Things that people just SHOULDN'T say!
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Somewhat on that thread i have
Them :ooo how much do you want to loose'
me : i want to be about 12 stone
them: oh why not try for 9..
or outside a restuarant with my OH
'you need to loose weight'
'really? now? do you not thing i am trying' then scream at him
he walks over.. 'but i love you either way'...0 -
"you were prettier before you lost weight....."
:noway: :noway: :noway:
OUCH
I cannot IMAGINE who would have the galls to say that. So rude on so many levels.
that would be my mom....0 -
Well i am guna throw a spanner in the works now..................BIG TIME
Whats wrong with paying someone a compliment if it is deserved. Being a gentlemen is it wrong that I say someone looks amazing in their photos.
If someone looks good should you not tell then???????
I have my reasons for loosing weight and its cause I know deep down that I am not happy and I always say after the compliment that they must feel the same as me and they have there own motivations.
With my clothes on I look OK, but off is another story. I think we all can say that cant we????????
I think with my close friends on here by asking them that question you find out what really makes them tick, what really is their motivation then I can help them and support them on that motivational path.
Summer holiday right, cool, u got the bikini yet, keep that in mind, is the picture of the villa on your biscuit cupboard.
Maybe thats just me but I cant go into a full blown MFP friendship being able to motivate them by saying yer I can see why you wana loose weight.
please don't slate me. maybe my close friends on here can back me up, PLEASE.
compliments are great - when sincere. not when coming from a place of jealousy.
"you look fine" and "keep up what you're doing, you look great" are 2 very different things.
we all need to be on this journey for ourselves, but compliments and more importantly encouragement from people we care for and respect are essential.0 -
Man, I'm sorry to read all the crazy put-downs from people. I get them too.
That's why I don't tell anyone except my wife and my sister. No one else needs to know, and if I'm offered something I simply say, "No thanks" or "maybe later."
Maybe at some point I'll be tough enough to let people say those kinds of things, but for now, I'm not.
I guess I need to think up some good replies when people say those things, like "yeah, thanks." And then move on.0 -
Some older man, I am 47 he is in his late 60's (sorry don't want to offend anyone). That is an aquaintance of our family constantly flirts with my 24 year old size 2 daughter (ewwww), and barely notices me. Which creeps me out but I am OK with. I hadn't seen him in awhile since I lost the 35 lbs and he asked me if I had been doing something different with my hair, he wanted to strike up a conversation. SUDDENLY he is interested in ME....ewwww After I felt the need to shower I quickly answered NOPE are you doing something different with your hair??? He blushed because, He is bald!!!! I guess what bothers me is it's sad that people should notice you when your heavy because of your size but you tend to go unnoticed.....or get made fun of. I wish we could change that as a society.0
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I hate it when family and friends tell me to not talk with them about fitness or weight loss. I only have the people on here and the girls I went to boot camp with as support. I realize that my friends and family feel guilty that I am taking charge of my life and they are still over weight. I don't try to make them feel that way. What's the victory in going from size 16 to size 14 if I can't share it with those closest to me.
I am so with you on this one! It's like everyone was so encouraging in the beginning, but now that I'm surpassing them on my fitness goals and weight loss, they just sort of change the subject or act like I'm being rude for talking about it.0 -
now that you've lost weight, you can really notice your smile lines.
thanks! i'd rather be healthy with wrinkles than fat with chipmunk cheeks!0 -
Oh boy, have I been in your shoes. I swear it is a daily occurance for me.
"you look great- you dont need to lose any more weight", "Why are you eating so healthy- you are skinny already", "I like you just the way you are".............. and so on and so forth........
I agree that it is most likely an attempt in most cases to be polite, or to keep the conversation light, but there are days it gets to me too.
I have even had people message me randomly on MFP and tell me that I dont need to lose any weight, blah, blah.... its like- who are you? How do you know what I need or dont need? If that was an attempt at a compliment- thanks......... I guess. But, again- WHO ARE YOU seriously?
My husband is NOTORIOUS for this-0 -
My family continually tries to over feed me.
