An Altered State of Mind

CricketKate

Much of my life has been spent as a yo-yo dieter. I've never been "overweight" but I have spent a lot of time at the high end of what's considered healthy. I can think of three times in my adult life that things have just clicked. I didn't consider myself on a diet, I just ate healthy. Exercise wasnt' something that I had to do, it was something that I did. During those three times in my life, I was healthy, I was happy, and I loved my body. So what happened? All three times ended when I became pregnant. I got too sick to exercise and I couldn't stand the taste of the healthy foods that I normally loved.

Now that I'm finished having children, I'm back on the yo-yo dieting train. I have asked myself what was different during those three successful weight loss periods. The only answer that I can come up with is that I was mentally ready to live that way. What I'm struggling with is how to get to that mental readiness. I know that I want to feel the way that I used to feel. I know that I don't like the way that I look and feel now. But I'm really struggling with getting out of the "diet" mindset and into the "lifestyle" mindset. I know that the motivation needs to come from within me, but if anyone has any suggestions of something that has helped them get out of their mental sludge please share.

jen2bhottie

I thought I was eating realistically by not necessarily dieting but just eating smaller portions. Then I started looking up nutrition info on everything I was eating...biggest shock of my life! I realized that if I was eating a 1000-2000+ meal, eating smaller portions was still simply too much. I thought I was making healthy choices by ordering salads at restaurants, but some of those salads were still 800-900 calories.
So now, if I go to a restaurant or fast food place, I sit in the car and look up their nutrition info on my phone. I look at all the food labels when I grocery shop and much to my children's dismay, I refuse to buy junk like pop tarts.
I also log EVERYTHING that I eat, no matter how small, here on MFP and hold myself accountable when I make poor choices. I used to not log things like butter because I used so little of it, or chips/pretzels when I just grabbed 2-3 when I walked by. The only person I was cheating was me.
This is what ultimately altered my state of mind.

dlj1970

I know exactly what you're talking about. It's as if I know exactly what I need to do to get back to where I want to be, but every time I'm in a position to make a choice that would move me in that direction, I don't take it. Why not? I've told myself that it's because I need a reason, but I've defined these "reasons" as a boyfriend or vacation or something like that. In reality, the "reason" should be that I love myself enough to want to take as good of care of me as I can. So, I'm just trying to remind myself of that every day. You wouldn't be on MFP if you didn't really want to do this, so just take each day as it comes and try to make the best choices you can make:flowerforyou: dlj

iamhealingmyself

Sometimes thinking of having to do something for the "rest of your life" is overwhelming. Think about alcoholics and drug addicts. All the 12 step programs are based on the Just For Today philosophy. Sometimes they have to break it down even farther and say Just For This Hour until hours become half days and half days become days. Our minds really cannot understand that the rest of our life is just one day at a time. It sees years and decades and maybe even centuries.

Sooner or later you will get sick and tired of being sick and tired and it will click again but until that day, you can keep getting by with Just For Today or Just For This Meal. You also have to realize that MFP doesn't require you to exercise to keep your weight loss goal. Yes, it helps you be healthy and yes it helps you tone up and look good, but if you can't focus on food and exercise on top of everything else going on in your busy life, then focus on the food. If and when you feel like exercising, go for it but don't beat yourself up if you don't. If you really really want a cupcake or a piece of double fudge chocolate lava cake, have one but realize that if you're over your calories you will commit yourself to working out (preferably before you eat it) at least enough to burn off the excess.

I don't deny myself anything I want to eat. Deprivation is what sabotages diets. Lifestyles allow for everything but keep it in check. You have a lot on your "family plate" without having to add all this food stress to your life. Your kids are all very young and it will get easier as they get older. Their growing independence will give you more time to focus on you. I'm not say for you to wait, but trying to give you hope that the future will get easier (if only slightly). Hopefully the healthy food choices you make will stick with them and they will never have to worry about these things but make sure that they understand why you're not eating a bag of chips when a serving is 1 oz, help them learn what portions are so they understand why a restaurant plate of spaghetti is not a good thing. By teaching them all the things you've learned about food and nutrition and being healthy, you will be reinforcing in your own mind the lifestyle you want to live and it will become more natural.

Maybe taking on the entire nutritional component of this lifestyle change is overwhelming to you as well. Try focusing on one aspect - say calories. Keep your calories in check. Once you have that down for 2-3 months, focus on another aspect, say fats or carbs or fiber. It takes a lot to try to balance everything at once and we can really make ourselves crazy in the process. Sometimes you'll have to over do on one thing to stay under on another. But the next day you can balance it out by erring on the other side. Our goals are set for the week. If we're over 2 days on calories and under 2 days on calories it's ok so long as at the end of the week we have the required 3500 calories deficit per pound we want to lose. People lose sight of the big picture sometimes by focusing too much on the day. It is easier to manage in smaller pieces, but I see people going off the deep end emotionally because they're 50 calories over one day and want to give up.

