Strategies for dealing with passive-aggressive people?

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  • laughingdani
    laughingdani Posts: 2,275 Member
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    People like that thrive off of the reaction they get from others. Don't play into their little games.
    It will irritate the piss out of them!
  • Cristy_AZ
    Cristy_AZ Posts: 986
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    Here's a quote from my dad:

    If you don't play they can't win.

    Walk away, don't engage, don't argue

    ... basically don't play the game.

    Difficult, but effective

    :flowerforyou:
  • bbygrl5
    bbygrl5 Posts: 964 Member
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    People like that thrive off of the reaction they get from others. Don't play into their little games.
    It will irritate the piss out of them!

    This is so the right answer. The thing that irritates miserable people the most is to show them just how much you don't care and how happy you are. Don't involve yourself in the game. It just honestly doesn't matter.
  • chocolateandvodka
    chocolateandvodka Posts: 1,856 Member
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    i am a passive agressive people. my advice is simple: continue to provide entertainment for those of us who make sport of the emotions of people around us. :devil:
  • chocolateandvodka
    chocolateandvodka Posts: 1,856 Member
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    If you are fed up with it, you should confront them the next time they try to provoke you. Something like: "Are you TRYING to start an argument?" "Why do you make statements that you know will make me angry?" Like stated above, you have to ALWAYS keep your cool. Try going through the situation in your head before they try to pick a fight. When they try to deny it, don't let them out of it. And most of all: Don't ever give them the satisfaction of letting them know that you are angry. Since that is precisely what they are looking for, they'll keep doing it if they know they've gotten to you. Even if it kills you, don't show anger or irritation. Be very nonchalant. If they keep provoking, just say something like, "It's obvious that you don't have the capacity for a mature conversation." (or something much wittier) and just walk away.

    The biggest thing is that you must accept that this person is a jerk and blow anything this person says off. If the confrontation doesn't work, write that person off as some dumb idiot who has nothing good to interject inton any conversation. They are just a lump of insignificant nothing that doesn't matter in the big picture. When they say something provocative, just consider the source and ignore them.

    Good luck!

    this is specifically the type of reaction we as passive agressive people are trying to elicit. just FYI.
  • JDMPWR
    JDMPWR Posts: 1,863 Member
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    I respond to people like that just like I do bums in Chicago. When they make eye contact with me I walk up to them first and ask them for money. You should see the response. Classic bewilderment.
  • Karleyyy
    Karleyyy Posts: 857
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    Either kill them with kindness, or pretend like it doesn't bother you at all....That will piss them off.
  • Karleyyy
    Karleyyy Posts: 857
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    If you are fed up with it, you should confront them the next time they try to provoke you. Something like: "Are you TRYING to start an argument?" "Why do you make statements that you know will make me angry?" Like stated above, you have to ALWAYS keep your cool. Try going through the situation in your head before they try to pick a fight. When they try to deny it, don't let them out of it. And most of all: Don't ever give them the satisfaction of letting them know that you are angry. Since that is precisely what they are looking for, they'll keep doing it if they know they've gotten to you. Even if it kills you, don't show anger or irritation. Be very nonchalant. If they keep provoking, just say something like, "It's obvious that you don't have the capacity for a mature conversation." (or something much wittier) and just walk away.

    The biggest thing is that you must accept that this person is a jerk and blow anything this person says off. If the confrontation doesn't work, write that person off as some dumb idiot who has nothing good to interject inton any conversation. They are just a lump of insignificant nothing that doesn't matter in the big picture. When they say something provocative, just consider the source and ignore them.

    Good luck!

    this is specifically the type of reaction we as passive agressive people are trying to elicit. just FYI.

    The comments you suggested seem really obvious to me that they would be getting irritated.
  • whouwannab
    whouwannab Posts: 350 Member
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    I respond to people like that just like I do bums in Chicago. When they make eye contact with me I walk up to them first and ask them for money. You should see the response. Classic bewilderment.

    Awesome! Hate to seem insensitive, but that is hilarious.
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,291 Member
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    QUOTE:
    My SIL is like this. I try to put the questions back on her. If she asks, "Why do you do X?" I'll respond, "What makes you ask?"

