Your not FAT! Your Tall! You carry it well! Tired of hearin

Merrymel

So last night my daughter and I got into a huge argument. She thinks I need a shrink because I am trying to loose weight. Here we have Biggest Loser on the Bayou. Small town version of NBC's program THE BIGGEST LOSER. I signed up and started using MFP. She says I am obsessed with losing weight and that I am not fat. I am 5"9 1/2 and weigh 198. She says all I talk about is loosing weight and what I want to eat. I count calories all the time, and she thinks its ridiculous. I know I am a little over the top with it because I have a roller coaster attitude. Some days I say no way I will not eat that slice of pie. And other days I will say "I'll take two slices please". So she thinks I need a shrink. She on the other hand is 24 yr old who is overweight by about 80-100 pounds. We both have desk jobs and I walk mostly everyday and/or go to gym for either cardio or swimming or Zumba. She watches TV until bedtime everyday. She is not concerned with her weight or health at all. I am not sure how much longer I can deal with this. I cried myself to sleep last night. I am 51, single, and trying not to get bigger with no support or encourgement from home. What can I do?

McKayMachina

Try not to get so upset. As long as you're doing it the right way and staying within the healthy range, you're fine. Sounds like your daughter needs to learn the "live and let live" life lesson. Hopefully, she sees you taking care of yourself and takes a cue.

Regardless, this is about you. So, congratulations on sticking with it. Good luck!

breakingthecycle

I have been hearing that all of my life. I am 5 6.75

Ugh just because I "carry it well" doesnt mean it 'feels' good.

I say dont listen to the negativity and keep doing what you do and maybe once she sees your progress she will be motivated to do the same.

Good luck!

picturesing

All you can do is take care of you and be an example for her to see (not hear). All of us have to be able to hear "that voice" inside in order to make the changes we need. You should focus on YOU! Maybe not talk about your journey around her but only if she asks. Much luck to you!

cconeill

Tell her that it is her choice not to count calories or worry about her weight and it is your choice to count calories and be concerned with your weight. She needs to respect that so I would just tell her that and leave it at that do not feed into her argument. Ignore her you have no need to explain yourself

Juliebean_1027

Is there any way that you could suggest to your daughter that she join MFP as well? I know this is a very very tricky situation because you don't want to infer that she's overweight or needs to lose weight, but maybe you could try telling her that it's not about the weight but more about being healthy. There are plenty of people out there who are thin but are not healthy. (I have a friend who is extremely thin but her body fat is around 30%, while I KNOW that I'm overweight and have a lot to lose, but have a similar body fat). Maybe you could talk to you daughter about how when she suggests that you need a shrink it hurts your feelings. I know it's hard, but you've made the first step in the right direction by coming here for support!

fitoverfifty

Don't worry about what others think.....if you feel you need to lose weight, then do it.
If they are not worried about their own weight.....leave them alone.

I don't think you need a shrink...while watching your weight, you think and talk about food more than when you are not counting calories...that seems fairly normal to me..

You do not look overweight in your picture, but it's all about how you feel about your weight.

Helena4

Being 19, I have NO experience of this at all but, my heart goes out to you as I have seen it happen to other families I know.
I can only suggest maybe inviting her to the classes with you so she can see how much fun Zumba can be? Sounds silly but maybe suggest going to zumba then going out for a nice dinner (somewhere you know isn't going to break the 'diet') and then it's kind of a bonding evening - rewarded with food, which is always good. I don't know if that would work for you, but I hope something does Take care of yourself and don't work yourself too hard

tritta01

Keep up your hard work and maybe this will inspire her to make changes in her life once she sees how well you've done

Heatherbelle_87

Im saying this AS a daughter.

She needs to grow up! Sounds like a case of jelouse daughter to me. What is likely is one of her Male friends commented on how good you look and/or your weight loss and she is jelouse. She obviously takes no responsibility for her own weight yet, and you cant force that. But dont let her get you down

2youngatheart

I think, in general, if you are concerned about your weight, it is only natural that during the process of getting it under control, it is the main thing you think about. I do the same...thinking about what I can cook..how many calories...etc. But that isn't really wrong...it is planning ahead so that you don't fall into a "pit" with over eating. Your daughter will eventually think about her weight, her health will force her to, somewhere down the road. You can only abuse your body with extra weight so long before it rebels. For me, I think about carring my weight around as carrying 10 bags of sugar with me everywhere I go....so I carry about 30 pounds of sugar or 3 --10# bags of potatoes everywhere...and I get tired! You just keep good thoughts...and with the help of everyone on here...we will all improve ourselves.

cmriverside

The obvious is to saym, "Why don't you worry about your own health, and leave me to mine."


But, mothers/daughters are going to fight, and you're being wishy-washy, so it's annoying to her. It's a given. Just walk away and let her have the last word. It's not worth getting all mad about.

find walking away from an argument effectively ends the argument!


Send her to a time out.

brneydgrlie

Tell her "OK, I'll see a therapist, AND a nutritionist, but only if you will see them with me".This could actually be a good thing because

1) it will help you maintain a healthy balance mentally and have support while you are reaching your goals, and
2) it will help your daughter address HER weight/life issues and maybe get her on track too. Sounds like she needs a dose of reality.

Keep in mind that probably at least 80% of the argument you had with your daughter is not about YOU - it's about HER and her issues.

Lightjulesloves2run

I deal with the same thing from my husband. He is overweight but not interested in losing weight. He tells me I am obsessed and I am defining myself by this. I have to be like this if I wanna stick to it! We have to remember we are losing for us..not anyone else. You can do anything u put ur mind to! We have to ignore the outside influences and stay strong. Keep posting here for support! We are here to help and encourage u! I personally think people that say ur obsessed..etc. are people who are jealous or not strong enough to lose weight themselves. U are here for u..stay with it! Ur awesome..remember that!

summerbest

I hear that all the time We are beautiful educated working women though. I think it is all about the confedence. I just started this last week. I was 189 now 184. I am also 5"9 and my problem is all my fat hangs in the breast and back area....lol. Single also, i just want to be toned. Goal weight is 169. I actually would be happy now if I was solid tone....lol You need to be fit for yourself not your daughter and be in all about "me" mode. You raised her, her life and she needs to take charge of herself. You are not crazy to want to care for your body, heart, lungs etc.... You are the only one that will benefit and you will feel great, build confidence and get a hot nice man! I have several friends that are in their 50's and 50 is faboulous......the new 40's. Have fun with all this and it won't sound like a Diet.

Wendysworld13

First, Your daughter is an adult. She is responsible for herself and you for yourself. It is sad to see someone you love decay by sitting in front of the television and overeat. You can lead by example.

On that note, do just that. Stop talking about losing weight and make an effort to eat more healthily. It is not a diet thing but a lifestyle thing. Make the changes to make a healthier you.

I take it from what you said that your daughter lives with you. Just stop talking and start doing. Take your walks, ask her if she wants to join you. If not, ask a friend or go by yourself. Get rid of the junk food, and only bring in the desserts once in a while for a treat - or better yet, don't bring them in at all just have one every other or every third time you go out.

This is not about deprivation - it is about moderation and figuring out how to be happy. If you don't like the skin you are in, make the necessary changes to make it. You have a huge support network here on MFP. USE IT. Be happy and by showing you are happy, maybe she will make small changes to make herself happy too.

FrenchMob

Sounds to me like she might be a little envious or is afraid to be left behind if you lose weight and she doesn't...or a little of both.

Still_Sossy

I have been hearing that too, while I am not at my weight loss goal, I did need to lose 30 lbs. While 30 lbs on a 5"11 frame is distributed differently than it would be on a 5'6 frame it is still 30 lbs overweight no matter how you look at it. Keep up your path for health and fitness, perhaps if you continue strong, your daughter will be inspired and join in on the journey. Just be there for her but stay true to you and your goals.

brandi2258

Hello! I have to say that I am tired of hearing that stuff to! I'm 6'3 and as of yesterday weight 316...People are always telling me that I look fine and carry my weight well...I know I have pounds to lose, and I understand that they don't want to hurt my feelings, but it is getting old!

Good luck with what you are doing! Hope you end up happy with yourself!!:happy:

cmriverside

WOW!!! Eleven responses in two minutes!! You've hit a nerve!!


or eighteen!!! and counting..............

---

kimmerroze

I would quit mentioning healthy calories or veggies or exercise, or anything weight loss related.

Instead change it to Tasty, as in "I made a tasty/delicious/yummy meal" instead of "I made a healthy, low calorie meal"

And with exercise, "Gosh its a beautiful day I just wanna get outside and play/walk/sightsee in nature." instead of "gosh its a beautiful day, I wanna exercise/burn calories/get skinny."

She will see that it is part of your lifestyle, you choose these things because they are fun and delicious, not healthy and weight related.

Some people hate hearing those words simply because it makes them feel guilty. So try to stay away from them and maybe that will help.

