Anyone else have kids with weight problems, or starting to?

SolidGoaled

I am very saddened to see that my daughter (12) seems to be developing a weight problem. I don't know what to do about it - she is very sensitive and takes things very personally. She's a sweet kid - but a little on the lazy side. And her diet is not good. I have already decided today that my mentality about meals around here MUST change - I have always allowed the kids their own choices in dinner, if they hate what we're having (salmon patties for example) I will make them an alternate choice. But not anymore. I will put my foot down and they will have to eat what we're having or not eat.

But, is there anything else I can do for her? I am just going to sneak the bad foods out and the good foods in without really talking about it. They all (the kids) know that hubby and I are improving our health, so hopefully she won't take it personally and she'll just figure its what the family is doing now. But I don't think I need to address her issues specifically, do I? Heck, I have my own eating issues I am working on, and I think a lot of it stems from all the "conversations" people had with me when I was 12 about my eating.

RunHardBeStrong

My husband and I just were talking a few days ago about our 9 yr old son and how he's starting to chub out a little, he's very active but he eats like a horse. So yes I feel horrible and I know it's partly my fault for not watching his portions as closely as I watch mine. So I'm just watching his portions better and as I said he's active but I'm trying to get him to be even more active by running with me or sometimes we just turn on the radio and dance like fools. I think that's all we can do as parents. I don't want to "talk" about him getting chubby, I don't want to give him a bad self image or negative outlook on a healthier lifestyle. I do talk about making healthy choices and why we make them but never say it's because you're gaining weight that we are doing this. If that makes any sense? Good Luck!

nab22

I think since you and your husband are cleaning up your eating/lifestyles she won't take it personally. And, you can do little things like go on a family walk after dinner a couple nights a week, or say no TV before 8pm, or get a dog that needs walks (works for me!)

jrbb0309

Personally, I would talk about it, but only within the framework of becoming a "healthier" family. Involve her in making healthier choices for the family. In choosing new fruits and vegetables to try. Reading nutrition labels. Trying to eat clean (which in this case would simply mean choosing packaged foods with less ingredients, mostly natural ones, and no ingredients that we can't pronounce or sound like fake food/chemicals). Also, emphasize serving size. Measure things. Switch to smaller plates so smaller portions look larger. If your other kids don't have weight problems, treat them all the same anyway so she knows it really is *everyone* getting healthier. Also, 12 is old enough to start helping choose recipes and cook with you. Ask her to help you by going out for walks with you. YOU need the support, you should emphasize. Make it about bonding time. Definitely quit with the alternate choices. That requires more work of you that you shouldn't be putting in as well.

crystal10584

if she's 12, I'd sit and talk with her. Let her know it's a family change, Mom and Dad are doing it too. go on nightly walks with the dog (if you have one) the WHOLE family, and let her know that joining you is not an option, she has to go. only keep healthy foods in the house.. etc.

she'll get the hang of it.

LoriW78

I think you are doing the right thing by not talking with her specifically unless she brings it up. Making the changes for the whole family is the right route to go. I used to also fix my kids alternate meals but now they eat what I fix or don't eat at all. Of course I always try to fix at least one thing that they do like, for example I know that my son doesn't really care for chicken pie then I will choose a side to go with it that I know he does like, such as pintos, mac & cheese, etc, so that way there is atleast one thing on the table he enjoys and I also a lot of times will make them try things that they "think" they won't like and they actually end up liking it.

I have 2 boys and they both have weight issues, but also remember that sometimes our weight can be related to our genetics.

I hope this helps.

Lori

rosey808

I would change your lifestyle as a family. Go out for walks after dinner, go bike riding together. Stay as active as possible. Maybe she could join a sport? That would help a lot.

Also, get rid of junk food in the house. I agree you should serve her what you are eating.

Try to make it as fun as possible.

Becky1971

I have a 16 year old who has struggled all her life, up and down for various reasons. I don't bring it up with her most of the time, she comes to me asking for help and accountability, she still will get an attitude if I do though, It's very difficult, a very sensitive issue, but you definitely have the right plan, and got some other great advice here.

bmontgomery87

I'd just watch portions and make sure you're feeding them healthy meals.

