You Don't Know Jack! Yes I am going to vent...

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  • mfreeby
    mfreeby Posts: 199 Member
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    This is so timely because I just posted something and got some judgement back about my diary so I closed it :(. Most people are supportive but others make you feel really bad about being frustrated or even slipping up once. Thanks for saying this. :)
  • decu68
    decu68 Posts: 78
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    Well said Mayor_west.
    I agree with the general theme of this thread, but it also reminds me of my biggest complaint with this entire website. Namely, the fact that while MFP is a great tool for tracking daily food intake, water, and exercise, it is seemingly worthless when it comes to providing its members with a reliable, scientifically proven roadmap for its members to follow. As a result, most members flock to the message boards looking for answers and instead get conflicting messages from different members, who, as you pointed out, have zero to little idea of what the hell they're talking about, nor any sources to back up their claims. So, people tend to cling to answers resembling the ones they want (look at any of the threads regarding eating back exercise calories as an example) and tune out ones that contradict that.

    I'm new here myself so have not seen these types of posts Kjarlune made the initial rant thread about. I'll admit many people do think themselves experts but unless you have some degree then every thing is just your opinion and people should take it as such. And people should understand what works for one person may not work for another. I however don't feel it is necessary if somebody bashes or bullies another person(s); that is just wrong. This is a forum so everybody can have their say however people can be decent about it, have their say hopefully in a constructive way and then leave it as such.

    We are all accountable for ourselves. Only we can make the difference. It will be hard work and will be trying at times. It will be a life long struggle. These are the only true facts.
  • kgool
    kgool Posts: 177 Member
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    Good post. I have always questioned anyone who took my advice on anything.
  • redefiningmyself
    redefiningmyself Posts: 476 Member
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    This is so timely because I just posted something and got some judgement back about my diary so I closed it :(. Most people are supportive but others make you feel really bad about being frustrated or even slipping up once. Thanks for saying this. :)

    Actually, you posted with the heading that "honesty is the best policy", then went on to say how you're on the verge of quitting because nothing is working for you. Some people interpreted that as an indication that you wanted help - and so that's what you got. Its not judgement designed to make you feel bad.

    Same for anyone else, if you want feed back - ask for it. If you want someone to say they've been through this too - then ask for that. But don't get mad when you ask why isn't this working and people share their opinions.

    If you don't want input from other MFP members, then Don't post a question.
  • Barneystinson
    Barneystinson Posts: 1,357 Member
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    Good post. I have always questioned anyone who took my advice on anything.

    Or mine for that matter.

    And yet I'm still drawn to the threads basically screaming "diagnose my problem!" - Hokay, random stranger on the internet, I'll do my best. I mean, my avatar played a TV doctor after all!
  • NeuroticVirgo
    NeuroticVirgo Posts: 3,671 Member
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    What ever happened to opinions being given when asked?

    I think a lot of people ask for advice and opinions on here, and then get mad when its not what they want to here. "Why am not losing weight"....then get mad when people tell them what to eat or not to eat etc. Granted sometimes people chime in where they aren't wanted, but most of the time the poster is asking for it. I defiantly don't think rude comments should be welcome, but sometimes the truth hurts. I'm just saying.

    Also, people try to help in their own way. Some people are good at just putting out good vibes...like "keep going", or "you can do it", while others need to help by trying to "fix" what they feel the problem is.

    "I feel like giving up, the scale isn't moving"....might get an answer like "Stop weighing yourself, use a measuring tape instead". Maybe that's not what the person wanted to here, but that's the way the other person was trying to help, by suggesting a way to not be discouraged.
  • writtenINthestars
    writtenINthestars Posts: 1,933 Member
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    I agree with the general theme of this thread, but it also reminds me of my biggest complaint with this entire website. Namely, the fact that while MFP is a great tool for tracking daily food intake, water, and exercise, it is seemingly worthless when it comes to providing its members with a reliable, scientifically proven roadmap for its members to follow. As a result, most members flock to the message boards looking for answers and instead get conflicting messages from different members, who, as you pointed out, have zero to little idea of what the hell they're talking about, nor any sources to back up their claims. So, people tend to cling to answers resembling the ones they want (look at any of the threads regarding eating back exercise calories as an example) and tune out ones that contradict that.

