too "small" for encouragement?

cindy4mica

anyone else feel that because they're not obese or only need to shed a few more pounds that they don't get the support or encouragement they need/deserve (and i don't mean just on mfp, but irl, too)? i don't think enough people realize that no matter how many pounds you need/want to lose, it's a struggle and not always a piece of cake (no pun intended). if i hear one more, "you're fine just the way you are" or "you don't need to lose any more weight", someone's getting hurt!

Fayve

Yes, I agree 100% I also find that it's hard for myself to be motivated, because deep down I know that any weight loss I want to achieve is pretty much vanity, rather then health. But as you said, it's a struggle no matter where you're at. It's nice to hear those things, but it's also difficult to stay motivated.

fatboypup

i like skinny people too

shuttlebug1

Most of my friends are twice my size (no exaggeration), so I don't even tell them I'm watching my weight. My husband thinks I'm skinny enough already, but I know better. So I completely understand where you're coming from.

acave9406

I can't love this enough!:drinker:
Alot of my friends and family just make me feel worse saying i'm trying to be "anorexic" blah blah blah. My goal is a healthy goal and what's so bad about changing so you dont feel uncomfortable in you're own skin??

MellindaK65

Hey there!
I totally understand how you feel, a few of my friends who are a bit bigger than me have started dieting and they can do very simple exercise and stop drinking soda for two weeks and lose more than 15 pounds. Myself, on the other hand, am a rather athletic person and have a body type that's naturally very short and stocky, so losing weight not only is hard, but it's not very noticeable at first. However, it DOES show up. Over the past few months, I've gone from a size 8 to a size 4, and it really does pay off, but for a person like me, it takes a lot of discipline because I'm already rather healthy, it's more about building muscle and toning certain areas now.
But I think that every person has the right to have support to the weight of their dreams as long as they don't take it to extremes. It's all about being comfortable with yourself, and if that's able to happen, then a healthy diet and exercise is just an example of you showing respect to your body (so says the girl who ate 4 pieces of pizza today)....anyways, I totally support you, your weight loss makes me so happy for you, keep it up! Girls like us have to stick together after all

hroush

It really sucks being a guy close to the end because people can't tell the difference at all unless they make a habit of wearing skin tight clothes all the time, which I don't. It's much harder to lose the "last 10 lbs", but no one realizes it until they are attempting to do it or they've done it.

cindy4mica

and sometimes it's not always weight-loss that's the goal. toning/firming is the next step after losing weight and it's not as easy as some people think it is for "smaller" people. just because the weight is gone doesn't mean the muscle fairy appears and makes everything look good!

Andythefitfamilyman

Well I believe no matter what size, all people deserve encouragement!

snkeller24

I know where you're coming from. As far as MFP goes I actually selected friends who had similar measurements/goals so that they were more familar with our struggles as "skinny people". You can always be my friend; I'm usually pretty good about cheering people on.

deenie169

Yes, I can relate to this. My biggest weight was 144, but a good weight for my height and frame is about 20 lbs less....and I feel like a jerk when I talk about losing weight when some of my friends have a goal that is two or three times that.

We each have our own path (and our own struggle) so the important thing is to know that I am here to encourage others and they are here to encourage me. it's not a competition for me. MFP is really just a tool for me to be honest and accountable about what I am trying to do.

I wish you good luck with your healthful goals.

MellindaK65

and sometimes it's not always weight-loss that's the goal. toning/firming is the next step after losing weight and it's not as easy as some people think it is for "smaller" people. just because the weight is gone doesn't mean the muscle fairy appears and makes everything look good!

I totally agree! Although I think I'm at a healthy weight, there are a few areas of my body that could use a little extra toning, and that work is far header than just shedding pounds

cindy4mica

Hey there!
I totally understand how you feel, a few of my friends who are a bit bigger than me have started dieting and they can do very simple exercise and stop drinking soda for two weeks and lose more than 15 pounds. Myself, on the other hand, am a rather athletic person and have a body type that's naturally very short and stocky, so losing weight not only is hard, but it's not very noticeable at first. However, it DOES show up. Over the past few months, I've gone from a size 8 to a size 4, and it really does pay off, but for a person like me, it takes a lot of discipline because I'm already rather healthy, it's more about building muscle and toning certain areas now.
But I think that every person has the right to have support to the weight of their dreams as long as they don't take it to extremes. It's all about being comfortable with yourself, and if that's able to happen, then a healthy diet and exercise is just an example of you showing respect to your body (so says the girl who ate 4 pieces of pizza today)....anyways, I totally support you, your weight loss makes me so happy for you, keep it up! Girls like us have to stick together after all

congrats to you! and yay for pizza:)

harderfasterstr0nger

I can't love this enough!:drinker:
Alot of my friends and family just make me feel worse saying i'm trying to be "anorexic" blah blah blah. My goal is a healthy goal and what's so bad about changing so you dont feel uncomfortable in you're own skin??

