Marriage.

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XBabigrl72
XBabigrl72 Posts: 88
in Chit-Chat
The world today is really quit sad. In my local paper there are two sections which our local news section. Weddings and divorces. Number 1: I find myself amazed that this even makes it to the news paper, there's nothing better than picking up the paper and being reminded that you're getting a divorces. Number 2: I can't believe the amount of time some of these people have been together. Anywhere from 10-15 years. After that long wouldn't you be willing to make things work? Now I know that sometimes even after you try everything to make it work it still might not. But you make these vows for a reason, you promise yourself to someone for a reason. LOVE. I truly don't believe it dies out in an old relationship. It grows and changes and you need to adapt to it again and again and again if need be. But why is it so hard to talk about things before they build. Or step back and say it's not working what are we doing wrong. Or something other than jumping to a divorce. I'm not saying all of these people didn't try but I want to know why trying didn't work. As someone who is planning on getting married within the next year. I want to know there's still hope for married couples, I worked too hard to find this great person to only divorce them in 3-5 yrs. Because things just aren't working anymore. Even now WE give it our all to make it work, so we can actually get to our wedding day. Do we fight? Yeah. Do we get so mad at each other we sometimes find ourselves wondering why we want to commit the rest of our lives to each other? Yes. But at the end of the day our love runs so deep we can't split apart.
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Replies

  • Marcellus_08
    Marcellus_08 Posts: 253
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    I couldn't agree with you more:)
  • FitFrenchGirl
    FitFrenchGirl Posts: 177
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    yeah its horrible, I know a guy and his ex wife..he is 75 and she is 55 years old :( they have been together forever and boom got a divorce....i couldnt believe it
  • mrmarius
    mrmarius Posts: 1,802 Member
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    true.. the reality is marriage takes alot of work and most people seem to forget that. nowadays its more conveinient to just divorce and go on. at least it seems that way the process of divorce is very devastating.. many people have no idea what they are getting into in the first place . however there are soooooo many people that make it work so fear not its not all doom and gloom
  • DyannAlvarez
    DyannAlvarez Posts: 162 Member
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    I'm so proud to say that my parents have been married going on 50 years come next March. :flowerforyou:
  • pinkgigi
    pinkgigi Posts: 693 Member
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    Nobody but nobody gets married with divorce in mind. I was married 16 years before I finally gave up. It was the best decision because if I had stayed with him he would have dragged us down in the mud he is now stuck in. It turns out he has been a really lousy father since.

    I totally agree that people should try to make it work, but after 16 years if you see that really fundamental problems are there, and there is only one side making a try of fixing them, then sometimes you have to let it go. My situation was not one of not trying or not being prepared to work at it, nothing would have fixed things because he is not capable of changing. Seems I was totally done over by his charm, which he has in spades, just not honesty and integrity and strong moral compass.


    GG
  • stephanielynn76
    stephanielynn76 Posts: 709 Member
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    Well I've been happily married to a wonderful man for over 10 years. We are still in love and quite hot for each other still too. Happy marriages do exist. We arent without our challenges like everyone else but we want to be together so we work things out. My parents, however, divorced after over 30 years. It was a bad marriage from the start but my mom stuck it out. My dad will not ever change and that isn't her fault.
  • live2smyle
    live2smyle Posts: 592 Member
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    I got my 10yr in with almost 15yrs of marriage and a hella life insurance policy. Im not going anywhere :laugh:
  • brewingaz
    brewingaz Posts: 1,136 Member
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    Married here for 6 years. It's a lot of work. There are rough spots, ups, and downs.Obviously there are circumstances where divorce is necessary. I'm not discounting those by any means. Some people go into a marriage not really realizing the toll the rough spots and downs take on them. So, they give up. They loved the ups though. If people can make it a point to remember what brought them to the ups and do them, it can make the rough spots a lot smoother. And, for every rough spot you come out of, you come out stronger in your relationship.
  • Frankenbarbie01
    Frankenbarbie01 Posts: 432 Member
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    From an old married woman of 12 yrs.... believe in the commitment you make to your partner. My husband and I have had rough patches (death of parents, life threatening illness, money trouble, questions of fidelity...) this I know for sure...........
    When you are having difficulty in your marriage you MUST turn towards your PARTNER. They are in this too, and as a committed member of the relationship you owe it not only to yourself and your vows, but to them to do everything you can to have a relationship that is loving and rewarding FOR you BOTH. This means spending some time apart with seperate interests and being your own person within the relationship. People tend to forget during the planning of a wedding lasting all of one day, that they should be planning for a marriage that can last 50 years!
    When all is said and done in 45 years when you are too old to travel, the kids are all gone and busy with their own families, too old to have sex...you better be able to TALK to your partner as a friend. Dont be discouraged, if you are lucky enough to marry a good freind as well as someone you are attracted to you will be able to contribute to a good relationship and celebrate a Golden Wedding Anniversary :smile: one day
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
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    As someone who is planning on getting married within the next year. I want to know there's still hope for married couples

    There IS hope. It takes TWO people who are totally committed. Make sure you are mature and ready for a commitment. Make sure you like the person as is - and don't expect them to change. Be each other's best friend. Stick up for one another - when it comes to your family and in-laws, friends, etc., your spouse is always number one! Being married is totally easy and fun if you have the right attitude and the same goals for the future. I always hear people say you've really got to work at it, but I don't think it's work at all. Sure there are cranky days, but it doesn't last. Maybe I'm just lucky. My husband rocks! We've been together for 11 years and married for 10. No sign of stopping or slowing down...Good luck and have LOTS of fun! :love:
  • moyafigura
    moyafigura Posts: 140 Member
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    I got married at 18 and have been married over ten years now. Divorce is just not in our vocabulary, but it does help that we love each other and are faithful.
  • moyafigura
    moyafigura Posts: 140 Member
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    Oh, and wanted to wish you the best with your wedding. Hope the two of you are trully happy till death do you part :)
  • TaushasJourney
    TaushasJourney Posts: 143
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    BUMP
  • ColeyCannoli
    ColeyCannoli Posts: 147
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    Love this. So true.
    A lot of people stay together "for the kids" even though they know they don't love each other much earlier on in the relationship. Or they have kids to fix it and end up stuck. They end up staying until their kids are "old enough" like that is a good idea. Trust me, it's not. Your kids know. They are hurt by it. If you can't find a way to love the person you're with even a little or decide you need to cheat, then do everyone a favor and just get out.
  • ThaiKaren
    ThaiKaren Posts: 341 Member
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    I do agree with you, but maybe sometimes people have stayed together for the sake of their children, never mind that the children would have most probably been better off wthout all the arguments etc etc. The other thing is some people get to a certain age and realise that life is passing them by and why settle for second best and want to have a life.
    But marriage takes a lot of work and give and take on both sides and if the couple truly love and respect each other they will make it.
  • maryloo2011
    maryloo2011 Posts: 446
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    ARE YOU REALLY SEROUS

    How can you generalize all divorces into one chunk of "it didn't work out in these past 3-7 years" without knowing what was going on?! Do you know all these people personally.......?
  • NydiaSmith
    NydiaSmith Posts: 3
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    the trouble is todays mentality of abundance and instant gratification. i want to be happy right now. i dont want to work hard for it. and there is plenty others out there.. i got a divorce 14 yrs ago because though i loved him everyone told me i didnt have to put up with anything there were plenty of fish in the sea. well there were but it took me a long time to fine someone worthy of my children. and now he is stuck cause for all intents and purposes the rest of the fish drowned. and though we have obsticles we understand if the grass is greener on the other side all you have to do is water your own lawn.
  • Mightytaco84
    Mightytaco84 Posts: 76 Member
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    It takes two to make a thing go right.
  • Johnnyswife
    Johnnyswife Posts: 1,447 Member
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    It takes two people to care to to fight to keep a marriage alive. My parents were married for 30 years, than my brother died. My mom gave up and left us.
    Some people split cause they don't care, others split cause only they care and the other doesn't. Its very sad indeed.
  • suzycreamcheese
    suzycreamcheese Posts: 1,766 Member
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    i think everyone should do what they can to make things work, but you do only get one life, and theres no point living with some terrible decision you made in your youth your whole life just because you "should".
    marriage does take hard work, but you also need a fundamental base of love, and sometimes that just dies out for many different reasons, and sometimes, it just never was going to last the distance and a couple were just swept away in romance.
    My ex husband left me after 9 years because "he wasnt in love anymore" and tbh, im glad he had the guts to do it in hindsight, because i would have just gone along with what i signed up for and never truly known proper love and happiness like i do with my partner now

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