too "small" for encouragement?

cindy4mica

If i hear one more, "you're fine just the way you are" or "you don't need to lose any more weight", someone's getting hurt!

He always says "I have to maintain my figure" rather than "I still have 0.4kgs to lose!". That seems to make people stop annoying him.

PS I DO think you look good the way you are but this is NOT about me; it's YOUR journey and YOU think is right. As long as you don't cross the line into anorexia then you're fine.

i'll have to take your co-workers approach! and thank you:) i agree crossing the line between being healthy/thin and unhealthy/thin can happen, but rest-assured, i'm not even close to being there.

cindy4mica

I understand! I want to lose 10 pounds. I haven't told anyone except my husband because I get tired of people telling me I'm fine the way I am. I'm not looking for compliments or validation. I'm saying, objectively, that I have put on some weight, my pants are getting tighter, and I would like to lose the extra weight now before it gets out of hand.
Telling people that I want to lose weight always leads to comments like "but you're not fat!". I didn't say I was fat. I said I want to lose a little weight. A little encouragement would be nice.

perfectly said!

littlewords

I also find that because I am not technically "overweight", but simply at the top of my weight range, people scoff at the notion that I might feel uncomfortable, and when trying to have a productive discussion about eating better and exercising, I am often seen as "anti-fat" or a "fat hater" because I would like to make sure I never gain more weight, and cross the line back over into "overweight" again.

JennieAL

Well, I have to say that I'm really loving all the support here...

But... my boyfriend on the other hand sort of pisses me off. He keeps insisting I'm fine the way I am which really sort of deflates me. I wanted him to be excited for me. He got excited when I lost some inches and water weight but then got afraid to "elaborate" on my weight loss LOL. I guess he felt cornered.

I'm not a wilting flower... I can take it. I at least wanted him to be on the same page. He says he supports me no matter what. I guess I have to love him for being "neutral" at this point. But I wish he'd just get real and get on the same page as me and admit he'd like to see a little fat disappear.

i think we have to leave s/o's out of it. they're just too afraid of what might happen to them if they say the wrong thing! lol!

I don't know why. I tell him the truth (well, most of the time). He's my best friend. And I guess he just loves me too much to care about 10 or 15 lbs.

But... I say screw what anyone else says in response to your weight loss. Find the very few who are truly understanding and happy for you

BethanyMasters

I know how you feel.

I work with a lot of people that never saw me when I was 220 pounds. Most of these people are at least overweight if not obese and are completely delusional.

They look at me and say "What do you need to lose weight for? Your so skinny already. Do you really think you need to lose more weight? Is that all your going to eat for lunch? Are you anorexic or what?"

And they won't hear it when I try to tell them that according to my BMI i'm still overweight and that maybe I do look pretty small when i've crammed my fat pouch into my pants. They do not understand that I do not look like that in a bathing suite or naked in front of my mirror.

Shellitz

YESSSSS!!!! I am a shortie so therefore my ideal weight is really quite small compared to taller folks. I almost get laughed at if I say I need to lose weight. But an overweight BMI is an overweight BMI - and I do need to lose weight. 5kgs is a good dress size and a half for me... and while some people could drop that in a few weeks is going to take me a while to shed.

Power to the littlest losers :laugh:

cindy4mica

You are so not alone. I've still not met my goal, but I'm in a good place right now. But I work at it ALL the time. I've found a set of online friends for encouragement - and my kids are SUPER! but overall the people I'm around daily, don't understand, don't care, and simply are oblivious to their really odd comments to me. They get frustrated with me when I want to run instead of go out to eat. I have to admit, I would never post before and after photos of me on MFP because my loss was "only" 30lbs, I went from size 12/14 to a 0/2, which is significant in my book, but the photos aren't near as impressive as someone who as really lost weight. So I do sometimes think the "little" losses get lost in the big gains.

i totally agree with your last sentence and a big congrats on your accomplishment!

Lindholm1020

I totally understand. My bigger friends think I'm nuts but I want my clothes to fit the way they did before pregnancy. I've lost 12 pounds so far. Luckily, a woman in my office is similar in size and is on a weight loss journey too

JennieAL

People project their own hate onto others. Or insecurities. Whatever you want to label it. I think when we lose sight of our own goals and actually NEED others' input we forget where our power lies.

cindy4mica

thank you to everyone who posted! i started to reply individually, but it got overwhelming! seems to be a hot topic - nice to know i'm not the only one:)

chevy88grl

thank you to everyone who posted! i started to reply individually, but it got overwhelming! seems to be a hot topic - nice to know i'm not the only one:)

What I get from co-workers is "You can eat a donut, cookie, piece of cake, candy and you won't die! It won't kill you! Go ahead and do it! You're so skinny anyway -- it'll be good for you!"

