Should I just give up on her? Rant/Need Advice

BigBoneSista

Why put her in the situation to turn you down and also put added stress on you and your friendship? Stop asking. Lead by example and hopefully one day the light bulb with go off. Don't look at it as you giving up on her because in actually you aren't. You are letting your actions talk for you. Your results will be your testament to her. It will resonate louder then any words you could use to express your displeasure in her.

Now I want to commend you for not allowing her lack of motivation to deter you for your goals. You are doing a wonderful job.

Pseudocyber

We all have to want it for ourselves. There's even quitters in boot camp - we can only find the motivation within. Tell her what time you're going, and she's welcome to come with you - but it's up to her.

mlemonroe2

Don't let an unwilling friend derail your excellent efforts! Why not write up your gym schedule and stick it on the fridge. Tell her that's when you intend to go and she'd be more than welcome to join you at any of those times. then the ball's firmly in her court! If not, hopefully your results will inspire her to start again. Good luck!

Great idea!!

fitnesspirateninja

I can understand why you're frustrated, but it's up to your friend to make changes in her own life. Like the other posters suggested, I think you should invite her or let her know your schedule and then leave it at that.

You can't badger people into doing what you want - even if it's something that will make them healthier.

shelld70

I am glad you vented. This is a great place for that. It sounds like you have your own workout routine by now and she probably has a good idea of what that is. While it would be nice for the two of you to go together, you need to do this for you. And she needs to do it for her. Look how well you are doing so far-36lbs lost! Congrats! My hubby and I are both working out and eating better-but each of us is going at our own pace, doing what works for us personally. Sometimes, we go to the gym or run together. Sometimes, one or the other is not up for it.

Also, maybe, have a serious, loving conversation about the issue. Try to find out what's holding her back. Is she scared, not ready, embarrassed, etc? These are reasons that held me back for a long time. Let her know that you are there for her when she is ready, but stand firm on what you are doing for yourself.

Hang in there! You are doing great!!! :flowerforyou:

TheGoblinRoad

Lately we started trying to get in shape and we came up with a rule. If we both work out 6 days a week we either go out for dinner of get ice cream or pizza. If one of us works out for less than 3 days than the other person gets control over the remote for 2 days.

That's genius.

Jdismybug1

I.would want to give up to, I would yell her that u want to continue to go even if she doesnt, and then maybe after seeing your progress she will change her mind.

diverchic73

I agree with the above posters. I also think its important that you have a honest conversation when you're calm, and tell her how you feel about it. But I wouldn't take a hard approach or lay on the guilt. More like "This is what I'm going to do, because I need to do it. I love it when you come with me, but it's stressful if I feel like it's difficult to get you to come on days you're not up for it. How about this: when I go, I would so love it if you would come. If you want to come, just get ready and join me. If you don't feel up to coming, you don't have to say anything but 'have a great workout. I'm proud of you."

I really like the above advice.

She is an adult. Working out or not is her choice. If she chooses to stay in bed, that is fine. It's sad that she feels she has to lie and make up excuses though. Just let her know it is up to her and that there is no pressure from you.

kelzz193

At the end of the day the only person you can ever hold yoruself accountable for is you....that being said I know it's hard when you are trying to help a friend. It sounds to me though that you have really done everything to help her succeed. At this point I would just back off. I'm guessing she's going to see all the results of your hard work paying off and get back at it when she's ready. Until then you just focus on you & the great job you are doing! Keep it up!!

FitJoani

Agreed...when shes ready she will...until then cant force her. Frustrating yes but hopefully it will work out:ohwell:

PantalaNagaPampa

I would hate to see you give up on her completely, but first and foremost, you need to take care of yourself.

You have made the descision to change your life and you have the commitment to follow through. I say love nad support her the best you can, but you can't let her sabotage your hard work. Let her know that, you will be there to help her when she is ready to make the commitment but until then, if you have a set time and workout to do, you are going to go do it.

