Offended

SabrinaJL

You gotta let people vent. It's really not about you. However, I hate when ANYONE calls themselves fat. It's so negative. No matter our starting weight, we all are just trying to improve ourselves and that's okay.

I think it's only negative if you let it be.

fat   
[fat] Show IPA
adjective, fat·ter, fat·test, noun, verb, fat·ted, fat·ting.
–adjective
1.
having too much flabby tissue; corpulent; obese: a fat person.
2.
plump; well-fed: a good, fat chicken.

Yep. By the definition of fat, that's what I am. To me, it's not an insult or a character judgment, it's just a fact. Does being called fat hurt my feelings? Nope. For one, I don't give two s*#&$ what other people think and for another, it'd be like being offended because someone called me a brunette.

beautifulcold

That was my answer. If anything, she was far too skinny. I used to jab her in the ribs and when she'd say oww, I'd tell her to put some meat on her bones. When she was on a diet, I'd invite her over and cook her her diet food, and stick butter in the fat free margerine container, and add extra stuff when she wasn't looking. After three weeks on her diet, eating at my house, she weighed 97 lbs, and threw a fit.

I'm sorry, but I find that more offensive than thin people calling themselves fat. My fiance is 6 inches taller than I am, weighs ten pounds less than I do, and says that he needs to lose fat while pinching the inch or two of fat that he has around his abs. He thinks I am amazingly attractive and doesn't find me to be fat at all. He is only criticizing himself.

The truth is, we are all thinner than someone. Even if you weigh 400lbs, there is someone else out there that weighs 500lbs who would love to weigh 400. The 400lb person is not trying to be rude to the 500lb person by saying that they want to be less fat.

I don't understand why you would be so rude to someone who was thin? How would you feel if I were to come over and pinch your stomach and say "man, you should lose some weight!" and swapped your whole milk with fat free? I mean, being too thin is a health risk, yes. As is being heavy. Being sneaky and rude is not a good way to make people change their behaviors, and is downright disrespectful and deeply offensive.

quietlywinning

Each person compares himself or herself to himself or herself - not to you. They are not saying ANYTHING about you when they call themselves fat. We're generally all so worried about our own looks that we don't think about how others look. When YOU say you are much too heavy, are YOU meaning that someone larger than you is disgusting? Nope. You are just talking about yourself.

grimnir

I think it's ****ty that we take fat as an insult meaning unattractive. When I was really enormous (like 450 lbs enormous), I was still able to get laid sometimes, by young smart pretty women no less, but it was only when I was able to convince myself that I was attractive and in love with life and out to enjoy every one of its pleasures, and damn the torpedoes! When I let myself feel bad about my body, or down on the world, that's when girls wouldn't even look at me, as if just the sight of me was too disgusting to bear. We don't have to feel bad for feeling fat. That doesn't change how much better life is if you're not fat, how much easier it is, how many more options you have, or any of the many other reasons to work towards getting fit, but I feel like accepting our selves and our bodies as we are is not just a function of achieving some physical ideal, but is its own process, its own goal, every bit as important for our emotional health as getting fit is for our bodies. It's the success we feel by making progress towards our goals that really makes us more attractive, not just being marginally closer to 'perfection'. It's the endorphins from that workout. It's feeling like a badass. I think if you lose sight of that, you're never going to be satisfied with your body, even when your abs are showing. And that's a shame. For many of us here, particularly those losing more than 50lbs, we need to take care of our mental health along with our regimen of diet and exercise.

clarech

I call myself fat and its all about body image I will walk into a room and always think I'm the biggest person there even if I'm not. It's all about how we see ourselves and has nothing to do with others. My fiance is morbidly obese but when I look at him i think he's gorgeous ive never thought he's disgusting. So don't take what people say personally

MichelleF81

I think it's all relative. For example, I used to be quite large by my standards - I was a UK size 16 and weighed about 180lbs then I slimmed down to a UK size 8 and weighed less than 120 lbs. I've since gained about 14 lbs and now I feel big again and want to lose the extra weight even though I'm nowhere near as big as I used to be and would have killed back then to be this size yet now I want to be smaller because I know I can be and will look and feel better for it. One thing I never do is judge other people based upon the standards I set for myself because everyone feels differently about themselves, the most important thing is to be happy with yourself and healthy and set yourself goals to help you get there. Don't worry about other peoples views on what is too big/too small and concentrate on feeling good in your own skin. Everyone has their own personal 'ideal' and their own set of goals to achieve.