    DITTO!

    Well said thread over all :):):)
  • _SusieQ_
    _SusieQ_ Posts: 2,964 Member
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    Thank you all for your support...It does feel better knowing I am not the only one feeling this way...

    Not by a long shot...I started a blog on this last week, I swear you are reading my mind. But then I was afraid the responses would be judgmental and just send me over the edge. ;) I agree, there is a way to offer support and advice w/o being so judging. If you don't agree with the way I'm doing things, then don't respond, move on, go away. If I got on here and said, I've been having whole pizzas washed down with a 6 pack of Corona for dinner and can't lose weight, anyone know why? Then yes, You may proceed to call me a jack@ss and tell me how to fix things. But if someone is actively trying, then don't blast them just b/c they aren't doing it the way YOU would. My husband and I argue over this all the time.
  • MissKim
    MissKim Posts: 2,853 Member
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    I freakin love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • MissKim
    MissKim Posts: 2,853 Member
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    Changing your eating lifestyle is not about being perfect or following the perfect diet. it's about learning what works for you and striving to reach your goals. It's about not giving up and keeping on even when you mess up. There are alot of judgemental people on this site, but that's in real life too. I understand your vent. but ofcourse there will always be these kind of people, that's why people are scared to post a thread or to put themselves out there, but that's the only way to learn, is to keep trying and learning!
  • MissKim
    MissKim Posts: 2,853 Member
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    I know quotes can be pretty cheesy but.....

    "We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path."
    — Paulo Coelho

    love it!
  • mfreeby
    mfreeby Posts: 199 Member
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    This is so timely because I just posted something and got some judgement back about my diary so I closed it :(. Most people are supportive but others make you feel really bad about being frustrated or even slipping up once. Thanks for saying this. :)

    Actually, you posted with the heading that "honesty is the best policy", then went on to say how you're on the verge of quitting because nothing is working for you. Some people interpreted that as an indication that you wanted help - and so that's what you got. Its not judgement designed to make you feel bad.

    Same for anyone else, if you want feed back - ask for it. If you want someone to say they've been through this too - then ask for that. But don't get mad when you ask why isn't this working and people share their opinions.

    If you don't want input from other MFP members, then Don't post a question.

    I don't care for your input. Please refrain from commenting on my posts from hereon.
  • nyctraveler
    nyctraveler Posts: 305 Member
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    I'll e-slap anyone who bashes this. haha.

    I don't look at the forums an awful lot. I just can't handle it. I'll get too caught up in the crap (like you seemingly have, not to judge or anything. just observing) and got off my nut at someone somewhere. haha.

    People were giving advice to a school aged girl who lied about being 18 on here, telling her to do this that and the other. I was like "uh. you're still growing" I even blogged about it, it pee'd me off that much that society is making kids think they're fat when they're barely hitting puberty! (that's my rant over)

    I myself have a meal replacement shake for breakfast and sometimes lunch, people don't like them here, they "teach you nothing" - I see it more as starting from scratch. It's like punishment. It's not easy to want to snack between meals because you've only had a shake and then try and find the healthy snack option, believe me!

    It's a hard task this thing that some of us are doing. With over 100lbs still left to lose with the measly 23lbs out the way. I am looking at a looong drawn out process. I don't think I'll reach my deadline, but hey. I'm losing. I'm here. I am TRYING to teach myself and my 22 month old son better habits (I feed him healthier than i do myself, go figure). I work out. Or try to. at least 3 days a week.

    To each their own. My easiest way is to pop on here and make like minded friends and just stay away from the crap. Unless I see something that might amuse or appeal to me on the new topics list on my wall page. Your post appealed and made me shake my head because I agree. ;)

    Chin up. don't let it get to you. just don't go to the forums. it's better to live in ignorance sometimes. haha.

    What is wrong with trying to lose weight before you're 18? If anything that would save this country countless obese kids. In fact, I wished more kids were educated about weight and nutrition at an earlier age (not to mention their parents) so you wouldn't have to pry oreos out of their mouth when they clearly shouldn't have any.

    Education is what most people lack. And not to be abrasive, but the original poster seems to be against spreading knowledge etc. I agree not every single post is a gem on these forums but I have found some great information. Also, if someone is in a plateau and they are eating a crap diet, I will tell them about it and honestly I've never had anyone tell me that my advice is not welcome; in fact, they were looking for additional pointers to help them out.

    In fact, if I knew as much as I do know about nutrition as a 17 year old (or younger) I would not starve myself on and off for those teenage years. Now, I know you can get similar results with much less desperate measures...but that's just me.
  • MissKim
    MissKim Posts: 2,853 Member
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    I agree with both that the media/world is making kids think they need to be super skinny in order to be accepted. and i think that is wrong.

    but i also agree that kids need to be taught about health/nutrition at a young age. b/c we do have alot of obese youth. and the fact that kids are getting diabetes and heart attacks, is just awful! but they need to be taught the right way to eat and live. not just told they are fat and they should do something about it.

    and also, i don't believe the OP was saying that threads are not informative. b/c it's good to have healthy debates on different lifestyles of eating and such. what the OP doesn't like is people putting other people down and judging. bullying. which is completely different than just providing your personal opinion and advice.
  • Kjarlune
    Kjarlune Posts: 178
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    Thanks everyone...We want advice, that's why we are here...What we don't want is the judgement...So now it is out there and with any luck we will all pay attention how we respond....
  • Kjarlune
    Kjarlune Posts: 178
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    Good post. I have always questioned anyone who took my advice on anything.


    lmao
  • sugarbeans
    sugarbeans Posts: 676 Member
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    Thank you for this post. I agree with you and couldn't have said it better=)
  • Raven00
    Raven00 Posts: 67
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    This is why I manily lurk around the boards and try not to post to many personal things and also why my food diary is kept private so I am only accountable to me.
    but I see lots of people asking for advice and since everyones opinion and experience is diffrent they are going to get a TON of conflicting answers. I think that they just need to use their best judgment. When recording what to do
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    I think you are absolutely right on all but one point. Losing weight is most certainly nowhere near the hardest thing I have to do! Sure it takes hard physical work, but there are many many thing in life that are a lot harder. Anyone can lose weight and get healthy.
  • shaunshaikh
    shaunshaikh Posts: 616 Member
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    Here's a scenario that happens every day on this website.

    A poster turns to the message board because their weight loss has stalled after being so successful early on. They post something that might be on their mind like, "Is diet soda affecting my weight loss?" and then go on about their situation and why they think diet soda might be to blame.

    Some people comment on their opinions of diet soda, researched or not, just to share conversation. While it's on topic, much of it's not useful or helpful other than just giving a litmus test to a bunch of strangers who haven't taken the time to google the topic they could had easily researched themselves.

    Then other people, who encounter the thread because they'd like to help someone who is struggling, try to take the person's story as a whole and not focus on the diet soda. When they open the poster's diary, they see a lot of overly-processed food and dangerously high calorie deficits. These people try to tell the original poster how she needs to eat more calories so that she does not have an excessive deficit, as she is getting closer to her goal weight (something they have observed and researched personally). The original poster gets defensive because she has lost so much weight with her current caloric deficit and feels offended and judged (never mind that weight loss isn't the same when you have 100 pounds to lose versus 20). Everybody is frustrated.

    This is a public message board. Some people come here just to track calories. Some people come here to have conversation and talk about their diet because it's on their mind. Some people come here to get educated and some people come her to educate (stroutman, banks, etc.). In my opinion, if you can't handle the variety of posters here, then stop coming to the message boards. Make friends and have conversations through your statuses. That way, if someone crosses you, you can easily remove them as a friend.

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