Bummed by friend's comment

dawnw30

Thanbk you everyone! You have all made me feel better and not so bad about what she said. I don't talk about it alot wiht her and she hasn't had success with her weight loss efforts through the years so I guess it may be as you all say - she may be a bit jealous! Thank you for confirming I wasn't being a bad person, lol! :flowerforyou:

Noctuary

I know everyone says she might be jealous. That's the go to answer we all go to when we don't want to think of things a little deeper. She could be. Of course. Or maybe she think you think the wedding is all about you. And not...the bride.

katie_on_a_mission

Wow, what your friend said was so rude and wrong!! You weren't being conceited and the fact that she said you were makes me think she's jealous.

garysgirl719

Sorry, I know this is the unpopular opinion, but I think I would have reacted just like your friend did. I love hearing compliments from my friends right now on my success, but that it is because it is coming from them. It's not something I expect or even something I see in the same way they do. I think perhaps to your friend by saying what you did, you came across as bragging on your looks.

dawnw30

I know everyone says she might be jealous. That's the go to answer we all go to when we don't want to think of things a little deeper. She could be. Of course. Or maybe she think you think the wedding is all about you. And not...the bride.

Well, anyone who knows me knows that is so not true...she knew better...it was just kinda on the mean side how she said that to me...had to be there I guess

dawnw30

Sorry, I know this is the unpopular opinion, but I think I would have reacted just like your friend did. I love hearing compliments from my friends right now on my success, but that it is because it is coming from them. It's not something I expect or even something I see in the same way they do. I think perhaps to your friend by saying what you did, you came across as bragging on your looks.

Not bragging at all...and "looks" didn't really enter into it - just a healthy body immage. I gained so much weight with 9 pregnancies and 5 kids that I still looked pregnant. Would just be nice to be seen as "normal" again and not huge. :bigsmile: Over the years the thing has always been..."Oh, so you have 5 kids"...like that explains everything...you let yourself go sorta thing...was just thinking it would be nice to hear the opposite for once

dawnw30

Well, if it does make you conceited then perhaps you and I should be charter members of The Conceited Club! I would love for someone I haven't seen in a while comment that they noticed my hard work, and that it didn't look like I was a mom of 4 (whatever a mom of 4 or 5 SHOULD look like, I don't know)

I don't know how a mom of alot of kids should look...but an awful lot of people use it for an excuse to let themselves go - me included! :embarassed: Just would like to not have to use any excuses for me looking bad anymore!! It would feel awesome to not have to hear the "Oh, well that explains it!" like I am a bad person or something...

lajuice24

I think your friends comment was over the top. You ahe done a great job and should feel good about it! I have to disagree with the poster who said you were bragging. Five kids and nine pregancies will pack on the weight! Feel good about what you have done!

tmacs

sounds jealous!

go for it, you've worked hard, if you can't enjoy the fruits of your labour (by feeling confident and sexy) then whats the point?

EXACTLY! I know this is bad, but I'm wondering if she's overweight?

TS65

Really? Why would you call this person a friend? It's obvious she's not. Ignore her comments as they aren't supportive in any way shape or form. Then, re-evaluate what defines a friend for you (stick with those that support you! Everyone else is an acquaintance not worth fretting over. JMO.)

suzooz

Don't let that comment get you down! Stay confident. You should be proud of what you have accomplished.

So many of us who struggle with our weight have a tough time with body image -- even when we lose a substantial part of it. You have found the "skinny you", and you should be proud. You have turned the corner and have actually seen the results of your hard work. Some of us may never turn that corner, but you have! Being proud and confident is not conceited. Wanting to be healthy and look better is not conceited.

Get something fabulous to wear, and knock them dead! (and don't forget the shoes!)

FairyMiss

you've lost 61 pounds you have evey right in the world to be vain baby

hroush

My wife has said something similar to me, which hurt a lot as she knows that I'm not. I just don't think they get it or what a major accomplishment it is.

nmescalera

LOL your friend is so jealous!!!!

Nicolletta

Sounds like your "friend" is being catty and just might be a little jealous of your successful weight loss.

lovejoydavid

Virtually everyone enjoys external affirmation of what we have accomplished, and this is especially true to the very subjective notion of physical beauty. Desiring that is just human, as far as my experiences teaches. As to conceit, well, the word is derived from "conceive" and denotatively refers to mental concepts and metaphors. Connotatively, and in the context that she used, it can only refer to your having an excessive personal concept of your own self worth or physical beauty. If, in fact, the problem is that she has a lower opinion of your physicality than you do, or that she just does not approve of seeking affirmation, than your conceit is not the issue. As well, if your self concept is utterly justified, then it is not conceit at all. Maybe she meant to use another word, or just was not expresssively her actual feelings well.

jllipson

I'm thinking if you walked in making a scene of it (taking attention from bride), you might be conceited, but it doesn't sound like that is your intention. Nothing wrong with wanting and deserving to be noticed and complimented. Go show off your new body and who cares what she thinks. What does she want you to do, wear a bag so nobody notices...
Maybe she's jealous, maybe she just took your intentions the wrong way - I'd just blow it off and continue your healthy, happy new life!

DancingFox

Sounds like your friend may be jealous of your AMAZING accomplishment!!! Be proud!!!! Nothing wrong with what you want!

kadins_momma07

sounds jealous!

go for it, you've worked hard, if you can't enjoy the fruits of your labour (by feeling confident and sexy) then whats the point?

I know right!? What's the point in doing all of this hard work (other than to be healthy) We all want to feel sexy after working hard to lose the weight, I say don't let the comment bother you too much, just brush it off as maybe a little jealousy, maybe she is a little jealous because she can't feel that way about herself? (I don't know what the friend looks like, but I know when I lose a few pounds I tend to get a little big headed and it feels great!) So what if you get a a little big headed, YOU DESERVE IT!

Thriceshy

So I was talking to a friend earlier and I told her I was excited because we are going to a wedding in a couple of weeks and I wanted to show off a bit. I have lost alot of weight and am feeling kinda good about it. I said I just wanted people to go "Wow-you have 5 kids? No way!" She said she didn't know I was so conceited...REALLY? Do you think that's being conceited or just feeling good about the hard work I've been doing? It kinda hurt my feelings that she said that. I didn't say I want people to tell me I'm drop dead gorgeous or anything like that...that would be vain, but I just wanted to feel like a NORMAL person - not the fat chick in the corner like I usually am. Any thoughts? Am I over reacting? :embarassed:

I don't know your friend, but I'll bet she's not normally mean--otherwise, she wouldn't be your friend. She may well be feeling jealous, or she may be feeling insecure. Sometimes, when folks make major changes to the way they look, they wind up making a new circle of friends. Maybe she's worried. Or maybe she was kidding and didn't realize that the humor didn't come across?

I would give her a chance to come around, maybe try to explain to her how freeing and amazing it feels to be slimmer and no longer "the fat chick." Make sure she knows that your changing physically doesn't mean that you're not still the person she loves.

I hope it works out--friends are hard to come by.

Kris

Noctuary

I know everyone says she might be jealous. That's the go to answer we all go to when we don't want to think of things a little deeper. She could be. Of course. Or maybe she think you think the wedding is all about you. And not...the bride.

Well, anyone who knows me knows that is so not true...she knew better...it was just kinda on the mean side how she said that to me...had to be there I guess

Cool. Then I'd talk to her privately. Obviously she's dealing with something to be so out of sorts with you. Maybe she needs some help. We can't be in her mind. If she's really a good friend to you..ask her what's up. Honestly. Directness is the best way instead of trying to be psychic!

tmacs

Virtually everyone enjoys external affirmation of what we have accomplished, and this is especially true to the very subjective notion of physical beauty. Desiring that is just human, as far as my experiences teaches. As to conceit, well, the word is derived from "conceive" and denotatively refers to mental concepts and metaphors. Connotatively, and in the context that she used, it can only refer to your having an excessive personal concept of your own self worth or physical beauty. If, in fact, the problem is that she has a lower opinion of your physicality than you do, or that she just does not approve of seeking affirmation, than your conceit is not the issue. As well, if your self concept is utterly justified, then it is not conceit at all. Maybe she meant to use another word, or just was not expresssively her actual feelings well.

What he said

cathyg18

Her comment sucks, and probably does come from jealousy. BUT, please don't get emotionally invested in how other people respond to your weight loss. Do it for you, and you only, and don't worry about anyone else's reaction. Because everyone (even people here on MFP) will react poorly to some aspect of your loss, your methods, etc. at some point. You have to decide what is or isn't working for you, and work it, and don't worry about what anyone else says or thinks. That way, if they react positively, it's purely a nice surprise, not something to work for or try to achieve.

I agree! Well said!

ShaeDetermined

So I was talking to a friend earlier and I told her I was excited because we are going to a wedding in a couple of weeks and I wanted to show off a bit. I have lost alot of weight and am feeling kinda good about it. I said I just wanted people to go "Wow-you have 5 kids? No way!" She said she didn't know I was so conceited...REALLY? Do you think that's being conceited or just feeling good about the hard work I've been doing? It kinda hurt my feelings that she said that. I didn't say I want people to tell me I'm drop dead gorgeous or anything like that...that would be vain, but I just wanted to feel like a NORMAL person - not the fat chick in the corner like I usually am. Any thoughts? Am I over reacting? :embarassed:

as a fellow mom of 5 who has recently regained her body i know exactly what you're talking about.
i feel good, i look good, and conceited or not, it feels good when others notice.

i think what may have caught your friend off guard is the fact that u actually VERBALIZED it.
but good for u.
i wouldn't give her comment too much thought unless she says something like that again.
revel in your loss and your body.

WTG!

ML0305

My advice to you is GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT and don't feel bummed about her comment. You should actually take it as a compliment being that she is feeling jealous. She must envy the fact that she does not have the confidence to say that about herself; wether she has kids or not. I myself only have one child and it took a toll on my body. I used to weight between 130 to 135 (haven't seen those numbers on the scale for years!!!!! ....lo) and after my little one I weighed 164...yikes!!!! I am now at 152.4...yay!

It takes a lot of courage to make a difference in yourself and I believe that you should take all the credit for it and FLAUNT what you got!!!!! :flowerforyou: