Ugh! Husband!
Ashleypeterson37
Posts: 347 Member
I came here 2 weeks ago and started my journey. I want to lose 75 pounds and change my eating habits while I'm still young. (Just turned 22) My husband was all for this change at first. Now he's complaining about the food we eat and how I'm never home because I'm always at the gym. I workout when he comes home from work, which is from 5:30pm to 7pm at the latest. I am a stay at home mommy of a two year old and love that I'm introducing her to new fruits and veggies! Most of all I love that she loves it because I want her to learn that eating healthy is beneficial.
My husband was 130 pounds when I married him 4 years ago. He looked sick, too skinny. Now he weighs 170 and looks great. He doesn't feel like he needs to eat healthy because he doesn't need to lose weight. He is also in the Army (Active Duty) so he is required to workout every morning for PT. He doesn't understand the issues I have with my weight and his complaining about me working out and the new foods I have introduced is killing my motivation. I was 225 when I started MFP and am currently 213 with a goal weight of 150. (5 foot 9 inches tall!)
Have any of you dealt with a significant other that did not support you and how do you cope? I'm beyond frustrated!
My husband was 130 pounds when I married him 4 years ago. He looked sick, too skinny. Now he weighs 170 and looks great. He doesn't feel like he needs to eat healthy because he doesn't need to lose weight. He is also in the Army (Active Duty) so he is required to workout every morning for PT. He doesn't understand the issues I have with my weight and his complaining about me working out and the new foods I have introduced is killing my motivation. I was 225 when I started MFP and am currently 213 with a goal weight of 150. (5 foot 9 inches tall!)
Have any of you dealt with a significant other that did not support you and how do you cope? I'm beyond frustrated!
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so sorry
does the gym you attend offer child care? Take your little one and let them play while you work out. It will give them a new environment, let them see you in action, and give you and your husband plenty of quality time when he gets home 
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I have the same problem. My husband is about 140 pounds and wishes he could eat Mcdonalds everyday. And both of my kids are under weight and supposed to gain per doc! Stay focused and you can add me as a friend:)0
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Have any of you dealt with a significant other that did not support you and how do you cope? I'm beyond frustrated!
My sister! She says she wants to lose weight but she hates the healthy food I try to feed us (we live together) and rolls her eyes when I say how many calories I have left for the day. UGH! I've just decided to ignore her and do my own thing.0 -
say that you need your time since you are home all day with child. Each mommy needs good 'self-care' or they will burn out and become bitter. You are doing this not only for you but for the family as a whole. :-)
Be encouraged!! You will be so fit!!0 -
im gonna add you as a friend if thats ok. my hubby is the same way! he is also active duty army and doesnt get it. he has just recently agreed to try my healthier recipes when he redeploys. i started mfp at around 200 lb, and i am 5'1"! i completely feel your pain!0
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When i was married my wife was not ultra supportive. She was very athletic and she didn't like me being athletic. The reason being a jealous streak like insane. She thought the better I looked the more women wanted me, etc. I only had eyes for her. Heck if a woman talked to me she wanted to smack her!0
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My kids are in college now, but I workout at the YMCA and they offer free childcare while the parents workout.
Or maybe you and another stay at home mommy could barter on childcare.
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Well, my husband first was supportive, then he complained about it... called it silly, etc. Of course, it wasn't silly when he was trying to lose weight and I accommodated him. I told him that he should join a gym too, and he scoffed and said he wasn't interested...
Last week, after the weight started really coming off and I started to feel a little more confident, he left me. I don't know if the two are related or not, but it wouldn't surprise me. I think he liked me fat and so gross that a man would never turn his head to me and he's intimidated that I may get my body back...
I don't know though.
I have supportive parents though...
I also go to a gym that has childcare during the day. It's actually a really nice break. Workout, have someone else watch the kids. Seriously-where else could I get part time child care for only 40 dollars a month?!0 -
Wish I could help you, but my Hubby is kind of the opposite, almost Too Supportive, if you can be. Hopefully your gym does offer child care, or maybe you could work out child care with a friend or neighbor?0
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I pretty much had the same problem with my BF. I felt guilty because I was working out and not spending time with him. This was last year and I ended up gaining weight. I joined MFP and I decided I was going to finally get to my goal I set 2 years ago. I try andworkout when he is not home! I do the 30day Shred ....its a 28 mon total workout and its a good workout! That way when he is home Im only working for 30 min! As for the food my BF eats whatever I cook so I have no problem with that. Just try and add something that he likes(unhealthy) to his meal and steer away from it yourself! LOL! For instance cook him fried chicken but bake your one piece. I know its not right that you should have to do that but if it make him happy then so be it! Good luck!0
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My husband makes it difficult for me to eat healthy also. He is always craving fast food, and I have been known to give in and go with him. I have been improving at saying no, and also at including him in the healthy meals I make. He is starting to enjoy when I "make-over" something normally bad for you, and turn it into something less bad or even good for you. I had to talk to him about it a few times also, especially because we want to have a baby and I want to make sure I am healthy for pregnancy. Sometimes, though, just to avoid problems, I just make separate meals for us so he doesn't complain
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Wish I could help you, but my Hubby is kind of the opposite, almost Too Supportive, if you can be. Hopefully your gym does offer child care, or maybe you could work out child care with a friend or neighbor?
I noticed your ticker and I just have to say you have had an amazing weight loss!!!!! Congratulations!0 -
If you have any stay at home mom friends maybe you could trade babysitting favors and go to the gym during the day. Or swap the gym for a daytime exercise that can include your child. Walking, running, bicycling, skating can all be done with a young one if you purchase the right equpment (surely less expensive than a gym). Or if you have room for it invest in a good piece of home exercise equipment and make use of nap time.0
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Chin up! You ARE doing a great thing for you and your child. Your husband will eventually see that you are serious and hopefully appreciate the hard work you've done. Keep it up! 0
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I have yet to deal with the food issues because my husband is deployed right now. When he was home on R&R he did eat things that he "didn't like" before (like asparagus, shrimp...). We are both trying to get into better shape. He has lost a LOT of weight over there. He has promised me that we will be more active and we will workout together when he gets back. I am hoping that it will happen. I want to have a good diet down before he gets home that way him coming home won't interrupt that. I know it will change my routine and things like that.
Tell him that changing his diet will make him healthier, not necessarily make him lose weight. The Army is cracking down on weight and the fitness tests. He will do better at the tests if he's eating better...idk. LOL. Sounds good anyways. 0 -
My husband is also active duty rmy (currently deployed) and I am a stay-at-home mommy. He knows I've been losing weight, but hasn't really asked how much or what I'm doing to lose the weight or shown an interest. He cares, it's just that he loved me fat, he'll love me skinny, he'll love me if I get fat again, so he doesn't really get involved. But I can REALLY forsee us having this same exact problem when he gets home. Right now I workout at home, or go walking with the kids, or every once in a while take them to the neighborhood center (we live on post) and let them play in the play room while I utilize our little fitness center. But when he comes home I REALLY REALLY want to go to Zumba classes at the gym here on post, and I can already hear the complaining about me being gone in the evenings...
I guess thats just my long winded way of saying I understand and feel free to add me! As well as the other Army wife that posted, it's SO much easier with support from people you have things in common with!
GOOD LUCK!0 -
No child care at the gym and we just moved to Alabama so I don't know anyone. Plus, we live an hour from base so the child care they provide is not an option either. I don't want to quit. I want to be able to talk to him about my progress and not have him interrupt me so he can talk about his day. He has nothing positive to say, at all! I just got off the phone with him and was talking to him about this issue and he stated, "I'm being as supportive as I know how to be!" Ugh...*cries*0
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say that you need your time since you are home all day with child. Each mommy needs good 'self-care' or they will burn out and become bitter. You are doing this not only for you but for the family as a whole. :-)
Be encouraged!! You will be so fit!!
You do need time for yourself. You will absolutely be an even better Mommy and Wife when your own needs are met. I've been staying home with my daughter for the last five years, and have only recently demanded time to myself. I am so much happier, and enjoy my time with my family even more than I did before. And, I'm certainly more "frisky".
As for your hubby's health, remind him that skinny people get heart disease and a whole list of other terrible maladies from eating a poor diet. This is not just to be a good weight. A healthy diet will insure that he will be there to walk his daughter down the aisle one day and to hold his grandchildren. 0 -
I've been on my weight loss journey for about 6 years (this includes 2 pregnancies, so I've had to start all over again twice). He gives me crap all the time about what I fix, and is always wanting to make things that are not really good for me. Of course, he's also overweight & just doesn't want to try. So we're different in that. He doesn't understand at all, and is always trying to get me to eat things that are a weakness for me. When he gives me garbage about what I fix, then I tell him that if he doesn't like it, he is more than welcome to fix something else for himself. If he insists on being that way, and actually takes you up on it. Don't let him get you down. Its hard when you don't have a supportive significant other, but you can do it!!
I have a four & a two year old, and it is tough. I don't go to a gym, but I do aerobics videos at home (30 Day Shred, Zumba, The Firm). I try to work out during their naps. I don't know if this would work for you, or not but it is an option. With my hubbies wacky work schedule, there is no way I could ever make it to a gym. If thats such a big deal to him, maybe you could try that. Just don't let him take your motivation from you! Hope this is helpful!! Don't give up!0 -
No child care at the gym and we just moved to Alabama so I don't know anyone. Plus, we live an hour from base so the child care they provide is not an option either. I don't want to quit. I want to be able to talk to him about my progress and not have him interrupt me so he can talk about his day. He has nothing positive to say, at all! I just got off the phone with him and was talking to him about this issue and he stated, "I'm being as supportive as I know how to be!" Ugh...*cries*
Check out meetup.com for stay at home mom groups in your area. We moved to Las Vegas six weeks before I had my daughter. No family here...no friends...nada. I found an active group of about 75 women and we were able to communicate through a private group message board as well as through planned activities. Just being able to hop on the board at midnight and ask for advice on a pediatrician, grocery store, dentist or hairdresser in the area was an amazing resouce. It was truly a lifeline for me, and I credit that group with my sanity and happiness here today.0 -
First off, I am sorry he is acting like this towards you. He should be supportive of your choice to get healthy.
At first, it was hard for my fiance. He had to either learn to like the things I was eating or cook himself his own meal. But, after he saw how much better I valued myself and all the confidence I was gaining just by feeling healthier, he tried harder. He would try some of the foods I would eat and I gave myself a cheat day each week so we could have a good (and not so healthy) meal together.
I would say after the first couple of weeks, it got better for me. Maybe you could try sitting your husband down and telling him how his actions are making you feel (using "I feel..." statements). Maybe he honestly doesn't know he's being as bad as he is. You could also try checking into a daycare at your gym. And maybe make a meal that is more of your old norm once or twice a week and then you only eat a little with a salad on the side. Big changes take compromise from both sides, so if he is willing to make some compromises, let him know you are too.0 -
When my husband and I got married he weighed about 155 pounds at 6'2". He could eat anything and everything and not gain weight. Fast forward to 23 years later, he's now struggling to keep the extra weight off just like everyone else. He realized about a decade ago that he needs watch what he eats and in the past few weeks, after watching me do it, he's starting to exercise. If your husband doesn't alter his eating habits, he WILL start to put on weight as his metabolism slows down. And it'll be the creeping kind of weight gain where he suddenly realizes he's 20, 30, or even 50 pounds overweight. I'm not sure how you tell that to him without it coming across badly, but he needs to realize that his metabolism will change and it probably won't be as far in the future as he thinks it will be.0
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Hi Ashley,
First of all - congratulations on starting mfp and already losing so much! (:
You mentioned that you are a stay-at-home mom. Is there any way you could work out or exercise at home while your husband is at work? I've always hated going to a gym, so I rotate a couple of Jillian Micheal's dvds (Burn Fat,,, and Trouble Spots) and I walk (briskly) around my neighborhood. Your toddler would probably love getting out while you walk!
As far as the food is concerned, try a few things at a time with your husband. Always serve him more than you serve yourself. Find ways to fix the things you like but with a healthier twist. Like whole wheat hamburger buns, brown rice, lower fat milk, less butter, etc. Stress how you want to start eating right so that you'll be healthy as you get older and point out the old people around you that have all sorts of health issues b/c they've not eaten right! (We all know some @:)
You'll need internal motivation! But for external motivation, stick with this site b/c everyone here is so encouraging and probably going through a lot of the same things! Good luck! Valerie0 -
Eating healthy is not always about losing weight. It is what it says it is, eating healthy. You know, to live a longer, better life.0
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mien is a downer as well. we both were thinner when we first started dating. He's gained 70lbs and i put on about 50 ( due to two pregnancies and not healthy food choices!). Now that Ive finally started losing weight and getting real about this i feel like he's sabotaging me!!!!!!! I had the problem of kids and working out as well! i HAVE FOUR so i know the feeling there, but like the prior post said The YMCA has child care. I was going 5-6x a week that i ended up getting a part time job there! lol,,,,the pay sucks but its worth it since i can bring my kids with me and then be sure to get my work outs in.
As far as the foods.....this is a constant battle here since my hubby is a truck driver he is constantly eating fast foods and when he's home he wants to eat that way as well. He's not a veggie,brown rice, oatmeal, whole grain eater So i usually feed the kids their normal things and tell hubby he can eat with them, or he can eat what I'm eating.
Now typically most people would say " make two meals? that's nuts!" But hey, i cant force my kids to eat clean....it just wouldn't be fair. Of course they get veggies and fruits but i still feed them their mac & cheese and peanut butter with jelly sandwiches:)
I guess over all i can say is i relate to ya. i'll add you as a buddy 0 -
Sit him down and really tell him how you feel about this issue. Show him this thread if you have to...just let him know how truly important this is to you, and I hope the lightbulb will finally turn on. With a lot of men you have to be extremely direct in order for them to get the point.
He should stop being so selfish and be more grateful for the things you do for him...a taking a little time out of your world revolving around him and your child to take care of yourself is NOT a tall order, and you certainly deserve it.0 -
There are nights that I cook two meals...his (hubbies) and ours (mine and my son). Its what I have to do to get healthy and lose weight. And as for working out....I get up when he leaves and before our son that way, I get a few minutes of me time. May not work for everyone, but its working for me. Of course, he is actually very supportive of my choices and, even watches the son while I work out on weekends.0
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I'm lucky, because my husband is pretty easy going about food. As long as I'm cooking, he's generally ok with whatever. But....when he just has to have, say, chicken fried steak for a Saturday morning breakfast, he cooks it himself. We'll just both do our own thing. He likes ice cream, so I keep it in the house for him and just don't eat it myself. It's a balance, and it sounds like you haven't found yours yet, but you will! Stay strong.0
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Gotta make time for each other, too, if you want to stay married--kids need both parents. I try to avoid becoming overly obsessed with the fitness thing to where other important parts of life suffer. I find exercise I can do at home, and the kids are supportive of that time, or they become involved in the exercise with me, and make it fun.0
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I have the same problem, I was staying home with our son while my husband was at work, and when he would get home I would want to go to the gym on base - - they offered so many classes it was a lot of fun! But I felt that we weren't spending enough time together, as a family, so now I go on base Saturday mornings, before they get up, and walk or run with the stroller in the morning during the week. He (the husband) is really good about offering up time to watch him (the son) but I dont want to spend the little time that he (the husband) is actually home, at the gym.
---> As for food... that is a whole different story! He feels he is being supportive by telling me that I can eat whatever I want as long as I work it off!! I tell him not to be volunteering me for even more working out! I would never be home! Bear in mind though, this is coming from a man that is forced to work out every morning --> yes, I guess if I knew my paycheck was dependant on my working out I would be there too! :-p But in the morning the snooze button is so enticing!0
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