He-Man Woman Haters Club

13

Replies

  • robin52077
    robin52077 Posts: 4,383 Member
    l.jpg
    True!


    YEP! :laugh: :devil: Evil demanding B!tches we are.....someone somewhere is ALWAYS sick of our *kitten*
  • AtticusFinch
    AtticusFinch Posts: 1,262 Member
    The way Men shop is much more efficient too. We see something, we like it, buy it, take it back later if the garment measurements don't match reality.

    Women go to a shop, try everything on at least once, then do the same thing in the next ten shops, ask us our opinion so they can take deep personal offence at the "no right answer" we offer, ignore that advice anyway, then buy the first thing they tried on in the very first shop, which they also take back to the store a week later after changing their mind about it later.

    That's why we HATE bloody shopping !
  • Schwiggity
    Schwiggity Posts: 1,449 Member
    Definite bump for later.
  • SarahLovesCheesecake
    SarahLovesCheesecake Posts: 520
    women.... you can't live with em and you can't strangle them with bacon

    But you can choke em with pork :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    (sorry)
  • Schraudt814
    Schraudt814 Posts: 496 Member
    chemical-women.jpg


    hahaha this is SO funny!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • MDLNH
    MDLNH Posts: 587 Member
    chemical-women.jpg


    I'm an EMT w/ my Fire-Resuce Dept . . . and this is the best HMDS I've ever seen.

    * I'm going to share it with everyone in the Dept.
  • chocolateandvodka
    chocolateandvodka Posts: 1,850 Member
    women.... you can't live with em and you can't strangle them with bacon

    But you can choke em with pork :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    (sorry)


    BAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *best* comment!!!!!!
  • SarahLovesCheesecake
    SarahLovesCheesecake Posts: 520
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: .........and drown em in man custard............:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    I would be offended by some of this... but I have to make my husband's sandwich. Really. :laugh:
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
    I would be offended by some of this... but I have to make my husband's sandwich. Really. :laugh:

    Must....resist....the...temptation....to be......sexist.....so.......hard......awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww:

    kitchen.jpg
  • AtticusFinch
    AtticusFinch Posts: 1,262 Member
    SG:
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: .........and drown em in man custard............:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Remind me NEVER to eat trifle at your place :sick:
  • bzmom
    bzmom Posts: 1,332 Member
    bwahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    I'm a former US Marine, so I've been "rewired".

    I find the majority of women annoying as hell. The only ones I get along with IRL are either active-duty, former active-duty, other women in male-dominated professions and tomboyish lesbians. The rest are too sensitive, not honest enough, insecure, WAAAAY too idealistic when it comes to men & relationships and generally lack a good sense of humor. Online is a bit easier because I get a split second longer to self-censor.

    Sincerely,
    the typical "girl without girlfriends"

    I'm not a tomboy, but I basically feel the same way. I like some "typical girl" things like clothes and shoes, but I also love football and baseball, hate talking on the phone, hate shopping malls, don't understand group trips to the restroom, etc. And I've never had many female friends because it bugs the hell out of me that women not only won't be honest, they also don't want you to be honest with them. If you ask me what I think, you lose the right to get mad about what I say. Men seem to have this ability to get over things that most women just aren't equipped with. I always say that when men get mad at each other, one good fist fight can solve all their problems. When women get mad at each other, they try to ruin each other's lives.

    I also love "sexist" jokes, especially the ones about sandwiches because I actually really enjoy cooking for hungry men, and it always makes me think "If you're going to demand food, grow a pair and demand something better than a sandwich. Sandwiches are beneath my talents in the kitchen."
  • koosdel
    koosdel Posts: 3,317 Member
    ...but I like women! They're so soft, and make cute noises when you squeeze them. Plus, I feel really uncomfortable going to a drive in with a dude.
  • _beachgirl_
    _beachgirl_ Posts: 3,865 Member
    women.... you can't live with em and you can't strangle them with bacon

    But you can choke em with pork :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    (sorry)
    That's great! Although I think some of those little vienna sausages wouldn't choke anyone!
  • _beachgirl_
    _beachgirl_ Posts: 3,865 Member
    ...but I like women! They're so soft, and make cute noises when you squeeze them. Plus, I feel really uncomfortable going to a drive in with a dude.

    lol @ make cute noises when you squeeze them! Just don't turn all Lenny on them!
  • BEERRUNNER
    BEERRUNNER Posts: 3,046 Member
    women.... you can't live with em and you can't strangle them with bacon

    But you can choke em with pork :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    (sorry)
    That's great! Although I think some of those little vienna sausages wouldn't choke anyone!

    My big brown meat love hammer is legendary!!!!
  • jtsmou
    jtsmou Posts: 503 Member
    Something here that some of the younger guys don't know (either through inexperience or being too drunk all the time) is that women will go into profuse bouts of farting all night long. What happens is that they go through the entire day holding all that gas in since they refuse to consciously fart in front of other humans (they have well trained muscles for doing this) and at night, as they drift off into the wonderful world of dream land, their muscles start to relax from the long day of having stress placed upon them. Once they enter the first stage of REM sleep, they begin to "deflate" in a process that often lasts the entire night.

    It's also a little known fact that this is why so many married men suffer from Sleep Apnea, it's a subconscious defense mechanism centered in our reptilian brain where we sense the danger from the noxious gas and refuse to breathe it in for fear of suffering permanent sinus damage from the noxious burning fumes.
  • california_peach
    california_peach Posts: 1,809 Member
    Something here that some of the younger guys don't know (either through inexperience or being too drunk all the time) is that women will go into profuse bouts of farting all night long. What happens is that they go through the entire day holding all that gas in since they refuse to consciously fart in front of other humans (they have well trained muscles for doing this) and at night, as they drift off into the wonderful world of dream land, their muscles start to relax from the long day of having stress placed upon them. Once they enter the first stage of REM sleep, they begin to "deflate" in a process that often lasts the entire night.

    It's also a little known fact that this is why so many married men suffer from Sleep Apnea, it's a subconscious defense mechanism centered in our reptilian brain where we sense the danger from the noxious gas and refuse to breathe it in for fear of suffering permanent sinus damage from the noxious burning fumes.


    This is hysterical. I actually know a woman who has never farted in front of her husband and she won't poop if he is in the house. Vacations are VERY hard on this chick. Women are flat out crazy and I should know because I am one. LOL
  • AtticusFinch
    AtticusFinch Posts: 1,262 Member
    And of course when we really want to be amused or entertained for 20 minutes, we can always rely on that old stalwart parallel parking when our SO's drive

    not_so_parallel_parked.jpg
  • bzmom
    bzmom Posts: 1,332 Member
    OMG!!!! I Love this!!!! bwahahahahahaha :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
    Something here that some of the younger guys don't know (either through inexperience or being too drunk all the time) is that women will go into profuse bouts of farting all night long. What happens is that they go through the entire day holding all that gas in since they refuse to consciously fart in front of other humans (they have well trained muscles for doing this) and at night, as they drift off into the wonderful world of dream land, their muscles start to relax from the long day of having stress placed upon them. Once they enter the first stage of REM sleep, they begin to "deflate" in a process that often lasts the entire night.

    It's also a little known fact that this is why so many married men suffer from Sleep Apnea, it's a subconscious defense mechanism centered in our reptilian brain where we sense the danger from the noxious gas and refuse to breathe it in for fear of suffering permanent sinus damage from the noxious burning fumes.
  • justahorsen
    justahorsen Posts: 234
    My co-workers are looking at me.....as I sit at my desk and laugh REALLY loud!!! This whole thread is too funny!!!:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • bzmom
    bzmom Posts: 1,332 Member
    Sorry I couldnt resist......

    "why can't women park cars? because for years men have been telling them that 3 inches is 6"

    And of course when we really want to be amused or entertained for 20 minutes, we can always rely on that old stalwart parallel parking when our SO's drive

    not_so_parallel_parked.jpg
  • Schwiggity
    Schwiggity Posts: 1,449 Member
    6r2hs6.jpg

    >"Oh em gee! Being Chicks is so much fun!" - Bender
    >"Now when I say stupid things, guys all laugh and buy me stuff!" - Fry

    http://www.mediamarketjournal.com/2011/05/new-clip-for-upcoming-gender-swap-futurama-episode/
  • Schwiggity
    Schwiggity Posts: 1,449 Member
    Bill Burr is a goldmine for this stuff:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ztd8Z1qbJ0c

    "Women are just constantly patting themselves on the back about how difficult their lives are, and nobody corrects them, because they want to f*** them."

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ztd8Z1qbJ0c
  • registers
    registers Posts: 782 Member
    I think the ideal woman would be pretty, deaf, blind and mute...
  • Schwiggity
    Schwiggity Posts: 1,449 Member
    I think the ideal woman would be pretty, deaf, blind and mute...

    Nah just mute. She needs to hear and see to know how to prepare the sandwiches correctly.
  • LizC26
    LizC26 Posts: 319 Member
    I've been with the wrong man apparently...All you guys want is a sandwich??? I have to actually cook :(
  • jtsmou
    jtsmou Posts: 503 Member
    I've been with the wrong man apparently...All you guys want is a sandwich??? I have to actually cook :(

    and a steak....
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    True story: My ex actually broke up with me over a sandwich. We were together 8 years.

    He had a job, and was training to become a ballroom dance teacher. So after work, he went home to his Mommy who'd make him dinner, then go to dance class. I was a fool and wasn't able to anticipate not only what time, if ever, he'd show up at my house (he kept his computer here so he could look at porn and smoke cigarettes without his Mommy's knowledge), but that he would want a grilled cheese sandwich when he got there.

    There were a lot of other factors in our split, but my lack of psychic sandwich making powers were high on his list.

    Lesson learned! I know when to make a sandwich now. And know not to make them for pansy-arsed, mama's boy, jackholes who's dream is to teach ballroom dance to senior citizens. :laugh:
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