Lyadeia

Soooo...you are offended that someone else thinks that they are fat? Hmmm...

It honestly sounds like you just wear your emotions on your shoulders a bit too much and need to let go. When other people say bad things about their own body, they are not talking about, referring to, comparing themselves to, or even thinking one iota about YOU.

I hate my stomach. It's a full 2 dress sizes larger than my chest and hips which throws off my whole clothing size. If I buy for my waistline alone, I feel fat because I have to buy a bigger size than if I was just buying hip hugger pants and a shirt. But in all my complaining about my own stomach did I even think to mention anyone else's size? Not at all. And I don't care about anyone else's size, I am worried only about myself. And perhaps so should you.

bunchesonothing

I think it's ****ty that we take fat as an insult meaning unattractive. When I was really enormous (like 450 lbs enormous), I was still able to get laid sometimes, by young smart pretty women no less, but it was only when I was able to convince myself that I was attractive and in love with life and out to enjoy every one of its pleasures, and damn the torpedoes! When I let myself feel bad about my body, or down on the world, that's when girls wouldn't even look at me, as if just the sight of me was too disgusting to bear. We don't have to feel bad for feeling fat. That doesn't change how much better life is if you're not fat, how much easier it is, how many more options you have, or any of the many other reasons to work towards getting fit, but I feel like accepting our selves and our bodies as we are is not just a function of achieving some physical ideal, but is its own process, its own goal, every bit as important for our emotional health as getting fit is for our bodies. It's the success we feel by making progress towards our goals that really makes us more attractive, not just being marginally closer to 'perfection'. It's the endorphins from that workout. It's feeling like a badass. I think if you lose sight of that, you're never going to be satisfied with your body, even when your abs are showing. And that's a shame. For many of us here, particularly those losing more than 50lbs, we need to take care of our mental health along with our regimen of diet and exercise.

I think this is the best post I've read on here yet!

stefraab

I was just reading a post of someone fifty pounds lighter than me calling him/herself fat. My husband (who weighs more than me, but is much taller and looks like an average weight) also complains that he is fat, and this frustrates me to no end. If this person thinks that they are too big, they must think I am disgusting. When I use this argument with my husband, he rolls his eyes and walks away.

I am not too worried about it. I battled low self esteem in high school, and have pretty much gotten over it. I am just wondering if anyone else ever feels the same way.

Thanks!

I used to when I was younger but now it doesn't phase me - everything is relative. As I get closer to 30 I am beginning to realize that no one's opinion matters but my own. Try not to listen to it

its_betty

View from the other side: I'm fortunate to have less to lose. However, I am still trying to lose 15-20 pounds to be a healthier weight. I have a friend who is quite a bit heavier than me and is often trying to lose weight. Although I would never complain that I'm fat around her, I might take interest in her experiences with Weight Watchers or I might talk a bit about my own weight loss plan (MFP). It's not to make her feel bad. But I'm working on my health, too, and it's on my mind, and sometimes I want to talk about it. I'm not comparing myself to her or guessing her weight or anything--really, I'm being a bit selfish (aren't most people, just a little?) and focusing on myself.

Mommawarrior

You say you aren't too worried about it but your topic thread is "Offended".
Not trying to be a smartelic or be rude, but I think you are a bit more worried about it than you think.
Remember, being offended is a choice that we make. If you are offended by something someone says, that is your choice, not theirs. So, simply choose not to be offended and move on.

milaxx

Nope, I could give a rat's patooie what others people think/call themselves & I am certainly not going to project that they are therefore calling me anything or care if they did. After 40 odd years on this earth I know people have spoken negatively about me and probably someone will in the future. As long as I know it's not true, I don't care.

Elizabeth_C34

I'm much much harder on myself than I am other people.

lloydmel

No. Do not confuse someone's own self esteem issues or them calling themselves overweight or fat being about what they think of you.
We always are much more critical on ourselves than we are of others.
I know where all of my "trouble" areas are, and I look directly at them; I don't look at most of the good things if I'm focusing on what I need to "fix". They are doing the same thing.
Your husband loves you I'm sure and he probably sees all of the wonderful things about you. He is being critical of himself because he wants to change something about himself; don't make it about you and how he must see you.
You can only control how you feel about yourself; you can not control how someone else feels about you.

Keep your head up!

torregro

I would suggest going with the Q-TIP philosophy...............Quit Taking It Personally.

Improvised

That was my answer. If anything, she was far too skinny. I used to jab her in the ribs and when she'd say oww, I'd tell her to put some meat on her bones. When she was on a diet, I'd invite her over and cook her her diet food, and stick butter in the fat free margerine container, and add extra stuff when she wasn't looking. After three weeks on her diet, eating at my house, she weighed 97 lbs, and threw a fit.

I'm sorry, but I find that more offensive than thin people calling themselves fat. My fiance is 6 inches taller than I am, weighs ten pounds less than I do, and says that he needs to lose fat while pinching the inch or two of fat that he has around his abs. He thinks I am amazingly attractive and doesn't find me to be fat at all. He is only criticizing himself.

The truth is, we are all thinner than someone. Even if you weigh 400lbs, there is someone else out there that weighs 500lbs who would love to weigh 400. The 400lb person is not trying to be rude to the 500lb person by saying that they want to be less fat.

I don't understand why you would be so rude to someone who was thin? How would you feel if I were to come over and pinch your stomach and say "man, you should lose some weight!" and swapped your whole milk with fat free? I mean, being too thin is a health risk, yes. As is being heavy. Being sneaky and rude is not a good way to make people change their behaviors, and is downright disrespectful and deeply offensive.

Totally agree.

LorinaLynn

Remember, being offended is a choice that we make. If you are offended by something someone says, that is your choice, not theirs. So, simply choose not to be offended and move on.

This.

I have a small chest. Always did. Always will. My "girls" stayed about the same size when I gained weight as when I lost. I'm barely a B cup.

I could choose to be offended every time someone complains that they're unhappy with how their bust line has shrunk as they lost weight, or how they feel they need surgery to correct this "flaw." But I'm not.

I'm certainly not everyone's ideal, but I'm happy with how I'm built. How they feel about their own bodies has no affect on how I feel about mine.

Remember that the key word in self-esteem is SELF. It comes from within.

Jenlynphi

My 12 year old daughter is 5'6 and 122 pounds. She is in a normal weight range but she constantly calls herself fat because she is taller and curvier than her friends. She is beautiful and 1,000 people could tell her that and she still will still say she's fat. It's a constant battle with her and it doesn't matter what I say. It's a self esteem issue. I would love to have my friends tatas but she hates them and feels that they are too big. I think everyone has issues with their body, so I wouldn't take it personally.

Articeluvsmemphis

Gosh, there were some really rude posts on here, but anyway, mostly what has been said is true. Just b/c people dislike something about themselves doesn't mean they think of you harshly. there are people bigger than me who I think look way better, and there are skinnier people I know who like how I look, so don't feel bad, and ignore the rude posts, some people have no manners.

rosemiller11

Amen! I know this gorgeous skinny minny model type girl who constantly was going around telling everyone how fat she was and how she needed to lose weight. I told her if she thinks she's fat, what does she think I am? An elephant? Ticks me off! I know people view their own bodies differently then they do others, but still. When you weigh 110 lbs, and you stand beside someone who is 265, and tell them that "I need to Lose weight, cuz I am so fat" that is rude. It's like they are trying to give an indirect hint. I always think, okay, so you think I am fat and need to lose weight. Justtell me that then. Don't beat around the bush! It's not like I am oblivious to the fact that i weigh more than 2 of you!