Being treated better by men........

bellinachuchina

Men are shallow. Fact :P

Exactly.

I'm married, and went on a MNO (mom night out) with a fellow mom-friend, and it was amazing the amount of men that try to talk to me now, & of all different nationalities, that would have never done so before when I was huge. I even called out this white guy on it, I said "I guarantee you would have never came up to me even prior to my pregnancies, b/c I was still 50lbs. heavier than I am now!" We laughed, and he said "You're right!" He then said it's not only a lack of physical attraction, but that he thinks maybe there is something mentally wrong with the overweight girl, that she doesn't value her health or is lazy about becoming slimmer. It was HILARIOUS. I said, "Well, nothing wrong with me mentally, I just grew up with pasta, pizza, and fried chicken cutlets! hahaahha!"

I'm so happy that I found a man who loved me pre-weight loss size. He comes from a family that also loves food, and has healthy women in it that embrace all sizes. Good men are out there, you just have to find them through family, at a library, at the grocery store lol, not in a shallow atmosphere.

1hotmama2b

TOTALLY TRUE- Men always had alterior motives, and women didn't respond well when I was thin.... Wow- how times have changed.... lol.

shaunshaikh

Women are shallow. Fact :P

Fixed it for you

Women do all the things that men have been accused of doing on this thread.

bellinachuchina

Women are shallow. Fact :P

Fixed it for you

Women do all the things that men have been accused of doing on this thread.

Not nearly as openly & often as the machismos :laugh:

Angela4Health

I think people in general, not just men, start treating us better when we start treating ourselves better. When we respect our own bodies and take care of ourselves, people will respect us more. Yes, some men are going to have alterior motives, but not all.

live2smyle

<~~~ Loves shallow men. I dont mind the attention, it actually movtivates me to work harder to obtain my goals

AshleyLauren589

Although I agree with you that you have to look in the right places to find quality people, it's not just about men hitting on you in social situations. It's the salesman at a store approaching you differently, it's men you work with being friendlier, etc. Not getting hit on more at a bar.

I definitely think it's a combination of you looking and feeling better, and it's a little unfortunate but it's probably never going to change. All we can do is know what the motivation behind the extra effort and kindness...

123456654321

I'm kinda sad about the men bashing comments. Women do it too. We are all guilty of it to some degree. We are only human and our sight is obviously something we rely on. Like a poster mentioned above, we are not always given proper time to really get to know everyone we meet. Sometimes all we have is what we see. Is it always accurate or fair? No. But it's life. I honestly don't feel that people should feel shame for doing so either. Sight is one of our major senses. If I meet someone and they are neatly dressed and physically fit, I will probably assume they work hard at taking care of themselves and that probably carries over into other aspects of their life. If I meet someone for the first time who is unfit and unkempt, my first impression will probably be that they aren't as driven or they don't care so much about their physical appearance. Will these assumptions be accurate 100% of the time? No. But sometimes it's all you have to go on. Thing is, unless you are someone who doesn't have good hygiene habits (I have a weak stomach for bad smells) I just don't care either way. If your cool, I could care less about anything else.

As far as the OP is concerned, these are people that you have known for a long time right? So it probably hurts more since they already knew you on a deeper level. I understand how that would suck. It's true, some people (not just men) are just shallow. Like others have said though, is it possible more then your appearance has changed? Maybe you seem happier? More approachable? Sometimes other people see this kind of stuff before we see it in ourselves.

1hotmama2b

Lol! I think it is a shame we still make sweeping generalizations about men and women. Most of the time the people I know who can't meet quality men or women are either attracted to the wrong things or are looking in the WRONG places. A lot of our social norms are defined by the people we interact with. I could make the same argument concerning appearance towards women and how they treat me is altered by how I look. (Although it IS a fact that men are physiologically more visual.) It just how we are wired and the only difference between the good ones and the bad ones is whether we allow those instincts to control our civility or not. I think most of us who "improve our appearance" tend to also improve our confidence, our health, how we dress, where we go socially, etc... All these things contribute to us being treated differently. We CANNOT forget that the whole reason we seek to improve our health is so we can avoid the pitfalls of low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-defamation, and self-destruction. To be honest, these things aren't attractive to either men OR women. Not judging this specific example.. just responding from a man's perspective because I find this to be a interesting dialogue.

