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Rectal Glaucoma

BigBeaver
BigBeaver Posts: 858 Member
edited September 2024 in Chit-Chat
What are your best excuses for not going to work??

One of my favorites, that i have never used, "Rectal Glaucoma" def.--I can't see my a** coming to work today.
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Replies

  • TDGee
    TDGee Posts: 2,209 Member
    Well, I haven't used it yet, but after I win the lottery, I'm going to call in rich!

    Ted
  • Shannon023
    Shannon023 Posts: 14,529 Member
    :laugh:

    I had a co-worker call in once because his wife had cramps. :huh: Yeah, that's exactly when I want my hubby hovering. :laugh: :tongue:
  • roylawrence87
    roylawrence87 Posts: 970 Member
    Brown bottle flu!
  • jscimeca
    jscimeca Posts: 66
    I love it!!! Hahahahahaha:laugh:
  • ronda_gettinghealthy
    ronda_gettinghealthy Posts: 777 Member
    Brown bottle flu!

    ok never heard it- but loving that one!!!!
  • DreamLittleDarling
    DreamLittleDarling Posts: 800 Member
    hahahahahaha

    and again

    hahahahahaha
  • FairyMiss
    FairyMiss Posts: 1,812 Member
    had a co worker call in a day after another one had called in. he stated he came down with what she had had. She had called in for severe female cramping

    we all got a good laugh
    btw both those employes had a habit of calling in constantly
  • reese66
    reese66 Posts: 2,920 Member
    I have spring fever and I won't be able to make it in today...
  • BigBeaver
    BigBeaver Posts: 858 Member
    The reason I ask, and think these are funny replies, because I am on call 24/7 for people that do call off. And I have heard some good ones.

    My friends car wont start and he's my ride to work.
    My cat/dog is sick.
    and of course all of the usuals-don't feel good, car is broke, etc.

    My favorite one, the one guy called off because he fell off the slide while playing with his kids.
  • roylawrence87
    roylawrence87 Posts: 970 Member
    I feel too good to go to work today.
  • jsteras
    jsteras Posts: 344 Member
    Best one I ever heard was working at the nursing home and one of the CNA's called off because she had gotten drunk the night before and lost her false teeth:):)
  • robin52077
    robin52077 Posts: 4,383 Member
    One of my employees called out at 8 AM for her 2-9PM shift. It had just started snowing. She said "I can't get out of my driveway."
    Seriously. It JUST started snowing, you aren't in for SIX MORE HOURS, and you tell me THAT...NOW!??!?!?

    I told her she had 6 hours to figure it out or she no longer had a job. She came in. :grumble:
  • Panda_Jack
    Panda_Jack Posts: 829 Member
    I once worked for a very large global hospitality chain and had a cocktail waitress's boyfriend called her in dead. HR wouldn't let me fire her when she tried to come back to work. And she was notorious for calling in... she is still employed there btw.
  • Nomomush
    Nomomush Posts: 582 Member
    That's awesome! lol. :laugh:
  • KickassYas
    KickassYas Posts: 397 Member
    What are your best excuses for not going to work??

    One of my favorites, that i have never used, "Rectal Glaucoma" def.--I can't see my a** coming to work today.

    bwaaahahahaha i used to work for an optometrist. i told him i had wandering eye. his response:

    "stop staring at the hot guys and come to work, yas."

    damnit.
  • UpToAnyCool
    UpToAnyCool Posts: 1,673
    "Rectal Glaucoma"

    :laugh: :laugh: I read this 5 mins ago and am still laughing! THANKS!
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
    sSig_rofl.gif
  • Shannon023
    Shannon023 Posts: 14,529 Member
    I once worked for a very large global hospitality chain and had a cocktail waitress's boyfriend called her in dead. HR wouldn't let me fire her when she tried to come back to work. And she was notorious for calling in... she is still employed there btw.

    Okay, so how did she explain that one??? :laugh:
  • koosdel
    koosdel Posts: 3,317 Member
    I have called in because I was lost. It was my first time in Tampa! I was lost.
    I have also missed because I thought it was Sunday when it was really Monday. I had made a 30hr round trip and was really out of it.

