Offended

mcrowe1016

I was just reading a post of someone fifty pounds lighter than me calling him/herself fat. My husband (who weighs more than me, but is much taller and looks like an average weight) also complains that he is fat, and this frustrates me to no end. If this person thinks that they are too big, they must think I am disgusting. When I use this argument with my husband, he rolls his eyes and walks away.

I am not too worried about it. I battled low self esteem in high school, and have pretty much gotten over it. I am just wondering if anyone else ever feels the same way.

Thanks!

bunchesonothing

Nope. When they are calling themselves fat, they are calling THEMSELVES fat. This has no reflection on you. You have to take what the person says at face value.

EDIT: My husband was technically obese when I married him. I didn't look at him and go, "Ewww, what a fatty!" I thought, "This man is yummy and he is the man I want to marry!"

On the same hand, I was a "healthy weight" and I watched myself gaining some weight, knowing where my body had come from and changed to, and felt like it needed some improvement. I didn't call myself fat, but I knew I needed some work.

If you don't want him frustrated at you for feeling how you feel, you also need to respect how he feels about his body.

sherilyn2

People think of themselves harsher then others. That doesn't mean anyone sees you as disgusting. Hang in there.

Rae6503

You gotta let people vent. It's really not about you. However, I hate when ANYONE calls themselves fat. It's so negative. No matter our starting weight, we all are just trying to improve ourselves and that's okay.

jpd10905

Nope. When they are calling themselves fat, they are calling THEMSELVES fat. This has no reflection on you.

I agree.

AZTrailRunner

I HATE my nose, but my family doesn't see it like I do. We are much tougher on ourselves sometimes, and don't have the same feelings towards others. I don't care if someone else has a big nose, I just HATE mine. :-D

pipthegirl

Pisses me off too. Before I had my baby, I was 5'3 and 120 lbs, not fat at all, so when my 5'2 90 lb friend called herself fat, I always wanted to punch her, and I regularly told her so.

Samerah12

Most peope are WAY harder on themselves then they are on anyone around them, if they even notice your weight! Most people are also more self-concerned and more apt to notice their own bodies than yours.

chevy88grl

No. If they are calling themselves fat it is one of two things (and neither have ANYTHING to do with how they see YOU):

A) They are truly unhappy with their bodies. When they look in the mirror they DO see a fat person looking back at them. Being thin doesn't guarantee a happy body image. People who are thin can still have flaws and be unhappy with themselves.

They are fishing for compliments.

I weigh 143-145lbs and when I look in the mirror I see so many flaws still. Things I desperately want to change about myself. I'm working on those things but sometimes I have a bad day and think "Dang it. I still look fat".

Honestly, I don't think about anyone else's weight. I don't look at someone heavier than me and think "You're fat" or "You're disgusting". Not at all. Honestly, I don't notice someone's weight unless THEY bring it up.

We all have issues with our bodies - whether we are 200lbs or 100lbs. We are our own worst critics.

TamiLinc

This use to bother me as well.. However eveyones image of their own body is always worse than what they think of others.. If you have ever said you are fat... ur doing the same thing.. because there is always someone larger (im not saying you do this... this is just something i have realized)

claire_xox

I can understand how it can be annoying but I think being offended by it is a bit extreme. It's all relative to each person. Unless someone turns around and calls you fat just let it go, don't worry about anyone else and concentrate on yourself.

Athena413

Pisses me off too. Before I had my baby, I was 5'3 and 120 lbs, not fat at all, so when my 5'2 90 lb friend called herself fat, I always wanted to punch her, and I regularly told her so.

How the heck is 90 lbs fat?!

Walt75

You gotta let people vent. It's really not about you. However, I hate when ANYONE calls themselves fat. It's so negative. No matter our starting weight, we all are just trying to improve ourselves and that's okay.

A person need to first realize he or she has an issue to fix before they can fix it.

bunchesonothing

Pisses me off too. Before I had my baby, I was 5'3 and 120 lbs, not fat at all, so when my 5'2 90 lb friend called herself fat, I always wanted to punch her, and I regularly told her so.

How the heck is 90 lbs fat?!

Either skinny fat or body dysmorphic disorder.

freesiamind

OMG!!! I totally understand what you're saying. I'm a teacher and my students are always saying how they need to lose weight and that they are too fat!! What?????? They weigh 120lbs. and they're fat????? I just don't understand. My smaller friends also say the same thing. I think to myself, if they are FAT then it must mean I am the Good Year blimp!!! I weigh more than all of them. Then I have to realize that we view our own bodies differently from others. We are most critical of ourselves, therefore, when they see themselves as fat they are only feeling the same way we feel about ourselves. It is the "minds eye" and the perception that we see of ourselves with no regards to how someone may think we look. I'm just glad that someone else feels the same way!

SimplyDeLish

Generally we are our own toughest critics and we are all fighting our own battles. No need to be offended.

withchaco

Here's the way I see it: I'm fat. I'm not happy with my current body. But I have no problem being friends with people fatter than I am. I generally assume people thinner than me have no problem being friends with me, either.

