Wow Im in shock? Giving it up

LorinaLynn

"First date" doesn't necessarily mean "some random guy you just met and don't know."

I didn't have sex (at least not by President Clinton's standards :blushing: not that it's anyone's business ) on my first date with my husband, but I did know him several weeks before that first date. We sealed the deal the next weekend, though. I knew he wasn't some *kitten*. I knew he was really into me. I knew he wasn't seeing anyone else. I knew his history. And we used protection. We're celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary this fall, together 12 years, so if he doesn't respect me, he's doing a great job of faking it! :happy:

If you're someone who doesn't believe in it, that's fine, too. I'd never tell someone to do something that goes against her values. Just don't say "no man will ever respect you." Because there are men who will.

hroush

I agree with everything the article says.

skittybang

I still dont think its okay to sleep with someone you dont even know...uummmm there is a word for that kind of girl...cant really think of it

I slept with my husband on the first date.... worked out alright

But I think this article is GREAT! I tend to give the male advice because I try not to think as deeply as some of my girlfriend's do. Men are not quite as complex as women. You get what you get. The more you try to analyze his feelings or reactions, the further from the truth you get.

_Aimée_

if you want someone who prefers that you dress with a little self respect, then nix the mile of cleavage.

I often find women who slate on other women about cleavage are usually lacking their own. Since when does alot cleavage on show mean you have no self respect?

Also, I just remembered this quote "you're gonna wish you had listened to your mother when she said, "They're not gonna want to buy the whole friggin' ice cream truck when you're handing out the popsicles for free!" "

I handed out a heck of alot of popsicles, my partner of three years thought they were so good he bought the whole truck!

kapeluza

if you want someone who prefers that you dress with a little self respect, then nix the mile of cleavage.

I often find women who slate on other women about cleavage are usually lacking their own. Since when does alot cleavage on show mean you have no self respect?

Also, I just remembered this quote "you're gonna wish you had listened to your mother when she said, "They're not gonna want to buy the whole friggin' ice cream truck when you're handing out the popsicles for free!" "

I handed out a heck of alot of popsicles, my partner of three years thought they were so good he bought the whole truck!

I heard that quote in a movie and I laughed so hard.... I still find it funny! XD

LorinaLynn

I just don't see sex as this carrot I have to dangle in front of a guy to get him to like me, love me, respect me. Sex is awesome, but it's really a minor part of what makes a great relationship great. It's how we feel about each other during the... uh... vertical times we spend together (and I'm not talkin' about in the shower!) that determines what kind of relationship we have.

If some dude could only love and respect me if I acted all dainty and ladylike... he would be sorely disappointed when I swear like a sailor, get filthy muddy dirty, and tackled home remodeling projects better than Bob Frickin' Villa.

phenrichs

3. A man can't be friends with a women without wanting to have sex with her

There is always an undercurrent of sexual tension.

THANK YOU!
Finally someone said it. I would like to clarify a bit. If a man is only friends with a women it means one of 2 things. Either he has devoted himself to someone and he will never let on one way or another how he feels about another, OR he has either consciously or subconsciously measured the woman up and found her to be less than sexually attractive.

A good man can meet the woman of his deepest sexual desire and she could become his spouse's best friend and if he is truly in love he will never act on it or even make light of it.

wsheaf82

3. A man can't be friends with a women without wanting to have sex with her

There is always an undercurrent of sexual tension.

THANK YOU!
Finally someone said it. I would like to clarify a bit. If a man is only friends with a women it means one of 2 things. Either he has devoted himself to someone and he will never let on one way or another how he feels about another, OR he has either consciously or subconsciously measured the woman up and found her to be less than sexually attractive.

A good man can meet the woman of his deepest sexual desire and she could become his spouse's best friend and if he is truly in love he will never act on it or even make light of it.

That is totally opposite of what the article was saying. He was saying that that was a myth. And I for one agree with him. Not every guy measures a woman by whether or not he would poke her with his tube steak or mini wiener for you unfortunate folk, then determines if he only wants to be friends or showing some O face.

TourThePast

5. Guys are intimidated by independent women

Not in a healthy relationship. Both people should be independent. Should be in a relationship because they are both headed in the smae directions and have similar goals. A relationship should NEVER be a Host/Parasite relationship.

Have a cigar. :bigsmile:

Only immature boys who are not ready for healthy adult relationships are intimidated by independent women, but that's okay because we neither need or want those types anyway!

LorinaLynn

I think too much of guys - and myself! - to think that a woman's sexuality is her greatest quality. I know a lot of horndog guys and a lot of guys who are only friends with girls because they want them, but I know way more who are kind, considerate and true friends. It's an insult to them to say that they're just sitting in the sidelines, waiting for me, or whoever they're friends with, to give the ok so they can start going at it like crazed weasels. And it's an insult to women to say that they have no other qualities that a man would appreciate enough to want to be around her.

I don't understand how anyone can think so little of EITHER gender to say men and women can't be friends.

FearAnLoathing

Wow.... who has sex on the first date.

I would NEVER.

1.- You don't know if the guy has some nasty herp or disease.
2.- No man will respect you.
3.- I couldn't have any self respect if I did sleep around like that, simply because I have very strong morals/values that don't permit me to be so promiscuous.
4.- I would feel like a skank.

This is my personal opinion, I don't expect anyone to agree.

Also, I just remembered this quote "you're gonna wish you had listened to your mother when she said, "They're not gonna want to buy the whole friggin' ice cream truck when you're handing out the popsicles for free!" "

Would if I did not want them to buy the whole ice cream truck,and you could know a guy for years and still catch something from him if he is not compleatly honest about his past

Heather75

Wow.... who has sex on the first date.

I would NEVER.

1.- You don't know if the guy has some nasty herp or disease.

Some people use condoms. Besides, "first date" doesn't mean "blind date".

pyro13g

My views as a guy..

1. He wont respect you if you have sex on the first date

I would rather get to know the person first.. and that takes more than one date, thats for sure.
Disrespect them? No \\\\ Want to do it on the first date? No

2. Men love the chase

Quite the opposite really

3. A man can't be friends with a women without wanting to have sex with her

Disagree.

4. Guys prefer something left to the imagination

LOL. Yea.. right..

5. Guys are intimidated by independent women

Actually I would prefer someone who is independent


That being said, every guy is different for every one of these questions. Even most of my friends would share opposite views on some of this

1. I will only respect you on a very basic level. The rest you need to earn. Much like trust.
2. I would never chase after any one. Hard to get is easy to forget. I just move on to the next interest.
3. Female friends are better than guy friends on a lot of levels. My best friends has always been female. No sex ever.
4. Nope, I want to live it, not imagine it.
5. I prefer independent, with interests outside of me, friends outside of me, and her doing stuff without me.

kapeluza

Wow.... who has sex on the first date.

I would NEVER.

1.- You don't know if the guy has some nasty herp or disease.

Some people use condoms. Besides, "first date" doesn't mean "blind date".

Condoms or no condoms.... YUCK!

CriticalX

sex on first date dont mean nothing. dont change my opinion of a girl.

CriticalX

My views as a guy..

1. He wont respect you if you have sex on the first date

I would rather get to know the person first.. and that takes more than one date, thats for sure.
Disrespect them? No \\\\ Want to do it on the first date? No

2. Men love the chase

Quite the opposite really

3. A man can't be friends with a women without wanting to have sex with her

Disagree.

4. Guys prefer something left to the imagination

LOL. Yea.. right..

5. Guys are intimidated by independent women

Actually I would prefer someone who is independent


That being said, every guy is different for every one of these questions. Even most of my friends would share opposite views on some of this

1. I will only respect you on a very basic level. The rest you need to earn. Much like trust.
2. I would never chase after any one. Hard to get is easy to forget. I just move on to the next interest.
3. Female friends are better than guy friends on a lot of levels. My best friends has always been female. No sex ever.
4. Nope, I want to live it, not imagine it.
5. I prefer independent, with interests outside of me, friends outside of me, and her doing stuff without me.

amen!

Heather75

Wow.... who has sex on the first date.

I would NEVER.

1.- You don't know if the guy has some nasty herp or disease.

Some people use condoms. Besides, "first date" doesn't mean "blind date".

Condoms or no condoms.... YUCK!

*sigh* A first date doesn't mean that you just met the person 15 minutes before you have sex with them. Sometimes friendships turn into something else. It isn't yucky. The first time you sleep with ANYONE they could have a disease. The timeframe is irrelevant. Also, some people cheat while in committed relationships. There is always a risk.

littlemissanguissette

I think it really depends on the chemistry between the two people. I've had dates with mean where we've gotten along, had interest in each other, but not enough to have sex for the first few times.

Then I've been with men that...BAM! from the minute we meet the sexual tension is almost unbearable and yeah...it has happened that first night.

I don't think that men should look down on women like that, and I know quite a few who don't. But I also know men who do. It is all up to their own belief system, their values, morals, etc.

I am not a slut, I don't sleep around just for sleeping around. I enjoy a healthy sex life, and I shouldn't have to feel ashamed about it because other people still think sex should be hush-hush and something we should be embarrassed about.

Males, females...embrace your sexuality and do as you wish! Just don't forget to be mindful and protect yourself.