    I have a part timer who calls in periodically because her 'anurism is flaring up".
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    I once called off* because I tried to lighten my already colored hair at home on a Sunday night, and 3" of my roots went Lucille Ball Red, while the rest stayed Joan Jett Black, and I needed an emergency dye job to cover my shame. :laugh:




    *Technically, I emailed off, since I worked in IT at the time, and sent a photo. My boss was cool about it.
  • JellyJaks
    JellyJaks Posts: 589 Member
    I'm a SAHM so unfortunately I don't get to call into work no matter how ****ty I feel. Loving reading these excuses though. Retinal glaucoma is AWESOME :laugh:
  • UpToAnyCool
    UpToAnyCool Posts: 1,673
    I once worked for a very large global hospitality chain and had a cocktail waitress's boyfriend called her in dead. HR wouldn't let me fire her when she tried to come back to work. And she was notorious for calling in... she is still employed there btw.

    Okay, so how did she explain that one??? :laugh:

    So like, did she call you via the ouija board? :laugh: :noway:
  • TK266
    TK266 Posts: 3,638 Member
    best one ever given to me via voice mail left on my work number at 1:30 am in the morning "uhhh, i am not feeling well ... I think I ate something .... so uhhhh i wont be in tomorrow can you tell the boss"

    strange thing was I could here the DJ in the back ground, people dancing and his girlfriend saying "get off the phone and drink"


    I forwarded it to the boss to help the jack *kitten*. :devil:
  • cdngirl71
    cdngirl71 Posts: 2,641 Member
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: these are hilarious. One of my mechanics called in sick because he had hard bowel movements, ha ha ha, I said to him, dude just say you are sick, TMI, not what I need to hear. :laugh: :laugh: He also mentioned to keep it in confidence, ya I just put he was sick on the form.
  • JEK717
    JEK717 Posts: 1,497
    An old co-worker of my dads called off many times....his excuses.

    1) I have gout.(which he didn't)
    2) My wife is pregnant.(even if it is only the 2 week)
    3) Hunting season has started.
    4) Need food so i have to go hunting.
    5) My wife has gout.
    6) New baby....(mind you this is a whole MONTH after the baby was born and he lived with his non working parents).
    7) I dont have a car(sure even if i live right next door)
    8) My back aches (three weeks in a row.)

    His favorite though was the "I have gout".
  • JellyJaks
    JellyJaks Posts: 589 Member
    best one ever given to me via voice mail left on my work number at 1:30 am in the morning "uhhh, i am not feeling well ... I think I ate something .... so uhhhh i wont be in tomorrow can you tell the boss"

    strange thing was I could here the DJ in the back ground, people dancing and his girlfriend saying "get off the phone and drink"


    I forwarded it to the boss to help the jack *kitten*. :devil:

    EPIC! I totally would have done the same thing :laugh:
  • JellyJaks
    JellyJaks Posts: 589 Member
    I just told my husband about the retinal glaucoma excuse and he said he actually had someone call in to him once and say "I can't come to work today. I was decapitated last night" :noway: He told him "you'd better be here in an hour of you're fired" Guess he was able to find his head since he came in :laugh:
  • mccorml
    mccorml Posts: 622 Member
    I just told my husband about the retinal glaucoma excuse and he said he actually had someone call in to him once and say "I can't come to work today. I was decapitated last night" :noway: He told him "you'd better be here in an hour of you're fired" Guess he was able to find his head since he came in :laugh:

    lol i think you mean rectal glaucoma excuse haha
    retinal glaucoma is a real thing i think
  • MzBug
    MzBug Posts: 2,173 Member
    LOL My guy mentioned this morning that he might have rectal glaucoma tomorrow... better than cranial rectal inversion.
  • BigBeaver
    BigBeaver Posts: 858 Member
    LOL My guy mentioned this morning that he might have rectal glaucoma tomorrow... better than cranial rectal inversion.

    I always thought it was called inverted cranial rectosis, but I guess it is the same thing
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