A lot of kids go thru that phase around 10-14 where they're a little fat. I was overweight around that period and eventually thinned back out.

If you're going to talk to them about it, approach it with caution. I don't think I'll ever forget the day my father told me I was getting fat and needed to not eat so much.

brneydgrlie

Speaking from my own experience, I would say it is better to say the least amount possible about it. My mom dragged me running with her in the mornings at age 9, had me in Weight Watchers at 10, and on a modified Medifast program at 12. It made me feel horrible - like I was never good enough for her. And I had self esteem issues for years. Now, looking back on it, and at old photos, I was not really obese. Just slightly chubby! My mom was foisting her own insecurities onto me. Even though she really did mean well, it was not the road she should have taken.

I do agree with you that not making separate meals IS a good idea. Does your daughter help you prepare them? If not, maybe she should. She is going to learn more through your positive lifestyle changes/attitude/example then you could ever tell her in a conversation. The more you stick to your plan for yourself and your family, the more likely she is to get on board. Sure, answer her questions when she has them, but don't make an issue out of it.

knittnponder

My kids are very involved in changes we make to our diets around here. It's been a slow evolution for quite awhile but every change is talked about. Not because I sit them all down and have a meeting or anything but because I just always talk about what new things I'm learning. Several years ago we started milling our own flour for all of our baked goods. This was of course a nutritionally based decision and I often talked about the nutrients that are stripped out of flour when you buy the grocery store stuff. They've watched me give many people lessons in milling and bread baking and just pick up the information simply because it's part of our lives. My 14 yo now bakes our bread and when she started she was my easiest student ever. Probably because she's seen me teach others so many times.

I've been a label reader for years and always point out to them what I'm looking for. My son has been a label reader for almost as long as I have and actually pays attention to them. Living your life and explaining to your kids why you're making the decisions you are (whether it's food, money or even just managing your time) helps them develop discernment and learn how to make decisions like these themselves.

All of that taken into consideration, we homeschool so my kids probably have more opportunity to lounge around than most. A few years ago I began to get a little concerned for my oldest DD because she's a bookworm and was pretty sedentary. When the other kids would go outside and run around she'd stay in the house. If I kicked her out she'd go poke around in the bushes instead of riding her bike like the others. I convinced my husband to take up Taekwondo again and take her with him. They did it for about two months before the rest of the family joined in and now we're two years into all of us doing it. It not only gets all of us moving but we love it and love working out as a family. She was never singled out publicly as having an issue, we just figured out a way to inspire her to get moving that she would enjoy.

Now she's my P90X buddy and we're working out together. She's a green smoothie addict and has adjusted her eating habits on her own based on what she's learned from me. I do make all of my kids use the food scale but it's not because I'm wanting them to "diet". I have four and they'd eat us out of house and home if I let them free wheel it! My 14 is addicted to peanut butter so I make her look at the jar and weigh out the "serving size". Otherwise she'd eat all of it! I'm hoping this teaches portion control.

christianmom509

At one point in my life I weighed 304 pounds. I come from a long line of bad eaters. I decided almost 10 years ago that I was gonna make a change. It has been a long road with ups and downs but at the time I had a 7 year old son who was really starting to pick up the pounds and I didn't want to love him to death with food. I know that sounds strang but that is what my mom did for us. My younger brother will be 35 this year and has never been able to get control of it. He weighes close to 500 pounds. That would have been me too. I set my 7 year old down (he's 17 now) all those years ago and told him that mommy had an addiction to bad food choices and that if those things were in the house she would want to eat them. I didn't make it about him I made it about me. There were times when he would get upset about all the food changes but mostly he felt bad for me and wanted to help me get better. I made it all about me but it has helped my whole family. My husband has never had a weight problem but he told me to do what I needed to do to make our family healthy and has never complained about the food. We have a rule in our house that is "you get what you get and you don't throw a fit". That goes with food and everything else. My 17 year old is a big guy. 6'1" 210 pounds but he is very healthy and confident. My 7 year old has always lived this way and doesn't know any difference. I made my mind up that I would stop (loving my child to dealth with food). Food is not a reward or a gift. It is what we need to put into our bodies as fuel. My mom is great and she has even changed her whole life and lost over 100 pounds. Bad food choices is a family problem. I would say that 80 percent of my moms large family is morbidly obese. At some point someone has to be strong enough to stop the cycle. The fact that you recognize it means you are already winning the fight.