I hate when people make light of anorexia. That sucks. We're all just here to better ourselves.

laylalana

"Thank you" is usually what I say after being given a compliment. Really, it is like asking your husband does your butt look big something - should they point to your thighs and say - yep, your right - better get on stair master and work that off? Just saying - if you look good to other people..that is really not a bad thing.. Maybe they are bigger than you are, and feel that if you need to loose weight, what does that mean about them? Looks like you have done a lot of work and so enjoy the compliments...

ShannonBas

I don't have that problem personally (because I'm around 80 lbs overweight right now... LOL!!), but I do know some people who DO have that problem.
The way I see it, if a person wants to loose weight, then they should get to be encouraged as well. (unless it's an unhealthy situation.. LOL)
My sister-in-law looks great at her current weight. But she still sees some problem areas she wants to work on. I tell her she looks awesome all the time, but also encourage her on her weight loss journey. It makes her feel good and keeps her motivated to reach her goal. :flowerforyou:

If you have a goal in mind that you know you can reach, then I say GO FOR IT! :happy:

widmar

Nothing wrong with getting in shape for yourself. Regardless of how much you have or want to lose, you still deserve support, because it isn't easy. So congrats to you for taking care of yourself.

cindy4mica

Yes, I can relate to this. My biggest weight was 144, but a good weight for my height and frame is about 20 lbs less....and I feel like a jerk when I talk about losing weight when some of my friends have a goal that is two or three times that.

We each have our own path (and our own struggle) so the important thing is to know that I am here to encourage others and they are here to encourage me. it's not a competition for me. MFP is really just a tool for me to be honest and accountable about what I am trying to do.

I wish you good luck with your healthful goals.

thank you:)

cindy4mica

I know where you're coming from. As far as MFP goes I actually selected friends who had similar measurements/goals so that they were more familar with our struggles as "skinny people". You can always be my friend; I'm usually pretty good about cheering people on.

thanks - sent a fr:)

cindy4mica

Nothing wrong with getting in shape for yourself. Regardless of how much you have or want to lose, you still deserve support, because it isn't easy. So congrats to you for taking care of yourself.

thank you!

cheshirequeen

we are in the same boat. i get told the same thing. also oh i wish i were your weight, you are so lucky, you can eat anything you want. obviously if i could eat anything i want i wouldnt have gained weight. i work hard and i deserve tohave my joy without somebody stealing it away from me. i know hubby doesnt mean to, but he says it too, you look great, why do you have to exercise so much. i guess that wont change and it annoys me, but that is my encouragement to stay healthy, thinking that people are saying stuff like that and i can always say, you dont know how hard i work to keep this way.

JennieAL

Well, I have to say that I'm really loving all the support here...

But... my boyfriend on the other hand sort of pisses me off. He keeps insisting I'm fine the way I am which really sort of deflates me. I wanted him to be excited for me. He got excited when I lost some inches and water weight but then got afraid to "elaborate" on my weight loss LOL. I guess he felt cornered.

I'm not a wilting flower... I can take it. I at least wanted him to be on the same page. He says he supports me no matter what. I guess I have to love him for being "neutral" at this point. But I wish he'd just get real and get on the same page as me and admit he'd like to see a little fat disappear.

cindy4mica

"Thank you" is usually what I say after being given a compliment. Really, it is like asking your husband does your butt look big something - should they point to your thighs and say - yep, your right - better get on stair master and work that off? Just saying - if you look good to other people..that is really not a bad thing.. Maybe they are bigger than you are, and feel that if you need to loose weight, what does that mean about them? Looks like you have done a lot of work and so enjoy the compliments...

understood, however, i don't like my "goals" to be dismissed. i don't need a pat on the back - i know how hard i've worked and the results i've gotten from it and that's all the compliment i need. it's the discouragement and negative comments i can do without. but i get your point - thanks:)

chevy88grl

Definitely.