AngelsKisses75

To each their own. *nods* I agree with the double standard being funny. What a joke! Insert Salt n Pepa Video 'None of Your Business' here. :laugh:

flgirlsteph

#1.Well personally i've given it up on the first date and i also havent. It all depends on the guy..Personally I don't think I'm a bad person for doing so nor think there should be a name for girls that make there own choice. Tho i will say I have regretted doing so after all is said and done. I would like to think a guy wouldn't think any less of me just because I slept with him. Its not like he was saying no lol :P

#2. I hear ppl saying guys loves the chase but whats the point if you know you want something go for it. I personally hate leading guys on a chase whats the point?

#3. Not sure what id have to say about the third thing.

#4 Well duh on the leaving it to the imagination thing.. what guy wouldn't wanna see a girl naked i mean really?

#5.Guys don't get intimidated with a girl that's got her stuff going good for her i have many guy friends that will only date girls that are independent. That's just my view on it all who knows what the hell guys want :laugh:

h3h8m3

1 guy's opinion:

1. He wont respect you if you have sex on the first date
I don't think it's a question of respect, it's a question of matching morals. I would not be comfortable with that situation. I don't think it's something to be performed as lightly as to do it with someone you recently met. But it's not a question of respect, it would just illustrate that we weren't a good match. And... it's no double standard. I wouldn't participate in the activity either.

2. Men love the chase
Courtship, with mutual encouragement and participation is great. A woman playing a hard-to-get game is horrible, and maybe the worst part about dating.

3. A man can't be friends with a women without wanting to have sex with her
"Wanting to have sex with her" is way too strong. I might agree with, something like, "A man can't be friends with a women he finds attractive without thinking that she's hot." Lots of guys aren't interested in having sex with just anyone. But if a woman is hot we're going to notice it, no matter what our relationship status is.

4. Guys prefer something left to the imagination
This is true for me. Seeing a woman in different levels of clothing... from formal wear to lingerie to nothing, that's really good stuff. Short skirts, cleavage, all that, they add to the experience.

5. Guys are intimidated by independent women
This is another personality thing. Some times "independent woman" is code for a bully (and this can be equally true among men). Most guys don't want that. But I know I absolutely NEED my wife to be independent, as I am pretty independent myself, and if she didn't want to have any time apart it would be stifling to me.

pyro13g

1 guy's opinion:

1. He wont respect you if you have sex on the first date
I don't think it's a question of respect, it's a question of matching morals. I would not be comfortable with that situation. I don't think it's something to be performed as lightly as to do it with someone you recently met. But it's not a question of respect, it would just illustrate that we weren't a good match. And... it's no double standard. I wouldn't participate in the activity either.

2. Men love the chase
Courtship, with mutual encouragement and participation is great. A woman playing a hard-to-get game is horrible, and maybe the worst part about dating.

3. A man can't be friends with a women without wanting to have sex with her
"Wanting to have sex with her" is way too strong. I might agree with, something like, "A man can't be friends with a women he finds attractive without thinking that she's hot." Lots of guys aren't interested in having sex with just anyone. But if a woman is hot we're going to notice it, no matter what our relationship status is.

4. Guys prefer something left to the imagination
This is true for me. Seeing a woman in different levels of clothing... from formal wear to lingerie to nothing, that's really good stuff. Short skirts, cleavage, all that, they add to the experience.

5. Guys are intimidated by independent women
This is another personality thing. Some times "independent woman" is code for a bully (and this can be equally true among men). Most guys don't want that. But I know I absolutely NEED my wife to be independent, as I am pretty independent myself, and if she didn't want to have any time apart it would be stifling to me.

I think the guys that cannot deal with a woman's independence have a serious issue. It may be part of up-bringing, religion, etc.. and OK from that perspective. But exerting control emotionally or physically to knock her independence or individuality down, will, as it should, put a man on the wrong side of the law or getting his butt handed to him on a platter in divorce court. I myself prefer her friends or family giving him a taste of his own medicine.

chocolateandvodka

needleknievel - nice remark, but actually if anyone has curves, i do. My comments were made on a completely objective level, not personal. here's the personal side...

Wow.... who has sex on the first date.

I would NEVER.

1.- You don't know if the guy has some nasty herp or disease.
2.- No man will respect you.
3.- I couldn't have any self respect if I did sleep around like that, simply because I have very strong morals/values that don't permit me to be so promiscuous.
4.- I would feel like a skank.

This is my personal opinion, I don't expect anyone to agree.

