Question for moms that aren't with their child(ren)'s father
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Oh yeah, they disappeared for a long time but I know where they live now. I have their exact address. We contacted an attorney, but the attorney told us unless we were prepared for a big court battle with lots of money, our best option is to wait. His ex married into a very wealthy family, that is very affluent in the town that they live in. the new husband told us via phone call after the first court dates that they didn't show up to, that they would fight as long as they had to. We just don't have the finances to keep fighting it.
You know that there are a million ways to find people now days on the internet that dont cost an arm and a leg. I have used people finder a couple time to track down people. maybe that is an option for you.I am still married, but if I was not I would never keep my kids away from their father unless he was physically harming them or putting them in danger. I know what it's like to grow up with an absentee or part-time dad, and it is not good for the kid. My husband has a daughter from a previous relationship. One day, right when we first started dating, he went to visit his daughter and the family had disappeared. His ex remarried and took his daughter with no explanation. She refuses contact to us. There were court dates which she didn't show up to, so nothing can be done at this point. His daughter is now 13 years old. A few years ago I found his ex's new husband on myspace, and tried to contact them but their account was deleted immediately after. We will look for her again when she is 18 and she can learn the truth about why my husband hasn't been in her life, and I hope it backfires on her mother because my husband has been in pain over this for too long.
That's where we are lucky. His ex is always complaining about how they don't have enough money and how his child support isn't enough to do anything with. So we don't foresee a long drawn out battle. What we foresee is the fact that we have a lawyer and she doesn't and she will get railroaded. Plus we will also contact our cell phone company for all text messages sent from her to him and vice versa. We have also started recording the phone calls he does has with her. And print our every month how many times he has called and how long the calls were from our billing statement online.0 -
Well heres the deal if he is court ordered to pay child support there should also be visitation appointed by the court at the same time. SO what he needs to do is go to a lawyer or judge and let them know she is in violation. Because as long as he is paying the child support he has every right to see her. Most parents that live within a 100 miles get Wednesdays from 6-8 and every 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend and also rotate holidays.
We live in different states. So there is no going back and forth for my step daughter. It's an extended amount of time in one place then back to the other. There is also no court order for custody because they were never married. She filed for child support after he left and child support and child custody are 2 different divisions.
Well then IF he is serious about seeing her then he needs to take her to court , and get visitation rights.
Yes it will cost you some money. BUT what a couple hundred or a couple thousand compared to a life time with your children.
MY ex husband is an *kitten* and I truly hate him, but my son goes and sees him when he is suppose to. He is 10 and has to go. My daughter on the other hand is 14 and hasnt been there in 2 years. and that is her choice not mine. SHe knows and see what kind of person he is and doesnt want anything to do with him. SO it is a 2 way street and sometimes you dont know all you think you do about someones past. My exs last girlfriend hated me ..(which was weird because I actually felt that my kids would be safer with her around, so I had no problem with her)... that is until they broke up! and then she came to me one day and said I have no idea how you stayed married to him and I understand why now.
OH I didnt mention he is a drunk and hes an angry one at that.
We are saving money for the attorney. We also have ot go through the adoption process for my daughters. My husband will legally adopt my children since their bio dad has nothing to do with them. We will then modify the child support because we think its only fair that since we pay over 1100 a month in child care that should come into play in paying his ex cash. I don't receive child support and my husband is responsible for my children but not legally until they are his. While his ex claims a child that she has only one month out of the year and doesn't pay child support for. I feel things need to be on equal ground and so does he. But we will eventually be able to get a lawyer. I believe next year at the earliest is when we will have the funds to pay for one. We also have the option to file a parenting plan ourselves but I want to make sure she gets railroaded in the process. :happy:
Thats great of him..
My husband also wants to adopt my children but My ex will have to give up his rights in order to do that. ANd even though he wants nothing to do with the kids he still wont. When he picks my son up he basically leaves him with his mother(which he still lives with at 40!) to take care of and doesnt spend any time with him soo... theres where I am at on that! BUt atleast I know he is being cared for when he is there.
My daughter has already said she will turn 18 before she graduates high school and she will change her name on her Bday and will graduate with my husbands last name. He has been more of a father to both of them then their sperm donor is... and they have always called him dad or daddy since we have been married.
I hope things work out for yall and maybe your husband can try and get total custody of his daughter if her mother is that screwed up.
I have grounds to legally terminate my ex's rights without his permission. According to our state law, he has legally abandoned them. Little to no contact in the last 12 of 14 months deems them as abandoned. Plus I recently officially filed for child support to get the state involved in proving that he isn't paying child support.
The only things keeping my ex with his rights is that he does pay his child support since it is taken out of his checks.
So I have been just putting all that money towards the kids college funds and Use it if we need to. I guess thats one good thing!0 -
Smart idea!
Oh yeah, they disappeared for a long time but I know where they live now. I have their exact address. We contacted an attorney, but the attorney told us unless we were prepared for a big court battle with lots of money, our best option is to wait. His ex married into a very wealthy family, that is very affluent in the town that they live in. the new husband told us via phone call after the first court dates that they didn't show up to, that they would fight as long as they had to. We just don't have the finances to keep fighting it.
You know that there are a million ways to find people now days on the internet that dont cost an arm and a leg. I have used people finder a couple time to track down people. maybe that is an option for you.I am still married, but if I was not I would never keep my kids away from their father unless he was physically harming them or putting them in danger. I know what it's like to grow up with an absentee or part-time dad, and it is not good for the kid. My husband has a daughter from a previous relationship. One day, right when we first started dating, he went to visit his daughter and the family had disappeared. His ex remarried and took his daughter with no explanation. She refuses contact to us. There were court dates which she didn't show up to, so nothing can be done at this point. His daughter is now 13 years old. A few years ago I found his ex's new husband on myspace, and tried to contact them but their account was deleted immediately after. We will look for her again when she is 18 and she can learn the truth about why my husband hasn't been in her life, and I hope it backfires on her mother because my husband has been in pain over this for too long.
That's where we are lucky. His ex is always complaining about how they don't have enough money and how his child support isn't enough to do anything with. So we don't foresee a long drawn out battle. What we foresee is the fact that we have a lawyer and she doesn't and she will get railroaded. Plus we will also contact our cell phone company for all text messages sent from her to him and vice versa. We have also started recording the phone calls he does has with her. And print our every month how many times he has called and how long the calls were from our billing statement online.0 -
Thank you, and I know you are right!!I wish I could help you
God will take care of it soon enough though! sometimes really bad things lead to great things! He never promised us easy!0 -
Plus we will also contact our cell phone company for all text messages sent from her to him and vice versa. We have also started recording the phone calls he does has with her. And print our every month how many times he has called and how long the calls were from our billing statement online.
Getting copies of the messages from the cell phone companies may require a court order. AT&T wouldn't release without a court order. Probably won't happen. (I tried.)
Forward those texts messages to email. Print the emails.
The billing statements will show proof of the calls.
And BE CAREFUL about recording phone calls! The other party must be told they are being recorded.... look into the legality of that. I don't want you getting into trouble!0 -
I am almost positive that this is what has been done with my husband's daughter. They told us they were going to keep her away, and then claim abandonment.I have grounds to legally terminate my ex's rights without his permission. According to our state law, he has legally abandoned them. Little to no contact in the last 12 of 14 months deems them as abandoned. Plus I recently officially filed for child support to get the state involved in proving that he isn't paying child support.
I'm sorry your ex is a deadbeat 0 -
My son's biological father doesn't even know where we are, I had to leave state to get away from him so no, he has never met my son and hopefully never will. I believe that if it's in the best interest of the child not to be around one of his parents (ie abusive, addict, in and out of jail) then I see no problem with it. But when a parent keeps the child away from another parent out of spite, that's not ok imo.0
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Thank you, and I know you are right!!I wish I could help you God will take care of it soon enough though! sometimes really bad things lead to great things! He never promised us easy!
That's all we have at this point. Pray that God changes his ex's heart, patience for us and strength that we can keep moving forward without anger or bitterness towards her. And that's hard for him. All he wants to do is see his daughter and talk to her for 5 minutes a day. And there is nothing we can do right now to change what she is doing.0 -
Plus we will also contact our cell phone company for all text messages sent from her to him and vice versa. We have also started recording the phone calls he does has with her. And print our every month how many times he has called and how long the calls were from our billing statement online.
Getting copies of the messages from the cell phone companies may require a court order. AT&T wouldn't release without a court order. Probably won't happen. (I tried.)
Forward those texts messages to email. Print the emails.
The billing statements will show proof of the calls.
And BE CAREFUL about recording phone calls! The other party must be told they are being recorded.... look into the legality of that. I don't want you getting into trouble!
Thats the other reason we want a lawyer. To supeona the text messages. She's literally gonna hang herself in court for the things she puts in writing.0 -
Forward those texts messages to email. Print the emails.
this!
because cell phone companies do not have/will not release the contents of text messages. They only have the info that a text was sent, not the contents of it.0 -
I am almost positive that this is what has been done with my husband's daughter. They told us they were going to keep her away, and then claim abandonment.I have grounds to legally terminate my ex's rights without his permission. According to our state law, he has legally abandoned them. Little to no contact in the last 12 of 14 months deems them as abandoned. Plus I recently officially filed for child support to get the state involved in proving that he isn't paying child support.
I'm sorry your ex is a deadbeat
I'm not. They have a wonderful grandfather (my dad) that has stepped in the role of father figure until my husband came along. My husband is now Daddy to them. They love and adore him. The wouldn't know that pure love if my ex had been in the picture. So I see his being a deadbeat as a blessing. 0 -
Forward those texts messages to email. Print the emails.
this!
They do have the content. We need a court order to get it though. Plus I don't think it will hold up in court because we can edit text messages once we have sent them to email.
because cell phone companies do not have/will not release the contents of text messages. They only have the info that a text was sent, not the contents of it.0 -
Plus we will also contact our cell phone company for all text messages sent from her to him and vice versa. We have also started recording the phone calls he does has with her. And print our every month how many times he has called and how long the calls were from our billing statement online.
Getting copies of the messages from the cell phone companies may require a court order. AT&T wouldn't release without a court order. Probably won't happen. (I tried.)
Forward those texts messages to email. Print the emails.
The billing statements will show proof of the calls.
And BE CAREFUL about recording phone calls! The other party must be told they are being recorded.... look into the legality of that. I don't want you getting into trouble!
Thats the other reason we want a lawyer. To supeona the text messages. She's literally gonna hang herself in court for the things she puts in writing.
even with a subpoena, you will only get info like this:
on a given date, cell phone number one sent five messages to cell phone number two. The cell phone company won't provide the contents.
Trust me, I am sure about this.0 -
Plus we will also contact our cell phone company for all text messages sent from her to him and vice versa. We have also started recording the phone calls he does has with her. And print our every month how many times he has called and how long the calls were from our billing statement online.
Getting copies of the messages from the cell phone companies may require a court order. AT&T wouldn't release without a court order. Probably won't happen. (I tried.)
Forward those texts messages to email. Print the emails.
The billing statements will show proof of the calls.
And BE CAREFUL about recording phone calls! The other party must be told they are being recorded.... look into the legality of that. I don't want you getting into trouble!
Thats the other reason we want a lawyer. To supeona the text messages. She's literally gonna hang herself in court for the things she puts in writing.
even with a subpoena, you will only get info like this:
on a given date, cell phone number one sent five messages to cell phone number two. The cell phone company won't provide the contents.
Trust me, I am sure about this.
we were told by our cell phone company that they have what the actual text was.0 -
my kids are not allowed to see their "dad" aka sperm donor. he comes around maybe once a year, doesnt pay support, and is a heroin addict. his presence can only be detrimental. when they see him it only leaves them feeling depressed and rejected. he never calls or writes. at this point he hasnt tried to see them in two years and i am fine with that. i am a better dad than he will ever be.0
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My ex was a prescription drug addict, had a bout of alcoholism and bad mouthed me to the kids every chance he could. He had a psycho gf that he lived with who my kids couldn't stand.
However....he was still my childrens' father and they still loved him. I even encouraged my son to keep the lines of communication open with him, when he realized what an @ss his father was.
My ex passed away in December from colon cancer and I am always glad that I never sank to his level or denied my children their relationship. They know what kind of person he was but they still loved him. He was and always will be a part of them. If you bad mouth the other parent, you are only hurting your child.0 -
Plus we will also contact our cell phone company for all text messages sent from her to him and vice versa. We have also started recording the phone calls he does has with her. And print our every month how many times he has called and how long the calls were from our billing statement online.
Getting copies of the messages from the cell phone companies may require a court order. AT&T wouldn't release without a court order. Probably won't happen. (I tried.)
Forward those texts messages to email. Print the emails.
The billing statements will show proof of the calls.
And BE CAREFUL about recording phone calls! The other party must be told they are being recorded.... look into the legality of that. I don't want you getting into trouble!
Thats the other reason we want a lawyer. To supeona the text messages. She's literally gonna hang herself in court for the things she puts in writing.
even with a subpoena, you will only get info like this:
on a given date, cell phone number one sent five messages to cell phone number two. The cell phone company won't provide the contents.
Trust me, I am sure about this.
we were told by our cell phone company that they have what the actual text was.
so was I, after my brother died I was frantic to get the text messages that had been sent on the night of his death. I got a list like the one I described to you, completely useless. They told me that even if I had a subpoena, that info was all there was.
I hope it's different for you, but I wanted to give a heads up...0 -
Plus we will also contact our cell phone company for all text messages sent from her to him and vice versa. We have also started recording the phone calls he does has with her. And print our every month how many times he has called and how long the calls were from our billing statement online.
Getting copies of the messages from the cell phone companies may require a court order. AT&T wouldn't release without a court order. Probably won't happen. (I tried.)
Forward those texts messages to email. Print the emails.
The billing statements will show proof of the calls.
And BE CAREFUL about recording phone calls! The other party must be told they are being recorded.... look into the legality of that. I don't want you getting into trouble!
Thats the other reason we want a lawyer. To supeona the text messages. She's literally gonna hang herself in court for the things she puts in writing.
even with a subpoena, you will only get info like this:
on a given date, cell phone number one sent five messages to cell phone number two. The cell phone company won't provide the contents.
Trust me, I am sure about this.
we were told by our cell phone company that they have what the actual text was.
so was I, after my brother died I was frantic to get the text messages that had been sent on the night of his death. I got a list like the one I described to you, completely useless. They told me that even if I had a subpoena, that info was all there was.
I hope it's different for you, but I wanted to give a heads up...
Wow!! ok well we will start doing that.0 -
I didn't read all the replies, but I want to respond as the child who was kept from her father.
First of all: Because of what my mom did to keep me from my father, she no longer has my respect. I was very conflicted about this my whole life. They say to honor your mother and father. Well, at a young age I realized, if my mom won't allow me to honor my father, whose to say I should honor her?
What she did was wrong. Her and my father didn't get along, whatever. It's not my problem that they hooked up and created life without respect for the consequences. The consequenses being ME and my right to human dignity. I was not a pawn in her game to manipulate him. I was not property to be fought over. I was an innocent child who relied on these two people because they were all I knew. Whether or not they got along, whether or not there was physical fights, whether or not he paid child support- had NOTHING to do with me. They were adults and they should have assumed responsibility for their actions or gave me to someone who didn't see me as property to be fought over.
My mother told me all kinds of stories about how he beat her and he was in and out of jail. It never mattered because he was MY father and I had a right to know where I came from. You cannot expect a child to understand abuse from an adult perspective. Especially because after she was remarried, my step dad never had a problem kicking the crap out of me. So it was wrong to hit her, but ok to hit me? There are legal ways of doing things. Yes they are a hassle. Too bad. Adults who make babies are responsible for them. Period. Both of them should have considered MY outcome over ther own.
I have just recently been reaquainted with my father after 29 years. He doesn't like my mother, but he doesn't talk down about her to me. She, on the other hand, is still so angry that she still tells me he doesn't love me. This is what, 29 years ago, introduced me to the slow and painful death of anorexia. Being told that my father, the man whose DNA partially caused my existance, was an evil man who didn't love me. It went against every memory I had of him, so I believed that there was something wrong with me. My mother was the only person in the world who loved me and she was mean to me and my new daddy hit me and never talked to me like I was a person. So this is how I grew up thinking relationships go. I attempted suicide 6 times. I never had a real relationship with a man because I believed that I wasn't worthy of being loved by a man. I thought they all just take what they want and then leave. This is the warped illusion that I lived in all of my life because my mother didn't have the guts to sit down with me and understand that I too had a say in my life. That her words so deeply affected my life. The truth is, my dad was a hellraiser. So was my mom. She was the town slut, he was the bar fighter. Thats not my problem. They didn't have to see each other, but I should have never been kept from either of them. My dad loved me. I know that now. But unfortunaley, most kids in my situation don't grow up to see this kind of closure. Did my dad hit my mom? Probably. Shes that woman who like to provoke you into hitting her. I saw her do it all the time with my step dad. Then she would use me or my sister as a sheild. If anything, I proably should have been kept from her.
I was date raped at 20. I had my daughter. I know who her father is. He owes me alot of child support. He is well aware that she is his. He chooses to hide. If it ever came down to it, I would let her know him if she wanted to. She knows his name, she knows the whole story. Never once did I tell her he doesn't love her because I can't possibly know that for sure and it's not my place to assume. He was an idiot, yes, he hurt me. But to keep my child from knowing where she came from would be wrong. I know this because I have lived it and wanted to die because of it. I know this is a hard concept to grasp if you didn't grow up this way. But trust me when I say, every child deserves to know BOTH parents. At least to have the information that when they are of age to go find out for themselves. And inthe meantime, never given harsh information in sucha way that it would sway their opinion one way or the other. For example: My friends ex is in prison for bank robbery. He rbbed a bank in the middle of a custody trial. So, easy as it would have been for her to say, "Your father is a crook who only thinks about himself and drinks and used to beat the crap out of me." She told her that he is in prison for breaking the law, he choses to drink and use drugs which alter his mind and we just can't trust him untill he gets the help that he needs. Meanwhile, regardless of her feelings about him and his family, she established visitation with his family so tht she can stay connected to where she comes from.
The moral of my story is.... If you aren't going to stay with your childs father, it's not your childs problem. The fact that my father fought so hard to keep me is what allows me as an adult to not blame him or be too angry with him. But the way my mother handled it, and there is ALOT more to this story, makes it hard for me to look at her and say, "I get it mom and it's OK" Its not. I would suggest that your husband stricly adhere to every possible legal outlet within grasp. Even if it doesn't work out now, eventually his child will be an adult and able to see the truth. If his ex is as ruthless as my mom, he needs to be on his toes. He will be a father forever, and one day, his child may want to hear the truth. He should always be prepared for that and set it up now by taking avenues to show that he is serious about being in his childs life.
Sorry for the length of my respnse. This has affected my life in ways I cannot describe. Sometimes, I just need to get it out.0 -
I was going to say this!!!
Is there established visitations through the court? If so, she's in contempt. If not, my first step (as your husband) would be to rectify that and get an order ASAP!0
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