever need someone to talk to, we're all here for you

    as for your husband... i unfortunately have no advice, but if you feel that way about cheating, then yes you probably should look into some things
  • ladyhawk
    ladyhawk Posts: 101
    I am extremely sorry to hear about the loss of your son. I'm glad this forum is here for you and that you trust us to share your personal life with us. People deal with grief differently and maybe, just maybe your husband doesn't know how to deal with his. Men deals with things differently from women and sometimes we need to look at it from that point. Communication is the key in any relationship and right now you both need to communicate with each other and perhaps a counselor. It is a rough time for both of you. Don't make any decisions right now when things maybe unclear. I will definitely keep you and your husband in my prayers.
  • Fit2btied
    Fit2btied Posts: 486
    Wow...my heart goes out to you! I cannot imagine the pain you must be enduring right now. First I would suggest writing your emotions down in a journal to sort of release some anger and energy. Then attempt to sit down and calmly discuss what you both are going through, why he is seeking another relationship. Marriage counseling seems very much in order if you both are willing to make your marriage work. I hope that you can work it out for your family and each other! I'll be thinking of you! We are all here for you!
  • Eve23
    Eve23 Posts: 2,352 Member
    I cannot even fathom what you are going through right now. My heart and prayers are with you for your son. In concerns of your hubby I tend to go with our thinking. YOu know your situation better than any of us and personally if one does it once they are likely to do it again.

    We are here for you stay strong.:flowerforyou:
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