Just because I've hit my goal weight doesn't mean that I still don't want or need encouragement. It seems that people assume since you're smaller that you're totally and completely happy with how you look. What people don't seem to realize is even smaller people have things they'd love to change about themselves. You can have body image issues whether you're 300lbs or 130lbs. Smaller doesn't always guarantee happiness with what you see in the mirror!

I hate when people say things like "you're too thin" or "You look sickly - you should gain some weight back!".

I also hate when my goals are dismissed simply because I'm smaller.

cindy4mica

Well, I have to say that I'm really loving all the support here...

But... my boyfriend on the other hand sort of pisses me off. He keeps insisting I'm fine the way I am which really sort of deflates me. I wanted him to be excited for me. He got excited when I lost some inches and water weight but then got afraid to "elaborate" on my weight loss LOL. I guess he felt cornered.

I'm not a wilting flower... I can take it. I at least wanted him to be on the same page. He says he supports me no matter what. I guess I have to love him for being "neutral" at this point. But I wish he'd just get real and get on the same page as me and admit he'd like to see a little fat disappear.

i think we have to leave s/o's out of it. they're just too afraid of what might happen to them if they say the wrong thing! lol!

cindy4mica

Definitely.

Just because I've hit my goal weight doesn't mean that I still don't want or need encouragement. It seems that people assume since you're smaller that you're totally and completely happy with how you look. What people don't seem to realize is even smaller people have things they'd love to change about themselves. You can have body image issues whether you're 300lbs or 130lbs. Smaller doesn't always guarantee happiness with what you see in the mirror!

EXACTLY!

cindy4mica

It really sucks being a guy close to the end because people can't tell the difference at all unless they make a habit of wearing skin tight clothes all the time, which I don't. It's much harder to lose the "last 10 lbs", but no one realizes it until they are attempting to do it or they've done it.

thank you for not wearing skin-tight clothes:)

EricMurano

If i hear one more, "you're fine just the way you are" or "you don't need to lose any more weight", someone's getting hurt!

Just take the compliment luv!

Us MFPers all know you're not at your goal so we'll support you but you've got to give people credit for complimenting you; even if it's in a roundabout, semi-intervention way.

I don't know what it's like to be in your position (I hope to one day) but I can imagine how frustrating it is. I think the frustration would come from hearing the same thing over and over and having to convince people that you know what you're doing.

A work colleague of mine lost a lot of weight and became quite skinny. He continued to eat health food because *you're supposed to* eat health even if you're not trying to lose weight. He always says "I have to maintain my figure" rather than "I still have 0.4kgs to lose!". That seems to make people stop annoying him.

PS I DO think you look good the way you are but this is NOT about me; it's YOUR journey and YOU think is right. As long as you don't cross the line into anorexia then you're fine.

mlb929

You are so not alone. I've still not met my goal, but I'm in a good place right now. But I work at it ALL the time. I've found a set of online friends for encouragement - and my kids are SUPER! but overall the people I'm around daily, don't understand, don't care, and simply are oblivious to their really odd comments to me. They get frustrated with me when I want to run instead of go out to eat. I have to admit, I would never post before and after photos of me on MFP because my loss was "only" 30lbs, I went from size 12/14 to a 0/2, which is significant in my book, but the photos aren't near as impressive as someone who as really lost weight. So I do sometimes think the "little" losses get lost in the big gains.

CrossOutTheEyes

I understand! I want to lose 10 pounds. I haven't told anyone except my husband because I get tired of people telling me I'm fine the way I am. I'm not looking for compliments or validation. I'm saying, objectively, that I have put on some weight, my pants are getting tighter, and I would like to lose the extra weight now before it gets out of hand.
Telling people that I want to lose weight always leads to comments like "but you're not fat!". I didn't say I was fat. I said I want to lose a little weight. A little encouragement would be nice.

crisanderson27

and sometimes it's not always weight-loss that's the goal. toning/firming is the next step after losing weight and it's not as easy as some people think it is for "smaller" people. just because the weight is gone doesn't mean the muscle fairy appears and makes everything look good!

I'm trying to build the musculature I want at the same time...it helps burn the fat that much quicker. Never understood the whole 'tone after you lose' thing lol.

As for the original post...I agree completely!! By the BMI I'm borderline obese lol...but when I tell people I'm cutting weight they look at me like I'm stupid and say 'why??'. Then they go into this whole discussion about 'bodybuilding'...as if being healthy and strong has to involve muscle competitions lol.

I certainly understand your frustration =p.