clevering

Much like the previous post, my Mom always complained about her own weight issues and began to notice mine outloud. She took me to Weight Watchers with her beginning age 8. I was mortified to get on the scale in front of all those strangers every week. It gave me a major complex and I began to sneak my own junk food. I became obsessed with getting away with it. I rebelled in a major way and knew I was only hurting myself but I couldn't stop. My parents even sent me away for a month one summer (age 11) to my grandparents house 2,000 miles away. They didn't say it was to lose weight, but I knew that's why they sent me. By junior year in HS, I was well into the 220's. I finally had to make my own choice to put an end to it, and joined Nutrisystem. I lost 50lbs during senior year, only for it to creep up again through my college years. I look back on those childhood photos. My Mom was NOT fat. Nor was I...until I started to rebel against the diet programs. But we lived in SoCal, home of the Barbie image and believed we were fat. I battled weight my whole life. My wonderful husband supported my decision to have LapBand Surgery 4 years ago. It is the first long-term weight loss success I ever had. The best decision for my life and my health. I enjoy being active with my kids and work hard not to foist my own weight insecurities onto them. My daughter is coming up on 9 and began asking me if she was fat. She too, has that "childhood chub" that happens just before another growth spurt. I assure her she is perfectly normal and use that moment to remind her about what healthy eating habits are and that we have to choose to eat well in order to be well.

BflSaberfan

Girls ESPECIALLY will be a tad on the chubby side while going through puberty, this is completely normal and expected. I suspect she will balance out within a few years.

With that said, regarding the dinner choices, if my kids dont like what were having they are free to make their OWN alternative IF it's healthier than what we're having.

SabrinaJL

Ugh. My kid is 17 and at 5'1", 115 lbs, doesn't have a weight problem but she is DEFINITELY skinny fat (I can outrun her). She lives off of pop-tarts, ramen and coke. Now that we're not bringing that stuff in the house regularly and are trying to eat healthier, she acts like we're doing it just to screw with her. She thinks because she doesn't have a weight problem, she should be able to eat whatever she wants. We've discussed how bad eating this way is for your body, and she is a very intelligent girl, but she just doesn't care. It's frustrating.

oddyogi

In addition to all the advice everyone else has said, start having family meetings. During these meetings you can discuss everyone's goals (even if it's just a small goal for the kids--go on a week twice a week to start with or something), and cheer each other on. You could even get a wipe off board to make a chart with everyone's progress on their goals. Doesn't necessarily have to be weight loss goals!

Barbelizah

Oh Goodness this seriously makes me kinda teary eyed because I have a 3 yr old very active son that I love with all my heart and it makes me cry every single time I put on his jeans a week after purchasing and they don't fit. I don't cry because we have to go out and buy more I cry because he NOTICES that they don't fit him anymore and tells me "mama I'm too big one". :sad: But what can I do? his doctor has already told me he is obese which in my eyes he does not look like it I try my best to keeps cookies or salty snacks out of sight. He has always enjoyed drinking very cold water so I try that instead of juice or soft drinks. (also I have been putting lemon or squeezing an orange in the water) I have struggled with weight all my life so I know how mean kids are at school and I don't EVER wan't him to feel rejected because of the way he looks! I wan't him to be healthy and since diabetes runs in my family , that also worries me.

Chuckw40

My son is 15 and weighs as much as I do, which is not good. He is one of the reasons I decided to make a change in my life. I have stopped buying fast food for the most part and started cooking healthier meals for my kids. I have not pushed him too much because I don't want to make him feel bad about himself. But I am showing him how I am exercising everyday and losing weight in the hopes it will rub off on him.

