Standing up for myself

cbratthauer

Soooooo I have an issue and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it. I love to bake, and I'm pretty awesome at it too, definitely not trying to be conceited here. Anyways, I am opening up a bakery from my home. Last weekend was the first weekend and I sold 9 loaves of banana bread! So I made my two nieces birthday cakes awhile back because I was asked to. At the time, the bakery idea was a pipe dream and I didn't think anything of making these cakes for free. Now all of a sudden my fiance's sister wants me to bake all of this stuff.... for free! She wants me to make her a pie to bring to work, cupcakes for BOTH her daughter's classes, a cake for a 4th of July party she is having... When I gave her my price sheet and told her I was giving family 50% off (that way at least my ingredient costs are covered) she laughed and said family doesn't charge family for things. This is my business now, sure it's an on-the-side thing I do along with my full-time job, but I'm hoping once things pick up and go well to be able to quit and do this full-time. I'm not good with confrontation and I have pretty low self-esteem so never was good at sticking up for myself. I also definitely don't like being *****y, so how do I politely tell her she has to pay half price just like every other family member?

Thanks for listening!!!!!!

donby

Those that give family discounts are soon out of business

savvystephy

If you want to do her the favor, give her the grocery list to buy all the ingredients for you. That way at least you're not out of that money - but still that is a lot of time you will be out of. I'd still charge her.

Mindful_Trent

You might consider having your fiance talk with his sister (assuming he supports you on this issue), but if he doesn't want to get involved, I'd explain to her that you take your baking seriously as a business now, and that if you were to put in all the time and effort (and money) to bake everything for family members at no cost, then it would seriously hurt your new business. Explain that you did it for free in the past, but that you just can't afford to keep doing so.

She might just have to find someone else to make her baked goods if she doesn't like it - your request seems perfectly reasonable to me; you're under no obligation to bake everything your family wants for free just because they're family.

igora_soma

Maybe you can compromise and ask her to cover the ingredients? That is a lot of food for you to make and ingredients definitely end up costing a lot.

I would also get your fiance's support in this. That will be really important.

Also, congrats on opening up your bakery! I think is such a great idea and so awesome that you went for it

slyder432

You tell her "pay half price just like any other family member!!!"

asudheimer

Since it's your fiance's sister, I think he should mention to her that you would actually be losing money to do all this stuff for free because of the ingredients you're out of pocket for. And if all else fails, tell her that you have other orders for the times she is wanting this stuff made and you're not going to be able to get to it, or tell her to look into bakery prices and she will see she's getting a great deal. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself because it seems she is taking advantage of your good nature.

Jami22

By her requesting SO much it sounds like she is taking advantage of you, regardless if you have a business or not! Stand firm in your decision.

antijen

I agree with savvystephy. Don't call it a family discount, call it "buying" or "covering" the ingredients. Then hit her up for a favor relating to whatever it is that she's good at. Mooching for example

Bethy25

I would tell her you will do it for her for 'free" but she will need to get your supplies. Give her a grocery list, she will then figure out how expensive it is and in all actualty the 50% family discount would put her furter ahead!

The birthday cake would be one thing, but pushing it to EVERYTHING else for "free" she's crossed the line

prettybrownround

Always keep family/friends separate from business. First off, the nerve of her asking you to bake all that stuff for free. Clearly she is trying to take advantage of you. Let her know that u now wear two hats (relative and business owner) and ur relationship with her has nothing to do with ur business.

Still_Sossy

My husband has a family business, he does not charge labor to immediate family, extended family get a discount, but does charge for parts and materials. Time is money when you are self employed.

decu68

That your finance's sister cannot realize that things cost money (ingredients, time, etc.) and expects things for free; YOU shouldn't have to worry about anything, she should. She is taking advantage of you and if you let her then she will continue to. You have to set the boundaries from the beginning and you need to stick to them. If she doesn't want to pay then she doesn't get to play.

This is a business now; you need to treat it as such. Offering a discount is a nice thing to do. Or perhaps you can tell her to supply the ingredients required and perhaps come and bake with you and you'll make a day of it that way she realizes the cost and the time.

Does your finance not see this? If he doesn't then bring this up to him and let him talk to her. What makes her more special then other family members?

Again, if you let people run over you then they will continue to. Others will see it and then also take advantage of you. Other family members seeing she is getting it for free will want it free as well OR they will think they are not as important as her and you will create even more problems then just this.

Dealing with family is hard, especially in-laws ... I know this well. But she will get over it and if she doesn't then in the end who really cares, she wasn't worth the time or wasn't the person you thought she was.

jamie1888

Tell her family doesn't take advantage of family and ask for so much!

crashta

I like Stephanie's idea - give her the shopping list for all of the ingredients. If she doesn't like it then your fiance needs to man up and talk to his sister himself. A good friend of mine starting decorating cakes 1.5 years ago. She's made over 210 cakes! You can check them out at 'Long Tall Sally Cakes' on facebook.

Good luck!

Lady_C_the_1st

Well 50% is very generous! Why don't you explain the reasons why e.g. to cover your costs and then perhaps suggest a few other places that she could get the same stuff made at. Hopefully when she sees the other prices she will see what a good deal you are offering her!! Families can be funny things. Although it is good to have your fiance on board, keep in mind this is between you and her. Stand your ground though and if she cannot accept it then simply say that you are unable to help her.

chicorac

She is and has obviously been taking advantage of you. I would (in a nice was of course) tell her I was a little too busy with my new business and couldn't help her out this time. Send her to another bakery where she'd have to pay full price and she'll be happy to pay your 50%. Please don't allow yourself to be bullied or taken advantage of. You and your baked goods are worth soo much more.

redfroggie

I agree with asking her to either pay half or buy all the ingridients. It's hard to stand up for yourself sometimes, but girl if you don't do it no one else is going to do it for you! Good Luck.

picturesing

You MUST take a kind BUT Firm position with her NOW!!!!
Explain to her that she is asking you to accomplish a lot of "favors" and that is not in your business plan.
Also that THIS time you will offer her a discount but after these orders you MUST stick to your business plan and charge everyone the same!!!
It is so good you have a price sheet!
If she gets mad....well - that's her bad!!! And frankly I would be offended (if I were you) if she did not understand your position.
Much luck on your new business!!!!!! :drinker:

ericapledger

Tell her since she complained she has to pay full price now or she can go somewhere else! Ill call her for you lol

Wendysworld13

Hey, first congratulations on going for your dream - I think this is one more step in your figuring out who you are and going for it.
As for your sister-in-law to be, you just need to tell her again. You are not looking to make money on family, just break even. That half price pays for your supplies and running oven. Does not come close to paying for your time and the energy to do this. If she still laughs it off, then just tell her you are really sorry, but she will have to get her stuff elsewhere.
I have a friend who makes the most fantastic cookies. My son loves them and every time he sees her he asks for some. She makes them for him cause she loves him, but last time I gave her money for them - she had a fit. We spent a long time talking about it and I told her I did not want her to ever feel like I or he were taking advantage - also, stuff costs money! I told her she could supply the love and I would supply the stuff that goes in.
If you handle it that way maybe your sister in law to be will understand. It is more than a few cups of flour, eggs and sugar - it is the going to the store to get the stuff too. Tell her to supply all the ingredients and bring them to your kitchen and you will gladly make whatever she wants. She will learn real quick how much stuff costs!
Stand up for yourself. In general, no one else will!

deadlift

To be honest, i think her response of telling you family do stuff for free is just plain rude after you telling her she is getting it half price, she not only wants you to work your *kitten* off making her all this stuff for nothing, but she wants you to pay the materials to do it too?!!? Please do not put up with that. I agree with a few other people on here, suggesting getting your fiance to have a word with her, failing that, you simply tell her, that you have your first job, and this as your second job, you are giving her the labour for free, but your costs need to be met and you cannot afford to give your time and money away for free as you have more important things to do in your life!

Is it possible she was joking? when she said you would do it for free? anyway, if i was in your shoes i would bring up the subject again, and mention the price list, if she says she wants if free again i would say "well, i have agreed to do the labour for free, i'm simply asking the cost of the materials".

If this fails ask her to give you her car, because family give stuff away for free. (ok i'm joking.......but i probably would do it

cbratthauer

Thank you everybody! It makes me feel so much better to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. I love to do things for people, and if I could afford it I'd do so much more. But if I want to be successful then I just can't do these things for free anymore. As far as my fiance, he knows how his sister is. He thought she should have paid for the first two birthday cakes. But I also don't want to drag him in the middle of it if I don't have to, and I really want to avoid conflict. I hope she will just understand that this is how it has to be done.

mommared53

You might consider having your fiance talk with his sister (assuming he supports you on this issue), but if he doesn't want to get involved, I'd explain to her that you take your baking seriously as a business now, and that if you were to put in all the time and effort (and money) to bake everything for family members at no cost, then it would seriously hurt your new business. Explain that you did it for free in the past, but that you just can't afford to keep doing so.

She might just have to find someone else to make her baked goods if she doesn't like it - your request seems perfectly reasonable to me; you're under no obligation to bake everything your family wants for free just because they're family.

What he said.

cbratthauer

To be honest, i think her response of telling you family do stuff for free is just plain rude after you telling her she is getting it half price, she not only wants you to work your *kitten* off making her all this stuff for nothing, but she wants you to pay the materials to do it too?!!? Please do not put up with that. I agree with a few other people on here, suggesting getting your fiance to have a word with her, failing that, you simply tell her, that you have your first job, and this as your second job, you are giving her the labour for free, but your costs need to be met and you cannot afford to give your time and money away for free as you have more important things to do in your life!

Is it possible she was joking? when she said you would do it for free? anyway, if i was in your shoes i would bring up the subject again, and mention the price list, if she says she wants if free again i would say "well, i have agreed to do the labour for free, i'm simply asking the cost of the materials".

If this fails ask her to give you her car, because family give stuff away for free. (ok i'm joking.......but i probably would do it

No she wasn't joking. It sounds like she's been this way all of her life though. Don't get me wrong, I love her to death, but I definitely do not agree with 99% of the things she does. Her parents watch her girls EVERY day for her while she works, sleeps, and goes out. She went out the night before her daughter's 5th birthday party, which was at her parent's house, then showed up an hour late. Nobody could get ahold of her because her phone was off and she wasn't home, so who knows if she was in the hospital!!! She gave my fiance a check for something he picked up for her, and when he cashed it, surprise surprise it bounced. He had a phone line with her, it was in her name, and she didn't pay it. His phone got shut off and after going back and forth with her for a month he paid the charge to get off the plan early and went on my plan. She just isn't reliable and always expects things for free.

picturesing

You might consider having your fiance talk with his sister (assuming he supports you on this issue), but if he doesn't want to get involved, I'd explain to her that you take your baking seriously as a business now, and that if you were to put in all the time and effort (and money) to bake everything for family members at no cost, then it would seriously hurt your new business. Explain that you did it for free in the past, but that you just can't afford to keep doing so.

She might just have to find someone else to make her baked goods if she doesn't like it - your request seems perfectly reasonable to me; you're under no obligation to bake everything your family wants for free just because they're family.

What he said.

Sorry - I do not agree!!!! Unless he is her business partner!!!!
This is her business and she should stand up for her way of doing things (and I think she will)!
I would never drag my partner into something unless there was NO way for me to handle it! Just Saying!

RoadDog

When I opened my first TKD studio, my instructor, Master Moon Kyu Im, advised me that to be successful and gain respect, not to give anyone a discount. He told me that when he started out, he charged his own family for lessons.

He said , if they are not willing to pay for their lessons, they were not serious about them.

I think he was right. I would also consider it a lack of support that your family would not want to pay you for a service or a product that they are willing to pay someone else for.

If nothing else, they are lacking in manners.

dimoul

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr._Burns

"Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. When opportunity knocks, you don't want to be driving to a maternity hospital or sitting in some phoney-baloney church. Or synagogue." - Mr. Burns

mommared53

You might consider having your fiance talk with his sister (assuming he supports you on this issue), but if he doesn't want to get involved, I'd explain to her that you take your baking seriously as a business now, and that if you were to put in all the time and effort (and money) to bake everything for family members at no cost, then it would seriously hurt your new business. Explain that you did it for free in the past, but that you just can't afford to keep doing so.

She might just have to find someone else to make her baked goods if she doesn't like it - your request seems perfectly reasonable to me; you're under no obligation to bake everything your family wants for free just because they're family.

What he said.

Sorry - I do not agree!!!! Unless he is her business partner!!!!
This is her business and she should stand up for her way of doing things (and I think she will)!
I would never drag my partner into something unless there was NO way for me to handle it! Just Saying!

You're right. I re-read after I had posted and considered taking the first part of the first sentence out but I had already posted so I let it stay. But the rest of the quote I do agree with.

savvystephy

To be honest, i think her response of telling you family do stuff for free is just plain rude after you telling her she is getting it half price, she not only wants you to work your *kitten* off making her all this stuff for nothing, but she wants you to pay the materials to do it too?!!? Please do not put up with that. I agree with a few other people on here, suggesting getting your fiance to have a word with her, failing that, you simply tell her, that you have your first job, and this as your second job, you are giving her the labour for free, but your costs need to be met and you cannot afford to give your time and money away for free as you have more important things to do in your life!

Is it possible she was joking? when she said you would do it for free? anyway, if i was in your shoes i would bring up the subject again, and mention the price list, if she says she wants if free again i would say "well, i have agreed to do the labour for free, i'm simply asking the cost of the materials".

If this fails ask her to give you her car, because family give stuff away for free. (ok i'm joking.......but i probably would do it

No she wasn't joking. It sounds like she's been this way all of her life though. Don't get me wrong, I love her to death, but I definitely do not agree with 99% of the things she does. Her parents watch her girls EVERY day for her while she works, sleeps, and goes out. She went out the night before her daughter's 5th birthday party, which was at her parent's house, then showed up an hour late. Nobody could get ahold of her because her phone was off and she wasn't home, so who knows if she was in the hospital!!! She gave my fiance a check for something he picked up for her, and when he cashed it, surprise surprise it bounced. He had a phone line with her, it was in her name, and she didn't pay it. His phone got shut off and after going back and forth with her for a month he paid the charge to get off the plan early and went on my plan. She just isn't reliable and always expects things for free.

Sounds like you just need to teach her a lesson and tell her she won't get it unless she buys all the ingredients or pays 50% of your price. She sounds like a spoiled brat who is disrespectful, yet somehow still gets everything she wants. Someone needs to tell her that's not right!

Nanconet

She should be supporting you and your business because thats what family should do, I wouldn't compromise with her...if the cost for ingredients is less then 50% she should still pay the 50% just for trying to take advantage of you. If the cost of ingredients is more....she should pay more bottom line.

She is clearly not very nice. Tell her you are busy with orders coming in and unfortunately you can't put your paying clients on hold, as they are the helping your business go, and things are all about word of mouth these days. And you want to build a name for yourself.

And if she rebuttals and says "well family should come first". You tell her that she is not your only family member who has placed orders, and the other family members are in fact paying the 50% to help your business grow, because food prices aren't cheap these days. That was the only way to be fair to ALL family members without draining your business income and not take away from other customers.

If she has a smart butt comment for that....politely let her know that the 50% was an agreement you and your fiance made for family when you decided to start a business. And that it was the only way to be fair to the WHOLE family on your side and his. And if she doesn't like it...she could ask her brother to take the time to bake for her after she provides the ingredients as you are very busy.

You just have to make sure your fiance is on board with being firm....because men tend to keel over for their sisters. I have two big brothers....but I would and have never tried to take advantage of them or their girlfriends or even friends for that matter.

Keep us updated on what happens Good luck