I live with two girls who wear XS, and one of them often complains about how she wants to lose from her tummy and legs... (both fat AND muscle) While I don't support her desire to lose muscle, I don't mind her complaining in front of me.

I'm also an artist. Artists tend to STRONGLY focus on the flaws of their work rather than the good parts. That doesn't mean artists don't enjoy works from other artists of their caliber, or even works from less skilled artists.

Walt75

Here's the way I see it: I'm fat. I'm not happy with my current body. But I have no problem being friends with people fatter than I am. I generally assume people thinner than me have no problem being friends with me, either.

I live with two girls who wear XS, and one of them often complains about how she wants to lose from her tummy and legs... (both fat AND muscle) While I don't support her desire to lose muscle, I don't mind her complaining in front of me.

I'm also an artist. Artists tend to STRONGLY focus on the flaws of their work rather than the good parts. That doesn't mean artists don't enjoy works from other artists of their caliber, or even works from less skilled artists.

....and Chaco still wuvs you!!

pipthegirl

Pisses me off too. Before I had my baby, I was 5'3 and 120 lbs, not fat at all, so when my 5'2 90 lb friend called herself fat, I always wanted to punch her, and I regularly told her so.

How the heck is 90 lbs fat?!

That was my answer. If anything, she was far too skinny. I used to jab her in the ribs and when she'd say oww, I'd tell her to put some meat on her bones. When she was on a diet, I'd invite her over and cook her her diet food, and stick butter in the fat free margerine container, and add extra stuff when she wasn't looking. After three weeks on her diet, eating at my house, she weighed 97 lbs, and threw a fit.

tauny78

I understand what you mean, but everyone has made good points. Most people (skinny and not-so-skinny) have things they don't like about themselves. So, I guess everyone has a right to complain huh? Adversely, I get frustrated when I talk about losing weight to a friend, and them telling me that I'm great the way I am. Sure, I can be somewhat happy with my body, but I know the truth: I am OVERWEIGHT! And I don't wish to be anymore. Why can't they admit that and be supportive of that? It's great that they want to be supportive of who I am and how I look now, but don't try to make me feel like I'm "perfect" how I am and that I shouldn't change. I'm a grown up, and I can take the truth.

xraychick77

get over it.
if you are 50 or 150 lbs over weight..youre fat.

SabrinaJL

You gotta let people vent. It's really not about you. However, I hate when ANYONE calls themselves fat. It's so negative. No matter our starting weight, we all are just trying to improve ourselves and that's okay.

I think it's only negative if you let it be.

fat   
[fat] Show IPA
adjective, fat·ter, fat·test, noun, verb, fat·ted, fat·ting.
–adjective
1.
having too much flabby tissue; corpulent; obese: a fat person.
2.
plump; well-fed: a good, fat chicken.

Yep. By the definition of fat, that's what I am. To me, it's not an insult or a character judgment, it's just a fact. Does being called fat hurt my feelings? Nope. For one, I don't give two s*#&$ what other people think and for another, it'd be like being offended because someone called me a brunette.

beautifulcold

That was my answer. If anything, she was far too skinny. I used to jab her in the ribs and when she'd say oww, I'd tell her to put some meat on her bones. When she was on a diet, I'd invite her over and cook her her diet food, and stick butter in the fat free margerine container, and add extra stuff when she wasn't looking. After three weeks on her diet, eating at my house, she weighed 97 lbs, and threw a fit.

I'm sorry, but I find that more offensive than thin people calling themselves fat. My fiance is 6 inches taller than I am, weighs ten pounds less than I do, and says that he needs to lose fat while pinching the inch or two of fat that he has around his abs. He thinks I am amazingly attractive and doesn't find me to be fat at all. He is only criticizing himself.

The truth is, we are all thinner than someone. Even if you weigh 400lbs, there is someone else out there that weighs 500lbs who would love to weigh 400. The 400lb person is not trying to be rude to the 500lb person by saying that they want to be less fat.

I don't understand why you would be so rude to someone who was thin? How would you feel if I were to come over and pinch your stomach and say "man, you should lose some weight!" and swapped your whole milk with fat free? I mean, being too thin is a health risk, yes. As is being heavy. Being sneaky and rude is not a good way to make people change their behaviors, and is downright disrespectful and deeply offensive.

quietlywinning

Each person compares himself or herself to himself or herself - not to you. They are not saying ANYTHING about you when they call themselves fat. We're generally all so worried about our own looks that we don't think about how others look. When YOU say you are much too heavy, are YOU meaning that someone larger than you is disgusting? Nope. You are just talking about yourself.