"theres lots left have some more"0 -
I would have never thought that you weighed that much. LOL THANKS
or You carry it well..... sheesh I don't wanna carry it all ALL!!!!!!0 -
"Oh, you weren't that big!"0
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I just had a baby in December and when I went in to have her, I was 180 lbs after being on bed rest for 10 weeks. I lost a good bit of weight after leaving the hospital naturally, but I am not where I want to be. My husband actually fights with me because he says that I "just had a baby" and some people takes YEARS to lose their baby weight. I am not "other women". I have never had "love handles" or worried about having 15 pairs of jeans but NONE fitting. I am not 142 lbs but have 6lbs to get to my pre-pregnancy and 12 to get to where I want to be. I guess I am just tired of being told "you just had a baby". Yes, husband's are allowed to say that we don't need to lose weight, but please do not tell me that my size is fine TO YOU.. Keywords are TO and YOU. My weight is not fine to me!0
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Stand your ground! I am nursing and my family keeps telling me that my milk production will stop if I don't eat a TON! I count every calorie and I know how much I need to eat to keep making milk for my daughter! Do not let them make you feel like you have to eat more! Eat what means YOU feel good/full!0
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Your boobs are getting smaller!
or, I bet you are glad you had lap band surgery, you never could have lost it all on your own! ( do you really think I dont know this?)
or, You are not fat, you are just big boned/tall/heavy set0 -
My family asks me all the time, "You can eat that"? It's like why wouldn't I be able to have a small piece of something.0
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My favorite--You look good for having 2 kids!
HELLOOOOO I want to look good. Period. Sheesh!!!0 -
My family asks me all the time, "You can eat that"? It's like why wouldn't I be able to have a small piece of something.
Oh yeah, I hate that one too. My husbands granma is the worst. I dont even like eating in front of her anymore!0 -
You are so pretty pity you are not slim...why do you find losing weight so hard?!!
I hope your on your period while looking at my stomach.. Thanks DAD nope not pregnant your not going to be a granddad i am just fat!!
Oh your sisters are so skinny... What happened to you? Yes im bigger than them but hey i am 10-11 years YOUNGER than them and like to remind them of it lol
I could write a book on my moms insults alone....
Does not make me sad makes me want to hit my goal even more
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Two people today asked me what I am doing besides exercise to lose this weight...ummm...like what are you trying to suggest? I am just working out and watching what I eat...what else do I have to do?0
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"you have such a pretty face"
It's like Oh well, even though you're big and fat, at least you have an ok face
The other thing that I never ever want to hear again is: "oh well just start exercising a little, like maybe walk around the block or park your car in the furthest spot"
That rates right up there with "oh well if you give up soda, you'll lose 10 pounds like that"
Um, yeah, so even when I'm not trying to lose weight I don't drink soda or juice or anything with sugar other than a single daily cup of coffee with 32 calories from sugar. I walk daily for health and I do most of my errands on foot even when I'm not making an extra effort at weight loss. I get sooooo annoyed by the assumption that I'm big and fat because I never leave my couch and drink soda all day and all I have to do is quit soda and walk around the block and I'll be thin.0 -
oh man, i can remember clearly two incidents when i got so angry (kept it inside, of course
). they are both exactly the same but with different people - "are you on a diet?" why does someone assume that?
the first was years ago, about 3. i was 16 or so and me and my friends were sitting in the school canteen. if i remember right, this was during one of my attempts to lose weight by barely eating. it failed, but anyway. we were sitting there and i wasnt having anything to eat for lunch. this girl, who i am still friends with, turned to me and said "Jade are you on a diet?". first of all, she just blurted it out loud at the table infront of everyone, and suddenly people were thinking about my weight. and second, why would she say it? just because a fat girl does not happen to be eating at any particular moment doesnt mean she is on a diet. i could have been feeling unwell. i may just have not been hungry. but no - with the fat girl, it was automatically a diet, because that is the ONLY reason i could possibly have stopped stuffing my face.
the second was the following year i think. i was at work on a saturday afternoon. it was a cafe. at lunch i decided instead of crispy chilli chicken like i usually had, i would have a sandwich. this was not during a diet. my boss, who is a woman, asked me "Jade are you on a wee diet?" again, in the middle of work where im sure many people overheard. thanks for drawing all attention to my fat rolls. really, i appreciate it.0 -
My mom once gave me a gift card for Christmas and I used it toward a ring I wanted. When I showed her she said "oh you didn't want to buy clothes with it because you got fat?" (I am a size 12 and my mom is a size 18).
