Offended

Mommawarrior

You say you aren't too worried about it but your topic thread is "Offended".
Not trying to be a smartelic or be rude, but I think you are a bit more worried about it than you think.
Remember, being offended is a choice that we make. If you are offended by something someone says, that is your choice, not theirs. So, simply choose not to be offended and move on.

milaxx

Nope, I could give a rat's patooie what others people think/call themselves & I am certainly not going to project that they are therefore calling me anything or care if they did. After 40 odd years on this earth I know people have spoken negatively about me and probably someone will in the future. As long as I know it's not true, I don't care.

Elizabeth_C34

I'm much much harder on myself than I am other people.

lloydmel

No. Do not confuse someone's own self esteem issues or them calling themselves overweight or fat being about what they think of you.
We always are much more critical on ourselves than we are of others.
I know where all of my "trouble" areas are, and I look directly at them; I don't look at most of the good things if I'm focusing on what I need to "fix". They are doing the same thing.
Your husband loves you I'm sure and he probably sees all of the wonderful things about you. He is being critical of himself because he wants to change something about himself; don't make it about you and how he must see you.
You can only control how you feel about yourself; you can not control how someone else feels about you.

Keep your head up!

torregro

I would suggest going with the Q-TIP philosophy...............Quit Taking It Personally.

Improvised

That was my answer. If anything, she was far too skinny. I used to jab her in the ribs and when she'd say oww, I'd tell her to put some meat on her bones. When she was on a diet, I'd invite her over and cook her her diet food, and stick butter in the fat free margerine container, and add extra stuff when she wasn't looking. After three weeks on her diet, eating at my house, she weighed 97 lbs, and threw a fit.

I'm sorry, but I find that more offensive than thin people calling themselves fat. My fiance is 6 inches taller than I am, weighs ten pounds less than I do, and says that he needs to lose fat while pinching the inch or two of fat that he has around his abs. He thinks I am amazingly attractive and doesn't find me to be fat at all. He is only criticizing himself.

The truth is, we are all thinner than someone. Even if you weigh 400lbs, there is someone else out there that weighs 500lbs who would love to weigh 400. The 400lb person is not trying to be rude to the 500lb person by saying that they want to be less fat.

I don't understand why you would be so rude to someone who was thin? How would you feel if I were to come over and pinch your stomach and say "man, you should lose some weight!" and swapped your whole milk with fat free? I mean, being too thin is a health risk, yes. As is being heavy. Being sneaky and rude is not a good way to make people change their behaviors, and is downright disrespectful and deeply offensive.

Totally agree.

LorinaLynn

Remember, being offended is a choice that we make. If you are offended by something someone says, that is your choice, not theirs. So, simply choose not to be offended and move on.

This.

I have a small chest. Always did. Always will. My "girls" stayed about the same size when I gained weight as when I lost. I'm barely a B cup.

I could choose to be offended every time someone complains that they're unhappy with how their bust line has shrunk as they lost weight, or how they feel they need surgery to correct this "flaw." But I'm not.

I'm certainly not everyone's ideal, but I'm happy with how I'm built. How they feel about their own bodies has no affect on how I feel about mine.

Remember that the key word in self-esteem is SELF. It comes from within.

Jenlynphi

My 12 year old daughter is 5'6 and 122 pounds. She is in a normal weight range but she constantly calls herself fat because she is taller and curvier than her friends. She is beautiful and 1,000 people could tell her that and she still will still say she's fat. It's a constant battle with her and it doesn't matter what I say. It's a self esteem issue. I would love to have my friends tatas but she hates them and feels that they are too big. I think everyone has issues with their body, so I wouldn't take it personally.

Articeluvsmemphis

Gosh, there were some really rude posts on here, but anyway, mostly what has been said is true. Just b/c people dislike something about themselves doesn't mean they think of you harshly. there are people bigger than me who I think look way better, and there are skinnier people I know who like how I look, so don't feel bad, and ignore the rude posts, some people have no manners.

rosemiller11

Amen! I know this gorgeous skinny minny model type girl who constantly was going around telling everyone how fat she was and how she needed to lose weight. I told her if she thinks she's fat, what does she think I am? An elephant? Ticks me off! I know people view their own bodies differently then they do others, but still. When you weigh 110 lbs, and you stand beside someone who is 265, and tell them that "I need to Lose weight, cuz I am so fat" that is rude. It's like they are trying to give an indirect hint. I always think, okay, so you think I am fat and need to lose weight. Justtell me that then. Don't beat around the bush! It's not like I am oblivious to the fact that i weigh more than 2 of you!

bunchesonothing

I told her if she thinks she's fat, what does she think I am? An elephant? ... It's like they are trying to give an indirect hint. I always think, okay, so you think I am fat and need to lose weight. Justtell me that then. Don't beat around the bush! It's not like I am oblivious to the fact that i weigh more than 2 of you!

That's your interpretation, but not what was said.

It's simple. Their statement wasn't about you at all. And they weren't thinking about you at all. They probably care about their body, not someone else's. I know that me, personally, I have my own flaws enough not to really care too much about other people's.

Face value.

You're irritated at a statement that just isn't there. Imagine how frustrated they would be if they felt like they had a legitimate concern about themselves, but you made the issue about you instead. I'm sorry, but this reaction is no less egocentric than a thin person lacking the sensitivity to not tackle their body issues with someone of a larger size.

vannie18

I told her if she thinks she's fat, what does she think I am? An elephant? ... It's like they are trying to give an indirect hint. I always think, okay, so you think I am fat and need to lose weight. Justtell me that then. Don't beat around the bush! It's not like I am oblivious to the fact that i weigh more than 2 of you!

That's your interpretation, but not what was said.

It's simple. Their statement wasn't about you at all. And they weren't thinking about you at all. They probably care about their body, not someone else's. I know that me, personally, I have my own flaws enough not to really care too much about other people's.


Face value.

You're irritated at a statement that just isn't there. Imagine how frustrated they would be if they felt like they had a legitimate concern about themselves, but you made the issue about you instead. I'm sorry, but this reaction is no less egocentric than a thin person lacking the sensitivity to not tackle their body issues with someone of a larger size.

Ditto.

rgprn

I was just reading a post of someone fifty pounds lighter than me calling him/herself fat. My husband (who weighs more than me, but is much taller and looks like an average weight) also complains that he is fat, and this frustrates me to no end. If this person thinks that they are too big, they must think I am disgusting. When I use this argument with my husband, he rolls his eyes and walks away.

I am not too worried about it. I battled low self esteem in high school, and have pretty much gotten over it. I am just wondering if anyone else ever feels the same way.

Thanks!

pipthegirl

QUOTE:

QUOTE:

That was my answer. If anything, she was far too skinny. I used to jab her in the ribs and when she'd say oww, I'd tell her to put some meat on her bones. When she was on a diet, I'd invite her over and cook her her diet food, and stick butter in the fat free margerine container, and add extra stuff when she wasn't looking. After three weeks on her diet, eating at my house, she weighed 97 lbs, and threw a fit.

---


I'm sorry, but I find that more offensive than thin people calling themselves fat. My fiance is 6 inches taller than I am, weighs ten pounds less than I do, and says that he needs to lose fat while pinching the inch or two of fat that he has around his abs. He thinks I am amazingly attractive and doesn't find me to be fat at all. He is only criticizing himself.

The truth is, we are all thinner than someone. Even if you weigh 400lbs, there is someone else out there that weighs 500lbs who would love to weigh 400. The 400lb person is not trying to be rude to the 500lb person by saying that they want to be less fat.

I don't understand why you would be so rude to someone who was thin? How would you feel if I were to come over and pinch your stomach and say "man, you should lose some weight!" and swapped your whole milk with fat free? I mean, being too thin is a health risk, yes. As is being heavy. Being sneaky and rude is not a good way to make people change their behaviors, and is downright disrespectful and deeply offensive.

---

I think you missed the part where she was 90 lbs and bordering anorexic, not just thinner than me, but so thin that at one point she barely had the strength to turn the steering wheel in her car.

Improvised

...

rgprn

I will say I started being concerned about my weight after having my two kida 30+ yrs ago. I was
probably 10 lbs overweight and I had neighbors that would get mad at me if I ever said anything about my weight. Here I am 60 pounds later .... Everyone starts somewhwere. When I read posts on here of people who say they have 100/200 pounds to lose, it breaks my heart but i have such admiration for these people. Sometimes I feel guilty for posting a picture that to a person weighing 300 pounds might be offended by but my weight is a problem to me and my health is at risk just like yours, my thoughts are to say "it is what it is". Don't get offended or hurt, just get determined. I've been told I'm pre diabetic. When I see pictures of my self ( full body shots) I think I look like a linebacker. In high school I weighed 100 pounds (barely) . I don't like what I see when I look in the mirror. I don't like how I feel.
Let's all work together.

rgprn

I will say I started being concerned about my weight after having my two kida 30+ yrs ago. I was
probably 10 lbs overweight and I had neighbors that would get mad at me if I ever said anything about my weight. Here I am 60 pounds later .... Everyone starts somewhwere. When I read posts on here of people who say they have 100/200 pounds to lose, it breaks my heart but i have such admiration for these people. Sometimes I feel guilty for posting a picture that to a person weighing 300 pounds might be offended by but my weight is a problem to me and my health is at risk just like yours, my thoughts are to say "it is what it is". Don't get offended or hurt, just get determined. I've been told I'm pre diabetic. When I see pictures of my self ( full body shots) I think I look like a linebacker. In high school I weighed 100 pounds (barely) . I don't like what I see when I look in the mirror. I don't like how I feel.
Let's all work together.

beautifulcold

I think you missed the part where she was 90 lbs and bordering anorexic, not just thinner than me, but so thin that at one point she barely had the strength to turn the steering wheel in her car.

