Question: Is it Rude to Excuse Yourself from Office/Work lu

bellatrixed

It is kind of rude, it makes it look like you're not a part of the team. You should at least go, even if you don't eat anything, or just make the "best" choice on the menu and then only eat some of it.

iwillsoonbeslim

Not rude.....but the point of losing the weight is to enrich our lives, one way or another - not to put it on hold whilst we do it :(xx

Mrs_TrimWaistFatWallet

Ask a friend or two to help you bring some healthy dishes to the picnic. Be part of the solution. Ten to one there are a few fellow employees who would like to see some healthier fare at work as well.

this. or at least, bring your own food like a Subway sandwich

krist3ng

I don't think it's rude but expect for some co-workers to say rude comments.
A while ago, I think I was pregnant with my first at the time, a group of us from work went to eat at a diner. One of the girls, who was on a strict diet and barely eating at the time (or so it seemed), came with us and ordered a pea soup, just a pea soup. She thrashed her spoon from one side to the other and ate maybe a quarter of her soup. Then she excused herself to go use the bathroom and one of my bosses blurted out, "What are you going to do now, throw up!"
Very rude. That is just how people are.

That's just awful >:(

I think lots of times people try to sabotage their friends out of latent jealousy. They don't even realize it; it's sort of like their guilt at not dieting themselves makes them lash out.

bellatrixed

YAAY!! Brava!

LauraRose03

I agree that maybe you could offer a suggestion of where to go. I'm not a fan of lying, but you could always tell them your doctor said your cholesterol is skyrocketing and you have to watch what you eat. I think they'd be more understanding if it was a doctor's orders and that your health could be at risk.

SLaw4215

I do not think it's rude and I think you might be setting a very good example. With all of the Health Care and Insurance companies raising rates and instituting financial penalties (etc) for people who are over-weight the company you work for may want to consider alternatives to EATING as compensation/reward.

I think this mentality is why WE are so challenged with losing weight and why society is breeding a generation of obese children.

runs4zen

Nope, not rude at all. Next time they are planning one, perhaps you can suggest a place where you can go. That way, you show you ARE interested in being with them... just not the bad food.

Could not have said it better!

LauraRose03

I don't think it's rude but expect for some co-workers to say rude comments.
A while ago, I think I was pregnant with my first at the time, a group of us from work went to eat at a diner. One of the girls, who was on a strict diet and barely eating at the time (or so it seemed), came with us and ordered a pea soup, just a pea soup. She thrashed her spoon from one side to the other and ate maybe a quarter of her soup. Then she excused herself to go use the bathroom and one of my bosses blurted out, "What are you going to do now, throw up!"
Very rude. That is just how people are.



That is terrible!!!!! To address someone's diet out loud like that is extremely inappropriate. I sincerely hope she filed a complaint against her boss. What someone eats or doesn't eat is no one else's business but their own.

runs4zen

I don't think it's rude but expect for some co-workers to say rude comments.
A while ago, I think I was pregnant with my first at the time, a group of us from work went to eat at a diner. One of the girls, who was on a strict diet and barely eating at the time (or so it seemed), came with us and ordered a pea soup, just a pea soup. She thrashed her spoon from one side to the other and ate maybe a quarter of her soup. Then she excused herself to go use the bathroom and one of my bosses blurted out, "What are you going to do now, throw up!"
Very rude. That is just how people are.

That's just awful >:(

I think lots of times people try to sabotage their friends out of latent jealousy. They don't even realize it; it's sort of like their guilt at not dieting themselves makes them lash out.

That WAS really rude. I've been in that girl's position a bunch of times. I have had a VSG and my stomach is really small. A cup of soup is a large meal to me. I get accused of eating "nothing" all the time, yet I eat 1800+ calories a day to maintain my weight. I just eat it over the course of the day. She might have a similar issue too...or have been sick...pregnant...whatever.

Your boss was dumb to say that. That's how lawsuits in the workplace start--even over dumb stuff like an off the cuff comment.

savlyon

I have been struggling with this issue as well. Work isn't a problem--I don't have a problem skipping out on the teacher Christmas parties and post-conference gatherings because our program is located off campus. I go to the main campus maybe once a quarter and most of the personnel don't know me from Eve and the administrators could really care less--so I can skip out easily.

My problem, though, is with my friends and church gatherings. Now that I am skinnier, I look better and am happier and people want to be with me. I'm almost 3/4 of the way to my goal, so I think now is a good time to start including myself in the social realm. At these gatherings there is always going to be junk food and things I don't want to eat. With my friends, I often just invite them over to my house instead of suggesting their place so that I can choose what is on the table. At gatherings/parties, the best I can do is bring something healthy and eat smaller portions of the goodies.