When I was doing the online dating thing a guy asked me if I was fat because I looked big in my picture. I thought I looked damn good in that pic and I was smaller than I am now!
I started dating my boyfriend at my biggest weight so I figure it's all uphill from there and we agree on eating healthy even though we cheat once in a while.0 -
"you have such a pretty face"
It's like Oh well, even though you're big and fat, at least you have an ok face
The other thing that I never ever want to hear again is: "oh well just start exercising a little, like maybe walk around the block or park your car in the furthest spot"
That rates right up there with "oh well if you give up soda, you'll lose 10 pounds like that"
Um, yeah, so even when I'm not trying to lose weight I don't drink soda or juice or anything with sugar other than a single daily cup of coffee with 32 calories from sugar. I walk daily for health and I do most of my errands on foot even when I'm not making an extra effort at weight loss. I get sooooo annoyed by the assumption that I'm big and fat because I never leave my couch and drink soda all day and all I have to do is quit soda and walk around the block and I'll be thin.
I was typing that one as you posted it...LOL
*such a pretty face* HELLLOOO I have a body attached to the face too... grr0 -
"You're boring now" when you don't want to go to get fish and chips!
"You're mum and dad have always been big so inevitably you will always be prone to being overweight"....ruuuude!!!!
"There'll be nothing of you. You shouldn't lose anymore" when I'm only 2lbs into a healthy bmi and only have 6lbs to go. Thanks I know you mean well but it's not that motivational!0 -
Thank you so much for posting that. We all know how hard we work, wouldn't it be nice if the people around us gave us a little more encouragement, rather than a lot of backhanded compliments?
I do think people say the things they do, because they feel bad about not making the effort themselves. I don't want to make them feel bad about that, I just want them to try and see, eventually, how rewarding it is. But, it's like most things in life, you only get out of it what you put in.
For all those struggling with negative comments, just comtinue to believe in yourself. After all, you are the one doing all the hard work xxxxxx0 -
My favorite actually happened over the weekend when a coworker tried to tell me that exercising all the time was a disease. Huhhh??? So I guess I have the exercising disease but I like it! lol.:laugh:0
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My mother in law ' ohh no you cant have that'..
er yes I can but not the entire box of.
My mother in law - it's not very low in cals sorry (not too bad a comment I guess)
Thats ok I only want a small piece anyway.
My father in law - how yer gastric-elastic band?? boing boing
my mother in law - ^ shut up Roger! just shut up.
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I saw a lot of people at a conference recently that I hadn't seen for ages. The comments varied from:
"Have you lost a lot of weight?" - which is fine. Straightforward and allowed me to say "yes, I've been eating better and exercising and it's paid off.
and
"You're looking ........ really... um... good". Which doesn't sound bad, but knowing the person who saidit, I assumed it was code for "wow, you aren't half a fat as you used to be, are you?"
to
"aren't you looking better" - better than what?? Not sure what to think about this one.
But, basically I decided that they probably all meant to be kind so I would take it as such.0 -
Being told I don't need to lose weight will never, ever bother me. (I've never been told that, by the way.) It would give me a sense of freedom, knowing that I don't have to do something but I can if I want. I suppose it depends on how it's phrased and the attitude behind it.
I don't like being told to "take a day off" during a food-centric family function. What people don't understand is that a day off for me can turn into weeks off, maybe even months. I have a problem with food. A day off can lead to disastrous consequences for someone like me.
Of course, the above situation doesn't bother me half as bad as when amateurs critique my eating. "I thought you were on a diet," this while I'm eating a plate of healthy but hearty food. Because being on a diet means only eating carrots, celery, and an apple on occasion? Sorry, kiddo, but I don't do starvation diets. Only amateurs, the kind of people who crash diet for a month, give up, then gain it all back, work in that way.
There's a reason why I've managed to keep off 50 lbs for the last 3 years.0 -
How about - "You've had five kids.. What do you expect to look like?"
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR0
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