I figure i have to lead by example.

lulabellewoowoo

My 10.5 year old daughter is shaped just like I was. She is almost 5'3" and 116 lb, which for an adult woman is about right. But he carries a lot of baby weight in her belly right now, and she is noticing that her "friends" are all super skinny. She starts middle school next year with all the insecurities that go with it. She's also a bookworm and would rather sit and read than run outside. So my husband and I decided to become proactive. Her and I have made a goal of running a 5K in October together. To be able to use the machines at our gym because of her age, she needed to take a certification class. Enrollment usually starts at 12, but I pleaded my case and explained why it was important to me for her mental health and confidence, not to mention physical ability to be able to learn and understand fitness in the gym. Fortunately, the person in charge has a 9 year old daughter with similar "issues" so she helped me push. My daughter is loving what she is learning about strength training, exercise, and nutrition. I'm seeing a difference in her eating habits at home. Worth every gouging penny.

Another thing we have started doing is not putting our serving dishes on the table, but rather my husband and I fix all the plates in the kitchen, so there's no mindless picking. If anyone wants second, they get double vegetables with whatever the main course was. Or we give them the option of either having a second helping, or waiting 20 minutes for dessert...but no having both. Sometimes it just depends on how good dinner is I guess.

My mother was a "diet pill" taker and was rail thin, which made me even more self-conscious and led to eating disorders...and to this day still struggle with self-image issues. I REFUSE to do that to my children. And fortunately, I have a wonderful husband who is very supportive in this.

So that your daughter doesn't start using the word diet, maybe simply getting her more active and as mentioned lessening portion size, she will start to learn the adjustment on herself. Many times when we are riding in the car, when food is not in front of us or an issue, we will talk about calories and energy and what it means and how to gain strength. When they have a bag of candy, I allow them one serving, so they have to read the package and figure out how much that is and have fun weighing it out on the scale, and are usually satisfied with just the one, even though if permitted they would eat it all.

Keep being positive and being the wonderful example you are. I think it will make all the difference in the world.

mericksmom

Start doing more with them. Maybe go in the backyard and start a water ballon fight and hose fight. Keep it fun and exciting. Go bike riding or hiking. My mom started young with me harping how much weight I have and the good choices I shouold be making...I ended up gaining weight due to starvation mode and hormone issues. With my son he is 50 lbs for 7 years old. he sees me working on my issues and Imake him understand that he needs soo many calories or more and that the package stuff isnt the best stuff in the world and sometimes are convienent. I tell him how to start on lables and that exersize is a big thing for staying healthy. Sometimes he wants to work out with me and loves the kick boxing videos. It is the INFO they get now that will make them successful later in life back then I would hear my neighbors doing the all tab diet, cabbage diet, grapefruit diet,.......now I know is really bad but that misinformation helped me make bad choices along with all the other fad diets that dont give you best information and the diet pills..

12by311

I'd just watch portions and make sure you're feeding them healthy meals.

A lot of kids go thru that phase around 10-14 where they're a little fat. I was overweight around that period and eventually thinned back out.

If you're going to talk to them about it, approach it with caution. I don't think I'll ever forget the day my father told me I was getting fat and needed to not eat so much.

I would have to agree. Most kids go through a "chubby stage". What I would do is continue improving the food choices and eating habits in your own house. Maybe get her involved. Let her help grocery shop for healthy foods. Ask her to help you prepare meals. Explain the benefits of drinking water and eating fruits and vegetables. The change will have to be gradual. It's hard to break bad habits, especially as a child.

I definitely think the way I was raised has played a part in my nutrition and eating habits. When I went to college, I ate more fast food the first two years than I ever had in my life. But now, I cook almost every day. I am able to raise a garden and my dad has a beef cattle farm.

Just keep making changes at home and hopefully she will follow your lead.

donicagalek

Obesity is a problem for girls in my family. Not so much for boys. My husband is "overweight", but never obese and in the summer he floats back into "normal" ranges without even trying.

We have two boys. When the oldest was around 3-4 he started to chub out. I freaked out a bit, my husband didn't worry about it. He said he was like that as a kid. Sure enough by the time he turned five he was fine.

My youngest became obese after last Halloween's candy bender and is growing into it now. X-D

Now, the youngest is still obese...but summer is coming. The kids swim and jump in the trampoline and I'm completely confident that by the end of summer he won't be obese. Then he'll be in pre-k and not lounging around the house all winter.

The oldest is "overweight" according to kid BMI charts. But he doesn't have breasts or rolls, his thighs don't touch and he doesn't have much for a double chin. I'm not worried (anymore).

SolidGoaled

Thank you guys sooo much for all the kind words and encouragment, and the stories of your own struggles with your children (and AS children your own selves!!)

I am definitely going to clean out this house of all the crap and start having a "eat with the family or don't eat at all" policy at dinnertime.

Any advice on what I should do with these 3 giant Easter bunnies that need to go??? (My in laws think its cute to buy the BIGGEST chocolate bunnies possible - 3500 calories a piece, probably.)

And thats not all - there is still small candy left in their baskets. I swear I've watched my daughter grow two pants sizes since Easter morning.

hellenyork

We have a 6 year old that is the same way. She has spent a lot of time with her grandparents who let her eat anything and not be active. Since we are eating more healthy and she is moving in with us at the end of the month we're hoping to help control it with better snack/dinner choices and more outdoor activites!

donicagalek

Grate the bunnies and put the chocolate flakes in a ziplock. Throw it in the freezer and use it whenever you need chocolate chips for granola/granolabars, sprinkles or just to top off healthy desserts (chocolate tipped strawberries - melt the chocolate in the microwave).

kacarter1017

It's so great that you've identified the problem early and are willing to work on it! I agree with the posters who are saying to stop cooking 2 meals. Make one meal for everyone that includes at least 1 vegetable (many times we have 2 or 3). Another "rule" we've adopted is no seconds on anything until all other foods are off the plate. If they get full before they've eaten everything, that's fine. But they can't go back for potatoes if there are still green beans on the plate.

Do you guys ride bikes? Like to play catch? Get a good game of kickball going with the neighbor kids? How about the ol' Kick the Can or Capture the Flag? These are all forms of exercise, but don't seem like it and can be really fun! We played a bunch of kick the can last summer and that is GOOD exercise!

I would take all the "bad food" out of the house and replace with healthy. On occasion, buy a small bag of chips or bake a few cookies. Remember, no food is bad and that's the wrong lesson to teach. Work those "treats" into a meal. But make sure there is only enough for the one meal and no more. (Or throw away the rest).

Make sure rewards are not based on food. My parents rewarded good grades with going out to eat or getting to pick our meal for supper. Some poeple do ok with this, I didn't. I have ever since tied success to food. Instead, make it a new Wii game, or save it up to the end of the year and make it a new bike, or rollerblades, or some other activity based reward.

I see you're wondering about Easter basket candy. Throw it out. Throw out the bunnies. People may not agree with this, but I've been known to lie about situations like that..."What happened to my Easter Bunny?" " I don't know...where did you have it last?" Not saying it's the right answer, but just being honest.

Chuckw40

Thank you guys sooo much for all the kind words and encouragment, and the stories of your own struggles with your children (and AS children your own selves!!)

I am definitely going to clean out this house of all the crap and start having a "eat with the family or don't eat at all" policy at dinnertime.

Any advice on what I should do with these 3 giant Easter bunnies that need to go??? (My in laws think its cute to buy the BIGGEST chocolate bunnies possible - 3500 calories a piece, probably.)