What is important to remember is that these outings don't occur ALL the time. They happen infrequently. So...if I am good 95% of the time, It's ok to have a treat once in awhile.
Also, I don't know what restaurants you are talking about, but being healthy is such a fad right now (well...I hope not just a fad...) but ALL restaurants offer "healthier" options. For crying out loud, even McD's has healthy choices. Maybe you have to suck it up and just have a salad. Oh well. Remember your goals and skip the fats.

My sister in laws both have restrictive diets and both are able to go into any setting and eat and be polite. The first is a vegan with a milk allergy. When she comes to visit, my mom does do special shopping for her, but she eats as much off of our menu as she possibly can. At the same time, we really enjoy trying her foods and have added them to our diet. My other sister in law just cuts her portion sizes. She'll eat anything and everything, but only half of it.

So to finally answer your question...I think there might be another reason you are skipping the office parties. Look emotionally at what the issue is. Sometimes, it is really embarrassing to be the "fat person" on the diet. I ALWAYS felt self conscious eating "healthy" when I was fat. You are going to have to live real life though...and unless your healthy lifestyle is going to include living in a secluded room...my suggestion is to develop the will power to choose what is best for you and stick with it. Try eating snacks before hand so you aren't so hungry. Even if you lose control and order something unhealthy, you won't be able to finish it all.

P.S. I do think it was rude to skip the wedding shower just because you didn't want to eat cake. You should have celebrated the happy occasion.

trybefan

In the past three weeks, my office has held 3 luncheons. Each time it was held at places I have been avoiding. The first one was at a southern country-style buffet. The second one was held at a southern steak/"fried" seafood restaurant. The most recent one was a wedding shower with cake (with the butter cream icing) and party snacks.

Each time, I have excluded myself from these luncheons because of my diet and the temptation. At these “southern” style places I am pretty sure that even the broccoli is bad for you. Each time I didn't participate, at least five people would ask why. Each time, I explain my diet and not wanting to be around that type of food (with a smile).

So, is it rude to not participate? We have our office picnic next week.

I have had the same issues in the past couple weeks. I attended the parties for 30 minutes or so. I brought my own food an made sure I ate something beforehand. I do not exclude myself. I just dont eat anything that I dont want to have to work 3 days to burn off. Its also fun to watch how much others eat and say "damn"

mrschappet

You need to to what is best for you and the lifestyle you are wanting for yourself. If you are always worried about offending someone or hurting someones feelings you are never going to better yourself....Right now you need to be concentrating on keeping yourself on track and making good choices. If you know you will fall to temptation then good for you for saying " sorry I can't go" Its not like you are lying .. you were upfront and honest about why you aren't going.

I think you can go to the picnic though if you have enough self control and just take your own meal and healthy snacks :-)

TNAJackson

I don't think it's rude at all. You need to do what you need to do in order to make this lifestyle change and if it means turning down a few invitations to places that are only temptations to you, I don't see a problem. However, people who are jealous of your decision to take care of yourself or people who don't understand what it's like to actually HAVE to diet, will probably be upset. But it's ok. People who are mad have the same shoes to get glad in! :happy:

love22step

Hopefully, the day will come when you can handle it and rely on your self-discipline. Until then, keep explaining and do what you have to do! Maybe they'll learn to follow your example and find healthier destinations. Great job protecting your health!

trybefan

UPDATE: Yesterday was my office picnic and it was great! They really looked out for me. The committee provided water, turkey burgers, hot dogs, and baked beans with ground turkey! I am really thankful.

Thats awesome!! I have a pizza party next week, thankfully, I am lactose intolerant and if I eat pizza, I suffer for hours....there's my excuse!

ItsLessOfMe

I'd say bring a dish to the picnic so that you can have some control over what you eat. I have gone to resturaunts with friends and eaten only what I brought. I have been doing this for a little over a year and I do pick and choose some items from resturants I know the calories for. Main thing is this is a lifestyle change. We wont be perfect everyday but its the consistent choices we make that make the difference

honeysprinkles

I don't think it's rude. Do what you need to do to be successful.

Tropical_Turtle

I see it as - you cant "hide" yourself away from these food items forever. They are everywhere, you just need to find a better way to deal with it. I am going to a holiday party, of which I tried to excuse myself from because I am sure there are things I wont be able to eat there either. So instead, I am packing some snacks I am able to eat and bringing along a protein shake as well.

LuckyLeprechaun

Why can't you go, eat what you want or limit your food as you see fit, and then get a great workout afterwards (or ahead of time) so that you won't go over on your calorie goals. Then you don't have to exclude yourself.

You are allowed to exercise away foods that are calorie dense, you DON"T have to avoid them forever.......just my 2 cents

lab280

Can't change rude, but sometimes it's easier to just say to people that you have a food allergy and that will leave the comments alone. I am in truth allergic to soy and soy is in a lot of foods, so I can get by with saying, Gosh that looks so good... too bad I'm allergic! Be forewarned that some people will ask you what kind of reaction you have - saying headaches and intestinal will usually shut them up!


The other thing to suggest for office get togethers are having a dish to pass- you can bring healthy dishes then to get people to try. We had a make your own salad where each person brought one ingredient. One of my colleagues lost over 100 pounds doing weight watchers and she suggested we try to come up with non food oriented activities such as bowling or walking. Some people want the free meal though so you may want to talk to someone in HR to suggest a more healthy alternative to office functions.

gingerb85

Between last Saturday and this coming Sunday, I will have gone to six Christmas parties. In eight days. Yes, shocking. And I'm vegan and no one else is (since I live in South Louisiana - land of seafood and fried everything and creamy sauces/gravies). So what I did was to make sure I ate a filling, healthy dinner before going.

I must admit that I am not tempted simply because the only thing that would potentially tempt me would be desserts; however, I have discovered I am lactose intolerant and am enjoying not having terrible and constant stomach pain. Another thing that keeps me away is the fact that I'm down 20#. I want my weight loss to continue in the right direction.

So at Saturday's party, I ate beforehand and then had hummus and pita and a salad at the party. Sunday I hate nothing because they didn't have anything that would be appropriate for me. But, again, I ate before I went and had a wonderful time. Last night, I went straight for the fruit and veggie table and loaded my plate - skipping the creamy ranch dressing for the veggies and the pink fluffy whatever-it-was for the fruit. Tonight will be at a restaurant that doesn't serve even a salad that would be appropriate for a vegan diet. Again, I'll eat before leaving. Saturday is a pot-luck and I will be bringing dishes that will be tasty for everyone, but vegan for me. And Sunday will be at my house, so I'm the boss of that and know I will eat!

My advice - go, but bring something healthy for you to eat or either eat beforehand unless you feel you simply will not be able to resist even if your belly is fully. In that case, avoid temptation.

mochalovies

well, I do not think is rude, but you shouldn't skip all dinners because then you will become an outsider. I would tell them my goals and ask if they do not mind picking places that serve healthier options. All the guys around my workplace know I like to stay pretty healthy, so when go to places without healthy choices, they pretty much know I am going to skip and why. I also make jokes about when they tease -- like **do you think these curves happened by eating >>>>>blank<<<??? usually gets them to laugh and they leave it alone.

Jeneba

I am going to have to put up with a very uncomfortable situation tomorrow at our office party which will be held at an upscale Italian restaurant that everyone else in the office loves... For me, it will be excruciating because everything on the menu has meat in it, isn't within my religious dietary guidelines, and contains gluten. I am planning to bring my lunch and eat it before the party but I am still going to get really antsy having to spend all those hours in chitchat without being able to eat anything. Will probably grad a glass of red wine and "nurse" it for 4 hours....
One time, I nearly had a meltdown at the party because it was held at a steak house & the place was set up with round tables that had HUGE lazy susans on them filled with dead animals - not only were they dead animals, but they weren't kosher dead animals, so you can just imagine how I was feeling nauseous the entire time having to sit there with the stuff 4 inches away from my face! When the party was planned at the same place the next year, I simply refused to attend.... I didn't feel rude in the least! I felt very self-protecting & anyone who has a problem with my dietary restrictions, well, I really don't care! So - go ahead and do what you think is right for YOU!

stylistchik

In the past three weeks, my office has held 3 luncheons. Each time it was held at places I have been avoiding. The first one was at a southern country-style buffet. The second one was held at a southern steak/"fried" seafood restaurant. The most recent one was a wedding shower with cake (with the butter cream icing) and party snacks.

Each time, I have excluded myself from these luncheons because of my diet and the temptation. At these “southern” style places I am pretty sure that even the broccoli is bad for you. Each time I didn't participate, at least five people would ask why. Each time, I explain my diet and not wanting to be around that type of food (with a smile).

So, is it rude to not participate? We have our office picnic next week.

I don't think it's rude unless there was a point to it. If it was just a random lunch or even a christmas party, skip it. No one's going to be hurt because you are trying to be healthy. The wedding shower, I might have gone to that one just because it's about someone else and unless you don't know them well (like a work acquaintance) you should support them just by going, you don't have to eat their food.

That being said, I told my husband I didn't want to attend his formal steak-dinner Navy christmas party because I don't eat steak and we don't know anyone on this base yet so it would just be a really awkward night out for us.

I don't think it's rude to skip a random luncheon but supporting others is necessary if you expect them to support you. It's also a great time to network if you're not wasting your time eating the nasty fried food :laugh:

Randonneur

just do what's best for you, and don't need to apologise for what you eat or don't eat.r
its nobody elses business.

don't give an excuse for refusing a burger, tell em once why you choose not to pig out and that should be enough.

You could suggest a night out in a place that does do the food or meals that you can include in your diet.
Not many of those places around. The finer food places seem to have have smaller portions. and you can have the main course, skip the starter and desert. Or have the starter instead of the main.

Some places do pensioners portions.
and child portions.

Randonneur

Hey, I got a better idea - meet for drinks after the meal.

:laugh: