eating disorder woes :( dont read if easily triggered
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The thing I never could anderstend with people with ED is that it all starts with trying to be slim to look great and atractive and then when it goes wacky and we dont eat healthy anymore,we get skinny to a point when we dont look great and atractive anymore....we achive something diffrent than what we started with.(skeleton like body is unatractive 99% guys will tell you...)So what gives?I know is sicological problem but If it was me I would rather mantain healthy myself than being under and unatractive...Be healthy for your kids...Wish you best of luck:)
You are obviously very misinformed about ED's and the way you talk about it makes it seem like you think it is an easy thing to recover from. Do you not understand that we don't see the same person in the mirror that you see?0 -
As with any eating disorder, I really think that 90% of the battle is remembering that it IS a part of your life that has to be managed...I don't believe that ED's are cured, they are managed effectively...whether that be with behavior modification, medication or a combination of the two. FINDING what works for you is the bugger...it's as individual as the person. It's also recognizing when the beast rears it's ugly head and knowing that your unhealthy thoughts are trying to derail your progress.
I couldn't agree more with this paragraph. :flowerforyou:0 -
My wife has an Anxiety disorder. It's definitely had an effect on our life, which is the definition of a disorder. One big part of it is irrational thoughts. You know that how you feel is "wrong", but knowing that you aren't supposed to feel a certain way is NOT enough to change the feeling itself.
The only way is to get someone who is trained to help you and knows the right techniques to help you make healthier decisions.
Your feelings aren't going to change. The feeling of wanting to be thinner and weigh less isn't going to go away, no matter how much you want it to. But you CAN cope with them once you know how. My wife sees a therapist, usually once a month. Sometimes I go with her, because my knowing how to deal with and help her with her disorder is a huge part of her being able to deal with her irrational thoughts.
You obviously want to get better, which is a HUGE step. My wife sometimes lets her emotions get the best of her, becausie it's easier to let her irrational fears take over than to fight back, even though that doesn't make a lot of sense to people who don't get what's going on. It's always going to be easier to give in to your disorder, but you CAN fight back once you have the tools to go along with the desire, and the more practice you get, the easier it will become.0 -
My wife has an Anxiety disorder. It's definitely had an effect on our life, which is the definition of a disorder. One big part of it is irrational thoughts. You know that how you feel is "wrong", but knowing that you aren't supposed to feel a certain way is NOT enough to change the feeling itself.
The only way is to get someone who is trained to help you and knows the right techniques to help you make healthier decisions.
Your feelings aren't going to change. The feeling of wanting to be thinner and weigh less isn't going to go away, no matter how much you want it to. But you CAN cope with them once you know how. My wife sees a therapist, usually once a month. Sometimes I go with her, because my knowing how to deal with and help her with her disorder is a huge part of her being able to deal with her irrational thoughts.
You obviously want to get better, which is a HUGE step. My wife sometimes lets her emotions get the best of her, becausie it's easier to let her irrational fears take over than to fight back, even though that doesn't make a lot of sense to people who don't get what's going on. It's always going to be easier to give in to your disorder, but you CAN fight back once you have the tools to go along with the desire, and the more practice you get, the easier it will become.
Wish everyone had someone like you to support them. Your wife is very, very lucky.0 -
The thing I never could anderstend with people with ED is that it all starts with trying to be slim to look great and atractive and then when it goes wacky and we dont eat healthy anymore,we get skinny to a point when we dont look great and atractive anymore....we achive something diffrent than what we started with.(skeleton like body is unatractive 99% guys will tell you...)So what gives?I know is sicological problem but If it was me I would rather mantain healthy myself than being under and unatractive...Be healthy for your kids...Wish you best of luck:)
You coudn't be farther off. It has nothing to do with wanting to look great and be attractive. People with disorders of any kind see things differently than most people do. It could be seeing a situation you have to deal with in an irrational way, like my wife with anxiety disorder, or seeing yourself in an irrational way, as with someone who is already very skinny but still wants to be skinnier. It's actions based on irrational thoughts, so most of us will never truly understand.
Rest assured, it has very little to do with physical things. It's all psychological, as far as how our minds interpret information.0 -
I don't even know what you mean by ED but I'm pretty sure it's not Erectile Dysfunction ...
Seriously?? She said eating disorder right in the title of the topic.
Suzy, I pmed you. I'm not sure that it will help, but I feel like I can't offer any real advice since I'm suffering as well. You can always pm me if you just need someone to ***** to.0 -
I also sent you a PM, but wanted to post publicly so that I might find other friends with the same issues.
I also suffer from ED, and I recently had twins and so the body change has really thrown me into the gutter. I'd love to talk to other moms that have issues with ana and body image.0 -
My wife has an Anxiety disorder. It's definitely had an effect on our life, which is the definition of a disorder. One big part of it is irrational thoughts. You know that how you feel is "wrong", but knowing that you aren't supposed to feel a certain way is NOT enough to change the feeling itself.
The only way is to get someone who is trained to help you and knows the right techniques to help you make healthier decisions.
Your feelings aren't going to change. The feeling of wanting to be thinner and weigh less isn't going to go away, no matter how much you want it to. But you CAN cope with them once you know how. My wife sees a therapist, usually once a month. Sometimes I go with her, because my knowing how to deal with and help her with her disorder is a huge part of her being able to deal with her irrational thoughts.
You obviously want to get better, which is a HUGE step. My wife sometimes lets her emotions get the best of her, becausie it's easier to let her irrational fears take over than to fight back, even though that doesn't make a lot of sense to people who don't get what's going on. It's always going to be easier to give in to your disorder, but you CAN fight back once you have the tools to go along with the desire, and the more practice you get, the easier it will become.
Wish everyone had someone like you to support them. Your wife is very, very lucky.
I always try to remember that her disorder is part of who she is, just like her brown hair, cute nose, and complete inability to drive a car well.
It's all positives and negatives, just like anyone else.
I always tell people that you know you really love someone when you would never change a thing about them, good or bad.
As for the OP, there will always be people around who think you can just change how you feel. There will always be people who have no clue what's really going on. But hopefully you can also find people who will support you, whether they understand or not.0 -
I am sorry to hear you are going through this. It sounds kind of scary to me. I remember when I was a smoker, people would say, just stop. Yah, thanks for that. That was helpful. I can imagine something similar with you. Do people say just eat? As if that would be any kind of helpful.
Not sure HOW to be helpful. I cannot even say I understand. I know it must feel different for you than anyone who has not experienced can really understand.
But I do sincerely hope for your best health both physically and mentally.0 -
Tate, it's good to see that you go to therapy and really want to support your wife. My husband is very supportive but I think he still gets very frustrated with me when I tell him that I WANT to be hungry, but that I'm just not or that I absolutely hate my body even if he doesn't. I KNOW it's irrational, but that doesn't stop the irrational part of my brain from taking over anyway. Thanks for sharing from the point of view of the hubby.0
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I am sorry to hear you are going through this. It sounds kind of scary to me. I remember when I was a smoker, people would say, just stop. Yah, thanks for that. That was helpful. I can imagine something similar with you. Do people say just eat? As if that would be any kind of helpful.
Not sure HOW to be helpful. I cannot even say I understand. I know it must feel different for you than anyone who has not experienced can really understand.
But I do sincerely hope for your best health both physically and mentally.
people say "just eat' all the time. I wish it were that easy. I'm sure the OP gets it all the time too.0 -
thankyou so much for all your replies, its really helpful to just write it down sometimes and to know that other people understand.
I also had a bit of a chat to my boyfriend about it. Hes an ex self harmer so understands the self sabotage part of it well, and i feel a little bit more positive, although often i dont want to talk to him about it as i dont really want to upset or worry him. I
Sometimes i just feel so out of control its like i go into a frenzy and then i hate myself for it.
Tommorow will be better
thankyou x0 -
thankyou so much for all your replies, its really helpful to just write it down sometimes and to know that other people understand.
I also had a bit of a chat to my boyfriend about it. Hes an ex self harmer so understands the self sabotage part of it well, and i feel a little bit more positive, although often i dont want to talk to him about it as i dont really want to upset or worry him. I
Sometimes i just feel so out of control its like i go into a frenzy and then i hate myself for it.
Tommorow will be better
thankyou x
It's a vicious circle, really. Many who suffer from disorders know that their feelings are irrational, which then makes it worse because they are frustrated that they can't "just" do what they know they are supposed to. It's also frutrating to know that your having so much trouble with something that other people don't have to worry about. That's why acceptance is so important.0 -
A cheer leader looks like a cheer leader because she devotes her time cheering.
A martial artist looks like a martial artist, because they are focused on the fundamentals of training.
My mom is a massage therapist, and looks it, because it's what she does 13 hours a day.
A person who is stagnate begins to look like a couch, because that is the activity they are focused on.
Use your confidence and strength to help continue to fuel the healthy love you have for yourself. Don't focus on the weight, focus on the activities... the body comes with the skills you learn and keep!0 -
For what it's worth - sending positive energy your way. :flowerforyou:0
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I'm like you too, the bottom end of the 'normal' weight for my height and I know if I lose anymore weight I'll be underweight, and I'm desperately trying to maintain and not lose... but I'm terrified if I eat I'll gain weight and it's just so time consuming and I can't think of anything else. I used to restrict my calories and am now eating a normal amount but it takes a lot of convincing to make myself eat enough. I normally end up restricting during the day then eating a lot at night because I tell myself I NEED to eat more and have to make up for eating less throughout the day.
I've never had trouble with purging or binging, but since I've been trying to maintain I sort of have controlled planned 'binges' (not real binges but where I eat a lot when I'm full because I make myself) so I can fit the calories in and I don't think it's good for me.
It just feels as if I'm going to spend the rest of my life obsessing over calories and what I can and can't eat and it sucks. ):0 -
<3s to you.0
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Honestly I have been through hell and back with my ed. Had it for over 20 years and if I would have realized back then where I would be today I would have gotten help a long time ago. As your weight gets lower and lower the thoughts will become more and more intense and harder to control. I cant tell you had bad this disease has screwed my life up..almost died 2 times can only work part time (b/c of my weight) am so tired that I couldnt even exercise if I tried. Please try and gets some help now, because it becomes very addictive as you can see. You think loss weight + feel good about myself, but you know what....there is never a weight that will make you happy no matter how low you get and it just keeps getting worse. Good luck0
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to you.
Food issues are really hard. It is so hard when people think that we are intentionally viewing ourselves differently than they are. It is so frustrating to hear "just eat something" when you're not hungry. It is so discouraging to be intelligent enough to know that you've got a problem, but not the know-how to fix it completely. You're not alone, and tomorrow WILL be better.0
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