grimnir

I think it's ****ty that we take fat as an insult meaning unattractive. When I was really enormous (like 450 lbs enormous), I was still able to get laid sometimes, by young smart pretty women no less, but it was only when I was able to convince myself that I was attractive and in love with life and out to enjoy every one of its pleasures, and damn the torpedoes! When I let myself feel bad about my body, or down on the world, that's when girls wouldn't even look at me, as if just the sight of me was too disgusting to bear. We don't have to feel bad for feeling fat. That doesn't change how much better life is if you're not fat, how much easier it is, how many more options you have, or any of the many other reasons to work towards getting fit, but I feel like accepting our selves and our bodies as we are is not just a function of achieving some physical ideal, but is its own process, its own goal, every bit as important for our emotional health as getting fit is for our bodies. It's the success we feel by making progress towards our goals that really makes us more attractive, not just being marginally closer to 'perfection'. It's the endorphins from that workout. It's feeling like a badass. I think if you lose sight of that, you're never going to be satisfied with your body, even when your abs are showing. And that's a shame. For many of us here, particularly those losing more than 50lbs, we need to take care of our mental health along with our regimen of diet and exercise.

clarech

I call myself fat and its all about body image I will walk into a room and always think I'm the biggest person there even if I'm not. It's all about how we see ourselves and has nothing to do with others. My fiance is morbidly obese but when I look at him i think he's gorgeous ive never thought he's disgusting. So don't take what people say personally

MichelleF81

I think it's all relative. For example, I used to be quite large by my standards - I was a UK size 16 and weighed about 180lbs then I slimmed down to a UK size 8 and weighed less than 120 lbs. I've since gained about 14 lbs and now I feel big again and want to lose the extra weight even though I'm nowhere near as big as I used to be and would have killed back then to be this size yet now I want to be smaller because I know I can be and will look and feel better for it. One thing I never do is judge other people based upon the standards I set for myself because everyone feels differently about themselves, the most important thing is to be happy with yourself and healthy and set yourself goals to help you get there. Don't worry about other peoples views on what is too big/too small and concentrate on feeling good in your own skin. Everyone has their own personal 'ideal' and their own set of goals to achieve.

Lyadeia

Soooo...you are offended that someone else thinks that they are fat? Hmmm...

It honestly sounds like you just wear your emotions on your shoulders a bit too much and need to let go. When other people say bad things about their own body, they are not talking about, referring to, comparing themselves to, or even thinking one iota about YOU.

I hate my stomach. It's a full 2 dress sizes larger than my chest and hips which throws off my whole clothing size. If I buy for my waistline alone, I feel fat because I have to buy a bigger size than if I was just buying hip hugger pants and a shirt. But in all my complaining about my own stomach did I even think to mention anyone else's size? Not at all. And I don't care about anyone else's size, I am worried only about myself. And perhaps so should you.

bunchesonothing

I think it's ****ty that we take fat as an insult meaning unattractive. When I was really enormous (like 450 lbs enormous), I was still able to get laid sometimes, by young smart pretty women no less, but it was only when I was able to convince myself that I was attractive and in love with life and out to enjoy every one of its pleasures, and damn the torpedoes! When I let myself feel bad about my body, or down on the world, that's when girls wouldn't even look at me, as if just the sight of me was too disgusting to bear. We don't have to feel bad for feeling fat. That doesn't change how much better life is if you're not fat, how much easier it is, how many more options you have, or any of the many other reasons to work towards getting fit, but I feel like accepting our selves and our bodies as we are is not just a function of achieving some physical ideal, but is its own process, its own goal, every bit as important for our emotional health as getting fit is for our bodies. It's the success we feel by making progress towards our goals that really makes us more attractive, not just being marginally closer to 'perfection'. It's the endorphins from that workout. It's feeling like a badass. I think if you lose sight of that, you're never going to be satisfied with your body, even when your abs are showing. And that's a shame. For many of us here, particularly those losing more than 50lbs, we need to take care of our mental health along with our regimen of diet and exercise.

I think this is the best post I've read on here yet!

stefraab

I was just reading a post of someone fifty pounds lighter than me calling him/herself fat. My husband (who weighs more than me, but is much taller and looks like an average weight) also complains that he is fat, and this frustrates me to no end. If this person thinks that they are too big, they must think I am disgusting. When I use this argument with my husband, he rolls his eyes and walks away.

I am not too worried about it. I battled low self esteem in high school, and have pretty much gotten over it. I am just wondering if anyone else ever feels the same way.

Thanks!

I used to when I was younger but now it doesn't phase me - everything is relative. As I get closer to 30 I am beginning to realize that no one's opinion matters but my own. Try not to listen to it

its_betty

View from the other side: I'm fortunate to have less to lose. However, I am still trying to lose 15-20 pounds to be a healthier weight. I have a friend who is quite a bit heavier than me and is often trying to lose weight. Although I would never complain that I'm fat around her, I might take interest in her experiences with Weight Watchers or I might talk a bit about my own weight loss plan (MFP). It's not to make her feel bad. But I'm working on my health, too, and it's on my mind, and sometimes I want to talk about it. I'm not comparing myself to her or guessing her weight or anything--really, I'm being a bit selfish (aren't most people, just a little?) and focusing on myself.