IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME PART 2- WITH DISCLAIMER

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  • ladybug1620
    ladybug1620 Posts: 1,136 Member
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    If you really knew me, you'd know that in my teens I used to binge and purge. After that, I went on countless starvation diets. I'm now at the point that I know how to do this the right way, but it often enters my mind that it would be so much easier to just not eat. I'm so close to my goal, but I fear that I probably will never be truly happy with my body.
  • JDMPWR
    JDMPWR Posts: 1,863 Member
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    I think the one thing I could add that I left out. Over the last 6-7 weeks I have tried to binge and purge a few times when I over ate and then realized what I did. Luckily my stomach is like an iron trap. What goes in wont come out.
  • skittybang
    skittybang Posts: 1,525 Member
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    If you really knew me, you'd know that I am afraid everyday. When a certain someone close to me is mad, they call me fat, bi$#%, fat f$%#ing bi#$%, idiot, push me around, lazy, a child. I'm afraid because I can't talk to anyone about how it hurts me.

    But on the flip side, if you really knew me, you'd know I honestly care for people. I love a lot. I am extremely empathetic and I honestly believe that almost everyone is good at heart. :bigsmile:
  • jennyb31
    jennyb31 Posts: 166 Member
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    If you really new me you would know that I used to eat 800 calories a day, I have dealt with severe post partum depression where I felt bad for my kids because I was there mom and wanted to end my life because I thought they deserved better, I was a mom at 16, and the struggles in my life have shaped who I am today and I'm okay with that.:heart::flowerforyou:
  • brattyworm
    brattyworm Posts: 2,137 Member
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    I can't do this. You guys are brave to be able to. I don't let people into the dark places.
  • schaapj2
    schaapj2 Posts: 320 Member
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    if you really knew me you'd know that I sometimes wish I could chuck my current life out the window and start over as a whole new identity in a completely different location.


    Do it!
  • MassiveDelta
    MassiveDelta Posts: 3,311 Member
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    If you really knew me you would know that...I changed my lifestyle because I couldnt go on being fat and that I never imagined it would change me the way it has. Im sorry that the new me is not the same old me and it makes me sad to know that some people like the old me better.
  • schaapj2
    schaapj2 Posts: 320 Member
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    some of you may already know of this site:

    www.postsecret.com


    Even if you can't say it out loud, chances are someone in the world is holding on to the same dark secret. We are never as alone as we think.
  • Ashley_Panda
    Ashley_Panda Posts: 1,404 Member
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    If you really knew me:

    You would know that at seventeen I was raped by my then "boyfriend" the same day my brother died. The "boyfriend" abused me for months and would go so far as to let his friends throw things at me.

    You would know that I have scars on my legs from cutting the ones on my arms have faded.

    You would know that my mother constantly kills my self confidence just to make herself feel better or validate her life style.

    You would know my father told my mother that he didn't love any of us because he just doesn't know how.

    You would know that even after losing 135lbs. I still hate the girl in the mirror. I was tortured through out school starting in first grade because of my weight. I was bigger than my teachers. Height and weight wise. Through high school I would make myself physically sick so I wouldn't have to go to school.
  • kittytompsett
    kittytompsett Posts: 20
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    If you really knew me you'd know that what I want most of all is to be 'normal' and not have my life and decisions ruled by past abuse and MH issues. You'd know that for all the grown up things I do I'm still really that 14 year old that can't get herself out of a horrendous situation.

    You'd also know that sometimes I wake up thinking I'm back where I was in my teens to realise that I survived, those mornings it feels like I have been given the best gift of all, a life in which I am (generally although with significant struggles) happy :)
  • cdngirl71
    cdngirl71 Posts: 2,707 Member
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    If you really knew me you would know how much happier I am becoming due to changing the way I eat and being more active!!!
  • Kityngirl
    Kityngirl Posts: 14,332 Member
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    If you really knew me you would know that...I changed my lifestyle because I couldnt go on being fat and that I never imagined it would change me the way it has. Im sorry that the new me is not the same old me and it makes me sad to know that some people like the old me better.
    +1
  • SimplyFreckled
    SimplyFreckled Posts: 444 Member
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    If you really knew me you would know that I can hear a song 1 time and have it memorized, but I can watch a movie 20 times and not remember 1 damn quote.
  • Laceylala
    Laceylala Posts: 3,094 Member
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    I was not in a good emotional place yesterday to post to this thread...but have to say I applaud everyone who did and will today because it is therapy.

    If you really knew me...you would know that at the age of 22 I couldn't say no to my mother and married a guy "because he'd take care of me" even though I told her I didn't want to one week before the wedding. Well he didn't take care of me, I worked and took care of him while he played golf. Three years later I was a horribly unhappy mean evil ***** and got divorced. My (ex)husband said he was afraid of me, which to this day still shocks me, because I've never been violent once towards him or others. And I could only get divorced because I moved four hours away from my parents and finally got some sort of backbone. I broke the heart of that guy and his parents. I miss his parents to this day. They won't have anything to do with me and the guilt kills when I think about it. So I don't.

    If you really knew me...I still have a hard time saying NO to my mom at the age of 34.
    ....my brother is a 32 year old POS whom I love but really don't want much to do with because he is in and out of drugs and alcohol and treats my parents horribly. I work a full time job and have a family to take care of, yet my mom asks me to type out a resume for him and her and apply for jobs online for them while they don't work!
    ....I feel like the blacksheep of the family because I went to college and got two degrees. I feel like they don't know how to relate to me anymore.
    ...I am scorned because I make more money than my parents now even though I've worked hard to get where I am.
    ...my mom thinks I have Aspberges because of the way I treat my family, when really its the way I was raised to not have much to do with the rest of the family, so why would I treat my close family any different.
    ...am infinitely greatful to live almost three hours away from all of our family now and am horrified at the fact that my parents are thinking of moving here because they will bring their negativity and drama and I am going to be sucked down the spiral again.


    On a good note....If you really knew me....I don't need my blood family to be happy and it took me many years to get to that point. I have a husband and kid of my own and friends who are more my family, even though my friends live two hours away in Portland!
  • ccaym
    ccaym Posts: 86
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    If you really knew me you would know that I have struggled with feelings of rejection my entire life.
  • Swimgoddess
    Swimgoddess Posts: 711 Member
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    If you really knew me you'd know how ashamed, gullible, naive and stupid I feel for getting myself into a situation where a man beat me so bad my jaw was broken, the insides of my ears were black from bruising, my eyes were black, there were finger shaped marks around my neck, the whites of my eyes were bloody, perfect imprints of my teeth were imparted inside my cheeks and lips, gigantic belt shaped welts and bruises crossed my hips/back/legs and my wrists and ankles bore red and bleeding track marks from the hand and leg cuffs he used to restrain me to a bed while he did this over the course of 4hrs.

    No matter how much everyone winced in horror at my appearance and exclaimed it was in no way my fault, all I could think was that I was 21 years old; I knew better than to stay that night because he was getting wasted, I knew better than to stay when he got angry over my simply talking with a male platoon-mate, I knew better than to follow him to his room and I CERTAINLY should have NEVER agreed to let him handcuff my wrist to the bed "for a little fun". For goddsakes, I was a US Marine and one that graduated in the top 5% of her Combat Training class! I basically LET that happen. SMH.
  • 1234lbsgone
    1234lbsgone Posts: 296 Member
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    If you really knew me, you would know that I have a broken little girl trapped inside of me. She believes that her body is not her property, so she starves to make herself permanently invisable. She wants to please everybody, not so they will like her, but so they will not hurt her. She wants to save everybody else because nobody ever tried to save her.
  • Scentlessapprentice
    Scentlessapprentice Posts: 170 Member
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    If you knew me you would know that I'm really struggling to cope with the miscarriage I had a few weeks ago and this is the reason I am throwing myself into losing weight and exercising obsessively. I can't bear to look at a pregnant figure when I know there is no baby left and this is my way of dealing with that. No amount of people telling me that it was one of those things, and it wasn't my fault will ever change the guilt I feel that my body rejected my much wanted and loved baby.
  • LeeKetty1176
    LeeKetty1176 Posts: 881 Member
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    If you really knew me............ you would know i could be alone in a room full of people

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