I wish you the best of luck with it.

mummum2

I agree with the above posters. I also think its important that you have a honest conversation when you're calm, and tell her how you feel about it. But I wouldn't take a hard approach or lay on the guilt. More like "This is what I'm going to do, because I need to do it. I love it when you come with me, but it's stressful if I feel like it's difficult to get you to come on days you're not up for it. How about this: when I go, I would so love it if you would come. If you want to come, just get ready and join me. If you don't feel up to coming, you don't have to say anything but 'have a great workout. I'm proud of you."

I really like the above advice.

She is an adult. Working out or not is her choice. If she chooses to stay in bed, that is fine. It's sad that she feels she has to lie and make up excuses though. Just let her know it is up to her and that there is no pressure from you.

Sound advice from both! totally in agreement! JUST DO YOU! and don't force her, when she ready SHE'LL DO HER!

runlorirun

When she's ready she will join you again. You can't force someone to believe in what you believe in or live the lifestyle you are currently living.

Set an example, be her inspiration. Once she sees your dedication and commitment, that is bound to inspire her to improve her health.

Right now focus on you....

I second this. You can't make someone do it, but hopefully she will see your progress and decide to join you at the gym again. Focus on you,you are doing AWESOME by the way!

I would continue to ask her, don't give up on her, be there for her when she decides the time is right for her.

I lived by some of the same excuses, to bed to late (I do have insomnia though), back hurts, something hurts, headache (I suffer from migraines), kids come to early (I do home daycare), but now:

I am not a morning person either but 3 days a week I am up at 5:30 so I can go out to run by 6am. I am home by 7 am jump in the shower and ready for the kids when they get here at 7:45.

My insomnia and migraines can run hand in hand, to late to bed, migraine in the morning. I have found listening to audio books in bed helps me fall asleep faster. So far I have only missed one day to the migraine monster, and that was when I had to take the pain killers to get rid of it.

Of course my body hurts, I have an extra 90 lbs on my frame that shouldn't be there, as the weight comes off the less things hurt. I have only lost one day of exercise to pain but it was on doctors orders, so I don't feel bad about it.

BenKnowsFitness

Sorry, but I gave up on her a few sentences in. I went ahead and read the whole post because I love your spirit. Sounds like you are a good friend indeed.

healthyjen342

I wouldnt say GIVE UP GIVE UP on her ...just lay low and let your progress speak for itself...When she realizes that you are having fun at the gym, she will join you. Until then, FOCUS ON YOU! Get yourself healthy and GET YOUR FITNESS ON!!!! Go to the gym at the scheduled time..if she doesnt go, it's okay..Mention it when you get home..like, "I had such a fun time at the gym today..You'd love it"..Then the thought is out there...and you dont have to ask..and she doesnt have to say no!

I hope everything works out for the best! ((((((((((hugs))))))))))

lawdhelpme2

Drop that tail!

milaxx

You can never want something more than the person who needs it does. I know it's hard when it 's people we care for, but that's the fact. I would simply say " this is my gym schedule for this week, let em know if you want to join me" and leave it at that. No pressure. You go and do what you need to and hopefully she will join. Just be prepared for the fact that she may never do it.

LJSpady

Thanks you everyone for your feedback. We finally made it to the gym today, around 10. I think we're gonna talk tonight when I get home from work. I know that this won't work if I want it and she doesn't, but I just remember how enthused she was when she got our memberships, so I know in her heart she wants to make a change, but I guess her mind still has to catch up. I'm definitely not going to give up on her, but I'm also not gonna put more effort into her fitness than she's willing to. When she's ready I'll be there for her, but until then, I gotta do me.

PantalaNagaPampa

Thanks you everyone for your feedback. We finally made it to the gym today, around 10. I think we're gonna talk tonight when I get home from work. I know that this won't work if I want it and she doesn't, but I just remember how enthused she was when she got our memberships, so I know in her heart she wants to make a change, but I guess her mind still has to catch up. I'm definitely not going to give up on her, but I'm also not gonna put more effort into her fitness than she's willing to. When she's ready I'll be there for her, but until then, I gotta do me.

Awesome choice. Proud of you for knowing what needs to be done and having the strength to do it...