I understand that she may be borderline anorexic. That is not a wise way to treat anorexia. A person suffering from an eating disorder doesn't need their food tampered with, they need physical help to be paired with psychological treatment. Forcing someone to gain weight without treating what is going on in their mind could have disastrous consequences.

hunterzmomma

Pisses me off too. Before I had my baby, I was 5'3 and 120 lbs, not fat at all, so when my 5'2 90 lb friend called herself fat, I always wanted to punch her, and I regularly told her so.

How the heck is 90 lbs fat?!

That was my answer. If anything, she was far too skinny. I used to jab her in the ribs and when she'd say oww, I'd tell her to put some meat on her bones. When she was on a diet, I'd invite her over and cook her her diet food, and stick butter in the fat free margerine container, and add extra stuff when she wasn't looking. After three weeks on her diet, eating at my house, she weighed 97 lbs, and threw a fit.

THAT'S JUST MEAN, AND DOWNRIGHT SNEAKY!!!

PurpleStarKatz

That was my answer. If anything, she was far too skinny. I used to jab her in the ribs and when she'd say oww, I'd tell her to put some meat on her bones. When she was on a diet, I'd invite her over and cook her her diet food, and stick butter in the fat free margerine container, and add extra stuff when she wasn't looking. After three weeks on her diet, eating at my house, she weighed 97 lbs, and threw a fit.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You purposely screwed up her food and messed with what she was eating? I'm sorry but that is totally bull****. That is absolutely a terrible thing to do. Up until that, I might have agreed with you, but just for that you are a terrible and disgusting person. What gives you the right to decide what your friend eats? If you can't handle living with someone smaller than you, move out. If you can't handle being friends with someone smaller then you, then end the friendship. But don't EVER purposely add anything to anyone else's food without their knowledge and consent. I would throw a fit if I had gained seven pounds and didn't understand why as well. Imagine if someone added crap to your food and you didn't know it. What if she was allergic, or had some kind of cholesterol problem or sodium or something, and you made her seriously ill? Then how would you feel, knowing it was all your fault?
To anyone else reading this, I'm sorry, but this is just something I do not agree with at all. I would have entered this debate respectfully up until this point, but this is just about the worst thing anyone could do.

Christina269

I can relate - I have a friend who recently lost about 75 pounds. In her before photos - she's still thinner than I am now. She constantly talks about how disgusting she looks in them and how she can't believe how anyone, let alone her boyfriend, would want to sleep with her.

I feel sad for her because if she can't see she was beautiful then, she'll always be ugly.

Collinsky

I really struggled with this. I know I'm not as overweight as some, and I never want to be insensitive to those who are dealing with issues that I've never had to deal with.

That said, I would hope that my friends who are heavier than me aren't offended if I call what's going on with my body "Fat." Because it doesn't matter if it is less fat than they have, it's still fat. I definitely don't compare myself to others. I compare myself to how my body used to be, and I feel completely justified in saying I didn't gain 50 pounds of muscle and hair since college. I wouldn't pretend that it's the same situation that someone who needs to lose 400 lbs has, and I would never grab my fat roll and say, "This is sooooooo disgusting" in front of someone with greater weight issues. Honestly, it's not something I would say at all. Body bashing of any kind is just wrong, IMO, and pointless.

I have friends and family who are technically "fatter" than me, and I think they are just lovely, and I hope that they see beauty when they see their reflection. Just because my body started getting in my way doesn't mean they are having that experience; there's no reason they should change their body except for their own happiness or health. Not to measure up to any standard.

I do think that people need to be mindful of how their words come across to people who might hear or read them, no matter what the size. I used to be thinner than other people (not anorexic at any point in my life, you can be 90 lbs on 1200+ calories a day sometimes) and the things other girls would do and say were very hurtful. Hateful comments about other people's bodies, no matter if it's too fat or too skinny, are inappropriate. And bashing your own body can easily be insulting to people who have a similar body, or who perceive their body to be worse. I think it's possible to be honest and authentic, and still be considerate and sensitive. That doesn't mean it's inherently offensive, and people are free to speak their thoughts and feelings... sometimes people are going to say things that are going to cause something to rise up in you, that really has nothing to do with what that person is actually communicating. It can be a good opportunity to work on your own underlying beliefs and emotions.

NewLeafEats

I did growing up. I didn't ever consider myself "fat" (on the upper end of average growing up, a little overweight in college). But my friend who was a few inches shorter than me, much lighter, and much skinnier kept calling herself fat. I made that argument to her once and she went on to tell me how skinny I was. What the heck?!

She had insane self esteem issues. Thankfully she's over... most of it.