Need to vent a little bit...

ladybugz_247

omg I wanna kick your moms *kitten*! sorry but what the hell is wrong with her? You are doing great don't let her get to you. The best thing for you to do is prove her wrong, make her feel stupid when she does see you and realize that you did it. ugh this just got my blood pumping.
I have a daughter who will be 16 soon and she isn't overweight but I do encourage her to watch what she eats because diabetes runs in our family and both her and I gain weight easily. I bought her a membership to the gym and we workout together and when she has practice I don't take her.. there have been times when she is unhappy with her weight and I encourage her by making healthy meals and not buying junk that will tempt her.. I couldn't imagine talking *kitten* to her the way your mom does to you.. so so sorry you don't have her support. You deserve better. And Congrats on your weight loss... I'm working towards losing 20lbs for my first goal

Papillon22

Wow, those words are incredibly cruel and uncalled for. You deserve better.

I hope you can be assertive with them and let them know that you've put up with it for too long, and you won't be doing it anymore. Next time the topic comes up, I'd say: "I'm not talking about this with you because your lack of support upsets me" Maybe they'll get the point...

Best of luck to you. You're doing a great job and you can keep it up!

diverdi

Your family sound emotionally abusive. Comments like that aren't just cruel and selfish but are designed to plummet your self esteem and knock you back.
Please do not listen to them, if you feel strong enough (probably not 'cos hearing stuff like that all the time makes your crave their acceptance) cut them out of your life. Being angry is good is this situation, you do not deserve to have had a lifetime of these kind of comments.
Don't believe what they say, you can do this, and you have the support of MFP behind you.

rosiedoes

I left home at 18 and haven't spoken to my mother since, precisely because she used to be cruel like this. That will be ten years ago in October and I don't regret it for a moment - in fact, kicking me out was the biggest favour the woman ever did me.

Your mum sounds like a very sad and unhappy person, who projects her own negative feelings on to you in the form of bullying - and that's exactly what she's doing: bullying you.

My recommendation would be to cut her out of your life as much as you can - you don't need people in your world if all they're going to do is put you down and make you unhappy. And, as the other poster suggested - remind her that it is her parenting which will have caused you to gain weight in the first place.

You're worth a million times more than what this woman is giving you - don't ever forget that.

tlems

That is awful. As a mother to a six year old, I wanted to cry for you. A mothers job is to build her child up, not tear her down. I am so sorry.

I had a pretty rough relationship with my mother, as well, and it literally took a couple of years of not speaking, to work itself out. I have a relationship now with my mother on MY terms and I do not allow her to play her silly emotional games anymore.

Seriously, you have to choose what kind of people you want to surround yourself with to make YOU a successul and happy individual. It is your life, and the only one you have. Don't waste it on toxic people.

I hope the best for you.

Teresa

simplysara9

I am so sorry you are going through this. Your family should be your support system. You have done an amazing job losing 20 pounds thus far and if they can't support you and believe you then maybe it's time to shut them out. I know it is difficult to think of shutting your family out of your life but if they can not support you and bring you down on purpose you do not need them in your life. You need to surround yourself by positive people willing to help and encourage you!

arwensb

God that is awful. Try not to let her get you down. I wish I had more/better advice for you, but reading about a mother being so.cruel frankly has left me speechless.

Parking here. I can't believe she could be so mean! Is she also overweight? Maybe she is deflecting her own self-hatred onto you.
((Hugs))
I think you have done an amazing job and should be really proud of yourself!!

lewiskd

My heart goes out to you....

and I agree with jb_2011. Believe in yourself because Negativity is their problem, not yours. Stay focused and remember, we all fall off the tracks every now and then. But the key to self control and self satisfaction is being able to dust ourselves off when we fall down and push forward when we feel that we are alone.

Your family may not support you but you have a huge support network right here on MFP. We will be there for you!

sbwood888

Since you live so far apart, I assume that all of your communication is done by email / text / phone. Cut them off. Simply don't respond to them at all. I swear, if someone was putting that much negativity in my life, I would absolutely have NOTHING to do with them. Who needs all that BS?? :grumble:

Gemini_at_36

I am glad you took the time to vent here......In a perfect world we should all love each other, but let's face it, your mom is outright mean. Sorry mom was/is so mean.:flowerforyou:

audigal2008

God that is awful. Try not to let her get you down. I wish I had more/better advice for you, but reading about a mother being so.cruel frankly has left me speechless.

I WISH the woman that gave birth to me lived 1500 miles away! That is shocking for a mother to say BUT I have the same type! Mine has told me she hopes she is alive to see my life ruined! HAHAHA KARMA WILL kick in! I havent talked to any of them in almost 3 yrs they are toxic and jealous and I just cant stand them! They apparently miss me cuz they stalk me and seem to know my every move! They havent see my 2 children in that amount of time either! MEH Oh well! Im just gonna keep on keeping on and they can all live their own pathetic lifes!!

audigal2008

Since you live so far apart, I assume that all of your communication is done by email / text / phone. Cut them off. Simply don't respond to them at all. I swear, if someone was putting that much negativity in my life, I would absolutely have NOTHING to do with them. Who needs all that BS?? :grumble:

Thats what I do for sure!

kacarter1017

I agree with the people who are saying to cut all communication if it's going to be so negative. I would also recommend that you tell her why you are not going to have any communication with her. Be factual, not hurtful. Something like, " I've been making good progress toward a healthier me. Your comments about me and the choices I used to make are hurtful and are going to slow down my journey. I would like to have people who believe in me and can support me in my life. If you feel you can be one of those people, that would be great. If you can't, I'm not going to be able to have contact with you right now." Might be really tough to do, but she needs to hear it and you need to tell her how you feel.

God Bless and be strong!

anulle2009

I would freak if my mom said those things to me. It is family, and not to have support of your family stinks.. I dont get much support from them besides the every once in awhile "you are doing a great job" which i dont know i guess should be good enough. it has pissed me off that i have lost almost 40lbs and barely ANYONE home or at work has said really much about it. It pisses me off, i knwo weight can be a touchy subject but **** man if people notice even if you havent lost weight why cant they give you props on it!!! losing weight isnt easy, and it takes dedication to change your life style.

k9fan4life

I am very sad for you ahd have heard this story many times. My own sister was very over weight and was made fun of her whole life because of it. She died of a heart attack at age 42! She was 4' 11" and weighed close to 300 pounds. No one in my family supported her or tried to help her lose the weight.

You have come to the right place for support. You are doing this for you and not your family. It is YOUR journey, if they choose to help you great, if not, you have plenty of friends here.

Keep going, and do this your YOU!!

lizzybethclaire

My mom used to be like this. Best thing is to tell her that you love her and wish her well, but that you can't speak to her anymore if all she is going to do is be negative. Either she will come around or she will learn to hold her tongue. It worked with my mom. When I stopped calling for a week, she called and asked why and I told her she was mean to me. Everytime she was mean after that, I told her that if she was going to be mean to me I would hang up or if I was at her house I would tell her I was going to leave. I would be really surprised if she holds out longer than 2 weeks.

freerange

Like they say, you can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you’re stuck with your family. Just make sure you pick good friends, that will support and encourage you. And stay away from your family as much as you can, they will either get the idea and start supporting you, or if they don’t you don’t need them anyway.

hillview2

Sometimes people who are suppose to love us are very toxic, and the only choice is to keep them out of our lives as much as possible. You are doing great and don't let them poison your success.

I agree with her! I say limit your exposure to them -- this is cruel language they are using and it is time to cut that out of your life. You are doing a great job and taking great care of yourself. Surround yourself with people who love and support you and eliminate people who don't.

chicpower1

Oh bless your heart honey, I am so sorry to hear you're being spoken to this way! Words have alot of power, and they can really hurt the heart. Turn their hateful comments into positive energy. Use it as a challenge to make them eat their words when you will be able to prove them wrong. In the meantime, know everyone here loves you, WE know you're the real deal, and we all support you.

Pro 12:19 The lip of truth shall be established for ever: but a lying tongue is but for a moment.

Schraudt814

I must say I have nothing but respect for you to keep working on your goals and for still actually speaking to your mother. I'm so sorry you have to handle that but know that you are doing so well! Just keep pushing at it for yourself and never for anyone else!

Devinsmom02

I am so sorry that your mom is like that! My mom was like that too. She use to tell me if I lost some weight maybe I would get a date. Horrible! I did lose weight but not because she said that, because I wanted to lose the weight. I did get married but life happens and I gained my weight back. My husbands side of the family is worse then my mom. They judge people by how much they weigh and then look at their personality. They talk about me behind my back only for me to be told what they said by my own husband. Don't get me wrong I love my husband and he does love me. But he has grown up with these parents who were all about appearances and how that makes you a good person not who you are inside. So I live everyday of my life with people who treat me crappy because of the way I look. I am the black sheep of the family. I am the only over weight person in the family. My husband is not as bad as his family but he has said a few hurtful things. But like everyone has said keep going. You can do this and you can do this for YOU and no one else. That is what i have finally come to realize. I am doing this for me and no one else. Good luck to you and know that you have "family" here. And people who know what you have gone through and what you are going through!

DropsOJupiter

Okay sweetie, the bad news is that you have a verbally and mentally abusive mother. For this, I am truly sorry as no one deserves that type "mother" relationship. The good news is that you are intelligent and know that allowing her to control YOU is not to your benefit. You are in control of the choices that will make you healthy. Do not allow her, or anyone else, to control you with their own toxicity. You are PERFECT as you are. You are striving to improve your health and you will do it with or without their support because you are worth it. If I can ever be of help, let me know. I am sending nothing but positive thoughts your way

fitnessjch

OMG! Sorry hon, thats awful!

I agree with everyone else. You need to try your damndest to completely ignore what they say, and work on your own perception of you. If you want to lose weight, then go for it. Their behaviour is designed to make you have 0 confidence whatsoever, and your family should be encouraging you to have confidence.

The best way to get back at them is to get that confidence, and become happy. Whether you do that by losing weight or staying as you are, you need to start loving you.

sbperry72

Steph,

Congratulations to you for working on your weight and fitness now! You have already accomplished a lot - and the fact that you are doing it while at college (a time when a lot of us gained weight) speaks volumes about your self-motivation.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of people have family members or friends like your mom and grandmother. Such people just make it even harder to feel good about yourself and what you've accomplished. We inherit our genes and learn our eating habits from our families, but some family members have faster metabolisms than others and the naturally skinny ones (and even sometimes the normally shapes ones) don't understand the effort it takes the rest of us to get fit.

Overall, it is good that you are away from them and their criticism at school. My only suggestion is to set your own goals for yourself independently of them and not just based on the number on the scale. For example, I have a sister who is close in age and the same height as me, but a very different build. Sometimes I find it exasperating to see how skinny she is (even when she was pregnant), and I find the scale can really get me down since my weight also fluctuates a fair amount each month. So that the scale won't get me down, I've recently started taking measurements and trying to set multiple goals for myself - like fitting into a particular pair of jeans, being able to comfortably jog for 40 minutes, being able to do a few pull-ups, staying within my net calories for a week straight, working out for 10 days straight, etc. Regardless of what the scale says or whether anyone else notices, I try to remind myself that I'm doing a good thing for myself and that this is a marathon not a sprint and what matters is the long run.

In addition to venting here, I wonder if there are any counselors/thereapists at school who could also give you strategies for keeping up your self esteem in the face of their counterproductive comments. Sometimes there are waiting lists for things like that at colleges, but it can be helpful especially because, when you've lived with such criticisms for a long time, they can echo in your head even if you know they are wrong.

writtenINthestars

God that is awful. Try not to let her get you down. I wish I had more/better advice for you, but reading about a mother being so.cruel frankly has left me speechless.

Same here.

I find it so absurd when a parent gives a child crap about their weight when it is the parent who supplies the food (speaking of when you were young and such).!!

Just keep doing what your doing and you will do just fine with or without her approval or support! You have people here who will support you and just keep reminding yourself you are the only reason to do this, and the self confidence and esteem will follow. Good Luck! :flowerforyou:

Bootzey

Stop talking to her. She's not close and you can come up with millions of reasons why you aren't answering the phone.

AngieM76

I dont even know what to say to that. Congrats on your weight loss so far and keep leaning on your mfp friends to help you through it. And know one day you can go home and show them exactly what you have done.

JDMPWR

I'm not one to usually vent online, but I've seriously had it.

I'm having issues with my mom right now and it seems like every single time we fight she brings up my weight. She will tell me to "shed some lard", "stop stuffing my face", ask me if "food gives me all the emotional support that a boyfriend would," and generally makes me feel like a failure because I'm not skinny and not in a relationship, which seem to be everything to her. Since I was 6, she's been making comments like, "future weight watcher of america" or "tub of lard." Once, she even told me she was embarrassed to go out with me because of my weight.

It's been hard enough working on my confidence and self-esteem without her throwing that in my face. She doesn't live with me or anywhere near me (1500 miles away to be exact) and so she hasn't seen the weight loss or how I eat and I doubt if she believes me. My grandmother (her mother) told me just the other day "we all know you say you've lost lots and lots of weight but we all know that you're lying and still fat."

I know I shouldn't let this stuff bother me, but this is my family! They are supposed to love an support me in any endeavor and I just don't feel like they do, at all.

Best response if you want to play on her level would be, my body isn't as ugly as your personality....

FearAnLoathing

I'm not one to usually vent online, but I've seriously had it.

I'm having issues with my mom right now and it seems like every single time we fight she brings up my weight. She will tell me to "shed some lard", "stop stuffing my face", ask me if "food gives me all the emotional support that a boyfriend would," and generally makes me feel like a failure because I'm not skinny and not in a relationship, which seem to be everything to her. Since I was 6, she's been making comments like, "future weight watcher of america" or "tub of lard." Once, she even told me she was embarrassed to go out with me because of my weight.

Im sorry but hearing that makes me want to punch your mom in the face,I cant believe she would say crap like that to you at 6!!! It breaks my heart when i hear about people speaking to their children that way no matter what the age.
I know its hard to not be hurt because this is your mom and you love her,but she is obviously very unhappy with something in herself and taking it out on you

Bootzey

Stop talking to her. She's not close and you can come up with millions of reasons why you aren't answering the phone.

Not every mother is warm and nurturing. You have the right to some peace too.