Just need to vent

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chuisle
chuisle Posts: 1,052 Member
in Chit-Chat
So today is casual Friday at work. We have no dress code. Literally, our handbook says that. The standard dress is business casual (or a little less). Friday are casual. That usually means jeans, etc. I generally try to dress a step above what is necessary during the week and still look put together on Fridays.

Today, I am wearing black dress shorts with a shirt and cardigan. Before I left the house I double checked that my shorts passed the "hand check." That is that when I left my hands at my side my shorts were past my fingertips. Growing up in Catholic schools they used this standard to make sure we were dressed appropriately on non uniform days.

Now I get a call this afternoon from HR and was told shorts were not work place appropriate. They were very nice about it and everything but I am naturally upset and embarrassed by this. I would never dress in a way I didn't think was appropriate for the work place. While I wouldn't have worn shorts 9 months ago when I started I didn't think twice about the general choice today because the dress code is often very lax and I see people wear all sorts of things I don't think are work place appropriate.

What really bothers me about it is that I saw two women today in sweat type pants (I would wear them to the gym - no wear else). Also, I can't help but notice that I am the youngest woman in the office. While middle aged women can sweatpants, I can't wear shorts, even relatively long ones? Further, if there is a blanket rule, why not say it please instead of saying we don't have a dress code?

Now I feel afraid to get out of my desk and as if I am being judged when I walk past someone. I don't object to them letting people know what is/isn't appropriate and I am happy I was told so I don't make the same mistake, but I don't feel it's entirely fair either or as if the unwritten code is uniformly enforced.
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Replies

  • mgreen10
    mgreen10 Posts: 229 Member
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    Its kind of a given that shorts are not ok. Well, now you know for next time.
  • nlfrancis
    nlfrancis Posts: 35
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    I have worked in several places over the years that have had similar dress codes - some even stricter than yours - and I would get talked to about what I wore - which was never inapporpriate - but the women who came in to work with tank tops and bra straps showing, flip flops, and sweats would never get counseled. It gets frustrating.

    You are a much better person than me LOL!! I would have politely asked HR to put out some specific guidelines of what they felt was/wasn't appropriate so that there wasn't any question, and it wasn't left open for interpretation.
  • chuisle
    chuisle Posts: 1,052 Member
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    Its kind of a given that shorts are not ok. Well, now you know for next time.

    I would have thought so too...but what is true generally is NOT true in my office. I can give 20 different example of people here who wear things that would not be considered appropriate in most work places.

    But it's true that now I know. Live and learn.
  • squishycow7
    squishycow7 Posts: 820 Member
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    that stinks - at least they were nice about it, but I know how you feel!! I've been pulled aside before to be told that what I'm wearing isn't appropriate... yet put the same thing on a 50 year old woman and they wouldn't say a word!!

    can't help it I got boobs, lady...

    so now, at my new job, I try to dress "safe" ALL the time (even though my 35ish year old coworker dresses like she's in high school and no one says anything to her).

    I completely understand how embarrassed you must feel. especially since it's something you've BEEN paying attention to, it's not like you didn't weigh the pros/cons of your shorts in the a.m.!
  • pariskelly
    pariskelly Posts: 20 Member
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    But there are some dressy-looking shorts out there. They don't have to be casual. Weird.
  • maureendonahue
    maureendonahue Posts: 468 Member
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    Very frustrating to not have clear expectations! Sounds like you handled it well.

    One of my mentors (and I've heard it many other times) told me to always dress for the role you want, not the one you have. I too would have thought the shorts (at that length) would have been appropriate, but live and learn! Now you know.