With that said, still log your calories just don't do it outward and loudly, if she brings up the topic, or sees you on the computer its her own fault and she can choose to invert her eyes and hush about it. or listen to you.

Keep it up! its all about you, and the only person that is going to get you to your goal is you. Its frustrating but true.

fuzzymel

I wonder if she is reacting because you getting healthy is forcing her to look at herself. She might not be ready to lose the weight just yet but not ready to be left behind either.

poustotah

Okay, as a mother - there is no way I would listen to a child that is directly trying to defeat my goals. Family is supposed to be supportive and if she can't do that, then she should keep quiet about it.

As a daughter - my mom needs to lose weight and is on her own roller coaster. So when she complains about being fat I tell her to do something about it. When she's back on the ride, I encourage that too. In the end, no one will get off the roller coaster until they're ready to.

smilebhappy

I wouldn't worry to much about your daughter.
You are trying to do this for you......so you will be healthier.
Maybe just do what you need to do for yourself & thru those examples she'll come around.
Sometimes you can talk till you blue in the face & they don't listen to you...I know I have 2 daughters myself.
We have similar goals.....I'm gonna send you a friend request....we can help support each other.

cjwolfjen

Just keep trucking along. She is your daughter and believe it or not somewhere in her mind she looks up to you no matter what, its just instinct, human nature. She may have her own insecurities/reasons for feeling the way she does. If you just stay strong and keep doing what you're doing you will lose the weight and she may be inspired to do it for herself. Its hard for people to relate sometimes even if they are overweight themselves. It's all about when YOU are ready and willing to commit.

If you go back and forth from one dieting extreme to the next it can get frustrating for others esp. if they already don't think you should be doing it... etc. I would say just keep some things to yourself, don't openly count calories in front of her if you can avoid it. Don't preach to her about it, maybe the arguments will die down. Good luck

malmustafa79

Im 5'7 and someone told me one time your not fat you just have big boobs!

downtome

You say that your daughter is overweight by 80-100lbs? Can you get her to join you in your lifestyle change quest? It sounds to me like she might be a little jealous of you when she should be supportive! I bet if she was taking care of herself and exercising she wouldn't be too worried about what you were doing so much, My mom and I exercise together everyday and we encourage each other to keep at it and eat right for our sanity as well as me losing weight, although I think my mom is thin enough and doesn't need to lose anymore weight she on the other hand isn't happy with her body and I can understand how she feels so I just leave it to her. It isn't my place to tell her what weight she is most comfortable at. Try and get your daughter involved in losing weight and exercising, she is only 24 and she should be caring about how she looks and feels, if she isn't interested then you need to forget about her comments and continue on your journey because it makes you feel good! end of story!:)

fbaldwin

I hear that a lot too. I'm 5'11'', and since January have lost approx. 27lbs. I weight 196 lbs now. Just stay focused on yourself and get to the weight where you are comfortable and healthy. Good Luck!

JPayne53

Maybe try to get her involved with what you do and what your passion is right now... you like to workout, she likes to watch TV.. maybe compromise with a Wii!! 2 in 1!! I would say talk and tell her your concerns for yourself (and maybe for her if you see her moving in the wrong direction) explain your reasoning and motivation and that you are just trying to set an example. Hope this gets better for you and you can come to a GREAT compromise!! :flowerforyou:

Mandi1968

My daughter used to get annoyed with me for always looking up calories before we would go out to eat....counting them etc....even before I was on MFP....but I kept reminding myself I was setting a good example for her...she is almost 18 now, and it has finally rubbed off, she makes better choices from menues when we are eating out and is more aware at home now too....she has recently lost 5 bls and is on her way to her ideal weight..... stick with your convicitons.

Gerkenstein

To me, it sounds like your daughter is dealing with her weight defensively. I completely understand this because that's how I was. It use to be upsetting to me when thin(ner) friends said they wanted to lose weight when I would have loved to be their size. Or my mother-in-law would constantly talk about eating healthy and working out and to me it felt like I big guilt trip because I didn't do those things.

Don't take her reactions personally, they're not about you, they're about her. She is dealing with her emotions of her weight the best way she knows how and this may be the first step for her. Give her time to make her own life change, but in the meantime, focus on you. I'm so proud of you for sticking to MFP and your healthy changes to better yourself. Keep thinking positive and focusing on your goals.

The law of attraction is key. If you focus on the positive and what you want, you will get there. And your daughter will be witness to this. I hope she takes your great example, but don't push her. Sounds like she's dealing (even if she doesn't know it) on her own right now.

Best of luck. (((hugs)))