Look. Eating that junk is what got me to 203lbs -- so while I may be "skinny" now, I wasn't always skinny and eating junk isn't the way to keep it this way!

*shakes head*

MaryKatU

My signature ticker used to state my weight but people wouldn't reply to questions I posted so I changed it and now I get more responses. Wonder what would happen if I removed my ticker all together.

Sofitness

I get this all the time, too! I don't need loose more weight, I'm eating to little, I'm obsessed. What they don't know is that now I'm at my healthiest, and I actually was eating too little and was obsessed quite a while ago, but I was too fat for people to suspect anything.
What I hate the most is a fact that nobody around me doesn't seem to see any other reason for eating healthy and exercising than weight loss.
Sure, I want to loose six to ten more pounds, but that doesn't mean I'm planning on eating like I used to or watching TV all day by then. I want to stay healthy and when I bring a healthy lunch, or don't eat a free doughnut or mention exercising, they say I don't need to do this anymore, I'm anorexic, and so on. I just don't get it, why is taking care of my body suddenly considered wrong?

withchaco

For me, it depends. I know a girl who wants to lose her muscle tone on her legs to make her legs thinner... She knows it's muscle and not fat, and she still says things like "I wish I could just slice these off." That's not healthy and I can't bring myself to be supportive about it!

However, I also know another girl who is equally thin (they're both XS), and she recently decided she wants to exercise and be more fit. I support that 100%. I would also whole-heartedly support other kinds of "healthier me" lifestyle changes, such as quitting smoking. It doesn't have to be about weight loss or body image.

melibea

I have a friend who is smaller than me and she complains she's fat all the time. Then when talk about my weight loss goals she says "But you look great like you are right now!"

Seriously, what's up with the inconsistency there? -___-

PurpleStarKatz

I'm right there with you guys. I don't even bother to bring it up with my friends. As much as I love them, they just don't understand that there is such a thing as "fat-skinny" and that's exactly where I was. It's really frustrating that I can't say anything to my friends who are twice my size. But I've made my decisions to eat healthy, be more active, and lose a little bit of weight. I don't really want to lose more than 12 pounds... That would get into unhealthy territory after that. But somewhere between 110 and 115 would be fantastic as I'm a small frame to begin with.
Eh, sorry about my somewhat pointless rant. Apparently I'm more tired than I thought. xD
Anyway, thanks all and best of luck to all of you! =] =]

significance

I find "you don't need to lose weight" encouraging! It means my work so far has been successful and if I keep it up, I'm bound to reach my target.

suzycreamcheese

i just dont tell them im watching my weight.

weeze_h

My signature ticker used to state my weight but people wouldn't reply to questions I posted so I changed it and now I get more responses. Wonder what would happen if I removed my ticker all together.

This is very interesting, I too changed my ticker from showing my weight although haven't posted much since. Kinda felt embarrassed that i *only* want to lose 10lbs when there's people on here losing hundreds of lbs.

I too haven't told anyone apart from my husband that i'm wanting to lose weight. I'm 5'8" and was 140lbs about 4years ago, I stopped going to the gym and my weight went up to 154lbs. I noticed the gain but my friends didn't and they all seemed to think I was very healthy, always exercising which wasn't the case and used to get me really annoyed when they would say things like 'well you're ok at least you excercise' (no i didn't! lol) so now I just don't tell them I'm losing weight as I think if they never noticed the 14lbs gain then they probably won't notice the (hopefully) 14lbs loss.

SaddyPants

Congrats on all of your hard work! I don't think there should be such a thing as "too small for encouragement" but I have unfortunately seen it around here. I imagine it can't be easy and I'm sorry that ya'll have to deal with that.

I just wanted to make a quick comment about people irl who say, "You look great now" or "You don't need to lose any more weight", etc. I think those people are trying to be encouraging in their own way. Maybe they think you are just feeling down about yourself at the moment and they might just be trying to boost your confidence. I would try not to take those comments negatively unless you know for certain they mean it that way. (and tbh, we all know about back-handed compliments from haters. lol)

monkeysmum

yup dfefinately i only need lose 20-25lbs my hubby needs to lose 50lbs his is dropping off i struggle to lose 1lb and he is supportive other people are well i can see he need sto lose but ure fine as you are
i just ignore them i know i need to lose some and im doing it for me so thats all that matters

alexfaty

Yes I know what you mean too, I'm about 150lbs want to be 120 - 126lbs ay 5'3" I AM in the overweight BMI but because I am not that big and short people look at me like I am nuts when I say I am watching what I eat! I never say the diet word because then 1/2 my friends let me not to be stupid!
Thing is before I had a baby I have never been over 9stone and I know things change BUT I don't want to be a flabby mummy anymore!

