Your not FAT! Your Tall! You carry it well! Tired of hearin

KaironAndTaviansMommy

Merrymel,

I am in the same boat, except Im the daughter. My mother never encourages me and when I tell her about how good I am doing all she can say is good or thats cool, she isnt enthusiastic about it at all. She is overweight herself and doesnt see anything wrong with it. Overweight people dont really see how much their weight effects others. When I started working towards losing weight, it was all I could talk about, because I was and am so proud that I did it and are still doing it. That I can actually accomplish something that makes me feel good. I have two small children (5 and 2 yrs old) that I need to be a role model for. I dont want my children to go through what I have been going through my whole life. As a daughter to an overweight mother, I found myself ashamed of my mother, and of myself as I grew up, and I definitely dont want that for my children. I found myself a month ago asking myself "If I'm so unhappy with myself, why dont I just get up and change it?". I also found that my marriage was on the verge of disaster. My husband has been wanting me to workout for months, heck years. He is very much so in love with me and who i am, but he doesnt want to raise our children alone, and I have had some really bad health scares. I almost died giving birth to my 2 year old. So I can understand what me starting to lose weight meant to him. He is my only support and I thank him everyday for being so. He has been helping me figure out different things I can have to eat and how to fit other things around my life. However, as a mother, I can understand you wanting to be better for your daughter, and there is nothing wrong with you feeling like you should lose weight or that she should lose weight. If your not happy or comfortable then you should be able to change that, and your daughter should be supportive of that. I think you should sit down and explain how your feeling to her about everything, dont be afraid to hurt her feelings, because sometimes the best kind of love is the tough kind. I wish my mother were as motivating to me as you are your daughter!!! I hope everything goes well for you and for your daughter, and I really hope that she will one day be motivated by you and your strengths and start moving forward with the same goals. I really wish you lots of weightloss success and hope that you find someone or something to inspire you, motivate you and make you feel really good about your success. Good Luck Merrymel!

Sincerely,
BreannaRush

wysmom2000

I'm 6' and CW 164 (SW 181). Friends tell me all the time that I don't need to lose weight. "You're so tall, you carry your weight well, why are you dieting." Tired of hearing it. They don't look in the mirror every morning and they don't have to move this body around. You do what you feel is right for you. Maybe your attitude will rub off on others!

Sarahr73

Im saying this AS a daughter.

She needs to grow up! Sounds like a case of jelouse daughter to me. What is likely is one of her Male friends commented on how good you look and/or your weight loss and she is jelouse. She obviously takes no responsibility for her own weight yet, and you cant force that. But dont let her get you down

I agree. I would try not to let it bother you, which will be hard, and continue what you are doing. You are trying to better your life and if she doesn't like it don't tell her about it. She doesn't need to be included in everything you do. Once she sees how hot you get, maybe she will decide to change her habits as well and then you can be her encouragement and show what it is to be family.

jesseBYAH

I'm 5'11" and 205, so I definitely know how you feel. I started at 220 and I was considered obese! Just barely, but still. That's a word that I NEVER want used to describe me ever again. There is NOTHING wrong with trying to lose weight, even if you're tall and "carry it well." We all want to feel confident, sexy, and above all else, HEALTHY. You are doing this for your health, so good for you! Maybe your daughter feels confident in her body and that is fine too. If she doesnt feel the need to lose weight then that's ok, but she should not be getting on your back about your efforts to become healthy. That is very unfair and counterproductive. Is it possible that she's a little jealous of your newfound habits? Saying you're "obsessed" and "need a shrink" is going a bit far. Especially since it sounds like you let yourself have treats once in a while (good for you!). As long as you're not eating way under on calories every day, etc, then there's no reason to harass you about it.

For me, writing always helps. Maybe consider writing your daughter a letter about this, and how she's making you feel. Also, be sure to reassure her that you are not doing anything unhealthy. If it makes her feel better, maybe schedule a doctors appt and invite her to go with you. Tell the doctor, or nutritionist, or something, about everything you're doing to help you lose weight. Ask if they have any advice, and ask if there's anything you're doing that's unhealthy. She will see that you are doing the right thing and if you get well wishes from your doc, then there's nothing she should need to wory about anymore.

Hope this helps. TALL LADIES UNITE! Lol. Feel free to add me if you'd like Support from "outsiders" isn't always forthcoming- that is what your MFP buddies are for!

Cori615

Do your thing and don't make comments . it does get annoying when a person comments about calories and the gym especially if there not doing anything. Just stick to it. Don't let other people bring you down but also don't be the one to bring them down. Find people that are also trying to be healthy for the support

jodik11

Keep up the good work and be PROUD of yourself. You are being a good role model for your daughter and eventually she'll want to follow in your footsteps and eat healthier. Don't let anyone, not even family bring you down. Just keep on a truckin!

Merrymel

WOW! thanks to everyone for the kind words of encourgement. I feel better already....! I love MFP.

Pebble321

Do your thing and don't make comments . it does get annoying when a person comments about calories and the gym especially if there not doing anything. Just stick to it. Don't let other people bring you down but also don't be the one to bring them down. Find people that are also trying to be healthy for the support

I'd agree with this - just do what you know is right, and let her do her thing. It doesn't sound to me as though she wants to do anything about her own weight so anything you say is propably only going to provoke her more.
Good luck and keep up the good work!

Tic_Tac_Toe

I am also 5'9 and have heard all the comments of "you carry it well" to "you don't need to lose weight." I am sure you've heard the saying "misery loves company," but it makes it harder because it's your daughter. You need to do what makes you happy & what makes you comfortable in your own skin. Maybe your daughter will follow suit once she realizes you mean business & get results.

And instead of saying no I can't have that and then binge eating, try doing everything in moderation. GL!

jmruef

I have had people look at me in shock when I tell them what I weigh because I "carry it well." Yeah, I carry it so well I have very little energy to do anything but carry myself to the couch or to bed...etc.

The problem *now* is that I'm recovered from an eating disorder. Why is that a problem? Because people hear alarm bells if I share that I'm trying to lose weight. If I lose 5 pounds my mother sees me with the same eyes that saw me when I was skeletal. The last time I weighed 155 (and I'm 5'8") she told me I was "looking scary again." Sigh.

One thing I learned, though, during my recovery (okay, I'm still learning) is that I can not change other people's behavior. This goes for my parents, siblings, stepsons, coworkers, etc. What I *can* change - and this is BIG - is how I react to those people. I can let my mom piss me off every time she comes up with something discouraging, or I can evaluate her statement for its true components (do I really look scary? am I engaging in scary behaviors? does she love me and want me to be healthy without her worrying about me? etc.) and proceed from there?

The last time she pulled out the 'scary' comment, I was able to say to her that although I had *had* an eating disorder, I didn't anymore, and my current weight was far from scary. My weight loss methods/motives were also extremely different from ED me, and I do have the right to take care of myself and maintain a healthy weight. Mom got quiet for a minute and then said, "You know, you're right."

WOW.

All this to say: people are going to say what they're going to say. No one has the power to hurt quite like family members, but we really do have the power to diminish that power. It takes effort and time (and lots of both) but it can be done.

daniran

Keep doing what you're doing and find the happiness within. You're the only one that has to pleased. I think you are doing amazing. being 50 and fit is awesome!

beefcake1984

I have a very attractive friend who gained like 60 lbs 2 years back. I've always been huge, and she was always a hottie so when she got chubby, I was so excited. Then when she decided she was going to lose weight, I told her the exact same things as your daughter is telling you. If we would go eat, i would always convince her to "live a little" and go for that dessert and whatnot. I would tell her she didnt need to diet, that she looked good blah blah blah.. all of that was just because
1. Im a horrible person
2. I was too lazy and disgusting to lose the weight myself so i was jealous she was gonna look skinny again.
3. Misery loves company.
Since then i realized how terrible that was, got my big a** on a diet and stopped hating on my bff who is now even sexier than she was before,and i couldnt be happier!
If your daughter is hating, (and i know this is gonna sound terrible) just tell her to *kitten* off. Shes making you cry, just because shes jealous. Just keep her out of your diet/excersize plan. Talk about your health and body to someone who will only encourage you. Not secretly try to sabbotage your effort! Take her bad comments and judgement with a grain of salt, and keep doing your thing. Ultimately, your the one that has to live with your body, not anyone else.

saral89

At the end of the day, this is all YOU>... YOU know why you're doing this and you don't need to give explanations. When they start seeing results, then they will agree that it is better. Hopefully you can motivate your daughter and have her as a buddy to go through this.

kpovich

I would quit mentioning healthy calories or veggies or exercise, or anything weight loss related.

Instead change it to Tasty, as in "I made a tasty/delicious/yummy meal" instead of "I made a healthy, low calorie meal"

And with exercise, "Gosh its a beautiful day I just wanna get outside and play/walk/sightsee in nature." instead of "gosh its a beautiful day, I wanna exercise/burn calories/get skinny."

She will see that it is part of your lifestyle, you choose these things because they are fun and delicious, not healthy and weight related.

Some people hate hearing those words simply because it makes them feel guilty. So try to stay away from them and maybe that will help.

With that said, still log your calories just don't do it outward and loudly, if she brings up the topic, or sees you on the computer its her own fault and she can choose to invert her eyes and hush about it. or listen to you.

Keep it up! its all about you, and the only person that is going to get you to your goal is you. Its frustrating but true.

Exactly what I was thinking!!! When you discuss your diet, or dieting, with your daughter, you know how she's going to react... so DON'T. Instead, talk to us HERE. Blogging is a great way to get things out and off your chest. Come where there is support and positive feedback.

Try using the above posters suggestions in rewording things you say to her regarding your attempts at differen (healthier) foods. Sometimes it takes changing the words when saying something to get the affect we're looking for.

For example... (copy and paste)

http://youtu.be/Wgi0t2ap-us

misssia

I think it is great that you are trying to stay active, be healthy, and lose a few extra pounds. I want to encourage you to keep doing what your doing and try to maintain a positive attitude. Don't let anyones negativity get you down. Many times, without realizing it, our friends and family discourage us from our weight loss goals because they are jealous that they are not in that state of mind to do the same things for themselves. Everyone has their own journey in life and everyone comes to personal realizations in their own time. Don't be frustrated that your daughter has not come to the realization that health, fitness, and general wellness are important just yet. Be a positive example in her life by keeping up the good work with a great attitude. Encourage her, but don't push her. I think she will come around.

- former obese child/teenager