Super dooper bored.

ZebraHead

Ok, I finally thought of something! Why don't we have a competition.....who can log on the most sex-related exercise calorie expenditure for the week?

Unless it's hidden I don't even see the categories on the exercise database....closest thing I could find was "Body Gymnastics" but nothing under "Sex", "Sexual Activity", "*kitten*", "Making Love" or even "Twister".

Even LoseIt.com has sex under exercise log....c'mon Beaver with your naughty following, let's put sex on the exercise database!!

@BigBeav - I'm sure gonna miss you around here... :bigsmile: :bigsmile:

BigBeaver

Oh dont worry, I aint going nowhere ZH, i am like a bad rash, treat me all you like, I will just keep popping back up

cklbrown

A man is lying in bed in the hospital,Wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, stil lsedated from a difficult four-hour, surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath."Nurse," he mumbles, from behind the mask,"Are my testicles black?"Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, Sir; I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles,She overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles inThe other, lifting and moving them around.Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong withThem, Sir!"The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very Closely..."A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"


:happy:

calmmomw3minimeez

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Love that!:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

calmmomw3minimeez

A man is lying in bed in the hospital,Wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, stil lsedated from a difficult four-hour, surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath."Nurse," he mumbles, from behind the mask,"Are my testicles black?"Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, Sir; I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles,She overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles inThe other, lifting and moving them around.Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong withThem, Sir!"The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very Closely..."A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"


:happy:

OMG! Hahahahahahhhhhh!

calmmomw3minimeez

A carpenter meets an old farmer down a country road. The farmer is accompanied by his daughter who looks very homely and not too bright.

The old man tells the carpenter that he is trying to find someone willing to marry his daughter. "She's over eighteen, she's used to hard work, and she follows instructions to the letter, though she's a little slow in the head if you know what I mean. I've just sold my farm and I'm willing to pay good money if you'll take her off my hands seeing as I have no more farming to do and once she's married, I'm leaving town, so what do you say?"

The carpenter was shocked by this proposition, and the daughter was not very attractive, but he was a lonely man. The farmer says, "Oh I know what the problem is...she's not much to look at so when you're ready for her to do her wifely duties, just tell her to go get a sack to put over her head...I doubt she'll think anything of it. Matter of fact, she remembers things by making a little song out of whatever you tell her to do, so you should have no problems."

The carpenter was still in shock, but not so much after the financial negotiation was made and he figured that the price was right and it was worth it. The farmer made him promise that he would keep his wife as a stipulation in the deal and it was final.

Once married, the carpenter took his new wife home and immediately put her to work in his workshop filled with all the brand new equipment and tools that he had purchased with his dowry. He began to build a fence around his workshop with his wife at his side, waiting for instructions.

"I'm gonna need a hammer now, dear." The carpenter's wife happily skipped to the toolshed to retrieve the hammer while singing, "Get the hammer, get the hammer, get the hammer, hammer, hammer!" She sang all the way back to give her husband what he'd asked for.

The carpenter then asked for nails, and his wife began to sing again. "Get the nails, get the nails, get the nails, nails, nails!" She happily handed the nails to her husband and watched on as he began to work. Just when the carpenter was almost finished putting up the last plank for the fence, he banged his thumb while nailing and yelled, "Aw, f***!!!" The carpenter's wife happily began skipping away again while singing, "Get the sack, get the sack, get the sack sack sack!!!"
Hope nobody is offended...it's a really old joke!