We are a lot stronger than we give ourselves credit for. Think about all the things in your life that you've had to deal with and overcame. Think about how those things have helped you grow and become the woman you are today. Now image how different a person you would be if you had not gone through them. We are not given more than we can bear and when the burden is too heavy you do not have to carry it alone. That which does not kill us makes us stronger!

I'm a firm believer in journaling especially through things like this. It helps you vent in a healthy way so that you get a sense of release from the burden you're feeling at the time. It also gives you a reference if you also log how you overcame a situation as well as a time line to see if your "episodes" are getting farther apart, closer together, etc. Sometimes we unconsciously prevent ourselves from doing the things that will make us feel better because we somehow feel we need to keep suffering, like we deserve it. It doesn't have to be that way.

You CAN DO THIS Kate!! You have done it before and you will do it again!

iamhealingmyself

In reality, the "reason" should be that I love myself enough to want to take as good of care of me as I can. So, I'm just trying to remind myself of that every day.

AMEN! As women we are so busy taking care of everyone else that there is nothing left for us, when in fact if we DON'T take care of us, there will be no taking care of others. We have to love ourselves unconditionally before we can truly love another.

Write on your bathroom mirror in your favorite lipstick color:
I AM WORTHY OF MY LOVE!

CricketKate

Thank you for the responses! I have been going through my "Just for Today" motions. I really need to get more focused. I was hoping that by putting my struggles into words, it would help me find the motivation that I am lacking.

CricketKate

I started this thread a really long time ago and just came upon it again today. Still struggling🤔 Does anyone have any thoughts?

L1zardQueen

I love this link! https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/818701/the-myth-of-motivation-and-what-you-need-instead/p1

mkculs

I don't know if this will help you, but this time around, I just accepted that it would take a long time, that it would be hard at the start (but get easier; and it has); that being healthy is both a necessity and a way of showing self-care; and that I could start now and be a healthier version of myself with each passing day, or I could keep putting it off and not be any healthier in a day, a month, a year. Because I eat everything I want (by fitting it into my cals for the day/week), I am not worrying about what I "can't" have; I'm not eating stuff I don't want; I'm not tackling everything at once. For right now, enjoying my summer--when I routinely lose weight--and learning to calorie count effectively is all I care about. In August, I'll be facing the challenge of meal planning. I know from past failure that meal planning really helps me avoid bad choices, and that it is really hard for me once my school year resumes--I'm so tired again, and so busy. BUT, it is a hurdle I will face--and I'll continue to eat the stuff I'm eating now (too much yogurt, too many protein bars, etc.) until I get a handle on meal planning and prep. I hate to cook, so I can't expect to change that quickly and as long as I'm eating ok, losing weight, and staying at least moderately active through the fall, I'll be ok. Winter is a huge hurdle--and I'm not ready to face that yet. I hope by October I can start thinking about it. The crappy produce, the ice and occasionally bitter cold that makes outdoor exercise hard for me.

So, it has helped me to tackle one thing at a time, and give myself a pass on all the stuff I haven't tackled. It's helping me relax about those things to have a broadly outlined plan for attack, with some dates attached.

Maybe the best you can do--at your stage of life, with kids now 7 years older than when you first posted--is simply focus on cals in, cals out, by weighing what you eat and using MFP for logging food and exercise. You have three school-aged kids--maybe middle schoolers by now? Trying to think about macros and "nutrition" and all the other stuff that is "better?" Meh. Take a daily vitamin, get fruit and veggies in daily, and stick with the cals in/cals out and don't worry about the rest until you have an opportunity--or until hunger forces you to

Good luck!

hannahbanana518

I definitely know your struggle. Here are some things that I have picked up over the last couple months to re-motivate myself.

1. Listen to motivational YouTube videos like Tony Robbins, Les Brown, HipHop Preacher, etc.
One take away is you have to have a strong enough WHY that will gravitate you towards your goals.

2. Create a Motivational Board in your closet, mirror, or bathroom that you will see daily reminding you of your goals.

3. Google weight loss transformations read them and see that it doesn't happen overnight but is possible even for those less healthy than you are now.

4. Give yourself credit, you don't have to be PERFECT, just small consistent changes. Pick one thing per week to change and be consistent with it and the success of something small will definitely build momentum.

5. Carve time out for yourself. Buy a cheap treadmill/elliptical so you can burn calories when your kids are sleeping. The housework can wait.

Smile. You are beautiful.

Send a friend request.....I may need reminded of some, if not all of the above, in the future.

MadisonMolly2017

@CricketKate
I think discovering your Big Why is essential!
Why do you want to lose weight?