Question: Is it Rude to Excuse Yourself from Office/Work lu

DFineMrsRicks

In the past three weeks, my office has held 3 luncheons. Each time it was held at places I have been avoiding. The first one was at a southern country-style buffet. The second one was held at a southern steak/"fried" seafood restaurant. The most recent one was a wedding shower with cake (with the butter cream icing) and party snacks.

Each time, I have excluded myself from these luncheons because of my diet and the temptation. At these “southern” style places I am pretty sure that even the broccoli is bad for you. Each time I didn't participate, at least five people would ask why. Each time, I explain my diet and not wanting to be around that type of food (with a smile).

So, is it rude to not participate? We have our office picnic next week.

believetoachieve

I don't think you should exclude yourself entirely, but this depends on your workplace/position/career. You can go but not eat much (small portions), or make wise choices. I know that in many places though, to "get ahead", you often do need to make an appearance and mingle with coworkers.

Noctuary

Ask a friend or two to help you bring some healthy dishes to the picnic. Be part of the solution. Ten to one there are a few fellow employees who would like to see some healthier fare at work as well.

squishycow7

they might be a little offended, I think... but then again as long as you're explaining yourself/your situation, I think it would be fine! Just be open & honest.

Or, if they do seem to be gossiping about it, maybe you could bring along some healthier snacks for yourself? Maybe even just carrying around a bottle of water or crystal lite (something with some flavor) would be enough of a distraction,

GOOD LUCK

TS65

Nope, not rude at all. Next time they are planning one, perhaps you can suggest a place where you can go. That way, you show you ARE interested in being with them... just not the bad food.

Kirsty_UK

I would say it depends on the event, the office, and the politics. Every work place is different so it's hard to know for sure.

Maybe you could suggest one that fits in with healthier eating so that they know they aren't being snubbed, and you don't dislike them? The picnic sounds like it will work out ok though.

Rubie81

I don't think it's rude but expect for some co-workers to say rude comments.
A while ago, I think I was pregnant with my first at the time, a group of us from work went to eat at a diner. One of the girls, who was on a strict diet and barely eating at the time (or so it seemed), came with us and ordered a pea soup, just a pea soup. She thrashed her spoon from one side to the other and ate maybe a quarter of her soup. Then she excused herself to go use the bathroom and one of my bosses blurted out, "What are you going to do now, throw up!"
Very rude. That is just how people are.

lfondots

I know how tough it is. We have lots of those type things here at the office. I tend to go and then just not partake in the food. Where there is cake, I just say no thank you. Of course after the 4 person has asked if I want some, it does get tiring to say that you are watching what you eat. Amazing that people see me going to work out at lunch with others three times a week and notice that I'm losing weight but still want to push the goodies. Oh well. I know what I have to do and will just stay on track. Also it helps that a few other co-workers are doing the same thing so nice to have others that understand.

omgitsgarry

I don't think it's rude, I think it is smart. I know a co-worker who is trying to lose weight, but can't, because she keeps getting take away with the rest of the girls every night. I think if you ever want to treat yourself, but if it helps you stay on track, go for it.

adfranks

It isn't rude and they should understand... I would talk to whoever plans them and let that person know your situation. I have gone so far as to tell my department that I just don't eat XXX or YYY ever and there isn't anything on the menu at a place I can eat. Most of my co-workers understand that I am picky anyway so that helps me out. They stated making sure there was always a fruit tray at meetings so I would have something to eat!

Emilystbt

I definatly agree with making an appearance to these functions, but eating before hand might be a good idea so you can eat less there or at the picnic get together with fellow employees and make some healthy foods, share your drive to be a healthier person with them you'd be suprised how contagious it is

Xaspar

Pack your own picnic and go along to enjoy the company. I often do this with social functions. Generally they are serving hot dogs and hamburgers, etc and I have the excuse that I don't eat beef, so I pack my own foods to assure I can eat something. I have even brought a pre-measured chicken breast portion marinating in a ziploc bag to grill alongside everyone else's burgers, etc.

You can 'pack enough to share' too if you want. If your coworkers see you including yourself and the effort you are willing to make to do so, maybe they will make an effort to include a healthier option every once in a while so you can participate more fully.

If they are doing something and feel you should go, another option is to try to find the most healthy items you can at the location and order a take-home tray as soon as your meal is brought and split the portions to a more believable amount. You can save the rest for lunch or dinner another time or even just throw it out when no-one is there to gawp at you.

LauraDubbleya

I don't think it's rude either. I'm really lucky because there are only two of us in the office here and my boss is trying to lose weight too so he's very supportive. However, I used to work in an office of over 120 people and they were always throwing pot luck lunches or having cakes for baby showers and going away parties. If I had enough time to plan ahead, I'd factor it into my eating for that day and try to make good choices.