Also, I just remembered this quote "you're gonna wish you had listened to your mother when she said, "They're not gonna want to buy the whole friggin' ice cream truck when you're handing out the popsicles for free!" "

*raises hand* i'm an adult. I tend to date other adults. adults have sex. when and where and how often is all up to the adults involved. I've had sex with some men on the first date, and with others i've waited quite a while first.
I'm not a skank, a slut, or any other derogatory label. And honestly, i've never been called that for my behavior. Although i enjoy sex on a pretty regular basis, i keep my personal life personal.
I do feel sorry for my next door neighbor and I may have earned a bit of a reputation with the doorman at my apartments... but i find that more amusing than anything else.

chocolateandvodka

I think the guys that cannot deal with a woman's independence have a serious issue. It may be part of up-bringing, religion, etc.. and OK from that perspective. But exerting control emotionally or physically to knock her independence or individuality down, will, as it should, put a man on the wrong side of the law or getting his butt handed to him on a platter in divorce court. I myself prefer her friends or family giving him a taste of his own medicine.

this is exactly what happened with my ex. idk whether to blame his parents or his religious background or what, but i wound up leaving him and everything we had. guess he technically hasn't had his *kitten* handed to him yet but there are quite a few of my friends/family that have volunteered to see to that. i guess i just don't care enough about him to hate him for it.

oh and for the record the ex and i dated 3 years before i slept with him. yup, i said years.

Mixmode

1 - Sex on the first "date" is totally situation specific. There may or may not have been alot leading up to that date, or it may have been a quick passing, meeting and an exchange of #'s with little talk before said date. In any case, if the woman is confident in herself and the decisions she makes, what does it matter as long as your intimacy is safe? My wife and I had sex on the first "meeting" but we also has alot of phone and AIM talk prior to us going out for the night. And yes, I did say "wife" so obviously I didn't respect her any less afterwards.

2 - I can't say I like to "chase". Point blank when I got my wifes phone #, I called her the next day. We got together and stayed pretty much together after that. If she was to play cat & mouse I would have lost interest and moved on.

3 - totally false

4 - sometimes

5 - not me

LorinaLynn

3. A man can't be friends with a women without wanting to have sex with her
"Wanting to have sex with her" is way too strong. I might agree with, something like, "A man can't be friends with a women he finds attractive without thinking that she's hot." Lots of guys aren't interested in having sex with just anyone. But if a woman is hot we're going to notice it, no matter what our relationship status is.

Well, hell, I notice if a woman is attractive, so naturally a guy would notice, too. And I notice if a guy is attractive. And I notice if a house has beautiful architecture, or a car has a great lines, or a painting is a great work of art. Doesn't mean I feel like I have to possess those items.

Someone can appreciate beauty without feeling any need to act on it.

sillygoose1977

This isn't the 50's anymore. Believe it or not, women can do what they want without worrying about what men think. And the last time I was "one of those girls" and slept with a guy on the first date, it was about 3 and 1/2 years ago. I'll have to ask him if he respects me since we now live together....in sin.

ItsCasey

It being 2011 has zilch to do with whether something is right or wrong, and, frankly, I think people who use the whole "times have changed" excuse for their behavior are a tad insecure about the decisions they've made. If you were truly doing what you thought was right, you wouldn't feel any need to justify it because it wouldn't matter to you what anyone else thought about it.

1. Sex on the first date ... not for me, but it has nothing to do with wanting a man to respect me. It's about needing to trust him on a level that I can't get to on the first date. I completely accept that not everyone feels this way. Different strokes for different folks.

2. "The chase" ... I agree that it depends on what kind of chase we're talking about. I think on a primal level, men enjoy being the hunters and find it immensely more satisfying to "conquer" a woman than to have her fall head over heels for him immediately. It says something about your manhood that you were able to win over a woman with high standards who doesn't form romantic attachments easily (not because they have trust issues, just because it takes more to get her undivided attention than a dozen roses). But I don't know any men who enjoy being manipulated, so if we're talking about women who play hard-to-get because they think it's cute or because they crave the attention, then yeah, I agree with the article. That's not only wrong; it's also immature and a major red flag that a woman is not emotionally stable enough for an adult relationship.

3. Being "just friends" ... I totally think it's possible for a man and a woman to be friends with no actual sex, but I agree with a previous poster that there is always sexual tension between heterosexual males and females. To deny that is to deny biology. Our ability to not act on purely physical desire is what makes us humans and not wild animals.

4. Leaving something to the imagination ... Again, this is a primal thing for men AND women. We are drawn to nakedness. It's just a fact. But of course anticipation comes with its own excitement. There's something to be said for being the only man in a given room who knows what your woman looks like under her clothes ... and to know that you can see it in all its glory whenever you want.

5. Independence ... Grown men are not afraid of or intimidated by independent women. And by "independent," I don't mean a woman who needs a man she can push around ... I actually think that kind of woman is the opposite of independent. I mean a woman who knows what she wants and is actively pursuing it and who doesn't see "finding a man" as a solution to an unfulfilling life.