Need to vent a little bit...

stephgreene

I'm not one to usually vent online, but I've seriously had it.

I'm having issues with my mom right now and it seems like every single time we fight she brings up my weight. She will tell me to "shed some lard", "stop stuffing my face", ask me if "food gives me all the emotional support that a boyfriend would," and generally makes me feel like a failure because I'm not skinny and not in a relationship, which seem to be everything to her. Since I was 6, she's been making comments like, "future weight watcher of america" or "tub of lard." Once, she even told me she was embarrassed to go out with me because of my weight.

It's been hard enough working on my confidence and self-esteem without her throwing that in my face. She doesn't live with me or anywhere near me (1500 miles away to be exact) and so she hasn't seen the weight loss or how I eat and I doubt if she believes me. My grandmother (her mother) told me just the other day "we all know you say you've lost lots and lots of weight but we all know that you're lying and still fat."

I know I shouldn't let this stuff bother me, but this is my family! They are supposed to love an support me in any endeavor and I just don't feel like they do, at all.

chevy88grl

My mom has been very critical of my weight loss. When I was heavy, she would remind me that there are a ton of heart issues on my real dad's side of the family and that my grandpa (her dad) was diabetic. I decide to lose weight and be healthier. Now, she tells me "You'll kill yourself if you run on the treadmill!".

Your family is supposed to be your support system. People you can ALWAYS count on. Unfortunately, not everyone is that fortunate.

Personally, I would avoid speaking to your mom as much as you can. You don't need her or her negativity.

mollymoo89

(( HUGS )) CONGRATS on losing 20 pounds! That is absolutely awesome. I commend you because you are doing the right things to be be healthy and lose weight. You're mom and grandma can't see that and their comments are probably coming from their own insecurities. Hold your head high and know that you are making the necessary steps to be healthy! :flowerforyou:

irenerose25

God that is awful. Try not to let her get you down. I wish I had more/better advice for you, but reading about a mother being so.cruel frankly has left me speechless.

hroush

Sorry, but family sucks. For your mom, should she bring up you being an overweight child, just say, "I was X years old, I didn't know what to eat or how to eat properly, you are the one that fed me and thus made me fat. " See how she likes that one. I would sincerely consider telling them that if that can't be nice and supportive, then you don't want to talk to them any more. I know they are family, but family should be supportive, not degrading.

brndygrl98

That is TERRIBLE and hurtful. I have issues with my family, too. Obviously, it's easier said than done to say, "ignore them," but you are making progress and doing this for you and won't it be wonderful when you see them again however many pounds thinner and they have to eat their words? Maybe you could use that thought to fuel your weight loss journey. Sending you a *hug* and good luck. You can friend me if you'd like. I am more than happy to provide positive comments. :flowerforyou:

Terri_39

OMG! I am so sorry your family does not support you. I could never imagine telling my daughter such things and it's too bad your mother doesn't see how much she is hurting you. I truly wish you luck and if you can't find support from family I hope you have good friends and people that are close to you who will help you as you take this journey. Good luck to you!:flowerforyou:

ronda_gettinghealthy

somtimes blood is Not to be thicker than water--I dont care if she is your mom- that is UNCALLED for-- suggest counseling for both of you- if she refuses- in my opinion- you should cut the ties. You dont need that kind of poison in your life.


best of luck to you and I think you should be commended for taking control of your life and relationships will come when you are happy with yourself.

Jenscan

Good lord, that's just ridiculous. I agree with chevygirl, cut those horrible people out of your life. You don't need that bs.

wantconfidence

thats family damnnn its like the saying with friends like those who need enemies rings so true for this how hurtful to tell ur child this they should be ashamed of them selves u should be glad u live so far because no one should have to take that abuse family or not
keep your head up girl because your worth it

Jillyrabbit

Sometimes people who are suppose to love us are very toxic, and the only choice is to keep them out of our lives as much as possible. You are doing great and don't let them poison your success.

lyndsaysutton82

my family has always treated me like a second class citizen because of my weight. All I heard growing up was how many things I "WOULDN'T" be able to do because I was (and am still) fat. I was determined to prove them all wrong. I accomplished things, like having a good job, meeting a great guy, and being an overall good person, but it was never good enough. The harder the goal, the bigger I got.

Then I had an epiphany. The hardest thing to prove that I'm not just a "fat person" would be loosing the fat person and just being a person. So, I started on this journey. Despite all of the things I was told I couldn't do, loosing weight has always been the hardest. And now, 1 year or so shy of my 30th birthday, I've realized that it's time to accomplish something I never really tried my best at before.

I too live as far away from my family as I can. There constant put downs and negativity were all I knew growing up, and it's not something I need now. I limit my contact with the most negative of them, and it's hard. Really hard. You crave a supportive family, but if there is one thing I'm learning, you can also make your own family. And choose who you keep around you for support.

mytime60

There are different kinds of "family". There are those that are genetic, but not necessarily good for you; and there are those that you choose to be your "family", that will be there for you and support you through it all. MFP is family! I know it's tough when your genetic family can't seem to support you, but your MFP family will; and some day you will be able to show your genetic family that you have lost the weight and made some healthy changes in your life. In the mean time, if you can; let your family know that you are hurt by their lack of support. If you can't, just distance yourself from them until you feel able to stand up for yourself. I wish you much success in your journey of health and fitness!

jb_2011

As my husband would say, "Buckle up lil soldier!"

Believe in yourself, stand tall and be proud of who you are, and don't pay attention to negative comments. The negativity is "their" problem, not yours. They're the ones who have the negativity in them, not you. You can just brush it off. You can! I know it's not easy but give it some thought and most of all, stay focused on your path. You're doing great!

Mean people suck.

melon_e

I'm so sorry that your mother and grandmother are not supportive. No one deserves to be talked down to in that way. Keep going on your efforts though. Know that a lot of us on here are pulling for you and wishing you success.

sarahbeth17

Personally I would tell my mother and grandmother to not bring up weight loss/dieting at all to me unless they have something nice to say, and if they don't stop then stop answering when they call until they get the point. My mom was negative to me as a child too, saying she was never as big as me at my age. That hurt, especially when up until that point every meal I ever had came from her! She doesn't say anything negative to me anymore, now she is a lot bigger than I am and looks to me for support on her losing weight. She still doesn't agree that she was a big part of how big I was as a kid, which is ridiculous but whatever. I remember in high school telling my mother NOT to bring me mcdonald's breakfast before school, she would always wake me up with us. Seems nice enough but every morning and I was trying to lose weight, the day after I said NO MORE there she was again waking me up with hash browns and greasy crap, and I didn't want to be rude to her so I just took it. Some people just don't get it....

scantrll

I am so sorry you have to deal with that in your life! The few times my mother/grandparents have brought up my weight I always point out that I was a chunky kid, but I wasn't making my food choices, they were, and now I'm dealing with that as an adult.

Feel free to friend me if you want, I'd love to cheer you on during your journey to a healthier you! :flowerforyou: All the best!

shanwah8585

hey,
firstly, congrats on being angry at being treated like dog poo and being far enough away to realise that you dont deserve it!!
secondly congrats on losing 20 pounds!
family are supposed to be the one thing in the world you can rely on!
nothing you can do about her (and grans) negativitl but just know that your going to wow them when you see them next, that will be the best thing in the world, keep it in your mind as an extra bonus, the vindication when you get to your goal weight

my best friend has had a totaly disgusting excuse for a mother and over time it has meant she feels more at home with my family than her own, so with that in mind remember that blood family isnt the only family in the world and you have us (mfpals) and we are all losing it with you!!
best wishes

Wendyma1

I am so sorry to hear about your unsupportive family. Please don't let them get you down. I agree with the people who have replied, maybe you just need to stop talking with them for a while. We can be your family and you will get all the support you need right here! Big hugs to you my dear! Keep up the great work! You have done a great job so far, and alot to be proud of! Just keep going and keep your chin up. We're here for you!

MelanieP_TX

http://thehealthyapron.com/2011/06/01/you-alone-are-enough/

mishelnkiki

we are here for u. and we are family as well. the best kind of family. we are here to support u, cry with u, laugh with u. just keep working ur *kitten* off so that the next time she sees u... she can choke on her own words! u are doing fantastic and dont let ANYBODY tell u otherwise!

mrrodriguez

I know so many people who have family like this. I am lucky that I had such wonderful parents, and that I was thin as a child. I notice that my wife is gradually pulling away from her family, and her deceased mother was much like yours. That woman is forgotten in her grave as her payback for being so negative. You should pull away and minimize talking about anything with them that is controversial. To me it's like being around old high school friends who won't let you forget that they were the popular ones in high school and you were one of the geeks. I moved out of my home town because I have a new life, and don't need anyone holding me back in the past. You have your own life now. This is your life, right now, enjoy it.

thatalchemistgirl

Oh sweetie, I can relate.

You're mom is a person, and even though this doesn't excuse her actions, keep that in mind. Shes going for what will hurt you and I know by now she must know it sore spot. I'm sorry shes being unsupportive, and well a big meanie.

But look away from that.

You've dropped 10 pounds. that's quite a bit.

You realize that you deserve better than that kind of treatment regardless of size, and that means you are strong.

You react by ranting on the internet rather than letting her feed on your pain.

Keep your chin up. You're doing well.

minnie86

Hey!
Don't feel bad for caring, of course, it's your family. In my case, it was my brother who would tell me every single day how fat I was. My older sister was super skinny, so I always stood out as the fat one. This negatively impacted my confidence, and I became really shy and always tried to hide or blend in. I thought I was ugly and nobody would ever like me. Now that I look back, I wish I would not have let anyone treat me like that. Unfortunately, we can't control what other people do, but we can control what we do. I know is your mom, so when you guys are not fighting, I would bring up this topic and tell her how you feel when she tells you those things. When you guys do fight, just sya that you had spoken to her, and walk away. At one point she will realize that she is not doing the right thing.

StevLL

YOu are doing awesome and should not have to put up with that. I know it's hard to draw boundaries with family at such a young age, but you will find that family comes in more than just blood relatives. Stay strong and know that you are doing great. You are going to school, getting healthy and you deserve much better treatment. Good luck and there are lots of great folks here on MFP. My wife (hootsmamma) is a great cheerleader, so if you need friends friend us. Goodluck.

LisaKyle11

God that is awful. Try not to let her get you down. I wish I had more/better advice for you, but reading about a mother being so.cruel frankly has left me speechless.

.....yes, what she said. my goodness.

jessmars

Please vent all you want to us about this my heart broke when I read your post and just wanted to give you a hug.....
CONGRATS on the 20 pounds loss thats a great great accomplishment you look GREAT!!!!!!
First off a 6 yr is usually overweight b/c of their household/family...you don't feed yourself when you are 6 so DONT feel bad about that. Plus the emotional abuse doesn't help the situation. It sound like they are projecting their own personal insecurities onto you....so just let the negativity bounce off of you back to them.

Be proud of what you have done so far and how far you have come and how much further you WILL go......stay positive and use their words as your fuel

BettyMargaret

There are different kinds of "family". There are those that are genetic, but not necessarily good for you; and there are those that you choose to be your "family", that will be there for you and support you through it all. MFP is family! I know it's tough when your genetic family can't seem to support you, but your MFP family will; and some day you will be able to show your genetic family that you have lost the weight and made some healthy changes in your life. In the mean time, if you can; let your family know that you are hurt by their lack of support. If you can't, just distance yourself from them until you feel able to stand up for yourself. I wish you much success in your journey of health and fitness!

OMG! Word for word what I was gonna say!!! (LOL)
Seriously, I may not have said it, but it goes for me too! I'll be your family... (the lovely young aunt) ;o)

raven1114

this exactly. you do not need people like that in your life.

Sorry, but family sucks. For your mom, should she bring up you being an overweight child, just say, "I was X years old, I didn't know what to eat or how to eat properly, you are the one that fed me and thus made me fat. " See how she likes that one. I would sincerely consider telling them that if that can't be nice and supportive, then you don't want to talk to them any more. I know they are family, but family should be supportive, not degrading.

carl_garcia

Congrats on your success to date... remember.. this is about YOU. Dont be afraid to be selfish and enjoy your achievment! Be proud and know that those of us going through the same journey support you!

MaryKatU

Sounds to me like your mother got her issues from her mother. Break the cycle and not do that to your children.