too "small" for encouragement?

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  • JennieAL
    JennieAL Posts: 1,726 Member
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    Well, I have to say that I'm really loving all the support here...

    But... my boyfriend on the other hand sort of pisses me off. He keeps insisting I'm fine the way I am which really sort of deflates me. I wanted him to be excited for me. He got excited when I lost some inches and water weight but then got afraid to "elaborate" on my weight loss LOL. I guess he felt cornered.

    I'm not a wilting flower... I can take it. I at least wanted him to be on the same page. He says he supports me no matter what. I guess I have to love him for being "neutral" at this point. But I wish he'd just get real and get on the same page as me and admit he'd like to see a little fat disappear.
  • cindy4mica
    cindy4mica Posts: 777 Member
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    "Thank you" is usually what I say after being given a compliment. Really, it is like asking your husband does your butt look big something - should they point to your thighs and say - yep, your right - better get on stair master and work that off? Just saying - if you look good to other people..that is really not a bad thing.. Maybe they are bigger than you are, and feel that if you need to loose weight, what does that mean about them? Looks like you have done a lot of work and so enjoy the compliments...

    understood, however, i don't like my "goals" to be dismissed. i don't need a pat on the back - i know how hard i've worked and the results i've gotten from it and that's all the compliment i need. it's the discouragement and negative comments i can do without. but i get your point - thanks:)
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    Definitely.

    Just because I've hit my goal weight doesn't mean that I still don't want or need encouragement. It seems that people assume since you're smaller that you're totally and completely happy with how you look. What people don't seem to realize is even smaller people have things they'd love to change about themselves. You can have body image issues whether you're 300lbs or 130lbs. Smaller doesn't always guarantee happiness with what you see in the mirror!

    I hate when people say things like "you're too thin" or "You look sickly - you should gain some weight back!".

    I also hate when my goals are dismissed simply because I'm smaller.
  • cindy4mica
    cindy4mica Posts: 777 Member
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    Well, I have to say that I'm really loving all the support here...

    But... my boyfriend on the other hand sort of pisses me off. He keeps insisting I'm fine the way I am which really sort of deflates me. I wanted him to be excited for me. He got excited when I lost some inches and water weight but then got afraid to "elaborate" on my weight loss LOL. I guess he felt cornered.

    I'm not a wilting flower... I can take it. I at least wanted him to be on the same page. He says he supports me no matter what. I guess I have to love him for being "neutral" at this point. But I wish he'd just get real and get on the same page as me and admit he'd like to see a little fat disappear.

    i think we have to leave s/o's out of it. they're just too afraid of what might happen to them if they say the wrong thing! lol!
  • cindy4mica
    cindy4mica Posts: 777 Member
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    Definitely.

    Just because I've hit my goal weight doesn't mean that I still don't want or need encouragement. It seems that people assume since you're smaller that you're totally and completely happy with how you look. What people don't seem to realize is even smaller people have things they'd love to change about themselves. You can have body image issues whether you're 300lbs or 130lbs. Smaller doesn't always guarantee happiness with what you see in the mirror!

    EXACTLY!
  • cindy4mica
    cindy4mica Posts: 777 Member
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    It really sucks being a guy close to the end because people can't tell the difference at all unless they make a habit of wearing skin tight clothes all the time, which I don't. It's much harder to lose the "last 10 lbs", but no one realizes it until they are attempting to do it or they've done it.

    thank you for not wearing skin-tight clothes:)
  • EricMurano
    EricMurano Posts: 825 Member
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    If i hear one more, "you're fine just the way you are" or "you don't need to lose any more weight", someone's getting hurt!

    Just take the compliment luv!

    Us MFPers all know you're not at your goal so we'll support you but you've got to give people credit for complimenting you; even if it's in a roundabout, semi-intervention way.

    I don't know what it's like to be in your position (I hope to one day) but I can imagine how frustrating it is. I think the frustration would come from hearing the same thing over and over and having to convince people that you know what you're doing.

    A work colleague of mine lost a lot of weight and became quite skinny. He continued to eat health food because *you're supposed to* eat health even if you're not trying to lose weight. He always says "I have to maintain my figure" rather than "I still have 0.4kgs to lose!". That seems to make people stop annoying him.

    PS I DO think you look good the way you are but this is NOT about me; it's YOUR journey and YOU think is right. As long as you don't cross the line into anorexia then you're fine.
  • mlb929
    mlb929 Posts: 1,974 Member
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    You are so not alone. I've still not met my goal, but I'm in a good place right now. But I work at it ALL the time. I've found a set of online friends for encouragement - and my kids are SUPER! but overall the people I'm around daily, don't understand, don't care, and simply are oblivious to their really odd comments to me. They get frustrated with me when I want to run instead of go out to eat. I have to admit, I would never post before and after photos of me on MFP because my loss was "only" 30lbs, I went from size 12/14 to a 0/2, which is significant in my book, but the photos aren't near as impressive as someone who as really lost weight. So I do sometimes think the "little" losses get lost in the big gains.
  • CrossOutTheEyes
    CrossOutTheEyes Posts: 3
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    I understand! I want to lose 10 pounds. I haven't told anyone except my husband because I get tired of people telling me I'm fine the way I am. I'm not looking for compliments or validation. I'm saying, objectively, that I have put on some weight, my pants are getting tighter, and I would like to lose the extra weight now before it gets out of hand.
    Telling people that I want to lose weight always leads to comments like "but you're not fat!". I didn't say I was fat. I said I want to lose a little weight. A little encouragement would be nice.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    and sometimes it's not always weight-loss that's the goal. toning/firming is the next step after losing weight and it's not as easy as some people think it is for "smaller" people. just because the weight is gone doesn't mean the muscle fairy appears and makes everything look good!