    Good luck!
  • HollyLLillis
    HollyLLillis Posts: 113 Member
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    Don't blame you for feeling upset about that. They should have it in the handbook that shorts can't be too short or skirts too short for that matter.... I would think dressing like a bum would be inappropriate more so than your shorts! Just my own thinking....
    Hope you feel better after venting! :flowerforyou: :drinker:
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
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    it sounds stupid...if they're dress shorts, and they're below your butt crack, what's the problem? You can wear them golfing, you can wear them to church, but some tight @ss won't let you wear them at your desk...I got in trouble for the way I dress too...but that's because I tried to sneak jeans and a hoodie in on a Wednesday lol.
  • kanonxbou47
    kanonxbou47 Posts: 265 Member
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    If they're dress shorts, that should be fine, I think. And come on, who wears sweats to work?
    Oh well. I guess it's better to just follow the rules, instead of wasting energy fighting them.
    (Though it does seem ridiculous that a Catholic school dress code isn't good enough for your workplace.)
  • abbyholm
    abbyholm Posts: 12
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    Sounds like they're more worried about skin showing than about what's actually being worn, because I for one would certainly consider a nice pair of longer shorts to be far more appropriate than sweatpants, but I guess that's not their concern. Try a long bathrobe?
  • minxblack
    minxblack Posts: 40
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    Its really all about who complains first. If you aren't calling HR about sweat pants on peoiple, HR won't do anything about it. How did HR know? Someone called and snitched. As easy as that. Sorry to say. Has nothing to do with actual dress codes or casual fridays.
  • spr_chkn
    spr_chkn Posts: 48
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    You probably have a bunch of wrinkled up JEALOUS old hags at your work. Just smile & shake it off :heart:
  • kennie2
    kennie2 Posts: 1,171 Member
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    my school dont let you wear any type of shorts on non uniform days yet they let people wear little skirts that just cover their *kitten*. its pretty ridiculous.
  • electricnarwhal
    electricnarwhal Posts: 95
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    I mean, they were dressy, weren't they? And it was a casual day... It's not like your butt was hanging out of them or anything. :indifferent: Hmm... I would've appreciated your outfit more than the sweat pants, to be honest! :drinker:
  • ajostraat
    ajostraat Posts: 101
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    I have to agree - WTF is up with allowing sweatpants to work when dress shorts are deemed unacceptable?

    Someone had to have complained for you to get pulled aside. Approach your HR person and voice your concern that if they're talking to you about your dress shorts, what are they doing about the personnel who wear sweatpants to work?
  • isobel2010
    isobel2010 Posts: 26
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    I think sometimes when we get embarrassed, we go to defensive mode. As you get older, you realize - hey - I'm not going to take this so personally. It's a rule. I didn't know about it. Now I do. Lesson learned - move on. You're still a great employee. Don't sit behind your desk. Turn it into joke if you have to. But - feel proud of all your accomplishments and tomorrow's a new day.
  • cobarlo14
    cobarlo14 Posts: 582 Member
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    I am so sorry that happened to you. Maybe someone was jealous and complained. Anyway maybe next friday you should come in wearing jeans ( B/c I think you are more of a lady than I, I would wear my work out sweats) It is not worth getting pissed off over.
    Your doing great - Look Great!!! That is all that matters.

    Wear them out of work withpride!!!
  • AtomicDarling
    AtomicDarling Posts: 42
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    I had a job once where the uniform was a standard skirt suit with stockings and heels (hotel front desk)... one day I actually got written up because my stockings were not "opaque enough". There was absolutely nothing in the dress code stating that the stockings needed to be opaque. I was absolutely fuming mad.

    I agree with the bathrobe. :p
  • mallorybriann
    mallorybriann Posts: 1,380 Member
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    Dress shorts can be dressed up. Hell, even dark denim ones can. But sweatpants. Come on... I don't even run to the gas station in my sweats. Not even WALMART!
    If your skirt was the same length would they be fine with that because it wasnt shorts?
    Was it the length or the fact that they were shorts?
  • putnam80
    putnam80 Posts: 69 Member
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    Thats a bummer! I am sure that some would get away with short skirts on casual Friday, but you put on dress shorts and get talked too. If its Casual Friday and there is no code for Casual Friday, then shorts should be fine!

    I am not in an office, but shorts are only ok sometimes here as well. We don't have a written rule about it, but we all know when it is.

    I relate to that measurement of Catholic school as I loved when we got to have dress down days!

    It was probably someone jealous and overweight that complained.

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