Marriage and separate friends?

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Replies

  • sunyg
    sunyg Posts: 229
    I did the same thing you did, and it was the biggest mistake of my life. I cut off communication with my closet friends, and focused all of my time and energy solely on him. We have been together for 11 years, married for 6 and there is not 1 year that goes by when we don't talk about getting a seperation. I miss having my friends to turn to... to talk to... to cry with... to laugh with...

    ^^^^This is me.
  • JNick77
    JNick77 Posts: 3,783 Member
    I met my husband 2 years ago. We got along great and were each other's best friend. So I really quit talking with my friends before I met him and focused solely on us. We recently went thru a situation where I was ready to file for an annulment after just 5 months of marriage. I turned to friends for support. Since then my husband and I have reconciled and are working on making our marriage work. I feel like at this point I need to keep my friends. To turn to when things are going wrong or when things are great and I want to brag a little. He thinks I don't need them now cause I never needed them before. My question is, is it healthy to have separate friends?

    Have separate friends. Even if you don't need to confide in them, just have your own friends to get out and away from the house with and have some "me" time.
  • writtenINthestars
    writtenINthestars Posts: 1,933 Member
    YES!!! It is absolutely healthy and IMO very important to have separate friends!!!!!
  • bakebunny
    bakebunny Posts: 253
    I was in a very unhealthy marriage - I was cut off from my family, had no friends of my own, and the few I had were my husband's co-workers... who told me how lucky I was to have him. When I left (and divorced) I had no one to turn to except for two internet friends. Which isn't nearly enough.
  • LilRedRooster
    LilRedRooster Posts: 1,421 Member
    You should always have separate friends, period, even when not in a marriage. I always have a life and friends outside of any relationship I've been in, for perspective and sanity. It's not healthy to make someone your entire world, because you need to have something and someone else that allows you to define yourself separate from that person.
  • JNick77
    JNick77 Posts: 3,783 Member
    YES!!! It is absolutely healthy and IMO very important to have separate friends!!!!!

    Hell, get yourself a "special" friend or two if you can.
  • Swimgoddess
    Swimgoddess Posts: 711 Member
    We have a similar issue in our marriage save one major complication: I prefer guy friends to chicks. As a former Marine, I am way too um, honest to make and keep girl friends. The only females I get along with are similarly-minded active or former active-duty or tomboyish lesbians. Yes, I'm straight. Women annoy the hell out of me too much to want a relationship with one, lol. I think like a guy for the most part and get along great with them. Problem is, I'm no longer a single Marine and my hubby doesn't believe it's socially acceptable for me to have my own guy friends. He thinks all they want to do is get in my pants. Doesn't help that while sleeping next to my now-husband in the barracks, his drunk bestie low-crawled up between the wall and the bed and fingered me until I woke up and realized it was him and not my guy :(

    Just be careful with girlfriends; as previous poster stated, share that you're fighting with hubby, but don't share too much. Girlfriends, single or ESPECIALLY recently divorced ones will almost always harp on the negatives, try to convince you to leave your guy so they won't be "alone". (SO glad I didn't let that one friend pull me into her misery-boat, I repaired my marriage and she is still miserable)
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