Negative Comments

stacilynn_1215

Does anyone else have some friends or family members that always are so negative about your weight loss? For instance, my cousin and his wife (who is far more overweight than I am) are always saying "oh yea she says she does all this stuff but the weights are probably just for show." or when I say im watching my calories for the day, they say things like "whatever, you shouldnt have to do that." They both eat very unclean - im talking fast food and junk every day - 4000 calories or more a day. I feel proud of myself and what I have accomplished and it just really bugs me when people like that try to make me feel bad about sticking to my plan. Any thoughts? Thanks for listening to my rant

AnneMK5

They are just jealous and probably miserable with themselves so they feel the need to put others down.

betterthanmama

Some people are jealous, some are afraid to change, some are ignorant. It may be hard but you have to live your life the way you want (of course like everything in moderation and not worry too much about other people's random opinions.

And good job keeping up with what you set out to do!

kdouglas11

ditch the people in your life that are NOT supportive.

foodforfuel

I'd invite them over to work out with me. Seeing is believing. You can't fake a great workout, and it might actually inspire them to do some work on themselves.

jllipson

You just can't please some people no matter how hard you try. Your best bet is to ignore them and walk away. Don't try to argue, you will just feel worse - and you do not need to explain yourself. A simple, "It's my life to live how I want" then walk away, or something similar. It will be hard, but hopefully after a couple of times of walking away, they will drop it.

Oh, and yes I hate people that make those types of comments. I have a coworker that keeps telling me how she doesn't feel that great when she is smaller - I wouldn't either if I only ate a banana or handful of oyster cracker in the morning for breakfast, nothing for lunch and an ok dinner. She feels bad because she starves her body.

And good for you for sticking to your plan! You are out to make yourself healthier and happier, don't worry about anybody but you.

stacilynn_1215

thanks i have a really great support group from the rest of my family and friends. and i only see those people every so often, so its not that big of a deal. it's just irritating. I want to scream sometimes when i see how people that could benefit from a lifestyle change themselves start preaching negatively to those who are already doing wonderful. I really love the support here on MFP too - I probably wouldnt have truly turned my life around without starting this site. so thank you everybody

tlapdx72

My daughter has a friend, and her parents drive me crazy. Both parents are over weight, and they both say the most horrible things about their daughter's weight. A couple of weeks ago I ran into the little girl and her mother at a school event, and her mother remarked about how tall my daughter is getting. Then she went on to say that her daughter is also growing, but she is growing wider not taller. What kind of person says that about their own kid!!!!???? Our kids also play soccer, and the other day when our girl's were competing against each other in a game, her parents kept telling us that their daughter won't ever make a goal, but as long as she is having fun they are happy to let her play soccer. They also yelled out to her, "Hey use all your weight to get through the girls". I try and say things to her parents to let them know that it isn't okay to talk about their daughter this way, but they just don't seem to get it! I know this is hurting their daughter. She has told my daughter that she is fat, and she has gained a bunch of weight over the last two years. I am sure she is depressed, and gaining the weight, because of how her parents have been talking to her. She is only nine years old. I am not sure what to do about this. If anyone has any advice on how I could help this family please tell me.

Crystal817

Don't let those people get you down. I'm sure putting down your lifestyle, only makes them feel better about themselves.

Keep up the good work!

kettlewitch

I have had a funny year health wise. Had a couple of migraine type attacks which I'd never had before, got a big tooth abcess and now have problematic gall stones which need surgery soon. There's woman at work who has told just about everybody that it's because I'm starving myself and I need to stop it. Now some of this may be related to the weightloss but I don't think putting it back on is the answer! Yes I've lost weight relatively fast, but I was over 300lb and diabetic for crying out loud. And, I certainly am not starving myself. In fact, when she asked what I ate in a day she reckoned it was more than her! She also makes comments about my clothes being too big. Well if she would like to buy me a whole new wardrobe every couple of months then she is welcome, but I'm not spending shed loads of money on clothes that will only fit for a few weeks.

hjy319

My favorite are the people who feel they are being supportive in asking, "are you sure you want to eat that?" and I'm left screaming to myself AHHH YEAH!! I' think I've got this figured out mostly and am losing. If I want something i fit it into my calories or i work out a little extra. And trust me if its something not healthy I've already asked myself a million times if its worth it or if I really want it, so the excuse (that was given to me) of well sometimes you just need that extra person to make you stop and think about it, really, I'm good on it thanks.

ohthatmomma

I find that people are always going to have something to say. I think for the most part they don't want you to do something that they aren't doing. Your changing your eating habits for the better is awesome. It is actually making their bad eating habits stand out and they just don't know how to deal with it. Keep leading by example.

bonjour24

i'd think of some responses in advance, like 'well you can have all of my old fat clothes that don't fit me anymore if you want', or 'yes, well i'm trying to get rid of MY love handles' (then look at hers knowingly). however, my face gives me away when i'm pissed off with someone, so i have to follow it up with a retort or people just think i'm having a stroke.

but i'm a bit of a ***** when i want to be;-)

TheGoktor

I find that in general, when a mirror is held up to them, some people do not like what they see. Instead of looking at their own reflection, it's easier to be negative to the mirror.

To change one's life can be a huge and sometimes difficult step, and when naysayers see others do it, while they are stuck in their own ruts (whatever they may be, not necessarily food and health-related), it reminds them of how much they continue along the same path. I'm sure we've all felt it, but the difference is that we are the ones who are now walking along a different path, while they sit back and try to rain on our parade.

When all is said and done however, the only people they are hurting are themselves. It's a shame because I suspect that that kind of negativity just feeds on itself; you find that a nasty comment doesn't make you feel better so the next time, you remember the frustration you felt, and you externalise it by being even nastier...which still doesn't make you feel better. And so on.

At least, that's how I imagine it works.

To the OP - if you can arrange it so you have to see them as little as possible, then my advice would be to do it. Why should you have to put up with such behaviour toward you? I wouldn't!

lacroyx

stop listening.

hewhoiscd

You should feel proud of what you are doing. Remember, you are doing it for yourself, not them, so who cares what they say You have control of your life, and they don't, people don't like to be reminded of that.

lfclancy

Don't let those people get you down. I'm sure putting down your lifestyle, only makes them feel better about themselves.

Keep up the good work!

I completly agree. Hang in there & keep the supportive people in your life around you.

chanstriste13

and i only see those people every so often, so its not that big of a deal.

if it were me, i would try and schedule my goals based on visits to this branch of the family - that way i'd get their tickers going every time! you just stay the course and stick to what matters to *you*! best of luck!

chanstriste13

ps~ i *love* your smile!

OLP76

Make their poison words - be your fuel to keep on goin' to your goals...

When it's time to sport that bathin' suit & you lookin' all HOT & SLENDER...You can tell them, everytime you put me down - you kept fuelin' me to pushin' on harder...!

They will be GREEN with envy...! :laugh: :flowerforyou:

ninpiggy

I find that people are always going to have something to say. I think for the most part they don't want you to do something that they aren't doing. Your changing your eating habits for the better is awesome. It is actually making their bad eating habits stand out and they just don't know how to deal with it. Keep leading by example.

Quoted for emphasis!

stacilynn_1215

My favorite are the people who feel they are being supportive in asking, "are you sure you want to eat that?" and I'm left screaming to myself AHHH YEAH!! I' think I've got this figured out mostly and am losing. If I want something i fit it into my calories or i work out a little extra. And trust me if its something not healthy I've already asked myself a million times if its worth it or if I really want it, so the excuse (that was given to me) of well sometimes you just need that extra person to make you stop and think about it, really, I'm good on it thanks.

I definitely hear ya on that one!

stacilynn_1215

and i only see those people every so often, so its not that big of a deal.

if it were me, i would try and schedule my goals based on visits to this branch of the family - that way i'd get their tickers going every time! you just stay the course and stick to what matters to *you*! best of luck!

Haha!! Love it! Thanks

wonnder1

There are three types of people in the world.

Positive, Negative, Realist.

The positive people will look at you and see a goal, and feel genuinely happy for you.
The negative people will look at you, see a goal and reject that goal.
The realist looks at you, sees a goal and carries on with their own life.

If it wasn't weight loss, it would be that sleeveless shirt you're wearing or those shoes or that job...blah blah blah.

Myself, the positive AND the negative people kind of bug me. There is no need for anyone to comment on your weight loss if I didn't ask for a comment, or preach about my organic, vegan, locally grown, sustainable wheat germ salad.

But, if I ran the world, there would be no tax on shoes. Smile, nod, and carry on.

kylielouttit

Lead by example! Once they see the great results hard work will get you, they will hopefully see the light and make a change themselves!

knittnponder

Your working hard and losing weight puts them on the spot because they're NOT. It makes them feel guilty and they either have to join you or get you to stop. Bringing you down and belittling you makes them feel better and takes the focus off them so they don't have to feel guilty. People can be messed up. Hang in there and try to avoid the toxic people whose only interest is bench pressing a cheeseburger.

monky13grl

I totally know what you are saying. People tell me that I am becoming too obsessed. I realize though, that it is just because I am changing my lifestyle and they are not. Unfortunately, when you make the right choices, it just reminds other people that they are not, and they want their old friend back. The ones who really care will be supportive if you just let them know how important this weight loss is to you and how much better you are feeling... and it doesn't hurt to make sure they know you aren't judging them either and support the decisions they make.

Hearts_2015

Does anyone else have some friends or family members that always are so negative about your weight loss? For instance, my cousin and his wife (who is far more overweight than I am) are always saying "oh yea she says she does all this stuff but the weights are probably just for show." or when I say im watching my calories for the day, they say things like "whatever, you shouldnt have to do that." They both eat very unclean - im talking fast food and junk every day - 4000 calories or more a day. I feel proud of myself and what I have accomplished and it just really bugs me when people like that try to make me feel bad about sticking to my plan. Any thoughts? Thanks for listening to my rant

Sounds like they wish it was themselves making the changes! Beneath anger and jealousy is usually fear and pain. They likely zing you to push the pain of their own lives away.

I'm so sorry they are trying to diminish all your hard work, but in truth they really can't take it away from you. If you can try not to allow them the power anymore and focus on how good you feel about the decision to get healthier. :flowerforyou: You know how hard you are working, try and remember this is all about YOU, not anyone else, it's helped me I focus on that and realizing when others have something to say, it's more about them than the other person.

Good work!:drinker:

theladebug

My guess from experience is that seeing you make good choices is making them feel bad about how they are living. It's their problem, not yours. Just remember that its not about you, its probably about them and keep doing what you know is right. Try not to judge them too harshly just because they arent ready to make healthy changes in their own lives.

perrytyra

My daughter has a friend, and her parents drive me crazy. Both parents are over weight, and they both say the most horrible things about their daughter's weight. A couple of weeks ago I ran into the little girl and her mother at a school event, and her mother remarked about how tall my daughter is getting. Then she went on to say that her daughter is also growing, but she is growing wider not taller. What kind of person says that about their own kid!!!!???? Our kids also play soccer, and the other day when our girl's were competing against each other in a game, her parents kept telling us that their daughter won't ever make a goal, but as long as she is having fun they are happy to let her play soccer. They also yelled out to her, "Hey use all your weight to get through the girls". I try and say things to her parents to let them know that it isn't okay to talk about their daughter this way, but they just don't seem to get it! I know this is hurting their daughter. She has told my daughter that she is fat, and she has gained a bunch of weight over the last two years. I am sure she is depressed, and gaining the weight, because of how her parents have been talking to her. She is only nine years old. I am not sure what to do about this. If anyone has any advice on how I could help this family please tell me.

Is this a good friend of your daughter? I would invite that little girl over as much as possible. Just be a good example for her. Do fun things with her, things that sneak in exercise withought making it obvious. Just to show her that it is normal, and fun. Make delicious healthy food, the kind kids like. Hopefully this kind of stuff will lift her spirits and give her a break from her negative parents.

And to the original poster, I would try to say you eating a certain way because you enjoy it, not because you want to lose weight. Maybe that will shut them up a bit. As for the saying you probably don't exercise, I would have to bite my tongue to keep from telling them to get bent. When you have reached your goal, there will look pretty silly.

jwd28

Don't take it personally. Their comments are not a reflection of how they feel about YOU. They're a reflection of how they feel about THEMSELVES.

Keep up the great work