And thats not all - there is still small candy left in their baskets. I swear I've watched my daughter grow two pants sizes since Easter morning.

it's just my opinion but you may want to let your children enjoy their Easter candy. It just seems cruel to me to take away a chocolate bunny!

donicagalek

Freeze the rest of their candy, too. Tell them it's to keep it from going bad. Candy gets eaten *much* slower if it's taken out of the freezer by the piece and knawed on while it's frozen. :-D

Other ideas for the frozen grated bunnies:

choc-chip waffles or pancakes (make them whole grain and throw some choc flakes in)
yogurt topping
a batch of choc. chip cookies when they have friends over (share the calories! X-D)

Chocolate isn't evil. Neither is pizza or chips or ice cream. They're foods. Just ones that need to be eaten sparingly. Too many parents try to eliminate these things from their kids' diets instead of showing their kids *how* to eat them. Then when the kids grow up and go to college/move out on their own - they start packing on the weight because they were never taught how to eat.

Double whammy - I was allowed to eat poorly as a kid and I got WORSE when I went to college. X-D

Kjarlune

I am very saddened to see that my daughter (12) seems to be developing a weight problem. I don't know what to do about it - she is very sensitive and takes things very personally. She's a sweet kid - but a little on the lazy side. And her diet is not good. I have already decided today that my mentality about meals around here MUST change - I have always allowed the kids their own choices in dinner, if they hate what we're having (salmon patties for example) I will make them an alternate choice. But not anymore. I will put my foot down and they will have to eat what we're having or not eat.

But, is there anything else I can do for her? I am just going to sneak the bad foods out and the good foods in without really talking about it. They all (the kids) know that hubby and I are improving our health, so hopefully she won't take it personally and she'll just figure its what the family is doing now. But I don't think I need to address her issues specifically, do I? Heck, I have my own eating issues I am working on, and I think a lot of it stems from all the "conversations" people had with me when I was 12 about my eating.

My daughter has just finished loosing 15 pounds...because of this problem....I sat down and told her that she learnt her habits from me, and that it was my fault not hers...I took out all the chocolate...all the candy and junk..Made the entire family join me on my quest. My older kids go to the store buy their own and hide it in the basement...I told K that she could be mad at me if she wanted but she would be thanking me in the long run and I was not here to be her friend.....She lost her 15 pounds feels amazing, eats great and at easter I got her chocolate. She eats one small piece at a time because she does not like how it makes her feel....

She went from a 14 to a 10......we have to get them on track....it is our job....everyone around me tried to say it was baby fat, I got mad.....She didn't like it, but she is very thankful now...and it gave her the opportunity to be able to be honest with me too..Now if she sees me eating something I shouldn't she will point it out....Nicely...but still...She is getting ready to take kids zumba...we just have to do it...

SolidGoaled

Grate the bunnies and put the chocolate flakes in a ziplock. Throw it in the freezer and use it whenever you need chocolate chips for granola/granolabars, sprinkles or just to top off healthy desserts (chocolate tipped strawberries - melt the chocolate in the microwave).

This is a good idea, and I already do have 3 solid chocolate bunnies in the freezer that I stole before the kids saw them (grandparents again) but how do I explain to them that instead of letting them eat their bunnies, I want to freeze them and use the chocolate some other time???

SolidGoaled

Thank you guys sooo much for all the kind words and encouragment, and the stories of your own struggles with your children (and AS children your own selves!!)

I am definitely going to clean out this house of all the crap and start having a "eat with the family or don't eat at all" policy at dinnertime.

Any advice on what I should do with these 3 giant Easter bunnies that need to go??? (My in laws think its cute to buy the BIGGEST chocolate bunnies possible - 3500 calories a piece, probably.)

And thats not all - there is still small candy left in their baskets. I swear I've watched my daughter grow two pants sizes since Easter morning.

it's just my opinion but you may want to let your children enjoy their Easter candy. It just seems cruel to me to take away a chocolate bunny!

I hear ya - it does seem mean, BUT, I also can't stand the thoughts of her consuming that many calories and sugar in one sitting while she's dealing with a weight problem right now. Isn't standing by and letting that go on neglectful in a way? Plus, she has enjoyed PLENTY of Easter candy - its just these GIGANTIC chocolate bunnies that I DID NOT buy that are bothering me....