If it was just cake, I was able to just go into the kitchen to join in the celebration but not partake of the cake part.

It depends on the dynamics of your office I suppose.

Improvised

I don't think it's rude but expect for some co-workers to say rude comments.
A while ago, I think I was pregnant with my first at the time, a group of us from work went to eat at a diner. One of the girls, who was on a strict diet and barely eating at the time (or so it seemed), came with us and ordered a pea soup, just a pea soup. She thrashed her spoon from one side to the other and ate maybe a quarter of her soup. Then she excused herself to go use the bathroom and one of my bosses blurted out, "What are you going to do now, throw up!"
Very rude. That is just how people are.

Wow. That's terrible.

Iceprincessk25

I teach and we have monthly birthday luncheons which happened to be today. I walked by and it was these giant vats of pasta. Which figures because I'm low carbing it right now. I ran outta there like it was the plague!!!!!

DFineMrsRicks

Great advice!

DFineMrsRicks

Pack your own picnic and go along to enjoy the company. I often do this with social functions. Generally they are serving hot dogs and hamburgers, etc and I have the excuse that I don't eat beef, so I pack my own foods to assure I can eat something. I have even brought a pre-measured chicken breast portion marinating in a ziploc bag to grill alongside everyone else's burgers, etc.

You can 'pack enough to share' too if you want. If your coworkers see you including yourself and the effort you are willing to make to do so, maybe they will make an effort to include a healthier option every once in a while so you can participate more fully.

If they are doing something and feel you should go, another option is to try to find the most healthy items you can at the location and order a take-home tray as soon as your meal is brought and split the portions to a more believable amount. You can save the rest for lunch or dinner another time or even just throw it out when no-one is there to gawp at you.

Great advice!

Cristy_AZ

If there are no healthy choices available for you I don't think it's rude at all. I've had to bow out of LOTS of events at my job because there is just no way not to blow a whole day (unless you just sit and watch the other people eat!). It's one of the very first things I learned on this journey... it's OK to say NO THANK YOU!!

TAWoody

I think any work function that expects everyone to be there is absurd. Especially when it's after work during the week or ever worse during the weekend. People have lives and stuff to do outside of work and no one should dare get upset with someone if they don't feel like going to something like this. YOU at least have a good reason which should be just fine.

irridia

I think its totally Rude!!! :mad:
Rude of your co-workers to be so insensitive when you are trying to do something good for yourself!! of course it's better not to call them on it and instead work with them to resolve the issue as others have said. good luck!:drinker:

deniseg31

They should be able to understand. I personally don't and usually never participate in office functions for the sole purpose of the gossip that goes around. I don't care for office gossip and so I stay away. However they do bring loads of junky food and that's a no go for me. They are used to me not ever attending anything because I am "shy" or so they think I am. I've been here for 12 years and I've perhaps gone to 5 things max.

Don't feel bad...if you explain and they don't get it there's nothing you can do. You need to watch out for yourself which is most important. :happy:

lulusmom

At my firm, excusing myself from a luncheon because of the food they were eating would be seen as exceptionally rude and completely unacceptable.

My solution is to order soup, grilled chicken or veggies. Even at a southern fried place, you can find a chicken breast to strip the skin off of and (nonchalantly) blot the remaining meat off with.

Forgoing work functions would effectively end my career eventually. So, part of a healthy lifestyle is learning to live it while participating in work functions.

tgh1914

It depends. There are some work functions I've had that are kind of put on by the higher-ups, and part of their reason for having it is to see you (or someone else) & get a chance to talk to you in a more casual atmosphere about career or anything. If I were to always slough these off it would hurt my chances of being successful. So I go, at least for a while, and try to eat what I can. I've had others comment about why I'm only doing salad or whatever - it's no biggee. But I do try to plan ahead & either have some of my healthier stuff right before or right after the function, if I don't like what'll be offered there.

Randonneur

I think it is entirely fair not to go, they are being inconsiderate to normal eaters. We don't all want to gorge ourselves in fat.

Think like this,
We invite everyone to the pub, the muslims can't go due to alcohol, - if its a few friends and they want to do this then ok - could be a bit rude.

However an employer should be fair to everyone and as such should consider everyone.
I have a problem going in smoking establishments before the smoking ban, and I gave this as my excuse.

I suggest you speak in private with the organiser/ company and explain that you are on a special diet and you need to stay away from such places as it is very difficult for you, and far from having a relaxing experience it is an opposite effect causing you stress.

At the same time suggest an office visit to a gym, or a lunchtime run, see how that goes down.

If they don't like it, they don't have to, but don't let anyone bully you into going.

So what have we got so far, employer giving stress to employee and bullying.

irridia

Something occurred to me while reading over this thread again. Do you have something physical you've wanted to do but haven't because of your fitness level? Most of us do I believe. For me, I have several and could easily rotate through them as I accomplish them from easier to harder.
It's super easy for me right now because my most immediate goal is to get completely off of insulin. I also have a 5 year old and at age 50 I need to get fit to keep up with him so that's number 2, also of course to be around for him later but while it is actually urgent it won't be perceived as such by others because they are not educated on just how dangerous diabetes is.
Anyway when people get snotty about your dieting, it is often because they have never been successful and thus have bought into the whole be comfortable at your "natural" weight. Unless you have a glandular condition or are physically impaired in some way that keeps you from getting enough exercise(both of these situations are extremely rare), there is nothing "natural" about being obese.
Our modern lifestyle has done this to us. Very few raw foods in most diets so not a bunch of caloric effort but into digestion, fiber stripped out of lots of stuff so again, not much caloric burn required to digest and also not as filling so you want more. Body wants water so we give it caffeine, sodium and sugar laden beverages with carbonation to leach the calcium from our bones and our teeth.
Most of our fresh veggies that we eat raw have been shipped and most have been picked before they were ready and thus not at optimum nutrient levels. The only things we actually need to cook are meat and grains and we can get away with not cooking meat from a purely digestive point of view. We also were not meant to do any one activity for a majority of the day. Not supposed to move all day long, not supposed to sit all day long, not supposed to stand in one place and only move our arms all day long either.

My point is that we, as a society have the odds stacked against us. Those off us who are making real effort, sticking to it (looks slightly sheepish) and seeing real, lasting results are going to garner resentment. The others have not reached the tipping point for them that makes them want to change, or maybe they don't have the support at home, could be anything. So they resent people who are "on a diet" because they have tried and tried diets but didn't exercise as well and thus failed, and they don't want to do the hard work that it takes. This is also why you have the friend/relative who is constantly throwing temptations in your face. This is of course excepting the few who have naturally good metabolisms or who have maintained an active lifestyle or are still young enough that it's still easy for them to eat what they want.

The other part is that we as a society, while not necessarily participating in, glorify sports, and sports heroes as well as entertainers. Can you imagine anyone being rude to someone who says "I'm trying to stay on my training diet because I've always wanted to (insert goal here)" if you have an event that you are shooting for then add the details. I think they would not only applaud you but maybe even be supportive.

I still stand by my previous statement that it is rude, however it is also an opportunity to provide a positive example! good luck!

DFineMrsRicks

UPDATE: Yesterday was my office picnic and it was great! They really looked out for me. The committee provided water, turkey burgers, hot dogs, and baked beans with ground turkey! I am really thankful.

cng1117

I would say definitely not rude. A job is just a job, co-workers are just co-workers, that's it. You have no obligation to them regarding your eating habits. Your health and your life is what's important. If they don't like it, oh well, eventually they will get used to it.

AI1108

I think it depends on your work culture.. for my office it wouldn't be rude not to go but I also get along really well with my team so I go for kicks... coworkers always act differently outside of the office and it becomes easier to find coworkers that you get along with better than others. The way I think about it is.. if you don't go it doesn't hurt you directly but when it comes down to it its the person they like having around the office that they want to bring up higher and higher. We've had a different holiday party every week for the last three weeks and I've attended all of them. I don't let my dietary lifestyle hurt my career.

I agree eating healthy is great for vitality but for weight loss its calories in vs. calories out.. why can't you go and just go with a smaller portion? The last one I went to everyone was raving about the lasagna but I opted for a chicken wrap from the appetizer menu instead.. you don't have to have the high calorie option plus a lot of places are starting to add lighter options to their menu. Most places that you go to can accomodate a good array of dietary guidelines. It just comes down to being open with them about your situation. Most of America is "on a diet/watching their waistlines." It won't come as a surprise to any of your coworkers.

UponThisRock

Rude?
-Maybe

Should you care?
-I wouldn't

fionarama

yes I'd say it depends on office politics. And where you are in your mission to get in shape. If I was in normal BMI range I'd probably go to at least some just to be sociable. If I was obese and seriously needed to lose weight I'd just tell them why and not go, as you need to put your health first. You wouldn't hold it against an alcoholic for not wanting to go to the office party, so the same respect should be given to someone who is doing the difficult job of changing their relationship with food.

wildkatt7

I go to events and bring my cooler with my meals... not even the ball parks I have been to have refused me... only at one party did I get a look from one person that seemed to say "how rude" that I brought food I could eat... and she wasn't the hostess (the hostess was absolutely amazing). 66 pounds and 11 inches later, it indeed works...