Good luck x

suvernscorpio

Oh you don't know how happy I am to see this post and I hope you don't mind me adding a few as friends as I've been looking for motivation and people in a similar boat.

I'm 43 with 5 children and my weight was always between 126 - 136 IB's

My weight crept up to 144 before my 5th child (4 years ago) and then has been between 150-154 since.

I'm currently around 144 which although I might look good in clothes compared to most people my age, I am only 5'4 and this is far too heavy for ME.

I only want to lose another 8 - 11 ib but finding it quite hardwork. It doesn't feel like I eat that much but I do try to eat a lot more when I'm rowing (indoor rower).

Friends always say how slim I am and although I realise as a nation we are getting bigger especially the younger generation, I do not want tight clothes or be at the far end of a 'heavy' BMI

I want to be slim, toned and really healthy because of my children not because of any other reason. My partner is happy with the way I am and even I am to be honest which makes it harder, I just need the scales to read a slightly lower weight so I know I am of a healthy BMI.

Debbie

marisa67

I was hesitating joining MFP, because I only have a small amount of weight I want to lose and I was not sure how people would respond to that. So, I am happy to have found this thread. More than anything for me it is about toning up and feeling good. I used to be a dancer and in great shape, but over the years I have gained weight (especially after children) that just won't budge. My husband thinks I look fine and he says it is just my age and figure changing. While that is probably also true, i would still just like to tone up more. My legs are a real problem area (lots of cellulite) and I am hoping to finally see some muscle definition. I am hoping MFP will help me stick to a plan of exercise and watching what I eat.

brph26

Totally agree with the original poster!! I have always had a problem with this.

People can be so rude. I know how much I used to weigh before kids, and I want to get back to that. I know my body won't be exactly the same, but my weight can be the same. I have lost 22 lbs so far and have 4 more to go. These last 4 seem to be harder than the first 20! So, yes it is a struggle for us "smaller" people just as much of a struggle as it is for anyone else, regardless of size!

All of my friends irl are bigger than me and I never feel comfortable talking to them about weight loss. My best friend and I started trying to lose at the same time, but I don't think she really followed through on it all. I have told her about mfp a few times, but oh well. They have to want it, and get it set in their minds that they are going to do it before anything changes....that's how I was anyway.

phenrichs

I actually fear the day that I hit my target weight. I have been feeling so much better physically and emotionally since I started losing that it has been truly easy for me. Once I got used to eating a deficit of course. But when I hit that target..... I am afraid of how hard it is going to be. I plan to lose the weight first then start trimming up and doing serious weight training so I am not a pencil. But that will be hard work. It will also be hard to find the right balance to maintain so I gain weight in a good way like muscle and not fat. I don't want to start bouncing. I totally understand what you mean although I am not quite there yet.

WhyW8

I have found wonderful support on MFP - in real life, at first not so much. I got the "you don't need to loose, blah, blah, blah" but I have always hidden weight really well - now that I have lost most of it, and mind you I run at work on my lunchbreak so people see me in all my spandexed glory which doesn't leave much room for hiding anything, people are starting to say that I look really good but these are the same people who said I looked good before so I'm not really taking them too seriously. I feel wonderful now, my husband loves it and I'm fitting into clothes that I thought I would have to donate. And still it's not over - now I want to have more muscle tone so thats the next part. If you have healthy goals for weight loss then do what feels right to you. I reached my goal weight and then said, nah, I need a bit more - its your goal not theirs so just do it. And if you really get fed up, just give them the mental finger!

jane130

For some reason it seems that people don't see that diet and what you look like go hand in hand.
On the one hand, I have people telling me that I'm being too extreme and I don't need to worry about what I eat anymore.
On the other hand, people tell me how great I look and how envious they are of my body. Don't they see that the two things go together? You can't have one without the other.

ChChCharlie

I know exactly what you mean! But luckily mine is usually from work folks... They don't know what I look like under my baggy uniform! Most of my friends are male so it's not usually topic of conversation with them!

Luckily my husband and parents know what my goal weight is and agree it is right for me!

ShannonBas

Congrats to everyone for coming so far on their journeys! I truly hope that y'all succeed in meeting your goals. (however small or large they may be!) A goal is a goal, no matter what it is.

I actually USED to weigh in around 135 lbs, but unfortunately ballooned up to over 200 lbs!!! YIKES! :noway: I can't wait for the day when I get back down below 140 again. It will be so nice. :happy: