Hubby suggested cosmetic surgery :(

jdavis193

Well I talked to him about it and he said he wanted me to know I don't need to lose more weight bc its just skin that is on my stomach. He was just trying to be supportive and was telling me that all my hard work is being covered up by the skin and actually my stomach is flat. (Of course he meant flatter than it looks, b/c at 169 lbs it ceratinly is not flat.) So I guess he meant well and I know if it grosses me out he can't find it very attractive. I think I am so self conscious about it I got defensive. I didn't ever tell him how self conscious I was about it I just said I wanted to lose more weight to get a better waistline.

That's what I thought he was just being nice and trying to make you feel better. He probably knows that you are self conscious about it to.. I actually see that has being sweet he wnats you to feel your best... I bet it doesn't gross him out because you are the mother of his children you had put a lot of work into that.

princess_in_power

Well I talked to him about it and he said he wanted me to know I don't need to lose more weight bc its just skin that is on my stomach. He was just trying to be supportive and was telling me that all my hard work is being covered up by the skin and actually my stomach is flat. (Of course he meant flatter than it looks, b/c at 169 lbs it ceratinly is not flat.) So I guess he meant well and I know if it grosses me out he can't find it very attractive. I think I am so self conscious about it I got defensive. I didn't ever tell him how self conscious I was about it I just said I wanted to lose more weight to get a better waistline.

P.S. Congrats on your weight-loss! I know it sounds horrible, but flabby skin IS a NSV!!!! =D If you can, trying to look at it as a victory rather then another hurdle will help to boost you tremendously!!

So glad to hear you guys were able to communicate and hopefully come to an understanding of his true meaning! Glad to know he is not the superficial kind of guy!! =D <hugs>
Hang in there, keep trusting him and like others have said, don't do *anything* drastic until at least 24mths+ have passed, I AM an instant-gratification person myself, but I'm slowly learning that getting my body & self-image back into place doesn't happen overnight! (nor did it usually get that way overnight)

If you want some less-invasive solutions =D I totally understand how you feel self-conscience about your tummy (I do too!), what has helped me is reading tips from others here on MFP, drink lots of clear fluids (aka water) and use lots of non-petroleum lotion (check the ingredients and make sure mineral oil is not in the top 10 ingredients)! It *really* does work -AND- help!! You want non-oil based lotions as they sit on your skin, rather then really absorbing and hydrating your skin!! =D Hope some of these help and encourage you! Hang in there!



To MFP'ers, glad to know SO many encouraged communication! Everyone who responded was great!!! *high-fives*

realme56

I agree that you should not do surgery till done with the kids thing.... definitely think you have done your fair share in that department as well. Pretty sure is men had to have the kids there would be only one child per father!!

37mom

I dont think there is anything wrong with cosmetic surgery as long as its YOU who wants it for yourself. I do agree and have had many friends that had tummy tucks done because their skin was so stretched out there was nothing else they could do. I agree you should finish having your kids first!!!!! And once you have lost your weight then do it ..if its YOU who wants it done. In most cases that loose skin never really gets much better. But just my opinion.:)

Mommyof3texans

Two babies back to back and youngest is just 9 months old...

Not cool dude, not cool.

boomboom011

sounds to me like maybe he thought it bothered you and just didnt go about saying what youve probably been thinking all along. (no offense) I have a tendency to appreciate when someone tells me the truth whether it hurts or not. Especially if Im complaining (not saying you were) but if im complaining about my fat flappy arms and my husbands says "start lifting some weights". he's right. Its just like the time my cousin was crying because her siblings were calling her fat and my uncle (her father) took her into the mirror and said "look you are fat! now do something about it". and she did. Im sorry but I dont get my feelings hurt very often. I think that he wasnt trying to be ugly it just came out wrong.

I will never forget the time i told my husband he didnt want to have "private time" with me cause I was fat and he said "ive had "private time" with you when you were way fatter" I thought i was going to pee my pants. I feel bad for them cause they just dont have the right words but how fair is it of us to make them walk on egg shells? Just tell him that was nice of him to make a suggestion and then dont talk to him about your body again. Therefore the feelings wont get hurt again.

THIS IS PURELY MY OPINION AND NOTHING ELSE. Thanks for listening.

Jdismybug1

It is true that men are wired differently and are looking for an immediate answer to the problem. You should talk to him about this. Tell him if you do or don't want anymore babies. Let him know that before thinking about any surgery, you should probably hit your goal weight first, wait and see how your body looks then. Plus if you feel you have more weight to lose, having a surgery might set you back.
I also think that I would be hurt if my hubby said that to me though, they are supposed to love you for who you are, fat or skinny. He should be supporting you as a person.

freerange

Well I talked to him about it and he said he wanted me to know I don't need to lose more weight bc its just skin that is on my stomach. He was just trying to be supportive and was telling me that all my hard work is being covered up by the skin and actually my stomach is flat. (Of course he meant flatter than it looks, b/c at 169 lbs it ceratinly is not flat.) So I guess he meant well and I know if it grosses me out he can't find it very attractive. I think I am so self conscious about it I got defensive. I didn't ever tell him how self conscious I was about it I just said I wanted to lose more weight to get a better waistline.

Good for you. Now I wouldn't even consider it until you are done having kids, and have been at your goal weight for at least a year.

thelandofwin

It sounds like he was trying to say that it wasn't fat, only skin. So in a way, it sounds like a compliment. I wouldn't have taken it well either, just because I would have heard, "You NEED cosmetic surgery to be attractive," but that is just crazy girl thinking.

phoenix9115

that sounds like soemthing my husband would say. He says he says stuff like that to MOTIVATE me..all it does it hurt and make me HATE HIM.Let me give you some advice my dear..do NOT have anymore babies with him,in case you need to kick his *kitten* to the curb if he doesnt love you for who you ARE! im adding you so we can chat. Jen

jdavis193

sounds to me like maybe he thought it bothered you and just didnt go about saying what youve probably been thinking all along. (no offense) I have a tendency to appreciate when someone tells me the truth whether it hurts or not. Especially if Im complaining (not saying you were) but if im complaining about my fat flappy arms and my husbands says "start lifting some weights". he's right. Its just like the time my cousin was crying because her siblings were calling her fat and my uncle (her father) took her into the mirror and said "look you are fat! now do something about it". and she did. Im sorry but I dont get my feelings hurt very often. I think that he wasnt trying to be ugly it just came out wrong.

I will never forget the time i told my husband he didnt want to have "private time" with me cause I was fat and he said "ive had "private time" with you when you were way fatter" I thought i was going to pee my pants. I feel bad for them cause they just dont have the right words but how fair is it of us to make them walk on egg shells? Just tell him that was nice of him to make a suggestion and then dont talk to him about your body again. Therefore the feelings wont get hurt again.

THIS IS PURELY MY OPINION AND NOTHING ELSE. Thanks for listening.

I totally agree with you on about wanting to hear the truth and not a lie... I never get mad when I ask my husband... I am thankful he does tell me the truth...

Debkam

I agree. Wait until you're done having children before you consider surgery.

GoodMorningGirl

You definitely want to get and stay at your goal weight for at least a year, if not more, before considering surgery. My kids are 8 and 6, and I thought about a tummy tuck after two C-sections with cuts both horizontal and vertical. Between the scars and the skin and the stretch marks, my stomach looked awful!! But it is starting to look much better, flatter, and less saggy all these years later. Plus, when I really looked into what the recovery from the surgery entails, I was turned off. A lot of people have bloating, swelling, and discomfort for a year or more after surgery. Plus, your ability to work out is limited for a long time. And the recovery is painful and yucky. I decided I couldn't take the chance of dying during surgery and leaving my kids without their mom (no matter how slight that risk may be) for a cosmetic purpose. Please tell your husband he should read up on the surgery too. They make it look so easy on TV, but it's a major recovery.

BigBoneSista

Bless, he's probably just trying to be supportive, albeit in a very cack handed way.

I agree. He probably thought about it for ages, trying to think of a nice way to suggest it and it didn't come out quite right. I bet he thinks it is something you would want but would never do for money reasons (or other reasons like that) and just wanted to say something to you about it so you would know that he would support you if that's what you wanted. If he's seen you through 2 pregnancies and at your highest I am sure he is not bothered by the saggy skin. I also have two kids and I KNOW there is a lot worse! I bet he was just trying to compliment / support you (In a bumbling husband kind of way.)

:-)

I agree. Its the whole Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus thing. If your best friend would've mentioned it to you it probably would've stung at all, but I think because you have some self imagine issues with it you may be a little sensitive when it comes to him mentioning it. That is normal. I just suggest not to be mad at him and don't think he is embarrass by you or for you. Reading in between the lines I bet he is a damn that loves his wife and his family. He just wants to make sure you are satisfied emotional with yourself.

Just my thoughts.

BigBoneSista

Well I talked to him about it and he said he wanted me to know I don't need to lose more weight bc its just skin that is on my stomach. He was just trying to be supportive and was telling me that all my hard work is being covered up by the skin and actually my stomach is flat. (Of course he meant flatter than it looks, b/c at 169 lbs it ceratinly is not flat.) So I guess he meant well and I know if it grosses me out he can't find it very attractive. I think I am so self conscious about it I got defensive. I didn't ever tell him how self conscious I was about it I just said I wanted to lose more weight to get a better waistline.

I didn't see this. I'm glad you spoke to him. I knew he wasn't trying to be mean to you. I'm glad everything is ok.

flgirlsteph

Wow I would have smacked him lol. Some men just don't think before they say something to their partner. I would say dont get any work done until your sure your not having anymore children. Btw bless your heart I would have died being pregnant that close together. Good luck hun

irishblonde2011

I think when women talk to women about things like this we are not looking for a actually solution but getting it off our chest makes us feel better while men on the other hand offer a solution and that is that.

I do not think he meant to offend you and i am sure you would not want him to lie to you.
I would give him a smack lol and leave the kids with him for a day while you go pamper yourself )

Roszepoo

I can imagine how that felt-wow-it hurts thinking about it. However, knowing how my husband thinks, it may be that he was thinking of your feelings, not his. He may have been thinking that he was giving a suggestion to help YOU feel better about your belly. Just a thought-could be way off.

justleeanne

I am glad you talked it over and that everything is sorted!

rosiedoes

It sounds to me like he was trying to reassure you that the excess around your tummy is no longer that weight you were trying to lose, but actually the skin that covered it. It's a clumsy, manly way of saying, "I think you've lost the weight you set out to - please don't lose any more."

I really don't think he was saying it for his benefit, and I don't think it's something anyone needs to get into a feminist rage about his right or lack of right to suggest. I think he's just trying to support you and let you know that if you want to reach your goals, maybe it's time for an alternative measure, rather than continued dieting.

Whether he's right or wrong, is for you to decide, but don't beat him or yourself up about what he said. I'm sure he meant well and wasn't trying to criticise.


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Edit: Just read your update! Glad to be able to say 'Told you so!' on that. Hehe.