    I'm not always successful, and she sure does get my goat, but this strategy helps... a little. Luckily, my hubby calls her on her **** and doesn't let her get away with it all the time
    QUOTE

    Honestly, my situation is similar, and being the newlywed husband of someone who has to deal with this, I look at it as it's going to be on me to call the BS too....I'm not a fan of it, but soon enough it WILL BE TIME TO THROW DOWN.....and that's nothing to joke about
  • samcee
    samcee Posts: 307
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    Either kill them with kindness, or pretend like it doesn't bother you at all....That will piss them off.

    I second to that.

    Just don't act surprised every time they pull one on you. I don't react much to them because I eventually got bored of these games. My sister however, still comes home bewildered and upset and I'm like 'you see them as if you weren't expecting it!!'. They'll soon target someone else.
  • chocolateandvodka
    chocolateandvodka Posts: 1,856 Member
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    If you are fed up with it, you should confront them the next time they try to provoke you. Something like: "Are you TRYING to start an argument?" "Why do you make statements that you know will make me angry?" Like stated above, you have to ALWAYS keep your cool. Try going through the situation in your head before they try to pick a fight. When they try to deny it, don't let them out of it. And most of all: Don't ever give them the satisfaction of letting them know that you are angry. Since that is precisely what they are looking for, they'll keep doing it if they know they've gotten to you. Even if it kills you, don't show anger or irritation. Be very nonchalant. If they keep provoking, just say something like, "It's obvious that you don't have the capacity for a mature conversation." (or something much wittier) and just walk away.

    The biggest thing is that you must accept that this person is a jerk and blow anything this person says off. If the confrontation doesn't work, write that person off as some dumb idiot who has nothing good to interject inton any conversation. They are just a lump of insignificant nothing that doesn't matter in the big picture. When they say something provocative, just consider the source and ignore them.

    Good luck!

    this is specifically the type of reaction we as passive agressive people are trying to elicit. just FYI.

    The comments you suggested seem really obvious to me that they would be getting irritated.

    try again... which comments? and who is "they"?
    my point is simple - when a person i am agitating becomes agitated my mission is accomplished. regardless of how they handle it. For me personally, inciting a response that might come from a fourth grader is paydirt. Because by then, not only have i ruined someone's day, but i've made them appear immature to themselves and any audience that might be around to witness.
  • bethanna91
    bethanna91 Posts: 63
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    I've avoided my brother for three months. I just can't be around him.
  • MissO﹠A
    MissO﹠A Posts: 906 Member
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    OP: You must know my MIL.
  • Jain
    Jain Posts: 861 Member
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    Mess with their head and kill them with kindness.

    This.

    I use this technique all the time at work, it drives them mad!:laugh:

    But the best thing is that they end up looking like idiots, and you come out smelling of roses.:wink:
  • hroush
    hroush Posts: 2,073 Member
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    Sometimes my wife says things in an attempt to get to me. I just ignore her. She doesn't care for this either.
  • MyNameIsNotBob
    MyNameIsNotBob Posts: 565 Member
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    My SIL is like this. I try to put the questions back on her. If she asks, "Why do you do X?" I'll respond, "What makes you ask?"

    I'm not always successful, and she sure does get my goat, but this strategy helps... a little. Luckily, my hubby calls her on her **** and doesn't let her get away with it all the time.

    Maybe, but then that would be engaging them in conversation. Which, I believe, is what you wish to avoid. How about a simple honest,"This is a private conversation. Do you mind?" Then walk away.

    Because it's not always anything private. She can get passive aggressive over the way I choose to stir cake batter.
  • TourThePast
    TourThePast Posts: 1,753 Member
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    Avoid avoid avoid. The world is full of positive kind thoughtful people, why waste your time worrying about how to deal with idiots?

    So they're family... So what? That, in my world, does not get you a free pass to behave how you want.

    I have the chance to spend a week with my boyfriend soon, I'd love to see him, but I'm not going because he has not demonstrated either the will or the ability to keep his daughter's behaviour within reasonable bounds - she is in her 20s and fiercely resents my presence. I, obviously, am not "permitted" to deal with her unreasonable behaviour myself and he admits he handled my last trip badly.

    Yes I'm missing out on seeing him, and I miss him dreadfully, but I have regained sufficient self respect to refuse to be treated badly. No relationship is worth putting up with that sort of abuse for.
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
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    Kick em in the shins

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