    I'm trying to build the musculature I want at the same time...it helps burn the fat that much quicker. Never understood the whole 'tone after you lose' thing lol.

    As for the original post...I agree completely!! By the BMI I'm borderline obese lol...but when I tell people I'm cutting weight they look at me like I'm stupid and say 'why??'. Then they go into this whole discussion about 'bodybuilding'...as if being healthy and strong has to involve muscle competitions lol.

    I certainly understand your frustration =p.
  • cindy4mica
    cindy4mica Posts: 777 Member
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    If i hear one more, "you're fine just the way you are" or "you don't need to lose any more weight", someone's getting hurt!

    He always says "I have to maintain my figure" rather than "I still have 0.4kgs to lose!". That seems to make people stop annoying him.

    PS I DO think you look good the way you are but this is NOT about me; it's YOUR journey and YOU think is right. As long as you don't cross the line into anorexia then you're fine.

    i'll have to take your co-workers approach! and thank you:) i agree crossing the line between being healthy/thin and unhealthy/thin can happen, but rest-assured, i'm not even close to being there.
  • cindy4mica
    cindy4mica Posts: 777 Member
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    I understand! I want to lose 10 pounds. I haven't told anyone except my husband because I get tired of people telling me I'm fine the way I am. I'm not looking for compliments or validation. I'm saying, objectively, that I have put on some weight, my pants are getting tighter, and I would like to lose the extra weight now before it gets out of hand.
    Telling people that I want to lose weight always leads to comments like "but you're not fat!". I didn't say I was fat. I said I want to lose a little weight. A little encouragement would be nice.

    perfectly said!
  • littlewords
    littlewords Posts: 43
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    I also find that because I am not technically "overweight", but simply at the top of my weight range, people scoff at the notion that I might feel uncomfortable, and when trying to have a productive discussion about eating better and exercising, I am often seen as "anti-fat" or a "fat hater" because I would like to make sure I never gain more weight, and cross the line back over into "overweight" again.
  • JennieAL
    JennieAL Posts: 1,726 Member
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    Well, I have to say that I'm really loving all the support here...

    But... my boyfriend on the other hand sort of pisses me off. He keeps insisting I'm fine the way I am which really sort of deflates me. I wanted him to be excited for me. He got excited when I lost some inches and water weight but then got afraid to "elaborate" on my weight loss LOL. I guess he felt cornered.

    I'm not a wilting flower... I can take it. I at least wanted him to be on the same page. He says he supports me no matter what. I guess I have to love him for being "neutral" at this point. But I wish he'd just get real and get on the same page as me and admit he'd like to see a little fat disappear.

    i think we have to leave s/o's out of it. they're just too afraid of what might happen to them if they say the wrong thing! lol!

    I don't know why. I tell him the truth (well, most of the time). He's my best friend. And I guess he just loves me too much to care about 10 or 15 lbs.

    But... I say screw what anyone else says in response to your weight loss. Find the very few who are truly understanding and happy for you :)
  • BethanyMasters
    BethanyMasters Posts: 519 Member
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    I know how you feel.

    I work with a lot of people that never saw me when I was 220 pounds. Most of these people are at least overweight if not obese and are completely delusional.

    They look at me and say "What do you need to lose weight for? Your so skinny already. Do you really think you need to lose more weight? Is that all your going to eat for lunch? Are you anorexic or what?"

    And they won't hear it when I try to tell them that according to my BMI i'm still overweight and that maybe I do look pretty small when i've crammed my fat pouch into my pants. They do not understand that I do not look like that in a bathing suite or naked in front of my mirror.
  • Shellitz
    Shellitz Posts: 188
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    YESSSSS!!!! I am a shortie so therefore my ideal weight is really quite small compared to taller folks. I almost get laughed at if I say I need to lose weight. But an overweight BMI is an overweight BMI - and I do need to lose weight. 5kgs is a good dress size and a half for me... and while some people could drop that in a few weeks is going to take me a while to shed.

    Power to the littlest losers :laugh:
  • cindy4mica
    cindy4mica Posts: 777 Member
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    You are so not alone. I've still not met my goal, but I'm in a good place right now. But I work at it ALL the time. I've found a set of online friends for encouragement - and my kids are SUPER! but overall the people I'm around daily, don't understand, don't care, and simply are oblivious to their really odd comments to me. They get frustrated with me when I want to run instead of go out to eat. I have to admit, I would never post before and after photos of me on MFP because my loss was "only" 30lbs, I went from size 12/14 to a 0/2, which is significant in my book, but the photos aren't near as impressive as someone who as really lost weight. So I do sometimes think the "little" losses get lost in the big gains.

    i totally agree with your last sentence and a big congrats on your accomplishment!
  • Lindholm1020
    Lindholm1020 Posts: 5
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    I totally understand. My bigger friends think I'm nuts but I want my clothes to fit the way they did before pregnancy. I've lost 12 pounds so far. Luckily, a woman in my office is similar in size and is on a weight loss journey too
  • JennieAL
    JennieAL Posts: 1,726 Member
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    People project their own hate onto others. Or insecurities. Whatever you want to label it. I think when we lose sight of our own goals and actually NEED others' input we forget where our power lies.
  • cindy4mica
    cindy4mica Posts: 777 Member
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    thank you to everyone who posted! i started to reply individually, but it got overwhelming! seems to be a hot topic - nice to know i'm not the only one:)

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