Well said Brother

Funny- My husband agrees totally with you guys..... I struggle with weight each time I've had a baby (3 times now...... I'm DONE!!) When I lose the weight he seems to be more "into me", more physical, we seem to be better together in so many ways. To me it feels like he is attracted to me more when I am thin, but he swears it doesn't matter if I'm 180 or 135..... He says it's the confidence I exude when I am thin and when I am the one happy with my appearance. Though I don't notice it, I decided to put this to the test just this past week. I totally faked confidence and came on to him, laughed more, and pretended like my weight was not bothering me, even let him see me (like without my nightshirt).... Among other things that is just TMI.... I have to say, guys- you are right. I think our attitudes do change the way others perceive us!!!! As for women being harder to have connections with when you are thin.... haven't been able to figure that part out.... Must have something to do with insecurity.....

For all the women who are still working on their weight loss journey and like me lack confidence and self esteem..... FAKE IT. I did it for a week, and though I am still trying to make a conscious effort, it is getting easier. Maybe it is true that if you fake it enough you start to feel it.....

janack

I find I have the opposite problem, only with women. I made friends easier with women 25 pounds ago. Now that I am thin it is almost like they turn their nose up at me - unless it is a woman that is thin. I find it odd.

LittleD311

I agree with this as well. I have noticed that my boyfriend has been more affectionate and clingy since I've lost my 11lbs.....He isn't one to constantly tell me how good I look, or anything, so him sorta having his hands all over me, lets me know! but, MOST men are very shallow....lol

123456654321

Also, I'd just like to add that I don't think it's fair to label a person who cares about their potential mates physical condition as "shallow." It may be important to a person, but it doesn't necessarily mean it's ALL that's important to them.

rockabyesarojane

Men are shallow. Fact :P

just not quite as shallow as women.

oh wait that's right! both of these statements are far too generalized!

SolidGoaled

I have noticed the same thing. Since losing the weight men treat me better and women treat me worse. Simple and sad as that.

I have to tell ya - I am so AFRAID of this happening, that I think that is alot of the underlying phsychology that has held me back all these yars AND still screws with my head with ever 10 lb milestone.

NovemberJune

I'm honestly not too surprised, and i bet it's not just men!!!! it is really sad but this is the world we live in.

deeharley

Women are shallow. Fact :P

Fixed it for you

Women do all the things that men have been accused of doing on this thread.

Not nearly as openly & often as the machismos :laugh:

So, women are shallow and sneaky - much better.

rockabyesarojane

Also, I'd just like to add that I don't think it's fair to label a person who cares about their potential mates physical condition as "shallow." It may be important to a person, but it doesn't necessarily mean it's ALL that's important to them.

agreed.

Panda_Jack

Women are shallow. Fact :P

Fixed it for you

Women do all the things that men have been accused of doing on this thread.

Not nearly as openly & often as the machismos :laugh:

So, women are shallow and sneaky - much better.

This!^^

eeeekie

I find it kind of funny that the men are taking this so seriously and taking offense to it. It's no secret that man are VISUAL creatures. If you say you're not a visual creature you're a liar. You have no control over being a visual its ingrained so deep inside of your nature.

"First the obvious merit of using visual criteria is that physical attributes have been quite important for most of human evolution. Strength, agility, foot speed, youth, and energy are all obviously valuable attributes that have made both males and females genetically desirable and clearly made sense as mate selection criteria. Even the typical male infatuation with large breasts is obviously based on the fact that they promise excellent nutrition for her offspring."

aekriebs

[quote\]

I'm married, and went on a MNO (mom night out) with a fellow mom-friend, and it was amazing the amount of men that try to talk to me now, & of all different nationalities, that would have never done so before when I was huge. I even called out this white guy on it, I said "I guarantee you would have never came up to me even prior to my pregnancies, b/c I was still 50lbs. heavier than I am now!" We laughed, and he said "You're right!" He then said it's not only a lack of physical attraction, but that he thinks maybe there is something mentally wrong with the overweight girl, that she doesn't value her health or is lazy about becoming slimmer. It was HILARIOUS. I said, "Well, nothing wrong with me mentally, I just grew up with pasta, pizza, and fried chicken cutlets! hahaahha!"

I'm so happy that I found a man who loved me pre-weight loss size. He comes from a family that also loves food, and has healthy women in it that embrace all sizes. Good men are out there, you just have to find them through family, at a library, at the grocery store lol, not in a shallow atmosphere.

[/quote]

What a fabulous attitude!!! And good advice: atmosphere makes a big difference.

I don't believe in blanket statements like "all men are superficial" because they aren't - I have met a lot of women much more superficial than most men. I think it goes back to the atmosphere: if you meet a man in a bar who is just there to look for hot chicks, then yes, you are probably going to meet a superficial man.